Flash Magnus and Flash Sentry find themselves in a competition to win Twilight Sparkle’s affections. As the competition escalates, Flash Magnus begins to realize that it might not be Twilight Sparkle he wants to win the affection of.
Story and Concept inspired by Shilic with assistance from Sir Fiddler
Preread by SockPuppet and Graymane Shadow
Editted by LuckyChaosHooves
T and Sex Tags is due to very suggestive themes especially in Chapter 4. Nothing explicit.
There are LGBT themes in this story.
Entry for the Pillars Shipping Contest.
First Place Winner of the Pillars Shipping Contest.
Chapters (5)
Oh good, it's up. This has been fun to discuss on discord and help preread.
This is absolutely going to turn out better than anything I could have done with this premise, I'm excited, and I apologize for nothing.
pretty gay, could use more slangJust f*ck already!
Looks like a lot of fun, will this turn M/M too realizing they grew respect for each other over their rivalry I wonder or will it be a threesome relationship?
Hmm, you know what I think this story could use?
That's right, more slang! It's still comprehensible, and that is a crime.
I think my favorite part of this is just how done Twilight is.
This is gold, I love it.
still needs more slang though, the poetry had none how could yousounds like they are really starting to get along there this time, I wonder where that could lead to, probably disaster...
Seeing that Magnus has a heavy theme Greek theme to him, I wonder if his views on sexuality also reflect that?
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Hehehe. Let's just say that's going to come up next chapter immediately based on what Flash Sentry knows what a bathhouse is and what Flash Magnus *thinks* a bathhouse is.
I also get to talk about the ducks in Magnus' opening excerpt next chapter. Ive been waiting four chapters to talk about the ducks.
Loved the chapter, I wnder if Magnus' will really try to sabotage Sentry's effore of will he go all in try to keep sipporting him amd show that the Princess isn't interested or soewing doubt with in him, or will he trying to make sexual teasing while doing more macho show boating. Also if Centry is really 1200 pound, which is in draft horse size practicly, that would make him a full size horse at that weight class, as the bigist classed ponies are arount less then 800 pounds.
Before I read this, I must know: How did you come up with the chapter titles?
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Black Day and Spidery, You Ate My Ears, Do the Duck, and I Am an Open Book are all legitimate ancient Greek idioms. Struggle Buggy is 1920s slang.
Each chapter opens with an anecdote from Flash Magnus describing the pony version of the sayings or rather the overtop ridiculous story that leads to them. Except for the duck one. The duck one is actually close to real ancient greek ducks who were absolute savages.
less slang in this chapter 0/10 try again next timeFor real though, this was great. I knew I could never do this idea justice, but you took it and ran with it for a country mile. A combination of linguistic worldbuilding, actual emotional depth, and Wacky Gay AnticsTM, with strong characters (Twilight, personally, was my highlight, which probably says something about me) and, of course, amazing slang. My god the slang, it was glorious.
Overall, I give this story nineteen flashbangs exploding right in my face all at once and permanently damaging my vision and hearing out of twenty, I am now mostly blind and deaf in one ear, whoops.
Well now I want to know who and what Twilight is writing fanfics about.
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I can neither confirm nor deny the potential allegations of knowing exactly what Twilight Sparkle may or may not have written in her bedroom and have chosen to be as unhelpful as possible in the upcoming investigation.
Flash Magnus is an ancient Greco-Roman looking soldier that speaks like a 1950s italian mobster. That's an...interesting visual
Thins had been a fun read, I hope hope you will keep on ritting more stories like this
Well, I did. Didn't you?
The first chapter was an absolute delight to read, and Magnus bringing out all those idioms/metaphors/whatever they are to bamboozle me. I have no idea what happened at the end to cause Twilight to be pinned to a bookshelf, and I don't want to know. Keep my innocence in there, please. Oh, and I'd also like to know why- nevermind. Might be too inappropriate.
Damn...maroon? Whua-
Anyways...the second chapter was much funnier than the first(at least to me, please make them fuck already for god's sake), and you just went all out on the bloody phrases and words, innit?
No, no, no, do NOT show off the sex appeal that is not what Twilight wants-
Too late.
Very wise. You do not want to get involved in whatever shenanigans is happening right now, Twilight.
