Rarity’s mind was still on Twilight’s claims as she entered the Carousel Boutique. Rainbow Dash was waiting for her, sitting in a hard-backed wooden chair and leaning back far enough for the front two legs to rise off the floor. Apparently, she’d gotten bored and had been attempting to amuse herself by maintaining her balance with the remaining legs. “So, what held you up?” she asked casually, keeping most of her attention on the precarious piece of furniture beneath her.
“What — did — you — do?!” Rarity asked, her voice rising in volume with each word until she was close to a scream as her muzzle crumpled into a most unladylike snarl.
There was a loud clatter as the chair toppled over, leaving Rainbow Dash lying on her back. “Uh... when I realized that you weren’t coming here right away, I decided to sit down and wait for you,” she replied in a somewhat guarded tone. “Though I’m guessing that’s not what you meant,” she added when Rarity’s venomous glare continued unabated.
“I was just speaking with Twilight Sparkle,” Rarity said, her voice having returned to its normal volume, but still drenched in indignation, “and it appears that as of last night, Fluttershy has become convinced that you are eyeing Pencil Pusher for yourself!”
“What?!” Rainbow Dash shouted as she jumped into the air. “That’s crazy! How could she possibly think that?”
“I was hoping you could tell me. You didn’t happen to talk to Fluttershy about Mr. Pusher last night, did you?”
“Well, yeah, but it was only to, you know, get her thinking seriously about him as a special somepony. I mean, I just sort of pointed out that he wasn’t really that bad a catch, you know? I was totally downplaying it the whole time, though, so she wouldn’t feel pressured to get together with him.”
“Downplaying? Rainbow Dash, you never downplay anything unless you think it’s ‘uncool’ to be seen as taking an interest in it.”
Rainbow seemed a bit taken aback by this observation. She landed on the floor and walked closer to her friend. “What do you mean?”
“The first time you read a Daring Do novel, you tried to convince us that you only found it mildly amusing.”
“Yeah, so?”
“Also, you’re always standoffish with your pet turtle unless you think nopony’s looking.”
“Tank is a tortoise, not a turtle, and I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I’m talking about those quick little nose rubbings you give him when you think the rest of us aren’t paying attention to the two of you. But I digress. The point is that when you’re obviously trying to make us think that something isn’t important to you, we generally assume that it is, because you happen to be tremendously bad at concealing your own interests.”
“So... when I told Fluttershy that Pencil Pusher was pretty cool for a desk jockey...” Rainbow Dash’s eyes widened as she realized how the previous night’s conversation must have gone. “Oh, crud...”
Rarity squared her jaw as she continued her scolding. “Rainbow, you know how Fluttershy is... she’ll go out of her way to make any of us happy, and that could very well include rejecting any overtures from Pencil Pusher just so you can have him for your own.”
Rainbow Dash hung her head low. “Yeah... that does sound like something she’d do. So what do I do now?”
“Obviously, you fix what you’ve broken,” Rarity replied with a disdainful shake of her head.
“No kidding,” Rainbow said with mild irritation. “But how am I supposed to do that?”
“My dear, I haven’t the slightest idea.”
“Oh, come on! You can’t be telling me that a mess like this has never come up in your cheesy romance novels.”
Rarity looked offended. “Rainbow Dash, I will not stand by and listen to you defame my taste in popular culture,” she bristled. “My romance novels may be complete and utter trash, but they are never cheesy.”
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “Okay, okay, I’m sorry.”
Rarity gave a very loud sniff before delivering her curt response. “Apology accepted.”
“Great. Now, spill the beans and tell me how they deal with this problem in romance novels.”
“Er, well, that’s just the thing. You see...”
“Yes?” Rainbow Dash said, beckoning Rarity to finish her sentence as she leaned in to catch the response.
“Well, when situations like this happen in romance novels, it’s usually the would-be matchmaker who ends up with the stallion.”
Rainbow Dash slumped down onto her haunches, looking deflated. “Well, this is just peachy, isn’t it?”
