I write horse words to get all these ideas out of my head. There are too many living rent free! I write for myself, publish for everyone, and to show that I exist/existed.
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Everypony loves Hitch - he has a perfect mane, shredded abs, and most importantly, a paid-off mortgage. A HOUSE THAT IS FULLY PAID FOR! What crazy mare wouldn’t fall in love with that? Sunny is a best friend, but what if she could be more than that? Time to shove the nerves aside and get on with it.
Big thanks to Falkenlied and Love and What Came After for their editing contributions.
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Finally!!
A Posey tag
11419866
You're welcome for that! I made that happen
As if. Hitch doesn't have a love interest and he's a critter magnet.
So many oblivious ponies packed into one place. :D
Get in line, Posey!
Stallion really does have everything :'o
Oh yeah that's right I remember back in New Generation she did say she was pretty good at Rubik's Cube
And probably that's why they needed more Transportation vehicles when it comes to their friends living so far away from each other
Yeah I know how that feels it sucks sometimes 😔
Well I would say this is a different kind of shipping I not expecting but very interesting I would say and sometimes being a friend zone can be a drag sometimes when you pour your heart out to a person but they don't return a feeling towards you usually that always happens and again it sucks but I will say this was a pretty interesting story keep out the good work
And by the way they finally got a posey tag I think this is the first one I believe I read
Just a word of advice: I would probably delete the second sentence. It's a little redundant and kinda of confusing (a question mark doesn't usually imply shouting).
Ah, that's a bit sad story.
P.S. Yay, a tag for Posey! I really want more fanfics with her, she's wonderful! :3
11420251
It was a quiet and serine moment. Her noise - any noise - would feel loud. That was my idea of it anyway: the shattering of silence
11420311
Well, good. You'll be getting more Posey from me through these stories. It is Hitching Hitch "1" after all. Hope you stick around.
Sincerely,
Reason for the Posey tag
I actually like Posey after she showed up on Pipp's podcast.
Ah, glad to see you took up some of the suggestions! This second reading really was an improvement imo. Still a bit clunky on the pacing and I'm still of the opinion that the ending would be better if it was different, but that's more on the side of your fic.
A nice read overall! Hitch has character and you made Sunny a lot better than in the first draft.
Thank you for writing this
11420773
This ending may be a dud, perhaps even bad on its own, but is crucial to the entire plot. You'll just have to wait and see the arcs unravel.
Glad it had noticeable improvement, with some thanks to you, Falk. Hope to see you in the sequels.
I was half-expecting the reveal to be that Sunny has been in a committed relationship and Hitch just somehow had no idea. But this was funny too
This is a vast improvement from your other stories. I can see that you're taking the feedback and applying it to the best of your ability, good job. However, I do agree with Falk as the pacing was hit and miss for me. You have moments like the escape room that needed to be explored more because that will help the reader get a better understanding of how Sunny views Hitch and how Hitch views Sunny in an indirect manner. Another idea you could have explored when they were eating was them reminiscing about when they were foals. You could of possible introduced Hitch's attraction to Sunny during one of those memories to give more depth to how long Hitch has been crushing on her.
Some things I noticed.
Sunny asked is a complete sentence, so it needs to read like this.
"What's wrong?" Sunny asked. "Are you nervous?"
Here's a better way to word this.
Hitch bit his lower lip as he shifted from side to side, drawing a concerned look from Sunny. "Are you nervous?"
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I am glad improvements are noticeable. I do attempt to absorb all the information and feedback I get to grow off of it. The main theme I get every time now is "more visual details and more characterization! Elaborate on moments!" So, we know what that means: the next fic will see improvement in that aspect.
Quite a nice, bittersweet little story. I wonder about the ending - Posie is interested in Hitch, and Hitch likes her, but is interested in Sunny, who likes him, but is interested in perhaps someone else not featured. Is someone else interested in Posie, who likes them, but... and so on? Where does it all end?
It's very sad that, at least in this little slice of story, no ideal conclusion seems possible. Anyone settling into a traditional relationship would leave multiple people unsatisfied. Perhaps, we can hope, ponykind will mass-adopt some kind of polycule system, and then all ponies have the opportunity to be equally miserable.
Hehehe. Maybe I'm thinking too hard about this. And there are other things worth mentioning. The characters and their voices are all pretty well-represented, and the physical comedy - especially the tie gag - was hilarious. On the other hand, I share some criticism with previous comments, especially related to pacing in less interesting parts. Not a deal breaker though.
In conclusion, nice work - and thanks for writing it!
Oh snap, what have you suddenly wrought within my psyche? That was adorable on both ends, and now, like the Boulder, I fell ABSOLUTELY CONFLICTED!
Posey needs more love, both from Hitch and from fanfic writers. :)