good so far. And even if there is a 'sad' tag, I'm hoping for a happy ending

well this is cute...in a rather depressing sort of way. I'm hoping for more soon, any ideas on a timetable?

That was beautiful to read, you have captured the essence of the moment. I commend you on your works, and hope to see more in the future.

cute

Image: http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/138/246/tumblr_lltzgnHi5F1qzib3wo1_400.jpg

moar?

great story. I will follow.

I see there is no "Tragedy" tag, so I hope this will end well.

tears flow, my friend... I hope to read more soon.

Once again, Twilight is dead or in a coma.

Regardless, have a stache and a like.

will twilight ever wae up?a simple answer!without my great D.N.A.R.T.:no. with it:HELL YES! reply if you are interested

>>12579411257941

I'd hoped we'd never need a "flag as spam" button on this site.

*sigh*

>>12596681259668

I was looking for one after I saw that comment.

My gosh... Poor Dashie... Please... don't let Twi die... just please...

I love the way how you make Dash and Twi share their love, it's one of the sweetest ways

The story is going outstanding so far, looking forward to read more

>>12596761259676

I knew we didn't have one, but that's the first time I wished we did. Also, it's unfortunate that blocking a user doesn't make their comments invisible to you. I'd really rather not waste the millisecond it takes to load his comment.

You've a habit of switching tenses in the middle of a sentence.

Also, dat center alignment. It's not so bad when it only spans a single line, but when the sentence gets long enough that it wraps around it becomes annoying.

First of all, thanks to everyone who read this, I really appreciate it.

>>12578841257884 >>12588511258851 Only time will tell.      

>>12579401257940 I've already started work on the next chapter, though I don't really have a set schedule.

>>12579661257966 Thank you very much, I'm glad I got the feelings right, or at least close to right.

>>12581731258173 >>12587891258789 >>12587921258792  Glad you liked it! Hopefully more soon!

>>12588801258880 I'm glad I got you to feel something. Mission accomplished

>>12590901259090 *cough*incompletetag*cough

>>12597331259733 Thanks for the constructive criticism! I'll keep an eye out for the tenses and hopefully there shouldn't be as much center alignment for the next chapter.

>>12600031260003

I think >>12590901259090 was commenting on how that seems to be a recurring theme these days. 'Something terrible happens to Twilight and the others are left to cope', y'know?

>>12600181260018  Yeah, they are rather popular. I'm a big fan of them myself. We'll have to see if mine can break the mold.

>>12600301260030

I hate that saying, "breaking the mold." Always makes me think of All Star, which makes me think of how long ago it came out. YER MAKIN' ME FEEL OLD. STAHP IT.

>>12601041260104 Ha! Sorry! I'm just too young!

Le tracking

>>12604961260496 Glad to hear it! There should be another chapter up tonight or tomorrow.

Instata track.

Also, got me right in the heart. Are writers on this site fueled by tears, what's going on?

>>12605551260555 I took all the tears I've shed reading other fics on the site, and I forged them into this!

Ah I'm looking forward to the rest but if it is a sad ending I will hate you FOR-EV-ER. Seriously it was a very beautiful writing, keep it up

>>12606001260600 I'm glad you liked it! More coming soon!

I mean, good God and sweet Celestia, that's one of the most heartbreaking things I've ever read on this site.

Image: http://ponybot.net/pix/4801.gif

All hail to you!

...

...

You depressing little oddball...

>>12607061260706 I got a comment with the Nostalgia Critic in it! My life is complete. I'm glad I could break your heart. MUHAHAHAHAHA!

Well that's horribly depressing.....

omg i think i am going to cry!!!! i loved it plz have more plz!!!

....You took my feels, beat the crap out of them, and then kept them.

YOU MAGNIFICENT BASTARED!

beautyful yet depressing i wil fave

Typical Twidash.

>>12601041260104

Ach, Smash Mouth is old? The eighties are more than 10 years away? Time flies....

Not bad.

Wait, romance in this fic too?

Image: https://dl.dropbox.com/u/44398885/THISGONBGUD.gif

>>12601041260104Love the new profile pic.

Also, good so far with the story.  I'll keep track of this.

>>12600031260003 Oh I know things can develop. I'm just saying, how many times will Twilight become incapacitated? The answer is, "doesn't matter TWIDASH "

>>12614441261444

I know, right? NyuuChanDiannePie makes the best RD pictures I've ever seen.

>>12614581261458 Exactly! Twidash forever!

>>12614721261472 speaking of Twidash, read my dribble.

>>12614441261444 Glad to hear it!

>>12614021261402 I hope!

>>12611931261193 When my story is done, you have my permission to cry.

>>12614821261482 Added to my too read list!

