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Wallflower Blush, after losing her memory stone and being forced to confront her own loneliness, meets Sunset Shimmer for the first time, a second time. It doesn't go great.
This time, Sunset is different. She's angry, bitter, mean, and fixated on Wallflower Blush. She's a mystery to solve, but Wallflower has to survive her vicious attention first...
Editing help provided by Shaslan, applejackofalltrades.
Coverart by me.
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Thanks for entering the contest! Please ensure your story is marked complete by the deadline, or we won't be able to judge it.
Also, please let me know which charity you'd like your donation to go to.
10750876 Don't you worry, the whole thing is ready to go. It's just awaiting final edits before the chapters go up.
If possible the Marie Curie charity would be nice (they help with terminal illnesses), but if that's not possible then I trust your impeccable judgement in finding a suitable cause to donate to. : )
Human Sunset?
Great reference lol.
Absolutely interesting and well executed premise. I already thought of a story based on this, so I thank you and can't wait for the next update.
10750931 Glad you think so!
10750942 They'll be out soon, just going through the final sweep of edits. The whole thing will be done by the time of Scampy's contest deadline.
Interesting to hear you had a similar idea! Did you end up publishing it?
10750966
I haven't writen it yet, but it'll probably be my next project.
10751070 Sounds exciting!
I kinda like the idea of there being a human Sunset counterpart going around causing trouble. To be fair the concept of doubles in general is a pretty fun one... I feel like you can contrast a lot against the canon counterpart by using them properly.
Well dang, consider me hooked. This is excellent.
10751832 Huzzah!
i2.wp.com/www.animefeminist.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/breakwater7.png?fit=810%2C455&ssl=1
Huh. Never thought I'd see Human Sunset written like this. To be honest, it's a pretty good balance. She's not over-the-top rude and mean, but she still has some bite and kick to her that makes Sunset, well, Sunset.
Wallflower seems like a nice touch. This was meant for the SunBlush (WallSet?) contest, right? I don't think anyone has ever though of using the Human Sunset in any of the Sunset Shimmer pairing contests, because everyone wants to pair Pony Sunset with her friends, and never Human Sunset, so this is quite unique.
I'll hold my un-official review when this finishes, considering all stories need to finish to be judged in the contest, so it shouldn't be that long of a wait. Overall, though, this has to be one of the best SunBlush stories I have read! Hope you win in the contest!
10752351
Yeah as soon as I noticed that they didn't specify which Sunset they wanted for the ship in the contest I knew pretty much exactly what I wanted to do, lol.
Glad you enjoy it so far! You should check out some of the other contest entries as well; some of them look pretty interesting, and I'm hoping to at least read a few myself. : )
I think this was an exclamation rather than a question
Wait, was he right beside them the whole time? did he hear about what they were talk or did he just now walk up to Wallflower? Was he waiting?
(spoilers ahead)
Okay so. Two things.
One, I'm sensing some sort of comparison between this "human" Sunset and the plundervines, both being agressive, invasive and capable of destruction.
Two. Wallflower describes "Human" Sunset as larger than her, even when she isn't bearing down on her, and she hasn't described Sunset like this, so I assume she is also larger than Sunset.
That plus the little show of anger makes me belive we're not really dealing with a human here. Or at least not completly.
Let's see where chapter three goes.
10753119 Near enough to see them part ways, not near enough to eavesdrop. Interesting you mention it though, so I'll look about clarifying if I have the wordcount to spare (I'm running a bit close...). If it's unclear I have the time to adjust it before the contest deadline. : )
Wow, this is a very creative take on SunFlower. And after reading this I realize I kinda miss aggressive (albeit human) Sunset Shimmer. I sincerely hope this wins a prize in the contest.
I just honestly find it hard to believe that every student at CHS would be totally oblivious to the fact there's two Sunsets roaming around the school. Unless human Sunset is intentionally trying to not get noticed. Maybe I'm missing something.
Great story and characterization though. You really make a convincing argument for
TsundereAggressive Human Sunset Shimmer X Wallflower10753946 Glad you enjoy it! To be honest writing Angery Shimmer is really fun. It's quite engaging writing a character that can just whiplash across a bunch of emotions really fast.
Cheers for reading! I hope the following chapters live up to expectations. : )
Oooh can't wait for the finale.
