So there's this mare
Ok so, there's this pony, right? And she- yeah, she's a mare. She/her pronouns and all that.
So, she walks into this bar- no, it wasn't a physical bar. Well, it was an actual bar but in the sense of a place where they serve drinks and stuff and ponies hang out, and not the structural kind. Or the law exam. I do admit, the law exam would be funny, but that's not the point here.
So she walks into this bar, and sits on a stool and sighs deeply. She looks troubled. The bartender asks her "Why the long face?"
Get it? 'Cuz she's a pony?
Hey, c'mon, it was funny! A classic! Hey! Don't stop reading- see, I can do better! Trust me!
So the mare sighs again and looks up at the bartender. He's polishing a glass with a cloth and his wings. He's a pegasus. So the mare looks up at the bartender, right? She says to him "My work saddled me with too much..."
"..."
"...responsibility."
So the bartender, he says "why the big pause?" and the mare cocks her head at him and looks at him funny and replies "I... don't have paws. I have hooves."
Aw, c'mon, the puns aren't doin' it for ya? Ok, ok, I'll try something different. Trust me, you'll love it.
Aright, so, the bartender- he thinks she's messing with him and starts laughing, and it takes him a few seconds to realize she was serious, so he stops laughing 'cuz he thought she would find it rude, and he just wants to be nice. So he tries to explain it to her. "I, uh, I meant pause as in you, uh, didn't say anything for a few seconds. Thought you were making a joke."
This mare, she's the understanding sort, she raises an eyebrow and she says "It's no big deal. I'm just kind of... out of it right now." And then she rests her chin on the bar top and closes her eyes.
So the bartender, the glass he had been polishing was clean and polished, so he turned around to swap it with an unpolished glass. So he turns back to this mare and says "Well, are you sure now's the best time to have a drink?"
So the mare opens one eye to look at him and she says "Yeah. I just want to not think about it, and I think a drink would help. 'Ppreciate the concern, though."
So the bartender, he gets her a drink- some hard cider- and she picks it up with her hoof and drinks some of it. Yeah, she's an earth pony
So the bartender, 'cuz he wants to be nice, says to her "I might have something to take your mind off of things. I have this friend who's currently in the bathroom. He's a changeling, one of the reformed ones, right? And he has this special talent where he can turn into objects. He also has a pet bird named "Tonight" that may or may not be possessed by the ghost of an old vocalist. How about that?"
The mare takes another swig of her cider before she replies. "Sounds interesting, I guess. Say, you have any special drinks?" And then she finishes off her cider.
The bartender takes a moment to think, and then he says to her "Well, I have this drink I call "Melody" because it feels like one in your mouth. And after two, some creatures start singin'. It also happens to be my friend's favorite drink. I don't think I mentioned, but his name is Dan."
The mare also thinks for a moment, more for show 'cuz honestly the Melody sounded pretty good to her. She says "Well, I'll try a Melody then." And so the bartender makes her one, and she tries it, and he watches her try it with pride, 'cuz he's pretty darn proud of that cocktail concoction.
So the mare goes all "mmmm" and "wow this is good" and stuff like that 'cuz it was pretty good.
So Dan. Dan comes out of the bathroom with a bird on his head. I told you already, but Dan's a changeling and the bird's name is Tonight. I don't know what he was doing in the bathroom with the bird. Not important here. So Dan goes to the bar and sits next to the mare- her name is Sandy Dunes- and sees that she's drinking a Melody, so he says to her "Hey, what do ya think of the Melody? It's my favorite drink from ol' Whiskey here." And yeah, Whiskey is the bartender's name. Shoulda mentioned that earlier, I guess.
So Sandy finishes off her Melody and says to Dan "Oh, you must be Dan. I thought the Melody tasted pretty good, I guess." She then asks Whiskey for another, and so Dan pipes up and says "I'll take one too."
Whiskey's the clever sort, so he opens a proposition to Dan. "What say I give it to you for free, but you gotta help me cheer up this mare."
So Dan loves his Melodies, so he heartily agrees and he then asks Sandy "Say, what can I do to cheer you up?" and she thinks for a moment and asks "You can turn into objects, right?" and Dan says "Sure can."
