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Celestia's worst nightmare had come to pass, her faithful student, Twilight Sparkle has fallen to the dark side. Dethroned and severely depowered, she seeks help from another universe that never suffered her world's tragedies.
Based on 'Injustice: Gods Among Us', inspired by Mr Astounding's 'Disharmony: Gods Among Ponies'.
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Will post 2 nitpick mistake spelling and give my comment on the Prologue.
TENS OF THOUSANDS
she chuckled as she laid back in her seat with her back hooves put on the table and her fore hooves folded behind her head.
I am curious what Chrysalis was trying to accomplish; I get her plan was to get Twilight to let lose her evil side, but why was she willing to put her own life on the line ... Unless that is just a changeling drone. I do like the idea of the story, it is interesting of a concept that I would like to see how it turns out, depending on how it turns out depends on my final thought.
This last part is something you don't have to worry about right now but this would need an editor's touch cause it feels like you just keep repeating the same concept in the beginning. But this is still interesting. Good luck and can't wait to see how it goes~
10471470
Thank you for the comment and for pointing out those spelling errors. I will be sure to fix them. I'm just still new to this site and getting used to how to do things around here, but I'll figure it out.
As for Chrysalis' goal:
Anyway, thanks again for commenting. Hope you'll enjoy the rest of it too. 🙂
Whoa mama. Even seeing some of the play videos for the actual game AND having read Mr. Astounding's version myself, I find this opening quite emotional. Yeah, I have to respect the work that went into altering this in order to make it a better fit for the altered characters. And I can see where Chrysalis might be crazy enough to be a good Joker.
On to the next chapter.
Again, really good job on the exchanges, characterizations, action and future chapter set-up in all the right places. And, yeah, I can see where Sombra might be smart enough to make a good Luthor, but Sunset as Deathstroke DID catch me by surprise. Anyway, loved how well Celestia handled herself here.
For possible other exchanges later on:
Unfriendship Starlight: (as she is interrogating/torturing her universe's Sunset) The Princess has given you more chances than you deserve Sunset. So have *I* to be honest, but that old friendship can only go so far.
***********************************
Unfriendship Sombra: Unlike your universe's Sombra, I actually learned my lesson and reformed after my first defeat in the relatively present day LONG before Twilight went off the deep end.
*************************************
Main Celestia (at a point of your choosing): I was hoping my Twilight could take over for me once she had a few years more experience, but NOT LIKE THIS.
********************************
Unfriendship Celestia: Look, I've lost most of my old family and friends too -
Unfriendship Twilight: BUT MOST OF THAT WAS NATURAL CAUSES!
***********************************
Unfriendship Twilight: So, they finally brought YOU in. Once I've killed you and brought YOUR family over here so they can see how I perfected this world -
Main Twilight: They would all be afraid and disgusted! And I wouldn't be able to blame them one bit!
Unfriendship Twilight: They would all be alive!
Main Twilight: The deaths of your parents and brothers does NOT justify all of this.
Unfriendship Twilight: Chrysalis STOLE THEM from us!
Main Twilight: And YOU stole the freedom of this world. It's time to give it back.
********************************
Unfriendship Celestia: Bit for your thoughts?
Main Twilight: I have to admit, I am VERY troubled by what this Twilight did, in particular because I have no way of knowing whether or not I would do the same if pushed that far. I've certainly done things that I'm far from proud of, though never THIS bad. So, I guess you're going to have to get used to being back on the throne for at least a while.
Unfriendship Celestia: Only temporarily. Pretty much the only GOOD thing to come out of what my Twilight did is that it got me used to being a simple protector again instead of a ruler. I missed that feeling, but not at the cost of what happened.
**********************************************************
Though I can quite respect if you already have other/better ideas.
Anyway, definitely looking forward to more of this.
10472060
Thank you for the comments! Much appreciated! 🙂
Unfortunately, I already have the dialogues planned for those scenes, but if I'll ever need help with one, I'll let you know.
