Epilogue
Sweet Sauce was surrounded by the pain he deserved—the pain he had caused with a single, critical choice. But if he didn't overcome his weakness now, he would face his death curled up and helpless. He hadn't fought to invent his own school of nearly zero-energy magic only to face a pronouncement of death and eventual execution without a chance to face his judge.
He struggled to his hooves, then turned towards his adoptive parents. In the judgment of these two mares, his entire future turned. Whatever execution Celestia chose for him after failure this time, he had a feeling it wouldn't give him a chance to escape back to Equestria.
"I-it's okay," he whispered, looking between Vinyl and Octavia. "I don't b-blame you. I would be too scared of me too. You can say it."
He could barely see through vision blurred by many tears. At least when he died just now, it would be here in Equestria. He had spent weeks at home, making new pony friends and discovering what his world had become. Many ponies had died with worse.
He couldn't read the faces of the two ponies here to judge him as they shared one last, painful look. Meanwhile, Luna stared in silence, powerless to do anything to change the outcome. Sweet already knew exactly what she would say if he asked for her help now.
He had begged for this confrontation, when he could've accepted a safe life anywhere else in Equestria. He had forced this moment, so its consequences were his to accept.
"That was really you?" Vinyl finally asked. Her voice shook with emotion, and she propped her glasses up over her face. "Back in time?"
He nodded glumly. "I barely remember being him anymore. It was hard to carry all those memories through my banishment. But my last day in Equestria I'll never forget. I c-caused the death of my own parents. Made my sisters and I orphans. Assassinated the rulers of Equestria."
Octavia cleared her throat. "You didn't seem terribly... pleased with the outcome, in past or present."
Where was she going with this? Every second was a battle to contain his own emotions, one he generally lost. He sniffed, wiping his eyes with one leg again. "I t-tried to give them a gift. Open up the universe to Equestria in ways... we never imagined. I failed."
He raised one hoof, before Celestia could speak. "Y-you don't need to say anything. Their deaths were my fault. It was an accident, but e-entirely preventable. I accept my judgment."
"Princesses." Vinyl Scratch bowed again, low. "I hope this isn't a problem, but..." She shot another glance at Octavia, who nodded. "It doesn't feel like we should be the right ponies to judge. The loss was yours. We can't imagine the pain you're feeling at the loss of your parents. How can we decide a sentence?"
Celestia's expression remained unfalteringly harsh. "Yet, you must. Do not fear reprisal for your choices, my little ponies. You will face none. Your involvement is for my brother's benefit. You represent all the ponies of Equestria. You have seen what my brother is capable of—now you must decide whether he is permitted to dwell among you. As he will be in your home, you two make for the perfect, symbolic judges."
Octavia bowed too, though she didn't hold it for nearly as long. "Then by your leave, Princess Celestia. I think we would like to take Sweet Sauce home now."
The answer was stupefied silence. Of all the ponies in the room, Luna was the first to react, a tiny smirk stretching across her face. "The little ponies of Equestria forgave me my transgressions, sister. Should we be surprised this group you have long cultivated to be so harmonious would extend these virtues towards those who have harmed us as well?"
Celestia wobbled on her hooves, then slumped into a sitting position. Her eyes glazed over, and her perfectly-cultivated mask melted away. She cried, and nopony dared to interrupt her.
Except Sweet Sauce. He kept his head low, which was already easy considering he had such a pathetic scrap of a body anyway. "I know... no apology will ever be enough," he whispered to her. "You don't have to see me again if you don't want to. I won't try to rule. I just don't want to go back to that awful place. I can stay in Ponyville and never come back to Canterlot if you don't want me to."
His older sister finally looked at him. It might've been the first time since his return—or at least the first time she didn't quickly look away again. "I've spent a thousand years teaching my subjects to forgive, Tellus. What kind of Princess would I be if I'm not capable of exemplifying that same virtue?"
She touched him on the head with one hoof, a light, brief pat. Not quite a hug. But he could hardly blame her for not being ready. "Thank you for this lesson, Vinyl Scratch and Octavia Melody. It has been... most illuminating."
Sweet Sauce felt something then, a sudden surge of magic flowing over him in an incredible flash. Given the strange path his life had taken, it was one he'd known several times now, almost identical each time.
He dropped to the ground a second later. His eyes stopped glowing, and so did his flank. His cutie mark had returned.
No matter how many times he created a new body, the result was always almost the same. It showed the planet Equus, beginning as a sketchy outline on the left, and filling with color on the right.
Most ponies only experienced this transition once—they didn't know how different their lives would be now that they were properly marked. "Oh," was all he said, grinning weakly. "Guess Harmony remembers who I am, too."
