In the early morning of April 30th, Princess Celestia and Luna came to the peaceful town of Ponyville and delivered a 6 month old filly to live and be raised under the care of the town's librarian and the Bearer of the Element of Magic, Twilight Sparkle. For years, the filly, now named Selena, lived a peaceful life with Twilight, along with her older sister Nyx, while having no clue of her past with the only thing being the strange lightning bolt shaped scar on her forehead that refuses to heal.
5 years later, Selena begins her first year at school, where she befriends the Cutie Mark Crusaders and makes an enemy out of the school bully Diamond Tiara. However, Selena's life turns upside down when Malice Lamar, a unicorn stallion that has ties to her past, escapes from the Canterlot Castle dungeons with a dangerous plot to kill the young filly. In an attempt to protect the young filly, Princess Celestia and Luna move Selena to Canterlot Castle while the Royal Guard begins a pony hunt for Malice.
When things take a sour turn, Selena realizes that the only way to defeat the past is to face the past itself. Will Selena be able to stop the psychotic stallion and save the ponies she loves or will she fail?
In the first chapter to the 'Selena Sparkle Story', Selena comes into the terrifying realization that sometimes, the past can come back to haunt you, but in this case, the past is coming back to hunt her down.
(Nyx is property of Pen Stroke, the creator of 'Past Sins')
Is this like Harry Potter?
10606652
The story was partly inspired by Harry Potter as I wrote this story during the time I was reading the series (at the time, I was reading the 1st book). The story itself was entirely inspired by a dream I had a few months ago.
a very strong feeling that the story is inspired by Harry Potter.
I don't quite understand why link the story of a new character with the story of Nyx? It seems to me that if there is no active interaction between them, then one of them will feel superfluous for history.
10776551
That's because one of the things that did inspire this story was Harry Potter.
And second, there is active interaction between them and their sisterly relationship plays a huge important factor in the story for what will be happening in the future chapters. Trust me, things will get very interesting as the story progresses. ;)
some kind of wrong family turned out.
really Twilight lived conditional 3 years in ponyvila and during this time friends and relatives did not come to visit her? did she never go to her parents? to brother?
there are a bunch of different holidays that are held with the family, but at the same time the heroes seem to live in isolation in the far north.
the story raises a lot of questions and inconsistencies.
why did Celestia put the child under the doorstep of the Twilight house instead of entrusting custody normally?
why was Nyx scared of her adult image as Nightmare moon if she resigned herself to it in the original before becoming a child again when Luna asked "who are you Nyx or Nightmare moon?" she replied "I am Nightmare moon and Nyx at the same time" thereby accepting herself as she is?
and many other questions.
nevertheless, the interaction of the Twilight daughters is interesting to watch.
P.S. to be honest, the first line "5 years later" almost made me quit this story right away. First impressions and acquaintances are almost the most interesting part of any story and this line can deceive readers that you allegedly decided not to show these moments.
10778180
I... actually never thought about the inconsistencies when I first started writing this. At first, I didn't understand what you were getting at, but after I thought about it for a minute, it all made sense. As soon as it did, I instantly knew exactly how to fix this as the idea of how both chapters will play out.
As for the '5 Years Later' line; I originally wasn't going to show what happened during that five year span, but I didn't want to make the chapter so darn short that I just felt compelled to do that. Looking back on that now was probably the dumbest thing that I've ever done.
Thanks to you pointing this out, I'm going to get to work on rewriting both chapters and make sure that I don't create any inconsistencies this time. Thank you so much for pointing this out and I will try to do better this time. :)
(PS; glad to hear that you find the interaction between Selena and Nyx very interesting.)
I thought this interlude would give us a hint of where Selena came from, but instead we found out that she is part of our villain's Horcrux. To be honest, in my opinion, it does not look very much like a serious threat.
he is not very much like a thoughtful chess player who thinks 6 steps faster than his opponent, and he is hardly a particularly skillful spellcaster. It is unlikely that the former guard had time to climb the archives and study complex spells.
