Soaring

Pinkie loves to look at the sky and wishes more than anything to be up there, feeling the wind rush by her. She then has a brilliant idea to make her own means of getting in the air.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 9 )

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mageli7

mageli7 #1 · Sep 1st, 2012 · · ·

Great story! Even if it was a bit sad I still loved it! Welllll maybe a bit sad is an understatement, it was quite depressing and nearly made me cry... Good job!

qazxswedcvrfrfsf

qazxswedcvrfrfsf #2 · Sep 1st, 2012 · · ·

Another great story. I don't know how you do it, how you can manage to produce so many stories with so little easy, but that's why I look up to you.

TeXXy

TeXXy #3 · Sep 1st, 2012 · · ·

I thought that it was going to be Pinkie x Soarin' due to the name...
Good thing it wasn't, that'd be really weird.
Anyways, here's a few things I noticed that you aught to work on.

Don’t worry about it Pinkie. Everything you need to know is in that book. I’m sure you are very capable in figuring it out.” Twilight said with an assuring grin.
“Well if you say so. Thanks for helping me.

”

-Twilight's dialogue didn't start with a quote, therefore it looked like it was a paragraph.
-You are missing a comma after "Twilight Said". ("Twilight said, with an assuring grin.")
-You are missing a comma after "Don't worry about it". ("Don't worry about it, Pinkie.")
-You are missing a comma after "Well". ("Well, if you say so.")

That great big, blue, clear sky. This is what she came for. And she will try.

-You don't need to add "clear", it doesn't quite flow as well as it should.
-Never start a sentence with "And". (Instead, try "This is what she came for -- and she needed to try" or something to that effect.)

Finally, the ending doesn't quite have as much emotion as it should, it just kind of quickly ended as follows;
(spoiler alert...)
Pinkie jumped, and the contraption failed to work. Then she became a ghost and saw her friends crying. At least she got to fly, simply as her ghostly self.
(end spoiler)

So forth.
They're just simple mistakes and things you'll realize on your own, over time...
Don't take it personally, I just wanna help :3.

Besides that, it was a pretty good story. Although I believe I've read something similar before...
Lastly, I do like your other stories as well. I had noticed mistakes in them here and there, but decided not to point anything out because I [probably] didn't have the time.

Magicolt808

Magicolt808 #4 · Sep 1st, 2012 · · ·

1200754 Trust me, I know it looks weird but when you try to write out a story in study hall and the computer has no grammar/ spelling checks, it becomes harder to write. But I do see where you come from and I appreciate the feedback.

Nytaza

Nytaza #5 · Sep 2nd, 2012 · · ·

A few errors but a sad story. It was really good though!!!

TeXXy

TeXXy #6 · Sep 2nd, 2012 · · ·

1200929
I could see how that could be a big contribution to the errors.
Of course we're not perfect anyways, we all make mistakes.

Fluttrick

Fluttrick #7 · Sep 3rd, 2012 · · ·

Sorry, Royce. I'm a bit late on reading all your fictions. But here's my opinion of the fiction. And this time I'll at least try to give a detailed response instead of just saying "SO AWESOME" or "AMAZING!" Even though this fiction was both of them. I thought it had an interesting plot, and that the ending was a bit unexpected which made the entire experience sadder.
There were a few errors I could see, but as I read the comments I noticed that your study hall computers don't have grammar check so it is expected for there to be some mistakes. Just make sure to put commas before stating the name of a character.
Such as the part where Pinkie said. "Thanks Twilight!" It should be. "Thanks, Twilight!"
That's all for now. Otherwise it was another one of your good yet not as popular fictions.
-Pat