His adopted parents were far less conservative about embracing him, holding him tight.
"How can we argue with such a judgment?" Princess Luna asked. “It seems the verdict was accepted. Welcome home, little brother."
Sweet Sauce dressed for school the same way ponies usually did—he tossed on his saddlebags with the day's books, and hurried downstairs. His mom Vinyl was off on another concert tour that night, but fortunately his other one Octavia was there. She already had a plate of hot waffles waiting for him downstairs, along with a local syrup that his old world had no name for.
"You haven't forgotten anything, have you?" Octavia asked. She peeked through his saddlebags, albeit only for a few seconds. Long enough to look satisfied. "Good. No more leaving your textbooks at home just because you know what's in them."
Sweet finished his breakfast, then hopped out of the chair. "My memory on some of these subjects is... faulty," he admitted. "This new way of teaching math confounds me. It's stranger than runecraft."
Octavia slipped a tightly-wrapped bundle into the other side of his saddlebags. Lunch, probably. "I have no doubt you'll excel in time, Sweet. You know Vinyl won't allow your attendance at next week's concert if you don't pass your exams."
"I will!" He bounced his way over to the door, just out of reach. "I'm getting my homework done! I spent my first few weeks barely paying attention. Now that I know I'm staying here, I treat class differently. You'll see!"
He hurried out the door—partly to avoid any additional lecture, but also because he knew when his friends would be passing the house.
Escorting him to school was a relic of the past, now that he made no attempt to sneak away from school. Now that he had nowhere to run to, there was no reason to supervise him.
Besides, there were plenty of good reasons to make it to class. At least two.
Sweet crossed Ponyville with little fanfare. A few of the locals waved to him—a harpist sitting strangely in the park, one of the apple farmers on his way to market with a cart. None of these ponies knew his old name. None of them knew his ancient achievements, or the breadth of his ambition. None of them knew the world his magic would've created.
None of them knew the guilt he carried, that the ponies who should've been there to help rule Equestria, and protect it through its greatest hardships, weren't alive to do it. Tellus Mergen was gone now, and might be gone forever.
But Sweet Sauce, at least, was welcome to stay.
"Hey Sweet!" Dinky joined him from another intersection, trotting along to keep up with him. "I practiced that thing you taught me! I think I can almost do it!"
She stopped walking, tossing a little red ball out from her saddlebags. It bounced a few times, before her magic struck it—and it transformed into a cupcake, covered in gray and yellow icing.
It smacked to the ground a second later, splattering the floor with sugar and bits of crushed cake. "Well I... probably should've kept levitating it."
A pigeon fluttered down from overhead and started pecking at the ruined cupcake. A few others joined it seconds later. "Maybe," Sweet agreed. "Birds seem to like it."
They continued together for a short distance, walking through a perfect Ponyville morning. The weather team had organized exactly enough clouds to keep things from getting too hot, without making the morning look gloomy.
Shame the world he'd been banished to never figured out weather planning. He wouldn't be returning to offer them lessons in the subject.
"If you went back a month and told me I'd be doing transfiguration, I never would've believed you!" Dinky continued. "Why don't any of the books teach the way you do? It makes so much more sense when you explain it!"
Sweet shrugged, keeping his face as neutral as possible. He couldn't help grinning with pride as he heard it. This was a satisfaction his old life had given him only rarely. Few ponies were illustrious enough to train with such an important Alicorn, and those who were refused his reckless style.
Now he didn't have that problem. "Most of those old textbooks were written to the old style—Confoundurism. They want you to struggle, because they think figuring things out on your own robs you of the moral improvement that comes from the search for truth."
He rolled his eyes as he said it. "Most of those crusty old unicorns didn't know what they were talking about either, by the way. Nopony could tell them they were wrong, because their books weren't supposed to make sense. It's a great little grift."
Another set of hoofsteps heralded the approach of another little pony. Pipsqueak was now a little shorter than Sweet, and still lacked a cutie mark of his own. But so did Dinky.
"Morning!" He slid to a stop in the gravel. His mane looked wild, and there was still a pencil tucked behind one ear.
"You didn't do your homework last night?" Sweet guessed.
Pipsqueak grunted, the closest thing to an admission he was going to get. "What do you care? You're an Alicorn, aren't you?"
Sweet shrugged. "I'm... not sure. I think I might be, one day. I wasn't brave enough to ask them about that part. What does that have to do with your math homework?"
Pipsqueak blushed. "It's hard!"
"So study with us!" Dinky insisted. "If Sweet can help me with magic, he can help you with numbers. Right?"
