GAGH! Stupid layout did not tell me about that this story got an update! Had to find it myself! That means that it is to late to read now, that means that I ain´t going to be one of the first persons reading this, meaning that this is the WORST POSSIBLE THING EVER
CamoBadger... Write the script for the next hollywood action movie! The way that you wrote the scene in New Oatleans, but then again, I have always been a sucker for scenes set on open yet claustrophobic places as a city of small and old bridges. Somehow do I wish in my little cold iron hearth that the whole story got moved into that setting now that we have seen it, or that you at least would write a small story telling some of its story, although I know that we will hear some more about the place later on
"at that moment remembering that I had no idea how to swim!"
Well... that is a normal problem for most equines as far as I know, they are not build for that kind of things after all, but yea always fun how characters jump into things like that and forget that they actually can´t really do them.
And now for the nitpick train.
About the Kupigana and how they are white/black zebras (and then something secret) instead of their striped brothers and sister... A zebra, even without its stripes would still look different for ponies, especially if you look at their tail. Examples coming up
A zebras tail is just different, actually having a "real" tail instead of just fluffy hair sticking out over their buts... And yes I know that I showed a lot of plot there, but I hope that all can survive
" I stood looked around" Are there not something wrong with the tense in this sentence? "No." Would an exclamation mark not be better here instead of a period? "The flipped a lock of beaded mane from her face and glared at me for a moment before smiling. " Are you not missing a word here? "He cast a quick glance over at me then pulled back his hood" Is cast not in the wrong tense here?
2301621 Thank you Doomande I'm glad you liked it and New Oatleans I've really been looking forward to finally getting the story into the city, and it makes me so happy to hear that it was liked! And yes, you will see more of it as the story progresses, so you will learn more about the city. Maybe not everything, but you'll learn a bit about it and how it got to be what it is now. And thank you for the nitpicky things, I'll go back and edit the little errors you pointed out. Yeah, the tail of the Kupigala would give them away as zebras, but if they covered it up it would be less of an issue. Mostly saying that they could pass as ponies was foreshadowing ( ), and it'll be more important as the story continues. Again, thank you, and I'm glad you enjoy the story 2301701 I thought you might like the Kupigala, especially after your comment on the last chapter, and I'm glad you do You'll get more about their culture as we go, and more about what the Remnant society thinks of it, they've got a pretty unique culture from the zebra/Remnant. I don't want to ruin anything, but I hope you'll like what they are and what they do. Thank you for the comment, and I'm glad you liked the chapter
2302352 Ohh and thing that I forgot. We have to have the drunken griffin back at a point, because you never know when someone tries to take your whiskey stash!
I need to go but I feel as if I have to put something here... I liked the asshole griffen... Great chapter... Love it and all that sentimental shit... Thank you for your existence ^_^
That moment of realization... this family's getting more messed up the further we go along.
Well, I'm currently loving this fic. It deserves more attention than it has. Characters are complex and largely sympathetic, setting's nice, and most of all, the pacing. Pacing is normally one of my biggest sticking points in fanfiction. Even a lot of highly rated stories move far too quickly to let events settle in, and lose impact because of it. Your pacing? 'S beautiful.
I can't wait to continue on, but I just wanted you to know how awesome your story is so far.
Alright, chapter 12 is live! I hope you all enjoy it, and thank you so much for reading!
Somewhere around halfway. I'm at the intermission point.
Going to sleep for tonight, but I've enjoyed what I read so far.
To kill or read a magazine to gt your speech level up.
GAGH! Stupid layout did not tell me about that this story got an update! Had to find it myself! That means that it is to late to read now, that means that I ain´t going to be one of the first persons reading this, meaning that this is the WORST POSSIBLE THING EVER
2294625 i know that feel, i was in the middle of reading FoE: Homecoming.
aaaaaanyways a great chapter and minx is starting to be nice i like that.
2294625 i know that feel, i was in the middle of reading FoE: Homecoming. i had to finish another 2 chapters before i could read this.
aaaaaanyways a great chapter and minx is starting to be nice i like that.
2295603
Thanks, I'm glad you liked it.
CamoBadger... Write the script for the next hollywood action movie! The way that you wrote the scene in New Oatleans, but then again, I have always been a sucker for scenes set on open yet claustrophobic places as a city of small and old bridges. Somehow do I wish in my little cold iron hearth that the whole story got moved into that setting now that we have seen it, or that you at least would write a small story telling some of its story, although I know that we will hear some more about the place later on
Well... that is a normal problem for most equines as far as I know, they are not build for that kind of things after all, but yea always fun how characters jump into things like that and forget that they actually can´t really do them.
And now for the nitpick train.
About the Kupigana and how they are white/black zebras (and then something secret) instead of their striped brothers and sister... A zebra, even without its stripes would still look different for ponies, especially if you look at their tail. Examples coming up
Zebra tail
encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSNMzua7s_uxwoNWdzyvAbXkGEXSX2brJi9X3LPN30-HbqCcYiMww
Horse tail 2.bp.blogspot.com/_3gH3sLr46NI/TPuhBJg8uAI/AAAAAAAAFy8/xsvw9WFcpgE/s320/Horses-Tails-2.jpg
A zebras tail is just different, actually having a "real" tail instead of just fluffy hair sticking out over their buts... And yes I know that I showed a lot of plot there, but I hope that all can survive
" I stood looked around" Are there not something wrong with the tense in this sentence?
"No." Would an exclamation mark not be better here instead of a period?
"The flipped a lock of beaded mane from her face and glared at me for a moment before smiling. " Are you not missing a word here?
"He cast a quick glance over at me then pulled back his hood" Is cast not in the wrong tense here?
2301621
Thank you Doomande I'm glad you liked it and New Oatleans
I've really been looking forward to finally getting the story into the city, and it makes me so happy to hear that it was liked! And yes, you will see more of it as the story progresses, so you will learn more about the city. Maybe not everything, but you'll learn a bit about it and how it got to be what it is now.
And thank you for the nitpicky things, I'll go back and edit the little errors you pointed out.
Yeah, the tail of the Kupigala would give them away as zebras, but if they covered it up it would be less of an issue. Mostly saying that they could pass as ponies was foreshadowing ( ), and it'll be more important as the story continues.
Again, thank you, and I'm glad you enjoy the story
2301701
I thought you might like the Kupigala, especially after your comment on the last chapter, and I'm glad you do You'll get more about their culture as we go, and more about what the Remnant society thinks of it, they've got a pretty unique culture from the zebra/Remnant. I don't want to ruin anything, but I hope you'll like what they are and what they do.
Thank you for the comment, and I'm glad you liked the chapter
2302352
Ohh and thing that I forgot. We have to have the drunken griffin back at a point, because you never know when someone tries to take your whiskey stash!
I need to go but I feel as if I have to put something here...
I liked the asshole griffen...
Great chapter...
Love it and all that sentimental shit...
Thank you for your existence ^_^
That moment of realization... this family's getting more messed up the further we go along.
Well, I'm currently loving this fic. It deserves more attention than it has. Characters are complex and largely sympathetic, setting's nice, and most of all, the pacing. Pacing is normally one of my biggest sticking points in fanfiction. Even a lot of highly rated stories move far too quickly to let events settle in, and lose impact because of it. Your pacing? 'S beautiful.
I can't wait to continue on, but I just wanted you to know how awesome your story is so far.