I'm a science-fiction and fantasy buff, creator of the Chakat Universe, and now dabbling in the MLP:FiM universe. I love a good story!
This story is a sequel to Beginning Anew
Prince Mark Wells' interdimensional business with Earth is expanding into new locations, and those require managers with knowledge of the existence of the magical nation of Equestria. Several men and women are selected and introduced to the new world and each must learn how to cope in their own ways with the culture shock.
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Nice
Yay it worked and like the start of the story my friend!
Look forward to seeing how this goes as the story progresses ^_^
rubs hands together in eager delight
At last! Something new from a Master Author! Something to look forward to!
There was a famous producer (whose name escapes me) who once said about making a movie, 'Start with a climax and go up from there'. Dropping four humans into Equestria, well, that sounds climactic to me. Where do we go from here?
I'll be sure to stay tuned for the next exciting
episodeCHAPTER!elbows the Desmond persona hard in the ribs Not polite, Desmond!
This looks to be a very interesting story, I'm looking forward to more.
ok yep this is going to be fun.
but i am going to just say it Jolene Harris needs to be brought over now, i have a feeling and that is all i am going to say.
The muslim is going to be an issue. Herds and same sex couples are a thing so anyone of muslim faith is not the best fit. And i think the feminists may not work as well but has a better chance then the muslim. You really need to take religon into account on this.
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Ya don't say!
Candidate has many pros and some hard cons...
May the best one win
How do they keep opportunity driven characters from blabing to the earth gavorment for monetary gain?
Stargate is a ideal parallel for newcomers.
Sooo we have:
- A workoholic with a love for Global Offensive
- Muslim that might be very problematic, but worth the trouble...
- A feminist that hopefully don't try pull a Amber Heard...
- A father that might have problems not telling that cute Unicorn exist and he works for them
- A woman that needs to mature as leader before she can bloom in Equestria
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Unless he is more relaxed in the execution of his Religion? Than again, i meet onces a rather fanatic one... Very unpleasureable when politics and religion was spoken over...
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What could possible go right?
I can't help but feel one of those 4 is gonna leak it, unless they have a plan for that possibility
Oh well, the feminist cant be that catastrophic, otherwise anyone capable of time traveling from the future wouldve dropped her before she could trigger events by mouthing off? Only because she is the biggest, noisiest example.
Then again, like babies, those who yell the loudest is because they are terrified they aint worth being not ignored?
Has she recieved her complimentary grumpy face, happy face cupcake yet?
I wonder how many times 'horse' will be said next chapter.
Celestia also seems to have developed a weird stutter
(While you may want to want to judge your candidates’ reaction, you don’t want to them to feel out of control)
I'm liking where this is going.
I want to see Jolene brought into this chaos.
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I'll put ten bits on Six.
Are the candidates going through the mirror set to not change their bodies?
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We probably will
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This is unfortunately true
While the idea seems interesting, this is one of the worst cases of "Tell don't Show" I've ever seen. Half the time the characters just stand in place, taking turns speaking with zero descriptive prose to add any sort of flavor or sense of momentum to the scene. And the other half is one or two sentence time and location jumps. There’s nothing to ease the transition of scenes. One moment the POV character is here, the next he’s there. That left me blinking and loosing track of what exactly was going on a few times.
Stories need prose like we need oxygen. Without it, they become dry and difficult to read. Worse yet, they tend to flounder when it comes to pacing and action, which is the biggest issue here. The characters and set move in a mere handful of words, and then take turns vomiting exposition onto the page. Followed by another sudden shift of location and additional exposition dump. Which is dull, and kills the urge to find out what happens next.
Again, while the idea is interesting, the execution is fairly poor and flat out ignores most of the basic rules of writing(such as Show don’t Tell). As it is written however, it would be a simple and straight forward process to rewrite it’s structure in a more palatable manner.
Seems Sgt. Murphy is gonna have fun this next chapter. Otherwise Discord is gonna have some fun times...
Hmmmm, a little many-world theory and world-building would have the family man recognizing the Queen (mainly from the Aria, and Faust's leaving was not amicable enough to continue the show to season 3) due to his kids ... of course, the other's reactions to his naming the Main 6 (and probably Cadance) should be amusing about his knowledge ...
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Mistakes fixed. Thanks for pointing them out.
Always hated the "diversity higher" thing. Just higher based on experience and need,ever wondered why the majority of construction workers are men?
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But that's why Jolene didn't make the cut – someone else was better. She was good enough to get her original job but not quite good enough to make the final four. Phil and Rosa may be equal opportunity employers, but they're not stupid about it.
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Oh no no i didnt mean how they handled it,they did as well as you can in Those situations i just mean in general,ive lost more than one opportunity to a diversity higher, its bit upsetting especially when you are over qualified for ceartin positions
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Well for one thing in order to have experience in the construction industry you'd need to be hired when you had no experience at some point unless you had family in construction that taught you. And another it's more that most women lack interest in pursuing a career in construction in a feedback loop with gender stereotypes
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Yeah im aware of that im talking about higher positions,and im aslo trying to point out could you imagine trying to balance gender and race in construction crews those of us who only do it cuz it pays well
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The word you want is "hire", not "higher." "Higher" is an adjective meaning "at a greater vertical extent", or "greater in quantity, size, or intensity." "Hire" is a verb meaning 'to employ", or a noun meaning "one who has been hired" (i.e. "new hire" = "new employee".)
This has been your Grammar Nazi Moment Of The Day.