"Right," he agreed. "Mostly. I don't remember everything. But three heads are better than one. We can figure it out together. Then you don't have to rush in the morning to put fake answers down before class."
They walked to the schoolhouse, speaking about nothing. Sweet Sauce could enjoy every empty word of it. He had no more secret plots, no more need to hide away bits for train tickets.
In time he would be older, and he would have to decide whether or not to embrace his old ambition. But at least for now, he let thoughts of the future fade from his mind. What little filly or colt in Ponyville already had their life planned out?
Tellus was banished to the mists of history. Sweet would have to decide whether to bring him back, one day. But today, he could focus on his friends.
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at last, a good ending for him!
That's a nice little wrapup. I guess Celestia acting a bit ooc because the issue was personal makes sense.
Sweet's a good character, I'd read a slice of life of his continuing adventures.
i expect a sequel
Thanks for the beautiful story.
Wonderful. Simply wonderful!
Thank you, Starscribe. You're better than I am at this.
So the bit with the ball made a random thought pop into my head. What if instead of transfiguring it into a cupcake that spell was actually swapping it with a cupcake out in the world? Someone out there would be really confused as to how their cupcake suddenly became a rubber ball.
Also great ending by the way.
The kind you've been since your little brother backed you into a corner?
This story definitely had some issues. A protagonist so thoroughly detached from his world for most of the story doesn't inspire the reader to connect with it either. And it really does seem like most adults just refused to listen to the precocious little colt saying things too strange to believe... in Ponyville.
But hey, I'll always take a happy ending. And the multiverse is still out there after Sweet irons out the kinks of that spell. Thank you for this, Starscribe. Not your best work, but definitely one that teaches some important lessons.
...NOTHING HAPPENED.
Seriously, that was it? We just spent nearly fifty thousand words wheelspinning, having pony after pony after pony ignore Sweet as he waits to be able to go to Canterlot, only to get there, learn his crime, have him be forgiven, and... that's it. Sweet is a dull character, the relationships he forms are supremely obligatory and underdeveloped, there's barely any color to the scenes, no one really changes, the pacing is horrifically slow, the only real obstacles to Sweet going to Canterlot are ponies not listening to him and his own lack of initiative... I'm genuinely struggling to think of something nice I can say about this.
Part of the problem is the need to keep Sweet's crime as a surprise. He needs to think about something awful he's done, but to keep it unknown to the audience, it needs to be big and he can't think of it in terms of "family". Once he thinks the word "family", readers will start to guess what he's done and we can't have that (even though "I knew it!" can be a very satisfying feeling). When we hear Celestia talk about it, she thinks of it in big, epic terms that never come close to "family". Then, when it's revealed that he "just" killed his parents, everypony's reactions come across as overblown. If I'd known what he'd done from the beginning, if there'd been no attempt to hide what he'd done, I would've been a lot less disappointed. It would've been a family-shattering tragedy, not an earth-shattering one. And when I'm expecting the context of a family-shattering tragedy, Celestia's behavior comes across as... still not great, but more understandable. But in keeping the tragedy a secret and playing the horribleness of it up and up and up, we can't get any of that.
There's just... so much lying on the table here. Sweet's distaste of earth ponies never gets challenged. His love of music only plays a significant role in, what, one scene? Everypony ignores what he's saying because the plot can't keep going otherwise. The idea of Celestia getting irrational at her parents' murderer, no matter how accidental that was, could be compelling if not for the grandiose buildup beforehand. Even Sweet's friendship with Dinky and Pipsqueak is just sort of there, with the adventure to the Everfree amounting to nothing. It's like three-quarters of the fic is mere connecting tissue to fill space. Every possibility of something good happening gets smothered beneath the waves of nothing.
I should just stop now, or else I might convince myself to write my own version of this.
Can we expect a sequel?
I have mixed feelings about this story... Interesting premise, enjoyable SoL chapters, bit the main arc is kinda skewed in the end. Not that I really cared for the outcome, it was pretty obvious that this conflict is overplayed on Tellus'es side, but the actual outcome being headpat and "be good" is kinda underwhelming. But I can guarantee that a lot of similar conflicts are being resolved in exactly the same way irl all the time. And emotional struggles are real for the participants.
Good story still : )
Well, this has been a way to kill some time on Thursdays. Not your best work, but hey, they can't all be bangers. The comments at least have always been an interesting read.
11363968
It might be pretty cool to see someone do their own take on this premise. I mean, didn't this whole genre of adult-human-turns-into-foal spawn basically because people were trying their own take on Oh To Be Old Again, another story with a really interesting premise but flawed execution?