Rarity finally permitted herself to smile at her friend as she pulled out the fabric and thread for the fog suit. “Don’t worry, I’m sure we’ll come up with something. At the very least, we have until Pencil returns to set things right.”
September 2 – 7:17 AM
“Alright, if you’d just extend your wings fully again for me...”
Pencil Pusher sighed as he complied with the physician’s request. This mare certainly had a calming demeanor about her, though her tendency to trail off before she finished her sentences felt a bit condescending. Pencil silently reminded himself that the doctor had no reason to think that he’d be particularly bothered by authority figures who spoke using subordinate clauses. This mare was certainly a lot more polite than Greg, though admittedly, that wasn’t a particularly high bar for anypony to clear.
Far more relevant, in any case, was the fact that she was a pegasus—like a lot of pegasi, Pencil Pusher had always been uncomfortable with the idea of letting a doctor without wings poke and prod at a potential wing injury. Reading medical textbooks could probably give unicorns and earth ponies a vague idea of what wings were like, but they were no substitute for having a pair of your own to worry about on a day-to-day basis.
“Now, a few cycles, please...”
Pencil Pusher complied, slowly flapping his wings without taking off. The doctor—Blue Horizon, according to her name tag—was certainly being quick and professional about this examination. Apparently, she’d been told that he needed to leave later that morning.
“Okay... looks good. Just avoid unnecessary flying for at least twenty-four hours.”
Pencil Pusher sighed. “Got it. So, can I catch my train, then?”
Dr. Horizon nodded. “Princess Luna’s private rail car... You’re a lucky pony, even if it’s only for ninety minutes or so.”
Pencil Pusher appreciated that the doctor was showing some interest in her patient beyond professional obligations, but he didn’t really have much time for small talk. “Thanks a lot, doc,” he said as he hoisted his saddlebag onto his back and opened the door to leave. “If you’re taking care of the princesses’ wings, I’m sure they’re in good hooves.”
September 2 – 7:53 AM
Lyra sighed as she waited in Bon-Bon’s living room; they had decided to get together several hours before they needed to arrive at the town hall so that they wouldn’t be distracted by Pinkie Pie’s last-minute party preparations while getting ready for the safety patrol. Truth be told, though, Lyra had mixed feelings about Bon-Bon’s participation. Sure, Bon-Bon was a really interesting pony to hang out with, once you got past her pointlessly irrational hatred of humanity, but there would be no getting past it today. The humans were coming, and if Bon-Bon was the one who met them, disaster would certainly be the end result. Thus, what should have been an occasion for excitement and anticipation had been tempered by the fact that Lyra would almost certainly need to supervise her friend to keep her from needlessly provoking those wonderful primates.
Still, Lyra was doing as best she could to look at this positively. With Bon-Bon on the safety patrol, and Lyra present to hold her paranoia in check, the candymaker would doubtless realize the error of her bigotry, and SPHERE could finally set out to perform the great work for which it had been founded. Plus, she’d finally get to experience a massage from their strong, dextrous, yet still gentle fingers, but this goal was secondary to SPHERE’s noble purpose (mostly because she knew that Bon-Bon would never have approved its addition to the society’s charter).
The unicorn already had everything she needed in her saddlebags: a scarf and a winter coat to protect her from the chill of the fog, and a bright flashlight with fresh batteries to make it easier for the humans to find her. She’d considered making some welcoming treats for them as well, but she’d decided against it, mostly because she wasn’t sure which plants were safe for humans to eat. It would certainly not be good first impression if the diplomats keeled over after eating a salad containing plants that their systems couldn’t handle. That said, Lyra felt quite certain that she was adequately prepared to meet the humans and to help out her community.
Bon-Bon, on the other hoof, walked out of her bedroom covered from head to hoof with sturdy, matte-black armor, complete with steel-reinforced boots for each leg and a rather menacing helmet. Of course, the ensemble was not yet complete; Bon-Bon still needed to find something that could function as a weapon, as she had misplaced the baton that came with the suit.
Lyra sighed as she massaged her temple. Naturally, she hadn’t been naïve enough to think that her friend would be willing to meet humans without something to protect herself, but this was ridiculous. “Bon-Bon, why do you even have riot gear in the first place?”