Oh...I'm a dummy. Sentry has been hitting on Magnus!
IIiiiiiiii am gonna show myself out here. This never ends well.
He called Twilight a what now?! That's it, someone get me a magic portal to Equestria. I'm gonna pull out every tickling equipment I have and stick them up his-
She writes fanfiction? To be honest, I'd read it just for the grammar.
...oh.
Anyways, final verdict. This was a really well written story, and I really loved the small blurbs at the start giving us some Magnus backstory stuff. And it's just hilarious how Twilight was helping Sentry all along to win the contest so he could admit his love to Magnus. Really good stuff there, I'd read it again.
ONTO THE FAVORITES LIST IT GOES
This was fantastic! You touched on so many corners and every single second of this was enjoyable. I was impressed how you managed to tie in incredible worldbuilding ideas while pushing forwards this story of two idiots pining for one another and being oblivious about it. The format of this story really paid off as well, having Flash Magnus clue us in to the terminology was a super creative approach. There was also a section where you used "maroon" to describe someone and I'm wondering if you meant moron? I did feel he sounded a bit Australian at times which was a little odd but hey. This was a great, great story! Thank you for participating!
I am deeply amused.
I expected some great romance, but I wasn't prepared for amazing worldbuilding. Seriously, all the idiom origins were great, and they tied in perfectly with their respective chapters. I'm not going to forget the basin ducks anytime soon.
Great characterizations. The premise of competing for the princess' affection is wonderfully subverted. Twilight's attitude toward the whole thing was refreshing.
And the romance! I felt it in my bones. Flash and Magnus had great chemistry. It's not a pairing I would have thought of, but man am I glad someone did.
The pacing was spot on and kept me hooked the whole way through.
This story was delightful! Thanks for publishing it.
Can I just say that this is an amazing opener? 'Cause it is. I love it.
Your passages just oozes so much character that I find it difficult to pinpoint my favourite in this one. Great start!
Hah, GAYYYYYYYYYY
No, it certainly did not, but do go on.
I'm really liking the opening monologues, they're quite fun! And the serial escalation here was hilarious, heh, as is the end result and Twilight's utterly deadpan reaction.
MMmmmhm I do like myself some worldbuilding. Fascinating insight with the banshees, they're very interesting lil critters. I wonder how they're-
god damn it
She's so goddamn done with this lmao
OOoooo someone knows what's up, alright
Love this. Good detail and worldbuilding with the different styles
Well, well, well.
Spicy.
What more can I say? That's what this darn chapter is. It's great! And this-
Perfect way to end it, alright.
Awww. Such a bittersweet fate.
Hah, GAYYYYYY
What a lovely story. Such incredible worldbuilding woven with riveting characterisation. I wish I had more to say but argh, that was perfect. A well-earned win, alright
Definitely an interesting premise you have here. I never really thought about the connections between the two Flash's until now. But like the playful banter between the two of them is just adorable. The writing so far has me glued to the screen and I can't wait to see where this goes. I have a feeling it might be pretty gay though.
I'm totally in for it though.
Dawwwh. Poor Flash Sentry, he's just too innocent and wholesome for the boat load of trouble Flash Magnus is gonna get him into.
I can already see the direction your taking with all the playful banter and I like it. Keep up the great work.
Hahaha. Oh my gosh, that is so brilliant.
Princess Twilight! *Le Gasp* I never would have expected this of you. (No, I totally expected it.)
This continues to be cute, charming and really entertaining to read, kind of glad I decided to read this before my review. Gonna go all in. You sure are impressing this mare though. Keep up the great work!
First off, what the fuck. Why are you such a good writer? The hook for this is literally perfection. It introduces a major character, a major concept, and ends on a cliffhanger for the rest of the story. Speaking of, the whole idiom theme that permeates the entire story is fun, but also turns Flash Magnus into a giant puzzle. He explains the major idioms, but when it comes to the more casual ones, more often than not they're just thrown out as normal speech. Obviously, you can piece together what he's saying by context clues, but often not even the characters know what he's saying, which is exactly how Magnus communicates. Anecdotes and poems, that's how he connects with people. He is an open book. The story might as well be called Flashslang.
