What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, but it doesn't make you any less broken.
Starlight Glimmer is that kind of girl: strong, but broken at the same time, her edges jagged and sharp enough to cut anyone that dares to get too close to her.
But Sunburst can't help but be drawn to her, like a moth to a flame, trying to gather all her pieces and put her back together, even if he cuts his hands and bleeds in the process.
There might be some triggering issues such as the emotional aspects of mental and physical abuse, child neglect, alcoholism (not done by any of the main characters), bullying set in a high school, and a fair amount of drama and angst to go along the way. But this story is—at its core—a romance between a human Starlight and Sunburst.
Hm. Typical StarBurst pairing, though the individual spices you've mixed in give this a nice flavor. Nothing groundbreaking, but if you find a solid foundation (as you have with your StarBurst fluff), you don't need to break the ground again.
Also, this depiction of Starlight is wonderful. She's clearly smart, but she's gone through so much that that intelligence is presented completely differently than the likes of, say, Twilight's. The description of how guarded she kept her expressions was a masterpiece, and a good summary of what I take to be the main theme of this Starlight; she's a good girl, and a smart one, but she's been hurt so much that she tries to hide that except from those she trusts, a very small population. Starlight is, as you said in the story description, broken, and you provided a very clear example of that even in these first few words.
Looking forward to more of this.
10910442
Thanks for the feedback! This iteration of Starlight is definitely interesting to write about, I'm glad you enjoyed her character.
10910532
Thanks, buddy! There's definitely more to come!
Should be "I hadn't noticed."
There are a couple ways you could rewrite this; either "...she didn't want him to get involved, now or ever" or "...she didn't want him to get involved, not now, not ever" stand out as the best options to me, but take those opinions with a grain of salt.
Should be "It didn't hurt so much as startle her."
Regarding the story, poor Starlight. It looks like she's using stoicism not to prevent future pain but to minimize the impact of all the pain she's already suffered, trying to cauterize her suffering by simply acting like she doesn't care about it. Her thoughts about Sunburst were adorable, and at the same time heartbreaking; it's clear that he's one of the only people in the world that she actually trusts, but she can't let him completely into her heart because she's scared that she'll lose him. I can't imagine just how alone Starlight feels, unable to really connect even with her
belovedbest friend. That ending especially fills me with dread, making it sound like the beating she received went on for an hour and ended up breaking some bones. Hopefully, if that's the case, that will finally be enough to convince Stellar Flare that maybe Starlight needs help, not just shunning.10927774
Thanks for the suggestions, fixed them and some others I caught along the way.
Starlight definitely going through a lot and Sunburst is her only lifeline at the moment. Hopefully, things will start looking up for them with time, but we'll see...
Poor Starlight...
I like the detail that Starlight and Sunburst are the only ones that notice the tiny details about each other.
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Thanks! They spent so much time around each other that they learned to pick up those little signs
Over the past few months that I've spent ocasionally picking random fics to read in this site, I have to say I've read a few of yours, but none of them have made it to my favourites list.
Do not take this as a personal attack to either you or your work, but every time I've decided to give one of your fics a chance, I found myself eye-rolling when I immediately recognised that the main conflic of the fic would be "Starlight and Sunburst are too dumb and self-deprecating to confess to each other".
This one in particular is engaging enough to keep my interest for now. At least here there is an actual reason for Starlight to behave the way she does and the stakes are high, as opposed to the soon-to-be lovebirds creating problems that didn't need to exist.
Perhaps I've just been unlucky with the fics I've chosen though, and that's why I want to ask you directly: have you done any StarBurst with a different trope? One that didn't rely on both ponies thinking that their feelings aren't mutual and being stubborn about it from beginning to end? I do enjoy your way of writing and your interpretation of Sunburst after all, I'd appreciate some recommendations if you have any.
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Hi there, first off thank you for giving my work a chance, I know that StarBurst is not everyone's cup of tea, or they just hate Sunburst and/or Starlight in general (maybe that's just me since I've encountered a few vocal haters around here).
I'm not sure what fics of mine you have read since I haven't used that trope in a while, and believe me, that will-they-won't-they trope gets on my nerves too, but I'm guessing it's one of my older works? Anyway, my newer stuff bypasses that completely with Starlight and Sunburst already being an item at the start of the story (i.e. High as Hope and Why you gotta be so rude?) or I resolve them quickly to get to the good stuff (A Ladder To The Sun and Love Potion comes to mind).
As for a multi-chapter story, if you don't mind M-rated content, Loose Ends is about them being in a secret relationship but for a good reason, and Bed Time Stories is a smut collection that might be the biggest offender of me using that trope you don't like, but some of them don't, you can skip around to find one that suits your tastes.
Bits and Pieces is a mixed bag, lots of tropes are used and scenarios are explored, but I believe there's a little something in there for everyone, again, you can skip around in there to find a story that suits your taste.
And that's all I got, I appreciate your interest in my writing and your honesty. Praise is nice and all, but criticism is what makes authors grow.
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Hmm, having a glance at those, A Ladder to the Sun is actually the last one I read from you a few weeks back, and it kinda encapsulates what I described earlier.
Nicely written and very wholesome, but it was almost painfully obvious where the plot was headed. Starlight realises she has feelings for Sunburst -> She refuses to tell -> She grows distant in her own conflict -> Confession at the end.