So Sandy thinks for another moment and then says "Could you turn into a piano?" and Dan chuckles at that 'cuz it's kind of silly but still he says "I can do that, sure. Might need a Melody first, though."
So Whiskey makes three melodies- one for Sandy, one for Dan, and one for himself for the fun of it. And they all drink up.
So Dan gets away from the bar, because pianos are kind of large, y'know? And he focuses for a moment, and then BAM he's a piano. So Sandy claps her hooves and asks "Can you play yourself?" and Dan says "Sure can!" and plays a little tune. So, Dan's bird, Tonight, hears the tune and sings along a little, and it's amazing! Sandy loves it, and Whiskey loves it, and Dan loves it, and Tonight is a bird and nopony knows what goes on in a bird's brain. Well maybe Fluttershy, but still.
So Sandy claps her hooves again and then she says "Maybe you could sing along with your bird?" and Dan starts hemming and hawing and he says "I don't know..." so Sandy gets off of her stool and she's a little woozy but she's feeling better.
So she says "Sing us a song, you're a piano Dan. Sing us a song Tonight. Well, we're all in the mood for a Melody, and you've got us feelin' alright."
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Fantastic. Had me on the edge of my seat the whole way through.
Pfft. Nice.
Always appreciate a feghoot.
This was pleasantly funny, but I feel like it was too much buildup for a fic based on a joke.
Still, I enjoyed it.
Ahh, don't you just love piano jokes? I gotta hear that song again--it's been while!
And so, and so, and so...
that can't be good
Well played, moonbutters. Well played.
...okay, for making me read all of that, you get a lifetime's worth of rage, wrath, and hate.
...and a like.
...I don't get it.
I hate you so much.
Good job.
11176655
Piano man (song)
>rimshot!<
Gotta love a good feghoot.
damn, imma have this stuck in my head all day
Damn talk about a buildup and a twist
With that title, I couldn't help but hear this whole thing in DWK's voice, and ... yeah, this is totally something he'd have done. Maybe with a bit more swearing, but still.
I was listening to Piano Man today and knew you were building up for something really corny, but I didn't put it all together before the punchline.
Also the amount of Dad was pretty high here.
11177019 I'm just happy DWK is alright and has his new channel.
11177041 11177019
derpicdn.net/img/view/2016/12/2/1308554.jpg
Mother of god... that's just... wow.
Good song though
I read this in Norm Macdonald's voice.
Buildup was definitely worth it.
11176655
Alas, me neither.
Someone explain!
11177467
You sweet, summer children...
It's the chorus from Billy Joel's Piano Man, one of his hits from the 80s:
Even though I looked at the comments to get it, I still think those dad jokes at the start were the highlight of the story tbh.
11177505
Ah. I don't typically pay any attention to mainstream musical stuff and I was born in the late 90s.
This was the perfect shaggy dog story. Or in this case, shaggy mare.
Regardless, please don't change anything.
Man, this is a BEAUTY! The little startup sequence in the beginning is a friggin' great hook, and when ya finished it off at the end with the song reference, oh man that is GENIUS! I couldn't resist making a reading of this beautiful fic of yours, hope ya don't mind! It's just TOO good!
Audio Linky!: https://youtu.be/XdNOeisNlSA
11177699
Aajfsjgksgkk thankyouuu?
The MOMENT she asked him to turn into a piano, I knew where the joke was going. You got a grin outta me.
11177505 1974, actually.
Reading this story is like talking to my dad when we’re both on a business trip together.
Well played. 👏👏👏
This is one of the best feghoots I've seen on this whole site, bravo!
Recorded, should have it edited soon for going on Youtube.
If you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go bang my head against the wall.
11177699
I saw your video of this story. Very good. Maybe you can read one of my stories one day. Pony and Wolf Productions did.
11181456
That we did. And we also did this one. Then again P.A.W. is a really small light ^^"
11181861
Yet I’m always the one linking and letting them know, just like I use to do for Straight XD
Speaking of which, here you go ^^’
Cause I’m a good friend of visual and midnight, even if they’re yet to read any of my stories 😓
Good friend I am! 😁
oh goddammit XD