Hope you'll enjoy the rest of the story as it comes along!
Interesting... I can see some of the parallels between injustice and this fic
Celestia = Batman
Chrysalis = Joker
Twilight = Superman
Sombra = Lex Luthor
Trixie and Starlight = Cyborg And Raven
... I havent seen Injustice in a while so that's all I got.
Looking forward to reading more!
10472192
That's more than fair enough. I kind of half-expected that anyway.
REALLY good job on the exchanges, characterizations, action and future chapter set-up in all the right places thus far. I LOVED seeing Main AJ kicking tail on the alternate versions of Starlight, Trixie, Nightmare Moon and herself. And, yeah, considering AJ is playing Green Lantern, I'm half-surprised you didn't cast the Flim-Flam Brothers (her ACTUAL arch-enemies) as Sinestro, but I admit that Nightmare Moon works much better. And since Shining is apparently in the role of Green Arrow, I'm going to guess that Cadance is basically going to be a hybrid of Aquaman and Black Canary (though the latter probably not until Unfriendship 2 [assuming you DO opt for a sequel]).
But, anyway, very definitely looking forward to more of this.
10477472
Thank you for the comment! 🙂
I'm actually saving one of the Film-Flam Brothers for the role of Captain Cold in the sequel, sporting a cider gun instead of a cold gun, out for revenge for the death of the other brother, though the more I think about it, the more I think I should cast the other brother as Deadshot, because I have no idea who else to cast as Deadshot.
Cadence is gonna be Aquaman through and through and I'm actually NOT planning to bring back Shining Armor for the sequel. Instead the role of Ollie and Dinah in the sequel will go for Flash Sentry and Daring Do. And no, they're not gonna be in a relationship.
As for Nightmare Moon as Sinestro, that was a tough call, but in the end I though it was the right choice as I'm planning to use the Nightmare for the role of Atrocitus in the sequel, trying to corrupt AJ Into being it's new host, so it would make sense for those two to be running around together.
10477916
Thanks very much for the explanations and correction.
You realize that Injustice, unlike unfriendship, is an actual word right?
10482086
I looked it up. It IS an actual word.
Thanks very much for getting the next chapter up. I really appreciate you going to the effort. Again, the exchanges, characterizations, action and future chapter set-up are all really well done in all the right places. And, yeah, I can understand the stuff about SOME casting overlap being unavoidable (such as Tirek as Doomsday, Discord as Ares and Fluttershy as Flash [actually Pinkie Pie would have probably been a better choice for Flash, considering she IS faster on land than Rainbow is in the sky {as evidenced in both "Griffon the Brush-Off" AND "Party of One"}, but I'm mature enough to respect your choices and you probably have Pinkie in another role anyway]). Anyway, I DID like that interlude chapter before we checked in on Cadance when she found out about all of what happened with this universe's Chrysalis. Plus, the stuff with the alternate Celestia and Sombra was surprising in a good way (I don't know if that was a Mythology Gag to the "Reflections Arc" of the IDW comics or just a coincidence, but either way, it was quite well done (though it makes me wonder who you're going to cast as Catwoman, I suppose we'll find out soon enough).
Of course, I'm surprised you seem to have cast Flurry Heart as Damian, but considering you already have Nightmare Moon as Sinestro and Sunset as Deathstroke, I suppose you didn't have too many other options.
At any rate, we'll definitely be looking forward to more of this.
10490903
Thank you for the comment! You are by far my most dedicated reader. 🙂
Yes, it was weird casting Flurry as Damien, but if you think about it, Damien had been raised to be a weapon since he was born. He already would have been a capable fighter by age 5 so it makes some sense. Like I said in the previous chapter, I also considered Luna for the role so she and Celestia would have the same family feud as Bruce and Damien in the games. I was also considering Spike since Twilight is a mother figure for him but problem with that was 1) I wanted Twilight's Regime to be all ponies and 2) I'm saving Spike for the role of Supergirl in the sequel. So yeah, I pretty much ran out of options. I was also considering Sunset, but I liked her better in the role of Deathstroke.