>>12601041260104 your right now i feel old too (25)

this was interesting to say the least i mean it wasnt good but it wasnt bad either. then again ive been reading tear-jerkers and grim-darks all day so it might be the stories talkin anyways kinda lame and overdrawn but it was bearable

There was another TwiDash fic a while ago with a similar premise. It got the feature box but I can't remember the title; where you by any chance influenced by it?

>>12616421261642

I believe you're speaking of Dream of Me, yes?

>>12616421261642>>12617361261736  I did take some inspiration from that, but I also got a lot of inspiration from other sources. I'm also doing something a little different in this, but that's all I can say.

>>12617361261736

Aye that was it. Good fic. I'll read this one later, to the queue it goes!

>>12617811261781 I know the problem when you have too many fics to read. I have 83 in my to read list. Its a pain.

>>12618071261807

I have 901.

Image: http://fim.413chan.net/oatmeal/src/131974777883-celestia_laugh.gif

>>12618311261831 IT'S OVER NINE HUNDRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

like #99... DAMN IT SO CLOSE!

awesome story btw

>>12618781261878

Image: http://files.sharenator.com/fred_mercury_queen_meme_so_close-s300x374-315923.png

Seems to be another twidash love fic. I'm in!

Good work so far, I'll have to see where this goes.

>>12622191262219>>12623241262324 Welcome aboard the FanFiction Express! Away we go!

>>12613361261336 Yes. About thirty years ago?

Then Twilight wakes up when she dead.

Quite nice, looking forward to where this leads.

Oh god. I didn't expect this good of a story. I clicked the featured bar for this fix hoping for this but not expecting this.

I loved this fic! I love the sadness, the inside look through RD's eyes, the build up to the break, it was the timing that made this Fic as good as it was. As both an avid fan and Fic writer (not published yet) I want to congratulate you on your tremendously enthralling first chapter. I hope to read more from you soon.

A word of caution to this tale. I love the idea of RD moving on, but please do not dive into another relationship for RD. I thought I caught a few subtle hints at a possible PinkieDash forming and I just want to say that if you intend to go that route, here are some pitfalls that I have noticed and will list in hope that you do not fall prey to them like so many other writers have in the past.

1. Timing. Now I know you have a great sense of timing. However I also know that while writing something that you want to have desperately happen to a character, we sometimes rush up to that point as to complete the vision. Just take it slow.

2. Just Take it Slow. In the 1'st section take it slow is referring to the introduction of the IDEA of a relationship. Now I want to say that a lot of writers out there want to rush over the relationship development using the episodes as basis for this since it is conceivable that such feelings could have existed during the show and are just now in the Fic being called out into form. In your case this is different. with such a deep relationship with Twilight it could take RD years to come to terms and find someone else to pursue romantically. (I only know this from my experience with what happened to both of my grandmothers when my grandfathers passed)

3. Try to show ALL the mane 6's reactions as to show just how absolutely broken RD is compared to the rest of her friends. this will deepen the reader's perceived emotional level of the character this is applied to.

So there are 3 things that are just there to help you encase you need it. I doubt that this information will come in handy at all but if anything take this away from it. I liked your story so much that I devoted this much time and effort to try to help you along for the next chapter. A.K.A: You have me hook, line, and sinker! As I previously stated, I will be watching you ever so closely in hopes of another chapter. I hope to read your works soon. Good luck!

Loved it. Absolutely loved this.

Tho I have to agree, why do writers like to put Twilight in such situations?

poor twilight.

>>12600031260003

I agree with >>12597331259733. All you need are the italics.

THIS, sounds so sad...yet sounds like a great read. Adding it to read later, and to be sure to hear back from me soo!

*Jumps in front of the computer*

Alright! It's time to write a random comedy! But before that, I must pump myself up by reading a random fic on FIMFiction! let's see... *click**click*click*...

*After reading*

NOOOOO!! MY COMEDY INSPIRATION! looking forward to more.

So...why does everyone want to kill Twilight Sparkle!?

Oh hey, another 'Someone Dash loves is in a coma' fic, with extra 'Look how happy we were before' thrown in. I'm just surprised it wasn't Dash who put Twilight in a come via a trick gone wrong, or something similar. Unless that is the case, seeing as we don't know what happened to Twilight yet.

In all seriousness and fairness, this story is fine so far. There are several words missing, and personally in think it feels over dramatic, but that's just me. Other than that, it's just fine, and I'll follow it anyway.

You have, however, inspired me to add another chapter to a parody fic of mine.

>>12601041260104

You're a good commenter, but I'm obligated to hate you now for linking me to All Star.

I enjoyed the story so far.  It does tread pretty close to the typical TwiDash sad fic setup, but you've done it well enough that it doesn't bother me, and your vague hintings in the comments have me hoping for something unexpected and different in later chapters.  I'll keep an eye out.