Spell Nexus logically in terms of magical knowledge should surpass him, since he is a teacher of magic and has been doing this for many years, unlike our antagonist who went into the guard and probably developed physical characteristics and not mental.
10782323
As much as I want to give out a hint on where Selena came from, I refuse to do that because it's way too early to do just that. I'm leaving Selena's past a secret for the mean time since I want to see people theorize on where she came from. There is another reason as to why because I have ideas for sequel stories and that will only happen if this story becomes successful.
As for Malice Lamar? Trust me, he is more than you think. Just because he is a unicorn doesn't mean he relies on his magic to do everything. Malice is a sadistic, clever, twisted, and dangerous pony who loves taking in the pleasure of his enemy's pain and horror. This chapter is meant to demonstrate his character and give a hint on what he is like.
Malice Lamar is inspired by the two DC villains the Joker and Lex Luther. He may be sadistic, but he is terrifyingly intelligent and uses tactics to defeat his foes. Out of all the villains I've ever created in my years of writing, Malice Lamar is the one who scares me the most and is also my most hated one as well. When future chapters come up, you will see what I'm talking about.
Believe me, this is only the beginning. ;)
10782415
in my opinion, you have combined two incompatible villains DC.
10782634
For whom? Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon? Or are you talking about Malice?
I'm sorry, I'm just very confused. XD
Also, is that a good thing or a bad thing?
Edit: I just realized that you were talking about Malice. I was confused because your comment showed up in Intermission 2, so I got thrown off. XD
10782664
this is some kind of strange bug. because I haven't even gotten to intermission 2 yet
Bionicle OC: *deep fries the prisoner with heat vision*
10785333
That got me!! XD
10785638
Do you know what Bionicle is?
10785847
I may have limited knowledge on what Bionicle is, I still understood the joke. :)
10786183
It wasn't a joke.
10786311
Whoops, my bad. XD
10786422
He's out right brutal at times.
10786832
No argument there. This has definitely piqued my interest. I will definitely check out Bionicle at some point since I'm open-minded to new things; such as concepts, ideas, etc. :)
10776714
i also got that from the chapter but other than that good start
10789670
Thank you so much. I am actually rewriting both the Prologue and Chapter One in order to fix up any inconsistencies that I've recently discovered. In my honest opinion, I like the new version of the Prologue that I have done way more.
Both chapters will be updated before I work on Chapter Four. :)
Diamond better not do anything bad
10789884
What Diamond has planned is going to put Selena and Nyx's sisterly relationship to the test, pushing it to limits that they never thought possible.
So in a sense, her plan is going to be pretty bad.
so cute but did see an error if you want to know about it
10960930
Sure. I love to hear it. All criticism, including opinions, is appreciated. I accept them all. :)
10960936
in the recent chapter it says "She has read about slumber parties, as well as sleepovers, in books many times and has always wanted one of the each." and I believe you do not need "the" in it.
10960952
I fixed it. :)
Like I said, if there is anything that needs fixing, all criticism is appreciated.
were you thinking of "blueish" when describing Spike instead of "Budish" (the part about his underbelly)?
"Time can be cruel, but it does have its memorable times and there were many of them when both Selena and Nyx came into her life." adding "like" before "when" seems to fit better.
10970874
Whoops, I'll fix that.
“We sure did!!” this should probably be "do" instead of "did" and with 'please not take Daddy away'. it seems it needs "do" in after please an and extra quotation mark on both sides. but other than that i did not see any other issues.
10971369
Fixed it. Thanks for letting me know. :)
>That’s why we’ll drift them apart to teach her lesson!!” having an "a" before "lesson" would help it flow a bit better and with "so you’ve leave me no choice.” for here "left" instead of "leave" seems to be a better fit.
10975402
Thank you so much for pointing this out. :)
I will fix it right now.