You're right. I do have Pinkie cast in a role. And if you'd like to know early, it's Catwoman. Didn't really give much thought on who to cast Pinkie as and I figured she could work in the role. Mr. Astounding already had her as Harley and since Chrysalis is Joker here, I think Thorax would make sense in that role, given they both reform in their canon.
10490944
You are quite welcome. And thanks back for the response.
Where is Spike?
10491046
Officially, he was among the casualties in Canterlot.
Unofficially, I'm saving him for the role of Supergirl in Unfriendship 2.
Again, very good job on the exchanges, characterizations, action and future chapter set-up in all the right places. I especially liked Main Celestia's dialogue with Unfriendship Twilight as well as Unfriendship Celestia's reasons for allying with (most of) the remaining Changelings. And, yeah, I have to grudgingly respect how Chrysalis was able to use HER Celestia's own love for her fellow pony to make herself strong enough to win against her and I can understand why Unfriendship Spitfire could be so disgruntled.
VERY definitely looking forward to more of this.
10516565
Once again, thank you for the insightful comment.
Stay tuned for more. 😉
10516635
You are extremely welcome.
And I will. :-D
Hello there. Sorry I took a while to get around to responding to this. My computer had a virus and it took more than a week to fix the problem. But, anyway, superb work on the exchanges, characterizations, action and future chapter set-up in all the right places. Greatly enjoyed the check-up with Main Twilight and some of the others before seeing Shining in action. Also felt for Mac getting brainwashed and the other Sombra being forced into making a no-win-scenario choice.
Anyway, definitely looking forward to more of this.
10550350
Bo problem.
Thanks for the comment.
See you in the next one!
😉
10553092
You're extremely welcome. And I'm quite willing to be patient.
Well, this chapter took a while, but was quite well worth the wait. The exchanges, characterizations, action and future chapter set-up are all well done in all the right places. Greatly adored the tricks Main Starlight used in her fights (especially her counterpart) as well as the added alternate universe details (though, I admit, I DID feel bad for the other Sombra when he found out how bad HIS counterpart is and have a bad feeling about Main Starlight having to attend that meeting with the other Twilight to keep the latter from getting suspicious).
Anyway, definitely looking forward to more of this.
And Happy Holidays.
If I remember correctly, Deathstroke is after Cyborg which means Sunset is next.
Another great chapter!
10604712
Sure as sugar! :)
Thank you for the comment. I'm glad you liked it.
10598373
Once again, thank you for the insightful comment. Happy you liked it!
I have a liking to writing fight sequences, but I always feels like the way I'm doing them here are lackluster. Mostly because I'm more interested in progressing with the story rather than the fights. But I really wanna go all out with the final fight between Main Twilight and Unfriendship Twilight.
Again, the exchanges, characterizations, action and future chapter set-up are all pretty well done in all the right places. Definitely enjoyed seeing Insurgency Sunset in action (even if she ended up blowing a stealth operation) and I DID love Starlight mentioning what she did to her Regime counterpart as payback. Also really liked Regime Rainbow getting the reminder that these enemies ARE to be taken seriously. In addition, really good reasons for the Insurgency members' signing up. Plus, the stuff about Sunset no-selling the Stare and Main Rainbow commenting on the bad acronym did provide some pretty welcome humor. And Yeah, "Insurgency" and "Regime" DOES sound pretty logical.
At any rate, this chapter again took a while, but was well worth the wait. And I will definitely be looking forward to more of this.
I have the oddest feeling you originally had Trixie in Starlight's role since you keep calling Starlight a blue unicorn, not just in this chapter but previous chapters. She's at least pink.
(And Cozy Glow grey? More like a like orangish-pink)
Other than that another great chapter! I can't recall if Fluttershy ever used The Stare on anything else but animals. But even if it does work, Sunny ain't falling for that!