Twilight being completely aware of what's going on is hilarious. You can tell she's annoyed, but once she figures it out, she's annoyed not at them as a duo, but at Magnus for being a colossal idiot. Gives me just buck already vibes. The line where she nonchalantly offers her bed is golden.
I really like how you built up the Flashes also. Magnus as our perspective we get to know through interludes, which bleeds into his character. Sentry we learn about by how he acts, mostly again, from Magnus' perspective, but we can figure out what Sentry is thinking, while Magnus is dumb as a rock. The slow bonding is also lovely, Magnus unknowingly growing closer to Sentry until he starts giving him intimate nicknames and, again, slang.
I will also have to say, the world building on ancient Equestria is fucking fantastic. It's all so alive, and the way you present it is amazing. I don't even know you came up with this stuff, let alone implemented it into the story tangibly. The unique creatures, how the pegasi interacted with each other, Magnus' past lovers, it's all so interesting. I could read a story entirely about the past, it's that good.
Bravo!
love the meta opening line
that last bit feels especially MLP, just that slight bit of whimsy
i love how much character you suffuse Flash with in this opening monologue. just the worldbuilding of his cultural background alone is a beauty to behold, much less how entertaining you make this explanation. a natural storyteller, this one.
really loving the voice you have for Magnus here
ugh i love "done with your shit" Twilight, thank you for this
and now with the premise all set up, let's see how it unfolds!
a bit of black comedy, establishment of Flash Magnus's character, and possible foreshadowing all in one? love this tangent
as someone who loves both etymology and the effects of sexual and status competition on cultural evolution, you are really giving me a treasure here, otter! i really loved this bit
haha, perfect Flash Sentry reaction
oof, yes. i am sure they are very, er, thorough.
i don't want to quote every Flash Magnus line to say how much i love the slang so i'll just do this one
gottem!
i just love your Twilight here, and the mental image of that swaying tower of stallions is hard to beat! and yes, the idiom introduced at the beginning thematically tying the chapter together is a thing, i see! a very fun structure
okay just when i think you can't one-up yourself on the slang you go ahead and do it. amazing how much feeling this oozes while still being easy to understand from context!
between this and the spiders, seems to be a running theme here!
oof, all this fun worldbuilding and you hit me with this hammer of a line at the end! ugh, i felt this one. really well done.
i love this paragraph so much
i really need to incorporate this adage into my life
yes, cultural worldbuilding, yesssss! very near and dear to my heart and own worldbuilding here.
you love to see it!
just imagining all these shenanigans from Twilight's perspective now, and yes, this is the response i would have as well!
aww, poor Twilight!
i love to see it
haha, Flash Magnus, you dingus!
i love her
i love them
a very fun chapter all around! the dynamic between the three is just so very entertaining
great use of rule of three, you are very good at these hooks!
there's a certain poetry in this line that i love
something about this feels very Douglas Adamsian
just the combination of a hilariously told anecdote, a very whimsical bit of worldbuilding, and an idiom that descended through the latter tie together so well, i could read an entire book of nothing but these little things. it's all so very polished and fun.
yet another fantastic bit of worldbuilding, i presume drawing on the ancient greece-coded culture of the canon Flash Magnus?
you love to see it
i have a feeling it might have the opposite effect!
well, that did not take long
this part coming right after the previous (amazing!) sequence really did make me laugh out loud irl, thank you for this!
agh, feelings!
a moment of obliviousness to undercut the descending mood, i couldn't help but chuckle at this
ah, the feels. been there, buddy.
noooooo Twilight isn't even involved in this, dummy!
LEWD.
Okay, serious comment. This chapter was full of genuine moments for each character but I really love the slow build up from not understanding his feelings to realizing who he really wants to woo. This is great.
Dawwwwwh. So fluffy and utterly adorable.
