Story how Rainbow Dash adopted Scootaloo.
One shot, don't expect to be continued.
Takes place in the same universe as my other stories, After The War - Luna Aeternal and The History Of Human War
Chapters (1)
Scorched Earth
Joined 29th Aug, 2012 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Duffman18 · 3.7k words · 40 5 · 1.6k views
- Scorched Earth · 84k words · 73 7 · 4.4k views
- Scorched Earth · 41k words · 149 6 · 5.8k views
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.103 seconds
Total duration
900 users online
509,634 hits today, 2,073,628 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Something for readers while I work on the next long fic. It's coming up nicely, tough there are several plot points I need to iron out for myself. I don't want to find myself in a corner I wrote myself.
This one had few problems and hasn't been beta'd. So it might be subjected to random revisions. I will pop in and try to give a heads up when I do so.
1285698
Psst! The first paragraphs has "Pegasus" spelled "Pegasis." Back to reading...
1290188
That isn't correct plural? Damn... Uuh... Hey look, a three headed pony! *goes to fix it*
No seriously, it's supposed to be plural of pegasus. As in one pegasus, two pegasis...
Correct me if I am wrong...
1290198
Pegasi is the most commonly accepted, I've seen "pegasuses," too, but I don't think it works as well.
I would also add the "human," "alternate universe" and maybe "dark" tags. I'm not sure about "sad" or "tragedy," but either fit the story.
Well done, solid writing and a nice little peek into a potential AU, humans I could do without though, could easily have been dragons or some OC mythological creature. As you say, this story isn't without it's missteps, but I'm overlooking them in favor of just rolling with it. If you wanted areas to re-examine I would just check your pacing, things move a little quickly here and it's a shame since you've got a lot of maturity built into these characters due to their pretty dire circumstance. Though, I don't know if I could actually read anything that had "The Battle of Ponyville" as a chapter, I think FoE sucked out all my tolerance for grimdark.
1290223
Check my other stories. This is set in the same universe, so humans are already there. So it's not "potential AU", it's already designed AU
Also, story takes 6 years after 3rd season.
I left out "Humans" tag because... well, they don't really appear here. Except for purpose of explaining why Scootaloo is an orphan. They are kinda a background event here. In my two other stories humans have much greater role, with one taking place in their capital.
As for Alternate Universe... isn't it supposed to be for stories that have Alternate universes in-story? Cause otherwise that tag would be 90% of fanfics.
I don't think sad or tragedy fit here. This is rather upbeat compared to other two. (Intended) Goal is not to make reader feel sad or show some tragic flaw in characters. Just to show how Scoots got herself adopted by Rainbow Dash, since few people asked how that happened.
"The Battle of Ponyville" was a rather early human offensive that ended up as a pony victory. Pretty much saved Equestria. Had humans won that one, they would have just steam rolled over ponies.
You need an editor to point out the misspelled and missing words, and correct a few unclear sentences.
1290253
Like I said, this wasn't beta'd. Just written and posted. If you want, go ahead and give me a detailed description what to improve.
1290245
You should put something in your description that it's canon to your other stories, I haven't read them and had no idea! (I usually read anything where the only two listed characters are Dash and Scoots, that's what drew me in). Although, I did kind of figure there was something more going on. Adding something to the description might get people to read the other stories for context. I suggested the "human" tag since they are a pretty big plot point, even though they are indirectly involved. As for AU, I'll buy your argument for this one, but it's not meant for stories that play in dimensionality, it's meant for stories that aren't really based in the show's canon, or something. It's a bit fuzzy, there are stories tagged with it where the only thing from FiM are the characters and stories tagged with it where it's in the show's "Equestria" but things are just on the other side of too different. For example, Proxy deals with Twilight waking up in Canterlot and finding out her entire time in Ponyville was, more or less, a dream.
1290263 There are too many errors to just put in a comment. Look at all the troughs that should be throughs, for example.
And your story would work better if it didn't tie to your other story's timeline. If it's six years after Season Three, then I would think Scootaloo would already be an adult, and Rainbow Dash would either have joined the Wonderbolts or missed her chance.
1290268
Edited description to include links to two other stories. Thanks for heads up!
And technically this takes place in shows universe, only several years into future (6 years into future, to be more precise). Then again, like you said, you would not know this unless you read other two stories. My bad
1290290
I always thought Scoots would be closer to a teenager by now, but I decided to keep using the world "filly". The "School" they went seemed closer to a kindergarten school than a real school to me. As for Dash missing her chances, well, there was the war... She was little bit too busy to think about that or for Wonderbolts to think of trying to recruit new members.
1290263
You should have had me Beta it!
If checking spelling and grammar is needed, I can do that! How many spelling and grammar errors were there in my story? probably about 0...
Oh... the level of D'AAWWWW went through the roof! LOVE IT! Definitely the perfect touch for the ongoing series, to see that out of war, good can still happen.
Oh... one thing though...
Cupcakes? CUPCAKES?!?
Yeah... WRONG thing for Pinkie Pie to be allowed to make. Usually any story here that has both Pinkie and Cupcakes has more gore than all five of the Saw movies put together!
Maybe change it to a giant cake or something lol
1290722
I wanted this one to be a surprise for you
As for Cupcakes... That fic can go and rot in hell.
Cupcakes Pinkie makes in this universe are your normal, delicious purely-from-normal-baking-ingredients cupcakes.
1290765
So, no Derpy or RD flavored ones...
Thats good
So much dawww!
Awww!
I see you are having trouble with your articles, is English not your first language?
1293397
That is correct.
1290198
:
:
The pegasis is the female counterpart to the brony.
Pegasis:Brony