What You Are
Roseluck stood still behind the counter, staring at the thing in front of her that she knew was not really there.
The store was quiet. The sign on the door read closed, the lights above hummed quietly, and the plants around her slowly sucked the air out of the room.
“I’ve been thinking,” said the thing that wasn’t there.
Roseluck pursed her lips, staring straight ahead.
There was no other noise in the store. Lily and Daisy were still away. They wouldn’t be back soon. The store was closed, and there were no customers. Only flowers. Flowers in a million different colors with a million different names.
“Hey.”
Flowers, Roseluck, and the thing that she knew wasn’t there.
“Are you listening?” it asked.
Roseluck looked down at the apron that clung to her body.
“Look at me,” it instructed.
She refused to.
“Roseluck.”
She exhaled quietly and the plants smothered the sound immediately. Roseluck raised her head and looked past it.
“Celestia’s sake. I didn’t think you of all ponies would sink this far.”
The words cut into her skin like thorns, filled her lungs like water. But the thing wasn’t really there, so Roseluck told herself that she was fine. It couldn’t hurt her as long as she didn’t let it.
“Are you even listening?” it demanded again. “No, you’re not, are you?”
Roseluck looked at the counter, where a bouquet of flowers lay half-wrapped in plastic.
“You don’t care. You never have. Only about yourself and what you want. It’s always been that way, hasn’t it?”
There was a note attached to the bouquet.
High Winds,
Can’t believe it’s about to be our one month anniversary, maybe even more when these flowers find you. Looking forward to when you get home. Love you lots,
Junebug
Roseluck was happy that Junebug had finally found someone. Maybe now Junebug would stop hanging around the flower shop and using horrible pickup lines on the customers.
“Tell me I’m wrong.”
Then again, Roseluck wished Junebug were here now. She would much rather have Junebug in front of the counter than–
“TELL ME I’M WRONG!”
Roseluck flinched.
“Tell me you care! Tell me you love me!”
She began to feel dizzy. Something crept down her throat and constricted itself around her heart. Roseluck grit her teeth but her breathing quickened, each exhale gobbled up by the flowers surrounding her.
“What are we then? Was this real? Was any of this real?!”
Roseluck didn’t dare to answer. She glanced up and the thing that wasn’t there began to grow a face.
“You’re just going to sit there all smug, knowing you played me for an idiot?!”
It contorted and burned with something raw, each passing second cramming more and more guilt down Roseluck’s throat.
“You know what? Fuck you, Rose. Fuck you!”
She couldn’t look away. But the more she stared, the more it became there. The more it grew a face. The more it grew angry and the more her body began to shiver. Out of fear. Out of pain.
Roseluck wanted to run. She swallowed hard and planted her hooves on the ground, half-hoping the flora in the store would rise up to protect her.
They didn’t, and the thing that wasn’t there seemed offended at the very thought.
“You’re crying. You’re crying.”
She had made it angry. She always did, no matter what she said. It was always angry and it was always angry at her.
“You’re scared? You’re scared?! What right do you have to be scared? What right do you have to be hurt right now?”
It was mad. It was burning, and it kept growing bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and
“You didn’t love me. You never did. You’re a real piece of shit, you know that? You’re a leech. You’re a monster. Take your flowers and shove them up your ass, because you’re just like them. Pretending you’re fragile when all you do is leech away at me. You just take and take and take and take and take
bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and
“and take and take and take and take and TAKE AND TAKE AND TAKE AND TAKE AND
It roared like a freight train through her mind and ripped her brain into pieces and ripped her heart from her chest, bloody and beating, and tossed it on the ground so it seeped through the floors and
“Stop,” she whispered.
“YOU’RE A MONSTER YOU’RE A MONSTER YOU’RE A MONSTER”
“Stop.”
"I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU”
“Stop.” Roseluck steeled her gaze, even as her hooves trembled and her heart threatened to tear its way out of her throat.
“I hate you.”
Roseluck stood defiant in its face. “I…” Her voice nearly broke, but she wrested air from the plants and filled her lungs to speak again. “I am not afraid of you.”
The ghost in her store regarded her with minor amusement.