Giving how he feels about about what happened and what really happened...
I can understand how he feels, but I still don't see why Celestia acts this way. It would have made more sense if he had forced them to banish him out of regret, and them jumping and hugging him when he returned.
Luna did much worse and that was what Celestia did.
Twilight: "At first you didn't tell me you had a sister and now you have a brother too princess!"
Thanks for the fic.
Little did I know I'd also watch people complain about this fic for 17 weeks, every chapter like they were being held hostage. That's just impressive.
11364098
Celestia: I also had an ailcorn mother and father.
I don't know why the author make so many mistakes with this story. I don't want to be rude but I know the author can do a lot better than this and it makes me a little sad a story with a good premise ended like this. I only hope that the next story will avoid these kind of mistakes.
A bummer that you faced so much backlash for this story over its course, as it really wasn't that bad, but yeah, definitely not one of your best. Still a fairly enjoyable read, but I'm kinda partial to SoL stories, and that's really what this seemed like to me— an SoL story trying to be a pseudo-adventure.
11363968
To be fair, this story was a Patreon reward, so potentially not as thoroughly and lengthily thought out as most of Scribe's other fics. It might have been that the premise was thrown onto the table but not thoroughly fleshed out, and Scribe felt the need to start publishing for sake of a deadline. My guess is that if this premise was suggested and Scribe had as much time as they wanted with it, this would have turned out fantastic.
Man, 5 people seem real salty, down voting every positive comment.
I have two things to say.
1. I enjoyed this story, and I am glad you wrote it.
2. This feels like an extended set-up for sequel stories.
11364220
Of all the flavors available, they choose salty.
I sense a sequel. Anyway, good story. It certainly has an interesting premise which can be expanded thoroughly too! Good job.
Thank you for writing out my story, Star! It's greatly appreciated! Wonderful work as always!
Basically what 11363968 said. There was a lot that could have been done with this premise, but MAN was it frustrating to see so much NOTHING happen. Oh well, you win some, you lose some.
This story was really underwhelming. The first 7 or so chapters had almost no progression and the end felt completely forced just to put an end to it. This is all my opinion of course.
11362579
Ever heard the saying "Don't piss down my back and tell me it's raining"? That's essentially what everyone who says this story was "great" and "awesome" is doing. I'm not saying this story was completely utter garbage, but goddamn, they to stop being a bunch of brown nosers.
I enjoyed this, a good journey of a story.
What I find annoying about this comment section is that a lot of people are complaining that nothing happened but the idea has always been that the crime he committed something incredibly personal to Sweet Sauce.
Honestly Luna attempted the exact same thing that he completed doing (by accident I should remind you) he got off easier because it was an accident Luna in this case was practically driven insane until the elements of Harmony purified her. Considering he's lost a large chunk of his power and the fact that he has to go through puberty again. All after living the equivalent of over a thousand equestrian years on our Earth as it is heavily implied a place more horrible than the mirror world version of Earth. Though he at least got to live out his life during his banishment, I say he suffered enough. The slice of Life was just him coming to terms with being home again especially after he finally got back from the Everfree castle. This story was far more about the personal journey something that from the outside can be considered boring.
Of course nothing is going to happen it's more slice of Life with a end of arc conclusion just like the show. Most of the show is about Twilight's personal journey. This story seems to be formatted just like a season of the show although it's a bit more condensed considering it only takes place within like a week outside of the second half of the epilogue.
I think this was an enjoyable short story
I don’t know why but I thought this story would end up being twice as long as it ended up. The initial meeting of Celestia gave away almost nothing in whether or not Sweet was who he thought he was. Then Luna comes next chapter and nips that in the bud, I guess I just wanted a little more drama between Cel and Sweet.
Luna and Sweet’s meeting and discussion was great, always love to see best princess.
I liked Tavi and Vinyl being made to Judge Sweet, but it feels like a bit of a missed opportunity leaving out Pip and Dinky completely, obviously they wouldn’t be shown the graphic nature of his crime, but they’ve been with him for a large part of his journey.
All in all I’d enjoyed this story, hopefully we’ll get to see more of Sweet Sauce in the future.
A lot of mixed feelings on this one apparently, but I thought it was great, sure, maybe sweet could've used more depth, but it was an excellent slice of life, and a simple but fitting end. There were no true heros, no evil villians, but that doesn't cheapen the lesson of forgiveness, or sweets drive to be better than themselves.
Maybe sweet will forgive himself and return to alicornhood, but for now he found contentment, that is as much as anybody can hope for in the end, is it not?