Though, looking through all of your stories, I can't seem to find another one that is marked as read and follows the same trope. I distinctly remember one where the trope was taken so far, Starlight decided to move all the way to the edge of the Crystal Empire to get away from Sunburst. Does that ring a bell? I could've sworn that was one of yours, but unless I read it before even making an account, or it's just parts of Bits and Pieces, or it has been deleted, I might be mixing up authors.
I will check out your other recommendations though... eventually
10934795
That sounds like this chapter of bits and pieces, except that it's Sunburst the one who runs away. But other than that I'm pretty sure I don't use that trope too much, like I said, the will-they-wont-they trope tires me...then again, I've written so much about them that I might be forgetting the instances that I use it.
10935064
Yeah it's definitely that one haha. I'm still positive that I've seen the trope used somewhere else, and memory may or may not have wrongly attributed it to you so... Oops.
Irregardless, I'll give your other works a chance at some point (and I really do mean at some point, my list of read-it-laters is a triple digit number, no joke).
Good character insight with Adagio and Starlight.
10953294
I'll take that as a compliment
I think Starlight's... situation would feel much more impactful if we saw her actually suffering one of the father's horrific assaults instead of only being shown hints and bits of the aftermath.
I see that you're trying to go for a shock factor with every new bruise that Starlight reveals, but after the first one the feeling becomes less dreadful and concerning and more par for the course. Some people likely wouldn't be able to bear such a painful scene, but it'd do wonders to more accurately represent the story's sense of tension to the reader.
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I hear you, hopefully, this will be amended in future chapters. You'll see.
Just hang in there Starlight.
At least Sunburst knows.
I assume this is the chapter you were referring to. Appropiately brutal, I do say, but oddly paced.
(Spoilers btw for whoever decides to read comments before the fic)
It starts out about as fine as I could expect, but then the line
...Sort of comes out of nowhere. I thought it was hinting at either serious internal injuries or emotional injuries, but the rest of the chapter didn't really follow. That line is thrown in its own paragraph as if it's got a deeper meaning, hinting at something important about to be revealed but... nothing. The beat up just kinda continues the same.
Then the mother is introduced, exposed and concluded all in one paragraph. Please remember the golden rule of writing: Show, don't tell. Show me when the mother gave in to her morale, or perhaps whatever inches of love she might have for her own daughter, and decided to confront the father finally, even if in the most spineless way possible. Or perhaps she just unluckily got in the way and paid the price? I can't tell from that one paragraph.
I also can't tell what ran through Starlight's mind during that moment. Was she confused at her mother's situation? Perhaps the tiniest bit of hope for survival or perhaps her everyday horror? What made her exactly try to stand up for her uncaring mother? Was it just pride? Heroism? Pure shock? Does she, deep down, love her and feels bad for her? I don't know!
I did really like the flashback. Pretty commonplace, but nonetheless effective. What I did not like, however, was the straight cut to the next section of the chapter. If you'll permit me an Invincible comparison (no spoilers, don't worry), which is probably one of my favourite executions of this setting (no wonder it's become an internet-wide meme), the scene goes like this:
Extreme, brutal beat up -> Flashback of happy memories -> Back to the present when things are starting to calm down.
It slowly transitions away from the heat of the conflict whilst showing the unimaginable difference between then and now.
Obviously I don't think that you intend to give the father a whole redemption arc right here, nor you should. But show what might have distracted him, or made him hold back, and gave Starlight a chance to escape. And show Starlight's rampaging thoughts as she limped her way out of that house, seeing that she was absolutely terrorised and probably feared for things to get much worse if she stayed, frightened to the point that she would rather expose her secret to Sunburst than risk staying.
Cutting right to the scene with Sunburst with the same subtlety I use to keep my critiques short (so none) kills the tension abruptedly and only creates more confusion as to what the hell is happening this night and why.
I don't really mind a lack of insight and description in more mundane scenes (even if it is good advice to always keep everything highly and properly detailed), but in a pivotal moment like this one you just have to take it slow, otherwise the reader just misses half the emotions you're trying to convey.
The rest of the chapter is decent, although there are more typos than usual and wayyy too much use of the he/she pronouns. This chapter looks a little rushed, I'm afraid to say.
Ha! I know the feeling.
I definitely enjoy reading this.
I tend to read author's notes before the actual chapter (usually to my detriment, yet I fail to drop the habit), and when I read this one I was a little worried about how it would end.
But truth be told, I quite liked the ending, and this chapter as a whole. Cadence taking Starlight in was an out that I didn't think of, it has a couple of loose ends but still overall pretty plausible. My only complaint would be where was this writing two chapters ago.
Also
Epilogue of Stellar finding out about Starlight when? :P
10997650
I'm glad that the extra week I took writing this paid off, and yes there are some loose ends but they're so minor I felt like I could get away with them. Funny enough, chapter 8 is one of the most read chapters besides chapter 1, not sure if is because the chapter is actually engaging or bronies tendency to like stories with graphic violence. Maybe one day I'll go back to it and really make it justice, beef it up and make it more impactful, but for now, I'm stepping back a bit to work on other things.
As for a sequel, Stellar Flare finding out is definitely a good subject to explore in a sequel, we'll see :P
10997415
Thank you! I'm glad you like it!!
11005064
Thanks!! I'm happy that you're happy!!
PHYLLIS, NO!!!