Autumn Blaze kisses frogs to find an Alicorn Prince to take to the Grand Galloping Gala.
A gift to Jarvy Jared for the Reviewer Secret Santa Exchange. Happy Holidays, Jarvy!
Thanks to The Sleepless Beholder for prereading.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 18th Feb, 2015
- offline last seen 1 hour ago
daOtterGuy
Open for Art Commissions. I write gay romantic comedies with ponies now. Get off my back, MOM.
daOtterGuy
Joined 18th Feb, 2015 ·
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Thank you for the gift, Otter! I can now add eldritch abomination summoner to my headcanon of obscure hobbies Autumn Blaze likes to enjoy - along with frog kisser, of course.
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If you love frogs and are on Facebook I have someone I want to introduce to you who also loves frogs and is on Facebook like her nickname is literally Frog
The ending was hilarious. Implying that Cthulu is more personable than Blueblood XD
"For the longest glide, press the jump button at the top of your jump, and try pressing the action button to drop down mid flight!"
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This was a delightfully silly fic.
Hahahaha. This line is just pure comedy GOLD.
I didn't know you included a reference to Deep breath. <3
This story was glorious in every way. I know this wasn't for me, but thank you for this.
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YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HAPPY AM I FOR SOMEONE TO CATCH THAT REFERENCE.
Just testing to see if the server error blocks me from making comments.
Ok good.
No suitable eldritch abominations in the first batch?
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Regrettably, no. Autumn only takes the highest tier Eldritch Abominations to Galas.
…huh.
Comments provided because you requested them here.
The playful start is great; though I am a bit concerned about the fried ones... how are they still alive?
Good...set up a barrier.
"A few errant amphibians croaked then all leapt away in a panic from the crazed lunatic screaming at them."
A good scene! Minor comment-- comma needed after "croaked".
The first segment ends on a good, strong, comedic line.
And the last segment certainly takes the piece in a wild direction!. It's nice how the ending also provides some justification for Autumn Blaze's insane actions.
Hiya! I usually enjoy twists on classic tales, so I was curious to see how your Frog Prince story turned out. I have to say, it was really enjoyable. I liked Autumn's take on the plus-one "option," and her solution had the perfect amount of insane logic to be fun. Plus, I'm always down for a story that gives Prince Blueblood his just desserts!
I think the biggest thing I would change is your paragraph structure. You favor very short paragraphs in this story. Most of them are only one or two sentences long. Now, there's nothing inherently wrong with short paragraphs, but as with all things in writing, variety is usually best. A short paragraph is punchy, just like a short sentence. It's like a sudden gust of wind that almost knocks you over, great for getting a reader's attention and emphasizing the most important parts. But if all of your paragraphs are short and punchy, you lose the effect, and the story starts to feel disjointed. If the wind gusts never stop, are they really gusts anymore?
I also noticed a minor grammar issue that is very easy to correct. When writing dialogue, your sentence will have two parts: the quotation (what is said), and the attribution (who said it). For example:
The thing to remember is that even if those parts are complete sentences on their own, they work together as a single sentence when put together. That applies even if your quotation ends with a question mark or exclamation point. As such, you don't need to capitalize the word that comes right after the quotation, unless it's a name or something else that would be capitalized for another reason.
Those are really the only two suggestions I have. I'm glad I read this story, and I hope you keep writing more!
love the whimsy in ending the section with these two
hmm, checks out! when have faded paperback books ever lied, after all?
doesn't Autumn know that having hooves is no impediment to using air quotes?
oof, dumb ponies indeed!
this is quite the absurd mental image
hahaha, love how exacting Autumn's standards are here
ah, dang! of course you had to end the silly tale of Autumn shenanigans with some high-quality unsettling horror, between Blueblood's fate and Autumn's future plans. fantastic stuff, otter!
To amend the book’s inaccurate details, Autumn Blaze + Frog = Shenanigans.
Definitely something you would see in the show. However, I can’t help but wonder:
Starlight? Is that you?
Careful not to get lipstick on your teeth, Autumn.
Ironwill: “Why apologize when you can criticize!?”
Wow! Applejack really scored!
At first, I was thinking, ‘Aww, what’s wrong with another Kiri?’ but then:
Ohh. And the cherry on top:
I have a feeling those are Flash Bee nests. However, it’s not confirmed. If it is and I missed something, forgive me.
Red flag, Autumn.
Bike beat me to the punch on this one. I too like the darker humor touch at the end.
Sequel Title: Silence of the Kirins.
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Cthulu can be cuter than your waifu.
"Discrete", should be "desecrate".
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Our girl has standards!