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Im on my phone,i have nerve damage and brain damage.
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One of the issues, I think, is that this opening chapter just drops you right into the middle of Goldfur's "Off The Mark" AU without much in the way of setup or background. So it depends greatly on the reader already having read all of the prior stories in that series, and already having a working knowledge of who the characters are, what they look like, what their relationships are, and what the setting is like in terms of exactly how "alternate" this particular AU is, and in what ways. (Why Trixie is a Princess, why Chrysalis is an ally now instead of a villain, how and why people are able to go back and forth through a portal to Earth without being transformed, et cetera.) So anyone who does not already know all of that backstory from "Off The Mark", "Mark My Words", and "Beginning Anew" is going to be rather lost, I think...
Unfortunately, it does become a difficult balancing act — reiterate too much information which readers of the previous stories already know, and you risk boring them; provide too little of that information, and new readers are left hopelessly confused.
This probably needs to be tagged as a sequel to "Beginning Anew", rather than "Mark My Words" — and an additional note in the description, for the benefit of new readers, that this story follows on from "Off The Mark" and "Beginning Anew", and that new readers may need to refer to those stories first to understand what's going on, probably wouldn't be a bad idea either.
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You are right – I should have noted that this is a sequel to "Beginning Anew". I goofed. I have now made an author's note at the top of the page too.
Interesting mix of candidates all of which are going to have their world views BLOWN. While a couple of candidates have large issues that are potential problems from the outset its possible all of their issues could pose problems will be interesting to see how it all works out.
This chapter is a masterpiece bleeding MLP and modern earth people together.
Yet i wonder...
What guarantee they don't blab for the ones that don't get the position? While it is a once in a lifetime opportunity, they might have a bad egg in the Basket after all...
I wonder if we get to see a Changeling or a Hypogriffon? Perhaps a Breezee? This will be fun
Agreed. Very promising character development all round so far.
If the adaptation Spell would make one a Diamond Dog for example, could it still be changed?
As a Changeling i could experience it all!
Like:
- Digging as a Diamond Dog
- Purring as a Abesinian
- Flying trough the Sky as a Griffon
- Running through the area as a Earthpony juggeling barrels
- Swimming as a Seapony
- Eating Gems or breathing flame as a Dragon
- Smashing stuff as a Yak
- Got to Ling around like a Changeling can
More like a Alien... Because Humans are just one of many. That guy is pretty close minded
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well, aside from the NDA....there is the little bit that NOBODY would believe any of it, unless they'd been there before, or were crazy
Basicly it's the unwritten/unsigned NDA 'If you blab about what you see here, the company is gonna fire you for being a crazy, good luck getting taken seriously again when yer telling people that a new up and coming company is secretly owned and operated by magical aliens.'
So far so good.
Edit: Woops, I said the fate tempting words.
I text to speech this chapter +10 times while driving but i find this chapter still priceless
The next one will be fun reading/hearing about their reactions. What will it be from them become something else
Will one be a Stone hard Doggo to cuddle?
Will one be a Abesinian truly fitting the catty personality?
Will one be jumping around in joy like a hyper Pinkie Pie?
Will one be to grumpy to even try?
Perhaps we found out in:
Brave New Pony World ♡
And Chryssy flashes them in two ways
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There always will be problems... Like that time a Industry spy hide himself in a cargo box and become a pony...
But nothing that can not be overcome.
Changelings alone can fix a lot of problems by impersonate a problematic individual as seen in the story about Caleb
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Good point. But there will always be Area 51 belivers sooo....
Also i wonder when they eventually get found out. A centurie or a millenia? Pretry sure Mark and others will see the day it happens. Alicorn and all...
The Changeling Bugwaifu wave will take over Earth population by their benefits alone
The manufacturing processs claims makes me think of a SciFi movie froma few decades back where they recorded the complete brain operation of a person using a large format holographic tape. Back then, my thought was, what happens if you combine that hologram video tape with a high power laser, to recorde the position of atoms in something as you vapourise it, then play the video back to put the atoms back in their place. No gravity effect cos the optical molasses is totally overwealming?
Over the decades, the tech has moved from theory to laboratory tests,, to demonstrations. these days, acoustical levitation is being proposed for mixing compounds in freefall on the desk, but theres still no extension of that machinery in prooving and solving the contionous flow equations.
As for launching, for the cost of one big modern launcher, how many Redstone launchers can be made and fired off from a mass production assembly line and how many would generally fail, giving how much total mass to orbit in comparitive costs? Given Redstones are stretched V2 rockets and so 70 year old tech? And heavier than air flight is only 40 year older?
For some reason, this is the part that I'm having the hardest time wrapping my head around. What exactly makes a lunchroom well-appointed?
This is quite fun!
Awesome chapter!
Magic, after teh Stargate ref, Clarke's Third (and its Inverse) should have been added ...
To Hussein, the first question in 20 questions is 'animal vegetable, or mineral', which is your category again??
Though another breakdown is mobile organic, immobile organic or non-organic ...
If they play connect the dots, polymorph is also possible though finding a good one is another question ...
Enjoyable reading as always ...
Well, this is going better than I initially expected! But then again, I suppose I expected that.
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Glad to meet your expectations!
Wait… yeah, that!
This is gonna be more interestin' then I once antissypated.
While I worked at Amazon for the better part of nine years, I'm not managerial talent. I loathe being in charge. Too many ulcers. Would not mind working at this company, though. How's the medical plan?