- Member Since 29th Oct, 2020
- offline last seen Yesterday
JimmySlimmy
The hoes call me the B-1 Lancer because I offer unimpressive low-level penetration but possess a world-class rear-aspect sight picture.
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JimmySlimmy · 2.8k words · 195 1 · 1.6k views
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Oh, dude. This is totally a Teen rating. Change it so everyone can read this greatness!
11142030
Are you sure? I think there's a rule against description of genitals, which I think I probably did, right?
Hmm, given that I once wrote Flurry Heart drawing a gigantic dick on the surface of the moon, I guess every princess goes through this phase. Some (all of them?) never grow out of it.
Also, now I wonder if Cadance can draw even more detailed cocks.
11142033
Hmmm... I'd ask a mod. In my opinion, the descriptions here aren't enough to warrant an M.
Oooh, poor Cadance.
Also, the work princess is has the italics wrongly placed, missing the p
Oh Lulu ^^
11142175
fixed, thanks!
This is a complete waste of time. Thank you for writing it, I love it.
"I wrote my masters on these."
I had a good few chuckles, but that almost resulted in a nasal cavity full of soda.
Bravo good sir.
https://i.kym-cdn.com/news_feeds/icons/mobile/000/040/458/f41.jpg
'Look at that long shaped length, the tasteful thickness of it. Sweet Celestia; it even has veiny details.'
11142238
"Very impressive. Let's see Cadence's vandalism."
I love this because it's on the same level as the "Batman is Bruce Wayne" discourse. Yeah, you could figure it out, but it's so far outside the realm of imagination that nobody will ever actually believe you.
You mean to tell me Bruce Wayne, richest man in Gotham and notorious himbo, spends his nights dressing as a giant bat and beating the shit out of criminals?
You mean to tell me that Celestia, Princess of Equestria and paragon of peace and harmony, has been spending her free time drawing cocks all over the castle walls for 1,000 years?
Celestia's going to have to lay down a lot of smoke to cover for Luna's cock up.
Go big or go home and go bigger.
11142253
And you mean to tell me, that you want to try and blackmail this being?
stupid like button only lets me upvote once
I dont know why but that seems exactly like celestia
11142329
Well, good luck.
11142243
In b4 the inevitable sequel's topic is something about Sombra having spent the thousand years in limbo with the crystal empire by making penises out of crystals
WHOSE BEEN DRAWING DICKS?
This is gorgeous. You are a wonderful person.
And in a few years they can start decorating Twilights castle!
It would be funny if there was someone out there who insisted it was a giant conspiracy over the course of generations of guards to perfectly mimic the previous artists and defame the sisters.
There are more penis men.
*starts to object*
*considers co-workers*
"Objection withdrawn m'lord"
Some days you want ruminate over a particularly deep story and savour it like a fine, multi-course meal. Other days you just want to shove a fist-full of over-sweetened, artificially flavoured jellybeans into your gob for a lark.
Normally I avoid [M] tagged stuff, but I saw your blog post and I really enjoy your style so I decided to give it a quick shufti. It is exactly as crude and crass and shallow as I thought and I enjoyed every silly moment of it.
*a note appears in front of Celestia*
Dear Princess Celestia,
Please stop stealing my shtick.
Signed, Jester
11142037
If you know your local dicks well enough, you can tell who inspired each of Cadance's drawings...
No matter the universe, the Green Weenie and Wagner’s love of cock finds a way.
11142579
Oh, no. I can just imagine Twilight going absolutely insane trying to figure out who could possibly be so crude as to do this sort of thing in her castle?! And how?!
11142850
"Yep, that's definitely Flash Sentry. Shining Armor ones are bigger."
11142037
Twilight's got some catching up to do, and an entire nation to do it in.
11143002
She redraws her first dick from an anatomy textbook. Everyone notices this.
This is quite hilarious. Reminds me exactly of the graffiti one would find in ancient Roman ruins. The same insults and boasts.
Also as is tradition if one were to go to old military vessels or areas where no higher ups regularly visit one can find penises carved out or drawn specifically in areas one has to view at a certain angle.
Man, if you're going to post the song it should at least have some animation with it.
One week after taking over as sole Ruler of Equestria
"...one final note, Your Highness: are you aware of certain..."artwork," adorning the Castle walls?"
Twilight: "There are myriad tapestries, paintings, frescoes, and sculptures, Raven. To which of these do you refer?"
Raven: (barely holding back laughter) "None of the above, Your Highness." She sighed. "Perhaps it would be best to simply show you?"
Twilight:(eyes narrowed in suspicion) "As you wish."
Raven: "If you would use your magic to lift aside the tapestry to your right?"
Twilight does so, then freezes. "Is that...is that what I think it is?!"
Raven: (openly smiling) "Yes, Your Majesty."
Twilight:(rounding on her Secretary) "Is...is this the only one, or are they everywhere?!"
Raven: (flat stare) "EVERYWHERE."
this story was so incredibly stupid... I'll take 30 please. Seriously it is blunt and crass and delivers /exactly/ what you'd expect 10/10 will probably reread several times today.
11143369
Basking in the Sun, enjoying their retirement...
"Dost thou think We should have informed Twilight of our..."artwork," Tia?"
Celestia adjusted her sunglasses with a smile. "No, Lulu. She'll find out eventually."
11142500
same energy:
Your mind is irreverent and quirky.
I love it.
11144044
A quirked out little goofball, even.
But thanks! Check out literally anything else I've ever written too - you're sure to like it!
This is astonishingly clever. I wish there was more story to pull out of it, somehow. I want more. It's just ... so simple. So obvious, now.
11142037
I imagine she re-creates her night crown on the wall every morning after she's had it draped over her face at least three times and throbbing deep in her throat at least twice the night before.
Shining Armor is a very lucky stallion, and Cadance would make sure he and everyone else in the palace never forget it.
If anyone has to ask me what I mean by her night crown, stick your head in the gutter and try again before asking.
I liked it, made me laugh. Found a few mistakesn though:
Those ought to be "knowest" and "makest."
I make, thou makest, you/we/they make, he/she/they/it makes.
"Celestia's"
Again, "dost."
11145550
A few what's, sir? :^)
I thought I had fixed the Celestia possessive ending one already...
11145554
Oh, hell. I blame my phone's keyboard, which has me typing commas by holding down 'n.' But I'm not going to fix it, because it's too funny in context.
As for the possessive ending, it's possible I was reading an older version of the page.
The moment the professor's brain just breaks as everything falls into place is brilliant. The moment the seemingly pure and incorruptible goddess shows you she's far more "normal" and in fact finds "low brow" humor funny is always wonderful.
Cadence has specifically decorated her courtyard with tasteful crystals in a formal rock garden.
It is it from her balcony alone that said decorations resemble Shining Armors anatomy, specifically at dawn. Similar decorations were found in the Canterlot Royal Gardens, each only lasting the year in flower arrangements from various aerial angles.
Twilight has yet to figure out the tradition, but Namepending Castle probably wouldn't appreciate being used for dongcanvasing anyway.
Wow. Now this is a literary masterpiece.
11145554
11145550 is right about the '-eth' vs '-est' endings. Also:
'Thou' should be 'thee.'
That aside, this definitely made me laugh. Now on to the sequel.