Applejack had been doing fairly brisk business all morning, but nothing particularly out of the ordinary happened until the bell in the clock tower sounded eleven times. As the final peal faded away, the farmer’s attention was drawn to the sound of a purse full of bits being dropped onto her stall’s counter.
“Dried apple slices. Now.”
Applejack didn’t even have to look at her customer to know who it was. “Mornin’, Bon-Bon.”
Most residents of Ponyville knew Bon-Bon as the town’s premier confectioner—basically, anything sugary that didn’t fall into the category of “baked goods” could be purchased from her. Her chocolate truffles were decadently scrumptious, her gummi candies were bursting with fruit flavors, and her oversized lollipops were the bane of dentists throughout Equestria.
However, a select few also knew that that the candymaker was one of the most obsessive preppers around, and that the custom-built steel-reinforced shelter in her basement had one of the most well-stocked pantries for any doomsday scenario that a pony could possibly imagine. Of course, as far as Bon-Bon was concerned, there was ultimately only one kind of apocalypse that was even remotely imaginable, but it was one that loomed large over the whole of ponykind.
“I take it you heard about the fog,” Applejack commented as she pulled several bags of dehydrated fruit from her cart and placed them in front of her customer.
“Hmph,” Bon-Bon snorted derisively. “As if they’d go to all this trouble if it was something as mundane as some wayward clouds. You know what this is really about, don’t you?”
The farmer sighed; she’d had this conversation many times before, and every time it managed to end up in the same place. “Lemme guess: humans?”
“Exactly!” Bon-Bon said excitedly as she slammed a hoof on the counter. “This fog has obviously been unleashed upon us to provide cover for the invasion!” Applejack had no idea where the mare had gotten the idea of humans from, but she’d heard more than enough rants to get a fairly good idea of what they were supposed to be like. Allegedly, humans were a species of superintelligent, hairless sasquatches who could somehow cause widespread devastation despite their complete inability to use any sort of magic whatsoever. According to Bon-Bon, these heinous creatures coveted the vast resources of Equestria, and were forever planning to launch an invasion, intent on taking possession of the land and subjugating the ponies who lived on it.
Of course, Bon-Bon was always quick to point out that she didn’t think the humans would actually succeed; there was no way that they’d be able to overcome the might of the Royal Princesses. “But they won’t be able to prevent all the destruction. Mark my words: those monsters are sore losers, and if they can’t have Equestria, they won’t let us keep it either. It’s called a scorched-earth policy, my friend. That’s why stores of food are going to be especially important to the rebuilding process. You know, it might not be too late to have some basic modifications done to your barn to reinforce it. Luna knows, that thing always seems to be falling down—”
“I think we’ll take our chances.”
“Are you sure? Because I know a contractor here in Ponyville who has very reasonable rates.”
“Pretty sure. The Apples have always been willin’ ta take risks.”
“If you say so, but I really think...” Bon-Bon trailed off as she heard a vague chopping sound from above, accompanied by occasional squeaks and whistles. She briefly scanned the skies above for a few seconds until she spotted what she was looking for. “What the— Since when are the helicopters supposed to be pink?!” The confectioner quickly scooped her purchases into her saddlebags, informed Applejack she could keep the change, and galloped off towards her home.
Curious, Applejack looked upwards herself. “Huh... looks like Pinkie Pie’s back.”
August 31 – 11:17 AM
“So, uh, Rarity? Could you explain what a cravat is again?”
The white unicorn had a bewildered look on her face, as if it she’d never expected anypony to ask her something so patently obvious. This expression soon passed, however. After all, Spike was only a baby dragon. “Well, dear, the cravat is a sort of neckband that was the forerunner to the modern necktie. As such, it is worn underneath a collar, and tied in a knot—though not so tight as to restrict a pony’s ability to breathe.”
“Oh, um, okay.” That didn’t quite answer Spike’s question, but he figured that it would be much clearer once Rarity had actually selected a cravat for Fluttershy.
“No... no... Celestia’s mane, no... no.... Paisley?! How on earth did that ever get in my collection?” Rarity floated several pieces of fabric in front of her, comparing their textures and hues to those of Fluttershy’s coat and mane before flinging the rejected options in Spike’s general direction. It was the dragon’s job to retrieve and reorganize these swatches, to keep the library floor from becoming a chaotic mess.
Of course, Fluttershy had plenty of experience with this ritualistic fussing—it was standard practice for Rarity to begin the creative process with a string of rejected ideas. In fact, were she so inclined, Fluttershy might have answered her friend’s rhetorical question by suggesting that she put it there so she could make a comment about how much she disliked the paisley-patterned fabric. The pegasus, however, remained silent, mostly because she was Fluttershy, and partly because making snarky comments to a friend who was trying to help her out was a bit rude.