Interesting. Let's see how it ends.
Really? Wow, I didn't know you could draw.
My face went red while I was reading the last third of this chapter o//////o
10754780 I dabble! I find drawing to be rather relaxing, so whilst I don't put the same sort of effort into it as I do writing, over the years I've slowly gotten somewhat okay at it. I also did my profile pic and a few other bits and pieces over time.
cdn-img.fimfiction.net/story/t33k-1598301122-476361-full
cdn-img.fimfiction.net/story/6kve-1572301132-452784-full
When I can I like to make my own coverart, even if admittedly they're often a lot lower quality than art done by serious artists.
10754996 I wanted to make an impression! : D
Hap might be reserved on a normal day but he's been writing horse romance for seven years now. Underestimate at your peril!
Hm, it's probably due to the word limit but the ending has problems.
Sunset meeting Pony Sunset didn't do a lot at the end of things, and the girl's actions were really questionable. This is the original Sunset, the one that Ponyset replaced without knowing or caring, yet they all treat her like she's the impostor. Worse is Ponyset herself, who not only doesn't apologize or show empathy for her counterpart but she simply pushes a responsability that by all reasons should be hers at Wallflower.
I feel like the whole Sunset meeting Ponyset could've been taken out and rather make it so Sunset decides to leave without meeting her counterpart.
Maybe I'm missing something.
On the other hand, the end was sweet and I found some moments pretty funny, especialy the "I'm literally a unicorn" bit.
Ponyset needs to tell Wallflower about the mirror, and send a message to Celestia so she doesn't freak out when she gets word of Sunset running around.
Seeing a Sunset like this and a lot of the plot points that you present are really interesting and maybe you could explore them further out of a word limit.
It's still getting a favorite and like from me, and ceirtanly a follow.
Ok, I’m confused about a lot of things.
Ok, if I was wallflower I’d keep this sunset at a certain distance.
So the reason sunset is bad is because that’s all she has left?
I wonder if there’s actually a problem with two sunsets in one world.
10757895 Well, there's a few days left, so I'm not above trying to find ways to address some feedback before the deadline. : ) It will be a bit tricky though. I am literally at the word limit. Also apparently at least one judge as checked this out early, ha ha.
To be truthful, were it up to me this'd be about twice as long and we'd also see Sunset go to the pony world and find that she doesn't really fit in much there either. There'd have been a classy moral about fitting in being about the people you're with instead of a place, etceterah etceterah, which'd strengthen the bond Sunset had with both Wallflower and her pony counterpart. Something along those lines, at least. That certainly won't happen for this contest, though, due to massive word and time restrictions, and probably won't happen as a post-contest expansion either since, whilst the reception was very positive, there doesn't seem to be that much interest in the story.
At the end of the day I'm fairly happy to keep this about an isolated, angry girl making her very first connection. Or something. I don't actually like telling readers what my intentions were during writing since I don't like telling people what to think about my stories.
Very glad you enjoyed it though! I hope you do well in the contest my dude. : )
10758412
I think most of the judges are holding back from reading anything till the contest ends
I think you can revisit this matter with just human Sunset and not Wallflower in a romantic relationship, as much as that would be considered blasphemy. There're many ways of playing with a topic, and this one is really interesting
10758690
Yeah I imagine they are. I did find one of them here though! 10754996 Look, there she is. : ) Golly, a lot of upvotes on her comment, too. I guess a lot of people agreed with her. Good. Chapter 3 is working as intended.
She thought I'd forget her being here. But I didn't! Hap always remembers. I'd remember if I forgot something.
Regarding expanding on the idea, honestly, I find Human Sunset to be a curious little blind spot that's fun to think about. I have projects to deal with in the meantime, though, so it'll be a while until I ever get around to approaching it. I'm sure it's something you could investigate, though, should the mood strike you!
10758690
We’d been holding off on reviewing, but a lot of us have been reading and keeping up with the stories, even as they were still coming in.
Anyway, I’m Posh.
I feel like my entire life is being called out
10789672 Yeah mine too bro.
Congrats on I-A-M’s judge award on the contest!
So like... what the fuck? That was one of the best short stories i think I’ve ever read on this site. And possibly ever. Seriously though, like what the fuck.