“Because traditional armor leaves too much of the body exposed,” Bon-Bon replied as she flipped up the visor that protected her face. Of course, this was a rather odd justification, since the riot gear left her billowy, multicolored tail open, but the candymaker explained this away as a “comfort issue.”
“Okay, let me rephrase that. Why have you gone to the trouble of getting armor in the first place?”
“Not everypony can cast magic spells to protect them, in case you haven’t noticed, and, if pony society breaks down, you’d expect the occasional flare-up. Oh, and of course, it should provide some protection from human weapons. Speaking of weapons, I need to find one of my own. The best defense is still a good offense, after all.”
Lyra sighed. “Bon-Bon, you’re being ridiculous.”
“Oh? So, I suppose you’re willing to cast some magic spell at the humans once they’ve got us cornered, then?”
“Of course not! That goes against everything I stand for!”
“Which is why I need to find something to protect both of us. Hmm... the fog will probably be too thick for long-range weapons, so the crossbow’s out....” Bon-Bon started scrounging around for something that looked suitable dangerous and intimidating.
Lyra, however, wasn’t about to let the subject drop. “And how do you expect to wield a short-range weapon while wearing boots that thick?”
Bon-Bon paused. “Actually... that’s a good point. I suppose I could hold something in my mouth, but that would make the visor a bit pointless.”
“Good. Then maybe you’ll consider dropping this insanity. You already look hostile enough in that riot gear to begin with.”
Bon-Bon’s eyes lit up. “Of course! This body armor gives me enough mass and protection to be my own weapon! I can just charge in like a battering ram. Lyra, you’re brilliant.”
“What? No! That’s not the conclusion you were supposed to come to!”
“Okay, you’re a hopeless fool, then. Point is, I’m pretty sure I’ve got adequate protection from those bipedal monstrosities, so I’m ready to leave.” Bon-Bon turned around and began walking confidently towards her front door.
Lyra rolled her eyes. “You realize we don’t actually have to arrive at the town hall for another two hours or so, right?”
Bon-Bon halted in mid-stride. “Oh. Uh, then could you help me get this stuff off? My croup is starting to itch.”
4486397 Or books! Even body armour! Or Dragon Bones! And sometimes, if you're lucky, steak.
Good ol' steak.
There we go, Rarity cutting straight through the romantic shenanigans like a pro.
Good thing those are fictional, right?
Crap.
I really appreciate that Bon Bon is equally as crazy as Lyra, just turned around 180 degrees.
Hmmm...now why am I thinking of Bon Bon's armour and the CMC's trap?... *goes to a diagram on the wall and connects two dots*.
....
Ohhhhhhhhh dear... o.o
That could technically be Rarity, couldn't it? Luckily, Pencil Pusher isn't interested in either her or Rainbow, though that doesn't solve our more pressing issue.
Bon-Bon in armor is absolutely adorable. Her whole back-and-forth with Lyra only adds to it.
x 20 million.
That is what would happen if Applejack were present for this conversation and why she is 2nd best pony.
Applejack: "Hey Shy, turns out Rainbow don't really wanna date Pencil after all."
Fluttershy: "But I thought--"
Applejack: "It was just a silly misunderstandin'"
Fluttershy: "Really? That's great! I... I mean... that it was cleared up, not that I'm... interested... or anything...."
Applejack:
Applejack, slayer of drama.
4522852 agreed.
One question: What does "croup" mean? the first thing that popped into my head was that it was some sort of ponyism for "crotch", but that doesn't sound right at all.
4523121 The highest part of the rump of a quadruped. I suppose it would be kind of like the tailbone.
Wow, Bon Bon doesn't do anything by halves does she? Where does she get all those wonderful toys from? The candy business must be really profitable if she can buy armour and build an underground bunker. I'm a bit worried she's misplaced the, presumably, baton that went with the armour.
Cutie Mark Crusaders Riot Police, YAY!!!
4523144 Ah, so basically the base of her tail was itching.
Considering that the actual point of emergence for her tail would be covered, I can see how that'd be an annoying itch to scratch. Especially without fingers.
