Local Ponyville folklore says that the mysterious colt that just moved into town hides a mysterious secret. Some say he's a government spy, plotting to take over Equestria. Others think he's just a shy stallion who has trouble talking to others. When Derpy Hooves, the resident mailmare, delivers a letter to the reclusive pony, what she finds is not at all what anypony had expected--least of all herself.
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This was really well-written, and it kept my attention. There are only few fanfics I can read, and this seems to be one of them! Keep up the good work, and I hope my fanfic turns out at least 1/2 as good as yours!
I'm not really one for romance/ever for romance, but it was enjoyable, no denying it.
I love Doctor/Ditzy fics. Insta-track. Here's to some good writing
Pretty good. The whole shipping thing seemed to fly along a bit too fast, like you forgot about it and stuffed it in at the end, but all in all a fun read. I hope to see where you go with this.
i enjoyed
keep em coming my friend
that is all
kthanxbai
Only one thing bugged me; "Like I said, we were young, still just fillies. I wouldn't say it was a serious relationship." Filly is a term for a female horse, young horses are called foals
230196 "Mare" is the term for female horse. "Filly" is the term for infant/young female horse. Foal is a unisex term.
Pretty sweet. Seems a little fast to express their feelings. but I like it overall.
I'll track this
The romance happened quite fast. Mabye just a tad rushed. But other than that, great stuff!
SUDDENLY, SHIPPING.
Great story, but... well, the romance was rushed.
Course, everyone else said that, so there's no point in me saying it again, eh?
I'm getting the feeling that the stallion Ditzy remembered was the doctor in a previous form. Which is why she couldn't keep herself from kissing him.
230473 thank you
I have a hard time following every characters actions and most of the dialoge feels strange to me. The whole story I was like "why did she just do that? Why did she say that? Whats going on?"
derpy should pony that pony as if he was a pony so they can life as ponies. and life happy ever pony after
It was an interesting- one of the few fics I've seen who don't default to "Doctor Who crossover", and that earns point to me...
buuut...
I dunno, it feels off. Your Derpy is rather different from what I've come to expect- much less silly than I thought, tbh. It's not bad per se, but the way she is now doesn't really make her stand out from a crowd of standard-romantic-fanfic-heroine. However, my gripe is more about after she meets the Doctor- they both lose character there- than anything going on before that.
And Whooves- which I believe you could've just given a different name, it's not like he has any official one, and Doctor as a name sounds silly outside of the aformentioned crossover fics- well, he's stuck in an awkward characterization between "bumbling professor" and... I dunno, really.
The plot of this story too, it doesn't really flow well. There's not much that welds the different scenes together, and the romance happens just suddenly and meaninglessly. They don't know each other, he shows her his house, they probably find each other attractive (but this is just implied, never outright stated), DH suddenly is jealous of Ratchet (why? Derpy didn't show any interest in the Doctor), they keep going around the house, suddenly!awkard happens, and then... they kiss. Uuh, why?
It's pretty rushed, and it really doesn't work. They just met each other, and finding another person attractive isn't grounds for kissing- well, it is, but it doesn't make for good romance. She asks him personal questions, which really is a no-no unless either person is forthcoming about such stuff (which neither character seems to be), and is awkward anyway. And what was the stuff about his marefriend, anyway? Were you trying to imply that they're so similiar, they're a match made in heaven? If so, it really didn't come across well.
It's... it's just shallow, even if the end isn't the cliché'd happily-ever-after. And what was that about "she hoped he'd get another letter soon?" waas she looking for an excuse to visit him again? I guess that can work, except that he gave her the homing pidgeon automaton so that he'll know if she wants to be in a relationship- she really doesn't need an excuse, not when he basically said "the door will always be open for you"...
So, all in all, good effort, but could've been better. But it's just my opinion ^^
230018
I originally wasn't going to make this a romance story, but after I wrote the first draft I felt that it was missing something, so I rewrote about half of it. It may also feel rushed because I was under pressure to finish it during the little spare time that I have.