'Feral Native!Sunset, are you in danger of becoming a domesticated creature?'
'Never!'
'Good answer. Now no badgering the waiter tonight or I won't be I sucking your lips off later.'
'How about I--'
'No. Lips.'
'Fiiine.'
This was certainly a unique take. Thanks for writing.
10797698 I am quite fond of this one to be fair! It suffered a bit from word limits but I'm actually quite happy with the Wallflower/Sunset dynamic I went with. I very much didn't want to have a Wallflower that was just sort of sad and mopey, which I felt was the way she often gets interpreted.
I mean there's a bit of that in here, but I feel like she has a bit of fight in her regardless. : )
Glad you enjoyed reading!
10800557
Unique was the goal! : ) I hope it was interesting and somewhat fun.
ooh, I like where this is going :D
Fantastic.
when the domme bullies you with friendship10961840
The domme is certainly trying.Mmm, this very good, yes. :3
Neeeeerd! :V Also, I love how the line after this reminded me Wallflower's actually the narrator. I kind of forgot about her!
10964136 Forgetting about Wallflower is sort of a thing that happens in-universe so I don't blame you! She's sort of famous for it.
She'd be my worst nightmare.
...
Okay, that may or may not have been an exaggeration. Only a slight one, though.
For as good as this is so far - and believe me, it's really good -, there's one point where I have to suspend my disbelief a little. She mentioned that she's basically hiding from herself, which, alright, fine. But there's only so much you can do to achieve that continuously. And she can't really afford even a single mess up there. I mean, just imagine. She comes down a corridor, rounds the corner and aims towards a bathroom door. Meanwhile, someone - anyone - was a few dozen steps away talking to her. Sort of. And then turns around and sees her enter the bathroom. That's at this point basically just 'bad luck', but how do you avoid something like that for such a prolonged time?
And I feel like she's... well, deranged. I can see why. And how. But it's really worrisome.
We'll see how that ends...
Well, should've stayed my hand and waited for another chapter. Shoot, that's the reason I usually wait with commenting until I read the whole thingy. Ah well.
One mystery solved... kinda?
Ouch. Just... I don't know. I can feel that. Emphasize with that. Ergh.
Last one. Onward.
Alright, here we are. That... was really, really good. But I already said as much. Hm. Repetition helps memory? Something like that.
As others have mentioned already, your version of Wallflower is unique. (Duh.) And I like it a lot. I'm still a bit... let's call it 'worried' about Sunsets mental state. As someone who's not quite right in the head myself, I know that being social and interacting with others can be quite a challenge. And dragging that massive baggage into something as complex and tiresome as a relationship is... I don't know. My first instinct was to write 'dooming it to fail', but I actually don't want to go that far. It does make it loads more difficult, though. Me thinks.
It's their first relationship, too. Somehow that just dawned on me. Goodness gracious, they will face so many issues. I should probably stop reading too much into it. They'll be fine. They'll manage. It's how these things turn out. Here, anyway.
One thing this story made me curious about is... their upbringing, actually. It's something that was never mentioned in the show much, either. Or rather in the Equestria Girls-movies. I mean, sure, Twi had a brother. But people don't exist in a vacuum. This Sunset Shimmer probably was the way she was because of circumstances. A single child, I assume. I wonder... she said she went home to study magic. What was her home like? How were her parents? To do what she did, she had to be living alone, right? If not, how did that even work?
So much more to think about.
Also, what the heck did Discord do for these seeds to end up here.
A very entertaining ride.
Thank you for writing!
11452991 A lot of relationships don't work. That doesn't mean, I feel, that they're not worth having, and my feeling is that even if Wally and Sunny don't stay together, both of the versions of these characters will probably have benefitted from this early foray into romance. It's entirely possible they might outgrow one another, or even break up and get back together. Or they could be fine. Either way, my personal reading (bearing in mind Death of the Author) is that this has been a good experience for them, even if (and this was intentional) there were unhealthy undertones, or even somewhat toxic ones, to their relationship.
They're both fairly unusual characters, so I didn't think a usual romance would really suit them, and I don't know where it may end up going for them in the future.
11453165
I will certainly agree that there is a lot of potential there. And yes, a 'regular' romance would probably have ended up being somewhat... bland, I suppose.
Thank you.