“Are you really sure this is worth taking up Fluttershy’s time?” Twilight asked, clearly skeptical.
“Absolutely! There are few things that convey a sense of authority quite like neckwear. Or are you not familiar with the concept of the ‘power tie’?”
“Actually, I am,” Twilight Sparkle replied. “I remember coming across the term in a book as a filly and asking my dad about it. He told me it’s something haberdashers made up to sell more neckties to easily intimidated stallions.”
Rarity rolled her eyes. “Well, I suppose that if one assumes a power tie is supposed to give somepony a psychological advantage in a conversation, one could be forgiven for dismissing the idea as hogwash. I, on the other hoof, am referring to the more general idea that authority figures should dress like authority figures if they want to be taken seriously. After all, one would not expect anypony to respect the mayor if she wore her clown costume at any time other than Nightmare Night.”
“Oh,” Fluttershy said, entering the conversation. “Is that why she wears a cravat?” She’d hoped there was a good reason for her to be wearing a heavily starched collar—not that she minded the excuse to think about something other than the fog.
“Precisely. It’s also the reason she dyes her mane grey.”
“I thought she did that because her mane clashes with her coat,” chirped a new voice from behind the fashionista, causing her to drop all of her fabric samples on the floor.
“Pinkie Pie! When did you get here?”
“Around the time you started talking about my Auntie Diane’s clown costume. So, Fluttershy,” the earth pony said, “ready to hear my report?”
“Um, sure,” the fog specialist lied. “Go ahead.”
“Okay. Well, as far as how fast it’s moving, it took about 45 seconds for the fog to travel twenty trots.”
Fluttershy briefly did some mental math before nodding. “Okay, I guess that’s about what I’d expect given the reported wind speeds. Um, do you have any idea how big it is?”
“Uh, no, actually. I wasn’t flying high enough to see the whole thing.”
Fluttershy knew that the fog bank was supposed to be really big, but this... well, it didn’t sound good. “Um, that’s okay,” she responded. “I didn’t really ask for that, after all. So, er, how thick is it?”
“Well, really, really, really thick. I wasn’t walking for very long before I couldn’t make out anything other than the ground, and when I looked behind me, I could barely see the end of my tail. I, um, got lost. I eventually got lucky, and ended up on my family’s rock farm, which was good, because it was also really cold and damp and I was starting to shiver and shake all over the place and my hooves were getting numb.”
“What?!” Twilight Sparkle shouted, concern etched onto her face. “Pinkie, are you certain about this?”
“Oh, definitely. It was my father who found me, and my mother was in the house he led me to, so I’m pretty certain that it was their farm.”
Twilight glowered at her friend for a few seconds before responding: “I was referring to your body’s physical reaction to the fog.”
“My goodness, Twilight, you look like you’re about to panic,” Rarity said, pausing from her task of sorting through various swatches of fabric.
“That’s because Pinkie Pie was showing symptoms of hypothermia. Fluttershy, if this is true, then this fog isn’t just a threat to pegasus ponies. Any earth ponies and unicorns who get caught in it are going to be in serious trouble.”
This was the last thing the fog specialist wanted to hear at the moment. “Er... when you say ‘serious,’ you wouldn’t happen to mean it in the sense of ‘not particularly funny,’ would you?”
“I mean that it’s quite possible that we’ll have non-pegasi who need medical attention if they aren’t inside when the fog arrives.”
Fluttershy’s ears drooped as she realized the implication: the number of ponies who’d be relying on her for her leadership and knowledge had effectively tripled. “But... fog shouldn’t be that bad. Not at this time of year.”
“I’m pretty sure we’ve established that this fog isn’t normal. Fluttershy, we need to form a plan.”
“Oh... right. A plan. Um, okay. When Rainbow Dash gets back, we’ll start discussing strategies, to, um... implement.” Fluttershy really hoped that sentence made her sound like she knew what she was talking about.
“Speaking of whom, where is Rainbow Dash?” Rarity asked. “I haven’t seen her all morning.”
“Oh, she went off to let the pegasi who aren’t on the weather team know about the fog this morning.”
“I see... and when was this?”
“Um, she got started... nearly five hours ago.”
“Right,” Twilight said, somewhat skeptically. “And how long would you expect her job to take?”
“Uh, not too long. I mean, I asked her to do it because she’s so fast.”
“Is that so?” the purple unicorn replied with a distinctly skeptical note in her voice. “Tell me, how was she acting right before she left you?”
