• Member Since 17th Mar, 2018
  • offline last seen 8 hours ago

Freglz


Walk, don't run. Unless you're late for the bus.

T

Twilight reconnects with an old flame.


Written for the September Slice of Life Incest Contest.
Inspired by Shakespearicles.
Edited by Regidar.
Big thanks to Redruin for the cover art.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 16 )

Think we might have the winning fic here.

strangely wholesome
good job

Well written and I would say that is what I dislike about immortals in story. The idea that teach the people in the story. And us that we are expendable.. I rather happy that you took the time to say how growing a daughter would not know what being vulnerable? meant.

Personally, Other everything being top tier with great passion and feeling. I actually really dislike selectice immortality

They joke now but what right is theres to say they need to live forever? More over who know or stand against the undying the unkillable? That had stood before your 10 generations back?

No, any immortal must strive for immortality for all least you fall inert to the means and matters of the mortal heart. The more you live inert from your fellows and only immortality and its undying favor. The meaning of life becomes strange.

Because none of them can prove that they will be benelovlent? Who protects against them all if they all go crazy?

And why not invent something so world can turn unaided by the immortal hand.


Thank you for this great work. And I am open to criticism!

Ps. The show runners confirmed that she would live a mortal life and then die. Just leave that their. Cough I know thats not the point.

Since ascension is possible, I can't see Cadance sit back and let Shining Armor wither. If not already addressed, there will come a point where something in Cadance snaps and she will do whatever is necessary to not lose Shining Armor.

10460120

The show runners confirmed that she would live a mortal life and then die.

Source, please?

I have a lot of conflicted feelings about this fic. On one hand, the writing is super solid. Where I think the story goes wrong is its attempt to tackle two unrelated subjects: incest and immortality. If you had written a story about Twilight and Shining exploring how their relationship has been a positive experience, that would have been fine from a structure point of view. If you had written a story about Twilight and Shining talking about the drawbacks of immortality and the consequences of immortals marrying mortals (which, by the way, you make some very interesting points about), that would have been fine too. I think tackling them both in the same story, however, splits the narrative. The two ideas don't really compete with each other, they just coexist, taking up space and making the core idea of the story less focused. I understand that this was written for a contest requiring the specific theme, but I get the impression you wanted to write a story about discussing immortality and you happened to see the contest open at the same time and thought, "Why not both???"

With all that said, I want to reiterate the writing is solid, and I really liked your ideas about immortal/mortal families. Thank you for sharing!

10460434
yeah, I'm pretty sure as soon as she grew 5 feet and got the injected Febreeze mane she was confirmed to be immortal.

10460495
The main point of the story was to show the show the bond Twilight and Shining share, and how even though they aren't together in the same respect as they once were, they love each other dearly and are willing to share anything about their lives with one another. This would include their deepest fears.

Immortality isn't the focus, but a topic of conversation. Whether it should be at the forefront of the story is a matter of personal preference. I'm glad you liked it anyway.

10460434
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To be clear,
1. This doesn't mean Twilight isn't immortal. She definitely is.
2. This doesn't mean her friends will become immortal. They don't.
All this means is that they will all die together in the same horrific zeppelin crash.

10460871

He didn’t get to be her BBBFF for nothing, after all, and while Rarity and Fluttershy, Applejack and Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie and Cadance may as well have been sisters to her, she only had one brother.

Because fuck Spike, amirite?

10463376
Literally who?

10463355
And so begins the reign of High Queen Flurry Heart, Princess of Equestria, Empress of Crystal, Protector of the Changling and Dragon Lands. Long may she reign, beautiful and terrible as the dawn.

Was good.

Stories that question mortality usually are, too job. Sad but heartwarming I guess, Shining handles that situation a lot better than I would methinks.

I'm being ridiculous. I've read this story. After closing it twice without starting. But now I've read it. And I'm now writing a comment. After, again, closing it. Twice. So I think it's fair to say: I'm conflicted. Slightly. Eeever so slightly.
The whole immortality-thing is, well, a thing. There are many discussions about it, everyone has an opinion, and that's fine. I have one, too. And I currently see no reason to spew that all over the place here, because frankly, that's not the point of the story. (Both in my perspective and as confirmed by the storyteller.)

What makes me hesitate is the whole incest-thing. Incest as such is already a very charged, very divisive topic. I think the count of downvotes even reflects that a little. Now, from a technical standpoint, the story is flawless as far as I can tell. Good characterization, good pacing, good spelling, all the good stuff. No, it's this topic, this one topic that's the issue.
Whatever I say is my opinion, obviously. And I do not claim to be an expert on this, seeing as I don't have siblings and I've never been interested in the topic enough to actually brush up on my knowledge of it. That said, I like the philosophy of 'live and let live'. With limitations. Because as far as I'm concerned, you're allowed to have all the fun in the world for all I care, since it's none of my business, until you start harming others. At that point, there needs to be a limit that regulates social interaction and what is acceptable and what isn't.
Twilight and Shining dating, having a relationship, doing relationship-stuff? Not my cup of tea, but luckily, I don't have to drink it. So I don't care. But here's the point where it pertains to this story again. Due to the story's rating, it was never explicitly stated how far they went. And that could very well make a difference. Because if they reach the point where they may sire an offspring, they went too far. It's about genetics, and all the harm they could inflict due to it. At that point, simply speaking, it gets too icky for me and I feel like I ought to care.
But as I said, the story never goes into detail. Which leaves this question (how far did they go?) unanswered and therefore up to interpretation. And because I'm me, that puts a quite heavy knot in my stomach that's constantly twisting.

For as good as this story was on so many levels, I cannot in good conscience upvote it. (That said, I obviously won't downvote it either, it doesn't deserve that.)

The topic of this writing is a fetish, but it is discussed in a believable, and serious way. It's about a fetish, but not 'fetish-ie'. That gets an upvote from me

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