10645131
Thank you for the comment! 🙂
I actually took the "bad acronym" bit from the Injustice 2 prequel comic from a similar scene between Batman and Plastic Man.
I realize I've been taking longer than before with new chapters, but I've also been working on other chapters in parallel with this one, already about 1/3 done with chapter 10 and 11 and even started 12. So those the rest of the story will probably be finished sooner. Especially since I really want to start Unfriendship 2.
10645315
She did try to use it on Discord in "Keep Calm and Flutter On" with the same result as with Sunset here, except without getting knocked out.
And yeah, about the colors, I get that a lot. I mistake colors very easily. Light red, brown, dark green, I wouldn't be able to tell the difference.
Thank you for the comment. I'm happy you enjoy my story. 🙂
VERY good job on the exchanges, characterizations, action and future chapter set-up in all the right places. Really enjoyed seeing things like Main Applejack fighting alongside Unfriendship-verse Apple Bloom, as well as the tricks Insurgency Celestia used to hang tough against her opponents, Unfriendship-verse Flurry Heart actually making one or two surprisingly good points, Unfriendship-verse Pinkie's comic relief moments and the general teamwork that went into the rescue of the main Celestia.
Very definitely looking forward to more of this.
10695120
Thank you for the comment.
Boy, am I glad to be done with this chapter, it was a pain to write! But we're finally getting closer to the climax which was my most anticipated part to write. And I've already finished much of it.
Stqy tuned! 😉
Well, definitely saw the tears in this chapter coming, but all the same, very good job on the exchanges, characterizations, action and future chapter set-up. Definitely appreciated the reasoning behind Insurgency Thorax's initial misunderstanding with his Sombra as well as the reason why overdosing on the pills was a bad thing. Also liked how Main Chrysalis was able to see through Thorax's attempt to impersonate Sombra. Also liked Insurgency Sombra's attempt to reason with Regime Spitfire. And Main Starlight's reflection on the reasons Insurgency Sunburst's bitterness made a lot of sense too. I'm definitely feeling bad for Rarity right now (and even worse in the next chapter, even if it is necessary to motivate Fluttershy to switch sides).
Just one thing:
[ "No, I don't think he will." Insurgency Sombra replied as he started putting on the suit, greatly surprising Starlight with his blunt answer. "The falling out he had with his Starlight when she joined the Regime really broke him. He loved her. He probably still does, but now he has to live with the knowledge that they can never be together again. Either the Regime wins and we're all gonna be imprisoned or executed, or they win and our Starlight will be imprisoned along with the other Regimers, probably for life." he explained.]
I think, at the end of that, you mean or "WE win and our Starlight will be imprisoned along with the other Regimers", not "THEY"
Other than that, this was a well done chapter and I'm definitely looking forward to more of this.
10706422
Thank you for the comment and for drawing my attention to that typo. That part went through a lot of rewriting and looks like I missed that part. I fixed it.
I think you're in a misunderstanding. Chrysalis didn't see through Insurgency Thorax's disguise. He reveled himself to her, once he knew she walked into his trap. And about Regime Rarity, yeah, that part is coming up.
Thanks for the comment. Stay tuned. We're almost at the end.
10706862
Yeah. Thanks again for the correction. Serves me right for skimming.
I agree with applejack because like applejack with her family in her world. Your family is more important honestly than someone else and no one should say that family doesn’t matter. All families are different there can be a nuclear family, nonbiological family and maybe a family member who has a family with their grandkids. I may actually be forgetting any other families but still you don’t leave your family alone at all and even leave their own family business to a tyrant.
I mean...I wouldn't be shocked if anyone forgave Fluttershy for joining...let's say "the wrong side" as they likely knew it wasn't entirely by her "choice".