“Well, not like she usually does. I mean, she volunteered to scout the fog for me this morning, and she seemed a little bit annoyed to find out that I’d already sent Pinkie Pie to do it. Um, you don’t think she’s in trouble, do you?”
“If she isn’t, there’s a good chance she will be,” Twilight muttered.
“Um, could you speak up?” Fluttershy asked. “I, uh, didn’t quite get that.”
“Never mind. Uh, look, maybe you should have somepony on the weather team go find her.”
“But... I don’t want to impose...”
“Fluttershy, I’m pretty sure that imposing is part of your job description. I mean, according to the Department of Weather, everypony who gets a paycheck from them answers to you until this fog is taken care of.”
“Oh, right... I guess I forgot about that.” Fluttershy turned towards Pinkie Pie. “Pinkie, could you find a member of the weather team and have them tell Rainbow Dash to come to the library? Um, if they give you any trouble, you can just tell them I said so, I suppose.”
Pinkie responded with a crisp salute. “Yes sir, Commander Fluttershy! About... face! Company... march! Hut, two, three, four! Hut, two, three, four! Unintelligible... yell!” She somehow managed to hold the stern expression on her face until she shut the library door behind her, after which several seconds of muffled giggling could be heard before they finally faded away.
“Well,” Rarity said as she once again started levitating fabrics in the air, “at least you have a better idea of what you’re up against.”
“Yeah,” Fluttershy replied dolefully. But I still have no idea what to do about it.
Lol. Hello? Canadian Forces reservist here?
Anyway, Fluttershy, you are in a sack of... unpleasant brown stuff.
Really looking forward to how this goes.
One two three four.
Gratz on feature box.
gyazo.com/2a9393e4610aedd67bd5c6c8710068e7.png
I wonder if Lyra's hunkering down with Bons in that steel shelter...
1858019
Obviously.
Somepony's been reading The Conversion Bureau.
1858006 This is probably the third time.
For some reason, Bon-Bon reminds me of Kenji from Katawa Shoujo.
great chapter, fluttershy doesn't actually seem that lost, it seems more like she's panicking cause she's expecting to not know what to do in combination to having low self esteem and being (flutter)shy.
Comparing the usual fanon of Lyra as a human fangirl to Bon-Bon in this story reminds me of the differences between some of the humans who are obsessed with aliens. Some think the aliens will bring us ultratech and/or spiritual enlightenment from the stars, ushering in a new golden age. Others think they're more likely to burn us all to a crisp and strip our planet of its resources before moving on to consume other worlds. Was this parallel with an offbeat human obsession intentional?
Now I'm wondering if Lyra and Bon-Bon first met at a meeting of the Everfree County Humanology Club or something. And if the humans ever come, will Bon-Bon will be in her bunker while Lyra's outside waving a foam finger and a sign that says "I AM READY FOR CONVERSION AND ENLIGHTENMENT"? Somehow this makes me like the idea of them together (friends/lovers/roommates/whatever) even better.
1858971 So it's like that one scene from "Independence Day?"
1858971 - The comparison to the way human beings feel about extraterrestrial visitors/invaders wasn't really intentional. I just like the irony of having Bon-Bon being as obsessed with them as Lyra is in fanon, but for that obsession to be fueled by paranoia instead of enthusiasm. I also like to think that Bon-Bon first heard about them from Lyra, only she ignored everything that made them "awesome" and immediately jumped to a worst-case scenario.
Somehow I have a very decent feeling from where Bon Bon has her idea about humans….
And the report by Pinkie was way more structured than I thought.
1859170
//dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra.png
blatantly?
1857991
Raise this barn, raise this barn!
I think I love you. Definitely beat me to it.
1858489
No, she's panicking because she really doesn't know what to do because she's not really a fog specialist, she faked her credentials to get a tax break for living on the ground instead of in the sky.
...
Or, at least that's what I've taken from it anyways.
1858489 I think she knows what to do, but she doesn't have confidence in her knowledge of what to do.
1860782
Of course not. She's Fluttershy.
A little less weepy, I feel all characters are, so to say, in-character. Bon Bon's paranoid survivalist ufologist version was hilarious. All that's missing is some Equestrian David Icke who claims some ponies are really HUMANS TURNED INTO PONIES, some of them in influential places!
I think RD is going to make me want to slap a filly
1860302
she did pass the exam.
1860782
exactly
I like that you've established that the fog can actually be dangerous. It raises the stakes in an interesting way.
Huh. Bon Bon's the one obsessed with humans? That's different... Not in a bad way, just unexpected.