That fog will be coming in any minute now.
iambrony.dget.cc/mlp/gif/dfghjhzjhgdfsdrtzu_400.gif
Aaaany minute.
Obvious solution: Rarity and Dash ask Fluttershy to help fix up Pencil Pusher with Dash. Then, at an appropriate juncture, Rarity prompts Dash, who announces that Pencil Pusher is 'too dorky' or something. Fluttershy then gets to 'console' Pencil Pusher, who is at this point fairly confused, but not about to complain about the outcome.
There is, of course, plenty of room to fit wacky hijinks in there.
All BonBon needs is some extra gel pad plates on the inside, with kevlar wrapped ceramic plates on the outside, to give her a light armor variation, which is difficult to get if you dont have motorbikes?
Well, thats what Bonbon gets for living with Lyra, a nasty case of... Grabboids?
4523912 - Actually, Lyra and Bon-Bon don't live together in this story (because I personally dislike the notion of assuming that close personal relationships are romantic). That's why I talk about Lyra waiting in Bon-Bon's living room.
Good
4524011 Definitely. Everyone knows the best ships are the ones that are either illegal, the opposite of their canon relationship, or between background characters who have never even appeared in the same scene together.
Vinyl x Octavia 4ever!
Lyra, you should totally get hay for them.
4524011 Don't be silly. All relationships involve sex. Even ones filled with hate. So says modern television.
you done screwed up big time now RD.
4523110 and your right, honesty can sure do that at times...and sometimes cause even more drama.
4523378
4523144
Several useful guides to pony anatomy:
http://catspaw-dtp-services.deviantart.com/art/Pony-conformation-chart-244796744
http://www.equestriaroyalguard.com/forum/m/5846647/viewthread/5204127-i-accidently-pony-g-rated-drawing-ponys-anatomy-thread/page/1
These last two are particularly important.
http://dm29.deviantart.com/art/Parts-of-an-Equestria-Pony-Female-Equine-408102451
http://forum.rpg.net/showthread.php?697610-MLP-FiM-Thread-16-Sweetie-Belle-s-Boring-Middle-Class-Suburban-House/page89
I loved the Lyra/Bon-Bon scene. You've given those two a fantastic dynamic.
As for the romantic troubles, I'm with 4523110. AJ doesn't even need to do it… though it seems she's the only one who might think of it. I just hope she does before Fluttershy sinks the ship.
Looking forward to more.
One of my two most favoritest stories. Poor Bon Bon. That armor would be almost useless against a human. We're evil.
I'm pleased that Rarity is cutting through the romantic confusion right away, instead of letting things linger and cause more confusion and stress. Now, I wonder how they're going to fix things...
Am I the only one who's sad that Dash doesn't have a crush on Pencil? I thought it was a rather nice ship.
Awesome, more SPHERE. I would read the crap out of a HiE with these two.
4523479
That would be beautiful.
I so want to see a human stumble out of the Everfree as the fog is rolling through. It would be absolutely hilarious on so many levels.
4526937 Rainbow threatened Pencil. (Boy, this world makes for some weird sentences.) Moreover, that was if he caused problems for Fluttershy, problems which would presumably break up FlutterPencil.
4524494 Though it would depend on whether it was similar to the Terran variety... Hmmm...
4536016 What I'm imagining is discord disguising himself as a human just to troll people. It would be hilarious, especially if the CMC got stuck in their own trap.
4526597 yeah, really: global warming, nukes, and mustard gas, to name a few. and to think the destruction of our own planet is an accidental biproduct. those poor equines wouldn't stand a chance.
I wonder if Bon Bon has a zombie plan?
More going on in the romance department, good.
I repeat, I will be SOO disappointed if something doesn't go down in that fog
I wonder how the ponies take the riot gear off if they can't grab anything through the boots
Looking forward to more!!!
Okay story, some slack on the romance angle. At least those two worked it out quick, and rarity realized it was a misunderstanding. So, you get a pass this time.
4548579
Yes, but only for zombie humans.