Sure are a lot of people who think "this story isn't going the way I want it to" is the same thing as "this story isn't going anywhere and sucks terribly". Not to mention how many people apparently can't stand the sight of someone else even remotely enjoying something they didn't.
Meh
I don't get it, did he spend thousands of years as a human or was it a comparatively shorter time due to time dilation? He seemed awfully surprised at some point that he hadn't spent that much time as a human trying to go back. Am I remembering that wrong? Anyway, yeah. This kinda fell flat.
Starscribe really like reading your stories, but this one was a miss.
The main reason behind the whole story was Celestia and Luna throwing a fit and BANISHING their own traumatized brother for an accident and after he managed to return not having the decency to appologize for it.
Celestia showing her brother 'mercy' simply made me want to slap her.
11364475
I know, but in addition to that, I always felt like a lot of the mlp fans get kind of weird about Celestia. Anything I ever post that suggests that some of the canonical stuff that Celestia does is bad, always gets several dislikes. I was expecting it going in, but jeez.
11365868
This, this and this again.
Holy hell, Tellus messed up but the solution felt rushed, and frankly just incorrect. Vinyl and Octavia's characters suffered for it too, because they absolutley should've stood up for Tellus.
11366006
Celestia have many parallels to Dumbledore. It's quite understandable that fans don't want Celestia to be a victim of "Fanon Dumbledore" bollocks that have completely taken over Harry Potter fandom (just look at the most faved HP stories on fanfiction.net. It's all bashing fics. What a disgrace).
There's even "Protect Celestia" group here on FimFiction.
I feel like this kind of ending could have worked if the story leading up to this point was more inherently focused on Sweet Sauce's relations to other characters, especially Octavia and Vinyl, rather than being primarily about trying to find someone to believe his story. As is, it's harder to take Celestia seriously when Tellus's crime is not only on a much lesser scale than anticipated, but also purely on accident. It's harder to put emotional weight in his new parents' decision when it still feels like they barely know each other past a surface level, especially Octavia.
Also, I still find it strange that everyone essentially just forgot about the part where Sweet Sauce rune'd Dinky into a giant laser cannon to obliterate a bunch of timberwolves. Like, regardless of where you go with a story, shouldn't that be talked about at some point?
11365496
Let's not pretend that it's just one side telling the other that they're wrong for their opinion.
11364218
Most of the backlash wasn't with the story as much as how long it took to reach a resolution. One of the downsides of a week by week story is how much time you're giving your audience to dwell on a chapter.
1000 year old completely independent old man adopted" . Is it bothering me alone ?
11370122
I saw legitimate criticism, and I saw people bitching that this slice of life story wasn't an expansive action adventure universe or similar nonsense. Guess which ones were in response to people saying they enjoyed the story.
If you absolutely must "but muh both sides" this, leave me out of it.
Awe, sweet story.
Glad you finished it.
Interesting Story, I liked how it was a little ambiguous right up until the end whether Sweet actually was who he said, but I'm glad Luna was there to resolve the question and shed some light on Celestia's behavior, though that behavior still seemed a bit off to me. She had to know that she couldn't ignore Sweet and brush him off forever, He's not going to just be able to fade into the background, someday he will regain his power and resume his work.
I know that it would probably undermine the emotional impact of the story, but is it at all possible that the accident wasn't fatal to their parents? They were much more powerful than their kids so could they have survived the singularity? It was supposed to be doorway after all, so could they be trapped somewhere without magic like Sweet was, or maybe even displaced in time? What if Sweet (very, very, carefully) resumed his experiments and discovered that they were still alive somewhere, or the 2 of them reemerge in the ruined castle seconds (from their perspective) from the accident? It would be interesting to see just what kind of effect them being found/coming back would have on Sweet, the Royal Sisters and Equestria as a whole.
11363968
Put up or shut up!
Nice and heart warming
This is the worst Starscribe story I've read and so far the only one that deserves a downvote. Sweet Sauce is one the most uninteresting and boring characters I've ever read about.
It's weird to see all the comments criticizing this because it wasn't told in a way that "did anything." I found it a genuinely good story that showed a problem at the beginning, and worked towards a solution until the end. I also found his confusion of societal notions very amusing.
11606448
Yea this fic had the most negative comments section for a fic with an average like to dislike ratio. Kinda sad comparing it to the old days of fimfiction. Honestly I've forgotten so many stories over the years but this run of the mill one really sticks out to me for how offensive it was to the last remnants of this site and it probably will for a while yet.
ok i can say that the story of Sweet Sauce is amazing and a vary good read.
i am wondering if there will be a sequel??