230895
Wow, I really didn't think of that! I've never really watched the show Doctor Who (though I have heard a lot about it), so I tried to make him seem more of just a regular guy living in Equestira. But could he really be the Doctor in pony form? I'll leave that up to you to decide.
231608
Romance is not my strong point. I'm more used to Adventure-type stories, so this was a bit of a change of pace for me. I know a lot of it sounds a bit off, but that's only because it's my first time trying to write a good romance fic. Thanks for your opinion, and I'll keep it in mind when writing my next story!
(Also forgot to add the Complete tag. My bad.
)
this sounds like there's supposed to be more chapters
229890 So amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wait this is "Complete"? Suddenly: Shipping, a good buildup to how they might have met sometime in the past as one of Dr Whooves regenerations or something. This doesn't feel complete, and if it is: holy mother of sudden shipping with no resolution batman.
You've lead up with the bird to be used as an answer, a mystery to solve and how Ditzy has negative feelings towards ratchet, then it's over?
That was bloody brilliant! Can't wait for moar!
233114
.
This was really only meant to be a quick story between the two. I just wanted to make a Derpy/Doctor Whooves fic without being a Doctor Who crossover. I understand that there are a few plot holes, but that was only because I felt like I needed to get it done while I had the time available. I should have slowed down and taken more time to revise it. Rereading it, I just feel like doing a
With my schedule (and low attention span), it's difficult for me to find time to write things. I'd really like to go back and fix things, but I'm not sure if that's going to be possible. If you think I should add another chapter, I'll consider it, but I can't make any promises.
Oh I just thought you had a nice buildup going here, perhaps a mystery as to why they're both familiar to eachother. It could have been a very nice story is all I was trying to get across. You set up a nice conflict with Ratchet/Derpy, and it could be a very good story if you fleshed it out. All of these "Can't wait for more!" comments are a testament to that. But as someone who also doesn't seem to find much time to write I understand your predicament.
I think most of us would love a new chapter, but like I said, it's your story to do with as you see fit of course.
You must excuse my lack of original comment on this. I've got little to no energy right now
Good story lad
-Glassed
.....no doctor who reference?
http://fapit.net/imgs/1206/moar.jpg
252810 hey, clam down. There's more than enough to go around, this one was great as it is
277596.........wat?
i know that it was good but with a title like that you gotta expect at least a small ref
278463 I believe a reference wouldn't really be that much of a good idea. She made something else, something new. Making a reference would make us think she was going to go back to the Doctor Who universe, which so far doesn't really seem to have anything to do with this story. I'm guessing they might include some time-travel related gimmick, but that would only be because of this version of the Doctor Whooves character. This is Doctor Whooves the Inventor, not Doctor Who, the ponyfied Time Lord.
278509i didn't mean that kind of ref i meant one that at least showed us that he wasn't....like refusing a jelly baby
images.sodahead.com/polls/001781401/254991506_interesting_xlarge.jpeg
Good show ol'chap looking forward to more.
Nice story. Keep em comin'.
... Rushed. Thats what I get from this.
During the first half, the doctor who song, "This is Gallifrey" was playing in my mind, and for the rest it was the "Song for Ten."
Normally, I know it's a good story when more than one song goes through my head, and that doesn't happen often. Great job, too bad this is a oneshot, though. Also, nice OC. Ratchet reminds me of the Engineer from TF2 a bit. Best class ever.
1258201 i'm listening to it right now
2357307
What you did there, I see it.
Also, what is this little gold bar next to my name for?
first thing that comes to mind is Reddit Gold, but this isn't Reddit. its a lot like Reddit, but it isn't Reddit.
2358085 i don't have the slightest clue.
2363973
look at your profile picture.
Doctor Whooves
>> Coylie3 so what?
I liked this, but it was not all that accessible to those who aren't familiar with Doctor Who.