This story is a sequel to Sweet, Sweet Record O' Mine
A couple of days after Applejack finally broke her apple-bucking record, Rainbow Dash takes her on a date. Fun times and bonding are in store for the two when they end up at a race in Appleoosa. They have a whole day to spend, why not have some fun out on the town?
Happens after the events of Sweet, Sweet Record O’ Mine. It’s not a required read, but I recommend you do read it.
Updates every Friday until the three chapters are up.
Cover: Done by me :)
Big thank you to Krickis and RainbowDashSonicFast
for proof-reading!
Chapters (3)
I immediately thought of this song when I read the title. Now it's time to read the story
https://youtu.be/1CaS4pSpS3c
10619683
Ah that song is really good! I completely forgot it existed. I hope you like the story so far :)
It’s so great, can’t wait for more!
10620907
Thank you! I can't wait to give y'all more :)
Thanks for the chapter!
10621741
Thank you for the read :)
First paragraph's a little bumpy. Could use some smoothing out.
Too many ands. Use a comma for the first one.
The first few sentences are all part of the above paragraph's thought.
I can't help but think it would be easier to carry it with her teeth. I would also go so far as to say the middle of the table is not a precarious position.
I thought Big Mac poured everyone orange juice?
Since when is Rainbow Dash a unicorn? Pegasus is the word you want.
What does this sentence mean?
Now that the editor in me has quieted down, here are my general thoughts. It's a pretty good start to a story. Mayhaps I'll come back and read a bit more tomorrow. I enjoyed the chemistry between the family; it felt genuine. I also like the idea of using serious Dash instead of the much more common lackadaisical Dash.
If I were to guess, I'd also wager that Hotshot is going to be the stallion Rainbow Dash is either cheering for, or against. You don't introduce a character like that and then not use him.
Feel free to use any of my examples. Or don't. Up to you, really. I'm not the author of this story.
10629922
These are all great suggestions. I'm upset at myself for not realizing some of these, thanks a bunch! It means a lot :) I'll look it over when I'm actually awake tomorrow.
Edit: I actually just ran through and fixed some of those. Might as well right? Anyway, you don't have to come back to read the next chapter but if you did, that'd be cool too :)
Thanks for the chapter!
10630690
Thank you for reading!
Loving this so far.
10631015
Thank you very much
Too much Ice cream all at once. When you repeat a word over and over, it just draws too much attention. Try a pronoun.
Far side of town denotes that you'll have to cross town. The above statement infers that they stepped off the train, crossed town, and are now crossing town again.
Red with white polka dots?
Not really a good idea to use a word twice in a sentence if you can avoid it.
You mean to tell me that they spent over an hour on that banana split? And they were racing through it!
In British English, there's nothing wrong with this line. In American English, homely means ugly.
Hope someone's around to answer that phone, because I called it.
And then just the lighter errors. All in all, not so bad.
10632665
Ah, once again thank you for pointing these out. I'll do my best to try to fix them! And yeah, I'm Canadian, and we usually use "homely" in a positive context here but I guess I'll change it to something more universally positive.
Well this was quite the lovely read. Appledash is my favorite ship, and it makes me happy to know that there are still great stories being written about it.
Also, I think you may have forgotten to change the story’s status to “complete”
10641129
Thanks :D That really means a lot to me. I love Appledash too (clearly)
Also I totally did forget! Thank you for reminding me lol
Thanks for the fic! It was wonderful!
10645072
Aw thank you :)
A review for YOU.