The build-up to this moment was perfectly on point, and despite it being predictable that it would happen, I enjoyed the ride all the way through. I'll have to see what else of yours I might enjoy because if this is the sample, this is gonna be an all I can read buffet.
what stronger signal could there be that this is the last chapter? that there's nothing left to do but deconstruct the premise? perfectly fitting with the shift in mood at the end of the previous, just great work here.
and the bits of dark in all these stories that were retold in a light-hearted tone before begin to come together.
hauntingly beautiful, all the more resonant to me with the echoes i feel from having written similar themes in my work. i can really appreciate how well you did it here.
otter, i know rationally and logically that all that is going on here is your gift for drawing out fun characterizations for our canon friends and writing their interactions with great skill but i cannot help but feel as if you wrote this Twilight Sparkle with the intent to murder me in particular with how much she appeals to me.
ugh so good
and the salad bar! i totally forgot you incorporated that into this! this is so great! ugh i just love that mental image of twilight eating a salad annoyedly
i do wonder what that feels like, unexpectedly getting to meet your hero from all the stories you read about them, which were supposed to be just stories, and then all of it leading to... this! how wonderful.
and such a great and positive ending, with that spine of realism to give it heft. i am really happy for these two dunderheads, dorks, and doras, though i have no idea if i'm using the last word correctly.
just a very well-crafted and entertaining tale all around otter, showcasing both your gift for worldbuilding and your talents in inventing vivid and fun characters and drawing the interactions between them. the slow buildup of the romance, the obliviousness of the Flashes, Flash Magnus's old-timey speaking style, your version of Twilight, every single bit of ancient Filocuse that you've shown us, i loved all of it.
A review for YOU.
So the judges for the Pillars contest have been telling me to read this since the results came out! Wish in particular has been singing this one's praises, so I definitely had to give it a read!
Absolutely cracking stuff mate. There's far too little mlm on fimfic, and the fics that are here don't get nearly the level of attention and acclaim they often deserve. This was a front to back stunner. The structuring, with each chapter's being an elaboration on a saying from Magnus' early days, was a wonderful addition, adding a lot of really fascinating worldbuilding onto the excellent character interactions.
Sentry and Magnus' romance was cute, humorous and well developed. Sentry was a particularly adorable character. Your Twilight was excellent too, and was applied sparingly enough for her to never lose her comedic, deadpan punch.
Super great stuff overall! Really glad to have read this, you've definitely got another interested follower now! :D
I enjoyed this very much! Brilliant wordplay, an engaging story.
Finally got around to knocking this off my reading list. I have no idea what my expectations were, but I can safely say you blew them out of the water.
Magnus talking like he's from the 1920's was certainly an interesting twist.
I think my favorite part about this story was how Sentry is played as the big dumb himbo, but he was four parallel universes ahead of Magnus the whole time. He knew exactly how to win the bet from the start, but played along anyway because he was having fun with his hero. And I enjoyed watching him have fun.
It's also fun seeing Twilight swear
This one was so much fun!
Gotta give you props to your skills in description and world building. I can tell you've put a lot of effort in crafting each one of these little origin stories if these phrases. I always find crafting the world around characters to be the most tedious part of the writing process, but these have character all of their own. That's worth a thumbs up in my book.
This was absolutely amazing — from the setup, to the characterization , to the exquisitely rendered worldbuilding. I can’t begin to describe how ecstatic it made me feel to see such a dedicated exploration on the development of idioms at the heart of this story. The opening passage of each chapter was so wonderfully crafted. Amazing work inventing and describing all of the mythic creatures Magnus encountered in his foregone time. Each was delightful in its own way! I love how these opening tales of the past went on to connect to each of Magnus and Sentry’s competitions in the present. Also, just to gush further on the brilliant etymological work here, it makes me so excited that the majority of the central phrases used for the chapter titles were based on ancient Greek idioms. It brought in that special bit of authenticity to how you rendered the fantastical origin of these phrases in Equestria. Speaking of which, taking advantage of Equestria’s anachronistic world to pair Magnus’s visibly Greco-Roman cultural heritage from the show with a dialect that borrows slang from 1920s America? That was inspired and gave Magnus all that much more charm!
I was really taken by the shift in mood as the final chapter closed in. Magnus has such a buoyant way about him that when he’s brought to a place where he’s made to reflect on the genuine heartbreak of his past loss it really hits hard. He and Sentry were already so effortlessly likable together and easy to root for, but that added touch of hope for the future coming after a past filled with stabs of grief made the culmination of their budding relationship all the more impactful.
A very worthy winner of the Pillars contest. And also such a good work of mlm romance — more of which I’ve really got to read from you!