1860952
*bay unicorn stallion grabs Sieurin and yells! "WAIT! WHAT?! WHO TOLD YO... Ummm H-humans? No transformed humans here, nosirree bob..." *looks nervously left and right and tries to nonchalantly shuffle back to the safety of his story...*
1858006
The last three slots on the feature box are resurved for featured stories that have updated. So everytime Flash Fog updates, it'll hit the feature box in one of the bottom three slots.
At least, thats how I think it works. Half the time it feels like the feature box just pulls stories out of a hat.
Mayor Mare as Pinkie's aunt? Pinkie just being Pinkie, or NEW EXCITING HEAD-CANON?
1866663 - It's actually more along the lines of "popular stories that have updated," as I know of a few stories that got there even though they missed it with their initial posting. Of course, I have no idea what algorithm the site uses to determine popularity, nor do I know how they determine what gets an initial feature. I assume that views, likes, and possibly the number of comments play a role, but only knighty knows for sure (and if he tells anyone exactly how it works, someone will find a way to abuse it).
Why did I get a good feeling that Pencil Pusher, wow I remembered his name, would somehow help Flutters out with the whole fraud issue, if that's the only thing going on, but I'm still left clueless for the actual fog situation, I wonder what method of magic may actually have to be used in order to solve that problem.
Lyra: "It's were humans who actually stopped the Fog Fluttershy."
Fluttershy:** "Oh.....well....**.......tell them that...I...Said....THANKS SUCKAS" *Runs to her Cottage...Like A BOSS*
Dang, I really couldn't come up with something for what I put Above, My mind wen blank and didn't want to find the Add Comment, soooooo yea it did that in its' free time.....
I have to say, your names for Pinkie's family are easily my second favorite, after the Pac-Man references. (Because, come on, Pac-Man references. How can I resist?)
Also, I'm greatly enjoying the story. It's like a really good episode of the show after taking a step up in dramatic complexity.
-About... face! Company... march! Hut, two, three, four! Hut, two, three, four! Unintelligible... yell!” She somehow managed to hold the stern expression on her face until she shut the library door behind her[.]
This made me laugh. :D
Bon-Bon was easily my favorite part of this chapter, seems Lyra has finally gotten to her.
conspiracy theorist prepper bonbon is best pony
gee i wonder where she couldve gotten the idea of humans from...
whelp fluttershy, looks like the horseapples have hit the fan
Oh shit, everything just got more serious....wow, this is going to be crazy makes me wonder what Flutter's is going to do now? How can she get out of this? ALL PONIES ARE DOOMED!!!!!!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!!
I loved the "Bonbon is afraid of humans" bit.
And did Dashie go and do something dumb...?
Something I noticed
Shouldn't that be "blatantly"?
1920571 - They're synonyms.
I am now going to cry "UNINTELLIGIBLE YELL!"' whenever I leave a room.
This chapter represents why I love this story. Uncommon but great twists on background characters, excellently written and not exaggerated Pinkie, a unique and original yet genuinely threatening conflict/premise, and having Fluttershy do something unexpected but that is believable and adds some dimension to her character?
This could and should be an episode.
Aw, I like paisley.
After reading the beginning of this chapter, I had only had one thought: Lyra chasing after Bon Bon saying, "Stop stealing my shtick!"
“What the— Since when are the helicopters supposed to be pink?!”
-She prefers the proverbial black helecopters I take it?
This version of Bon Bon in a nutshell:
weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/humans-ancient-aliens-guy.jpg
bon-bon is the nut job ? would of thought it be her partner heartstring or that one that freaked out about the bunny stamped (cant remember the mares name) still leave it to them dam humans to make a fog to cover there invasion (turns fog machine up a notch)
lol at Bon-Bon as a survivalist.
You know, I think if we were to find out equestria was real they would have an invasion on their hands. Not so much because of resources, but more because of the millions of bronies moving in.
First, LOVE the Bon-Bon bit.. and yeah, guessing she heard Lyra talk about them a bit to often. made her snap.
Overall story is getting interesting, danger is slowly ramping up. It's bad, but not immediate. They have time to prepare.. and for those preparations to go horribly awry. Yeah liking it so far.
And all topped off with some flat out amazing humor....
Just... you win. I don't what, but that line wins something big.
5768691 - Actually, when I was writing this story, I did some research on what power ties were, and I found an answer (reproduced here with some modifications to fit the setting) in the archives of a menswear discussion board. Some people really care a lot about neckties.
Okay, any chance it's not too late to trade the fog for something less scary? Like flying Goliath Bird Eating Spiders? Or Great White Sharks that figured out how to walk on land, catch rabies and wield plasma rifles.
7137731
I like your alternatives. But might I suggest these two:
1) A flying, land shark, injected with super intelligence serum and wearing power armor.
or
2) A cyborg, ninja, zombie bear army with nercromorph mounts.