“You… You have taken… so much from me,” she whispered. “And maybe I’ve taken from you too. But that doesn’t make it even. You are not here.”
“Everybody knows what you are.”
Roseluck didn’t answer.
“Everybody knows what you are.”
“No.”
“Everybody knows what you are.”
“You don’t know what I am.” Her words echoed in the cavern that was her store. “You don’t know what I am,” she said again.
The ghost that wasn’t there began to lose its face.
“You are not here,” Roseluck said.
The ghost began to fade.
“And you will not tell me what I am.”
When Roseluck blinked again, the thing that wasn’t there once again wasn’t there.
And Roseluck was left alone in her store, with stray thoughts swirling around her head like fireflies. “You are not here.”
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.
Everybody knows what you are.
Her hooves moving of their own accord, she continued wrapping the bouquet in front of her.
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Oooh, love the use of format and dialogue here. Only 1,000 words but man they pack a punch. The rising tension, the little bits of background details that eventually get lost as the story climaxes and all there is is Roseluck and the thing that isn’t there. Fantastic work with this one red
Nice, short, story. Good use of tension and about the right length for a story of this sort.
Hrm.
I dun get it.
terrifying mystery, I love it!
Reminds me a bit of Mieruko-Chan.
Seems a lot like an unhealthy relationship? Maybe it's about some vengeful ghost of a former lover invading the shop, but that's way too simple. Yet another short story that I'm not smart enough to understand. Maybe the point is that this story makes one feel things that one could relate to, and the understanding is less important
also,
wouldn't it be flora instead of fauna?
This was a nice creepy story. Given the lack of other provided possibilities, I'll assume this is Rose's self-doubt and hatred.
Howdy, hi~!
A most excellent read. Love the slow escalation of the "monster" in this fic. A nice smooth slope that leaves many unresolved questions that can be filled by any number of answers.
Excellent read, thank you~!
Ooh, quite clever. If you don't have enough space for the full plot, tell it through implication and let the reader's imagination do the rest. Definitely one way to solve the problem, and one you execute quite well here. Good plot arc, good atmosphere, really a solid story all around. Thank you for it, and best of luck in the judging.
that is what plants are supposed to do, but this makes it sound so ominous!
aww, i feel this! something about the apron, i guess by describing it as "clinging" i literally feel it?
aww, my favorite Wonderbolt!
hehe, background ponies keeping tabs on other background ponies! a fun detail
oof, this feels really real!
i do love the effect of the escalating fonts, and this works both as part of this tension sequence and as an easy way to correct for minor deviations in wordcount :)
ah, that answers "what" the entity is in one way, but raises a lot of further questions! Roseluck insists that the ghost is not real, but knowing how weird Equestria is i wouldn't put it past the ghost to actually be real, but also act very much like something that would not be (only haunting Roseluck when she is literally alone with her thoughts)
always love fun sentences like this
and yeah, so many unresolved questions! more feeling than detail, with the reader supplying the detail. definitely reading this as the hangover of an emotionally abusive relationship hanging over Roseluck, with the guilt sharpened and closure denied by the partner dying unexpectedly. a great illustration of a slice of dramatic life in these few words!
Hello! Have a review. I wonder what it is about Rose that means she's a popular choice for emotionally disturbing stories? Whatever, I felt the intrusive thoughts here were handled pretty satisfyingly, though I'm still unsure how I feel about the ever larger text. Definitely happy to give this a like, though. Well done on the Bronze Medal!
Different premise but it still reminded of “Girl That Can See It”
com-x.life/uploads/posts/2022-05/26c65a46-bc2f-4c78-90d8-aa42670243c3.jpg
Shoot, I didn't write a comment for this back when I first read it. So here we go:
I really enjoyed this! Is that too perky for a dark story? Maybe, but it's nonetheless true. I experience intrusive thoughts quite often, and the way you wrote them here was very evocative. I also really enjoyed that you're never quite sure if it's just Roseluck berating herself or actually an external Entity. Either way, she's very clearly haunted. Good stuff. :D
This feels like a trip on deliriants except with explicitly defined language from the horror rather than whispers and mind-tricks.