Man come on. Don't see why people love this, its so corny. Also this could've been way better if there was no shipping. YOU HAVE TO DISTINGUISH YOURSELF PEOPLE!!!

>>12647601264760

oh stuff it, if you don't have any constructive criticism to add, keep your mouth shut, no-one wants to hear it.

Awww, why do I keep punishing my heart with sad fics? It's an addiction! Interesting so far, nicely written. I like the Rainbow Dash perspective. Looking forward to more

I'm debating on reading this...it might be a little too early for me.

One of my good friends is in a coma after an accident with his horse on Monday night...I'll likely read it, but for now it must be content on the read later list.

>>12652861265286 Oh my god! I'm so sorry. I hope your friend gets better soon!

>>12652961265296

Thank you, I appreciate the kind words.

I hope Twilight and Rainbow Dash die. I hate gay.

>>12632041263204 Looking forward to it!

>>12625961262596 Hope it leads to a place you like!

>>12627451262745 It's good to hear that I got the timing down, that's what I was most worried about. I'll keep all that in mind!

>>12629941262994 Twilight's my favorite of the mane 6, so I don't know why I love putting her through all this. Huh. Going to have to think that over.

>>12630611263061 Hmm, I'll look at only italics before the next chapter.

>>12632311263231 I know that feeling. Hope you get you're comedy back!

>>12639481263948 ......

>>12640511264051 It hurts Rainbow for sure!

>>12640611264061 Glad it inspired you.

>>12647131264713 Those hints I've been leaving intrigued someone! Mission accomplished.

>>12647601264760 Sorry you didn't like it.

>>12654181265418 I think it's a little silly for you to want them to die if they're in love. But to each his own.

>>12656041265604 It hurt my feels. :[ They're crying now.

>>12656201265620 I'm sorry.

its depressing and it could go either way i shall read and hold my manly tears

>>12656991265699 Time will tell.

>>12600181260018

Is it seriously that much of a trend? I'm currently working on a fic that sort of has that premise. I'd hate to land in a crowded field.

To the author: Not bad... yeah, that's unhelpful. Shoot. The transitions from flashback to normal made things a bit confusing, though the story was short enough that it didn't become whiplash or annoying. Also, in the following sentence, "A tear fought it’s way to the surface," it's should be its. And that is all for now.

>>12658551265855 Thanks for finding that, I made the change! Thanks for the feedback on the flashbacks, It was hard to figure out exactly how to do it, so I made do with what I hoped worked. Glad it didn't lose you completely!

MOTHAH FUCKING MOAR BITCH!

Image: http://img.chan4chan.com/img/2009-10-18/1255878607012.png

Welp, color me interested.

>>12661921266192

My thoughts EXACTLY!!!

Though I would be wearing a thong with RD's cutie mark on the front!

I don't like following incomplete stories, but I am making an exception here.  This was beautifully written.  I can't wait to read more!

>>12676331267633 Well thank you very much! More is coming soon.

Well written my friend. Indeed I will be following this I hafta know what happened to everone's favorite purple unicorn! Understand I have the utmost respect for your work here!

BUT!

When you described Pinkie in her "Pinkamina" form and our lil' Dashie together....... I kept hearing an odd Andrew W.K, song in the background.....followed by a strong craving for ......................................cupcakes   I'm so sorry I couldn't help myself....had to at least make a poor attempt at humor so I wouldn't hang myself after the sadness.

Anyways....more please..... if that is um...ok....with you.      

Hahaha, indeed very good, you've tapped into that perfect balance of depressing and sad without one overpowering the other.

philomena? seriously i'd like one of these stories to kindly embrace the idea that pheonix tears can cure anything, but this is your story. masterfully written by the way.

I feel a slight TwiDash ship.

Don't ask. I just, you know, whatever.

This interests me though.

why.... why do i you have to end it like that. I feel soo sory for RD

>>12732681273268 Have you read chapter 2 yet? It just got posted!

She's alive?! Also I'm confused at to what has happened to Twilight. Anyway please write more, you got me hooked.

Yea i just read it! I HATE cliffangers! good job on the story, hope there is another update soon

...Am i the only one that imagined Twi with a classic "Shoop-da-whoop" face when her eyes snapped open and going "BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH"?

...in other news, this made me cry

JUST PURE EPICNESS

A bad doozy, but she's awakened from a coma...

I bet she's gonna suffer from a major case of amnesia.

>>12732831273283

I find it funny that I was listening to the song "End Of All Hope" by Nightwish while reading this lol

>>12732981273298

Me: Why didn't I see this coming?

Because you don't have Pinkie Sense!

Me: Touche Pinkie, Touche.