She Waits for Thunder

by The Red Parade

thunder

The creak of hooves against the floorboard, almost lost to the faint drizzle outside.

Lofty has never been a heavy sleeper, so she isn’t surprised that the sound was enough to wake her. She climbs out of bed and down the stairs in a haze, flicking on the lights in the living room and freezing when she sees Holiday there.

They stare at each other unmoving before Lofty sees the ring of keys in Holiday’s hooves.

A furrowed brow and a disapproving frown.

“You gonna try and stop me?”

Lofty works her jaw. “Depends. Where are you going?”

“Rolling left for Equestria.”

“And you’re going after?”

Holiday doesn’t reply.

The scuffing of hooves on hardwood floor as Holiday turns to leave.

Lofty follows.

They meander down the road in the darkness, rain stinging at their eyes and coats. Soon they’re at the docks, Holiday using the stolen keys to unlock the gate leading right up to her boat. A few bags of supplies are waiting by it, which Holiday throws on.

Lofty stands on the dock, watching Holiday prep the boat. They both know the ins and outs of sailing, but Holiday by far has proven to be the better sailor between them. Thoughts crash in her head like the wave as she watches her friend. “You’re really going to try and make it all the way to Equestria?”

“You going to try to stop me?”

“I don’t know yet.”

A grunt is the only reply she gets.

Lofty steps on the boat.

Holiday pauses in her preparations to stare at her in confusion, but, when she still says nothing, she simply ignores her.

Before long, they’ve set off. Lofty still can’t piece together what to say, so she continues to let things happen.

The storm is above them now, pounding rain into the ocean. Holiday takes the helm, her mouth clenched in a terse line.

“Where in Equestria did she go?” Lofty shouts over the crashing waves.

Holiday grimaces. “Dunno. Doesn’t matter. I’ll find her.”

“Then what?”

Holiday doesn’t say anything, so Lofty stands to move next to her. “And then what, Holly?”

“I don’t know!” comes the cry. “I need to know what I did wrong, okay?!”

“You didn’t do anything wrong!”

“Then why did she leave?”

Lofty sighs. “Because I don’t think she ever loved you, Holly.”

Holiday grips the wheel tightly. In the dark, Lofty can make out her form trembling in the wind. “You shouldn't have come,” she finally snaps. “I had this all figured out, now you’re ruining it! I didn’t bring enough supplies for you, I had a plan and now…”

Lofty doesn’t reply to that. The sky flashes white and a roar of thunder sweeps them up. “Are you sure you wanna do this?”

“Yes!” Her voice cracks.

“Holly. I don’t think you do.”

“I do.” It comes far weaker this time. Her grip on the wheel falters.

Lofty sighs. She puts a hoof on Holiday’s shoulder. “It’s not too late to turn around,” she whispers.

Holiday stares off at the waves in front of them.

“She left. She’s gone,” Lofty continues. “And…” It’s her turn to falter now. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.”

Slowly, Lofty puts a hoof on the wheel. “I think we should go home. Do you want to turn around?”

Holiday sniffs, tears staining her cheeks and mixing with the rain. “Yeah,” It comes out soft and small.

Slowly, their hooves together turn the boat around.

Through the waves.

Back to land.

Away from the storm.

Comments

[Double_Bubble]

I am a bad critic, so I will just leave a like since I found nothing wrong with it. Present continuous is consistent. It's not something I am used to, and I hoped for something with more sailing since nobody writes that here, but that is irrelevant.

I felt a bit detached somehow.
Almost like a screenplay but not quite... There was one specific line I noticed that can't be put on screen.

[axxuy]

A storm is on the horizon.

She sees it brewing beyond, lurking just outside her window. A mass of gray over blue. A blanket miles over the ocean. Lofty can see it all from her bed.

A quiet sigh escapes her. The room is cold, even if the air outside is thick and humid. Static clings in the air and the stench of ozone reeks from above.

That's the story in a nutshell. It's tense and sparse but there's nothing Lofty can but wait.

[Sunset Shimmer The Great]

Wow. I'm bad with words, so I'm not going to say anything other than that this is easily one of my favorite stories on this site.

[Melody Song]

Beautiful, in my opinion. I find it an interesting concept, that Rolling Thunder and Holiday used to date. Not one I'm altogether against, to be honest, I could imagine it

[TheLegendaryBillCipher]

Great story, Red.

[SigmasonicX]

This was pretty neat. I never considered Rolling Thunder to be around the age of Scootaloo's aunts, but you managed to use her in an interesting way. The format did a great job showing everyone's emotions.

[Bicyclette]

“I don’t know!” comes the cry. “I need to know what I did wrong, okay?!”

augh, this line is so true that it is painful to read

Holiday grips the wheel tightly. In the dark, Lofty can make out her form trembling in the wind. “You shouldn't have come,” she finally snaps. “I had this all figured out, now you’re ruining it! I didn’t bring enough supplies for you, I had a plan and now…”

and this is so true as well. this is shame and cognitive dissonance, because Holiday knows she can’t justify this to Lofty, and could only go through with something that is so obviously a bad idea if she only has herself to talk to. her then flailing out to blame Lofty for “ruining it” is just so on-point.

Slowly, Lofty puts a hoof on the wheel. “I think we should go home. Do you want to turn around?”

Holiday sniffs, tears staining her cheeks and mixing with the rain. “Yeah,” It comes out soft and small.

Slowly, their hooves together turn the boat around.

Through the waves.

Back to land.

Away from the storm.

and augh.

love the subtle note it ends on. not quite the visceral catharsis that a lesser writer would think is obligatory here, and in fact deliberately avoiding that by turning away from the storm, all metaphor-like.

there’s a lot of blank space between here and where we see them in their canon appearance, and i just love that. a lot of room to age and grow into each other in Pony Australia, before finding themselves settling in Equestria for reasons that have nothing to do with Rolling Thunder (which must have been a story in it of itself!). and speaking of, it’s really neat how Rolling Thunder does not make a single appearance in this fic despite her being so important to it. a third planet in this system, detected only through its gravity well

i just can’t say enough good things about this story. loved the beauty of its prose, the characters, and the emotionally complex relationship between them. the way that it paints its setting with a fraction of the wordcount and so much more mood and atmosphere than most fics manage. this might be my favorite story i’ve read from you so far, and that’s saying a lot given the competition there. thank you so much for writing this!

[FanOfMostEverything]

I can see why you won. Incredible density of storytelling, small scenes coming together to be vastly greater than the sum of their parts. As Bicyclette noted, Rolling Thunder only being seen in the negative space of the story was a bold and very effective move. Thank you for this, and congratulations.

[The Red Parade]

11339672
:D Thank you!

I've mentioned it several times now but the story came to me with the idea of Rolling and Holiday being in a toxic relationship only for Rolling to suddenly reappear at the end of the story to reveal that Lofty was with Holiday now. Ultimately though the ending felt too wrong for the story so I made the decision to leave her out of it completely, I'm happy to hear it paid off!