Again, really good job on the exchanges, characterizations, action and future chapter set-up in all the right places. Yeah, really loved the tricks Fluttershy used to win against physically tougher opponents (after trying to reason with them had failed in the cases of Applejack and Mac) and also enjoyed the negotiations with Angel. And, yeah, considering she WAS only following Twilight out of a combination of fear and being convinced that Twilight was right, it IS understandable that Celestia would be forgiving once she learned how sincere Fluttershy was in her apologies.
Definitely looking forward to the final few chapters of this story.
Well at least Fluttershy didnt have to fight shining armor
And this is the difference between Celestia and Batman, Celestia does hugs.
Once again, excellent job on the exchanges, characterizations, action and future chapter set-up in all the right places. Really liked the Main group's speech on why they're staying until the job is done, the logical alteration for reasoning for bringing in Main Twilight, as well as Rainbow's battles with Lightning Dust, Trixie and her own counterpart.
Definitely looking forward to the final two chapters.
10722059
That was quick.
Thanks for the comment! I used one of the quotes you suggested at the beginning! Wanted to show you how much I appreciate your dedication.
10722062
I noticed that AND really appreciate that.
I also read somewhere that you are planning to do a "Justice League of Equestria" story sometime after you finish with this one. I've got some ideas, but I'm not going to spoil them here. Besides, I acknowledge that you probably already have other ideas anyway.
REALLY good job on this latest/second-to-last chapter. Love the work that went into the exchanges, characterizations, action, general wrap-up and sequel set-up in all the right places.
Greatly enjoyed the tricks Main Twilight used against the Regime versions of Blueblood, Cadance, Nightmare Moon, Tirek as well as undoing the brainwashing that was done on Mac. ESPECIALLY liked Main Twilight turning the tide against her counterpart by tapping into the power of so many of her family and friends.
VERY definitely looking forward to the epilogue.
Excellent work on the final chapter of this story. Really enjoyed how well done the exchanges, characterizations and sequel set-up are. Really liked the rest of the Mane Six and Insurgency Celestia reassuring Main Twilight after the defeat of her counterpart as well as the mention of remaking Equestria into a democracy or a constitutional monarchy and the mentions of some of the punishments of the assorted Regime members.
10738215
Thank you for all of your comments and your dedication! I trust I can count on it for Unfriendship 2 as well. :)
as the story is now finished, I'll be going through these chapters one at a time to see how it compares to my own story "Disharmony: Gods Among Ponies":
(one chapter review later...)
hmm, so Twilight and Celestia's positions are reversed, and Chrysalis is in the position that I had Sombra in my own story; that's not a BAD thing, mind you: just something I noticed; anyways, good job so far, and I look forward to seeing what ELSE you have in store here... 🙂
hmm, not a bad chapter, though with that being said, I need to compare and contrast the characters regarding our two stories:
what remains the same:
Discord is filling the role of Ares
Tirek is still filling the role of Doomsday
what characters were different
Sunset Shimmer seems have replaced the role that I had for Lightning Dust
Lightning Dust seems to have filled the role of Prince Rutherford, whom I had playing the role of Bane
Sombra seems to have taken up the role that I had set up for Prince Blueblood
all in all, not a bad set up that you've got going here... 😄
(nods) okay, so Applejack is filling the role that I had given to Rarity in this story; that's not a BAD thing, mind you - in fact, I had briefly considered such a possibility myself - but it DOES make me curious to see what OTHER changes in characterization we'll see here; in fact:
differences that I could see
Cadance is filling the role that I had given the Princess Ember
Trixie is filling in the role that I had given to Zecora, whom I had given the role of Raven
Starlight is being cast into the role that I had given Sunburst
Shining Armor seems to be filling the role or Rainbow Dash in this story
Nightmare Moon is filling the role of Chrysalis, who had been playing the part of Sinestro
all in all, interesting set up that you've got here thus far... 😊
(nods) nice to know that Fluttershy is still playing the role of The Flash here, and interesting choice of making Rarity fill in the role of Scootaloo - who filled in the role of Captain Marvel/Shazam - for this story...though all in all, considering how they handled themselves here, I can definitely say that it was a good call... 🙂