The Mare of My Dreams
The Mare of My Dreams
The day started like any normal day, bright and sunny, birds singing gleefully in the trees. On Sweet Apple Acres, baskets of freshly-harvested apples shone brightly in Celestia's sunlight.
Applejack was hard at work, bucking apple trees for the precious fruit. With yet another basket filled, she headed for the barn to unload it. Suddenly, she was interrupted by a whooshing sound, and upon looking skyward, she saw a brilliantly colored streak, the telltale sign of Rainbow Dash's approach.
The Pegasus gently floated down towards the farm pony, and greeted her cheerfully. "Hey, Applejack."
"Good mornin', Rainbow. What brings ya'll over here?"
"Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeellllllll," she began, dragging out the word for several seconds. "I've been meaning to tell you something."
"What's that, sugar-" Applejack was interrupted when Rainbow Dash pulled her into a powerful kiss. She tried to yelp in surprise, but her mouth was totally covered. So, she just accepted it, finding herself actually enjoying it.
Applejack jolted awake, panting heavily and covered in sweat. Lately, she's been waking up like this a lot: startled by another dream of her and Rainbow Dash in a moment of great passion. She sighed as she looked out her bedroom window to see that the crown of the sun was just barely peaking over the hilltops.
As the Earth pony prepared for the day's work, she pondered the dream she had. Why was she dreaming about Rainbow Dash so much? Why did she dream that she kissed her? Where was all this coming from?
Now that she thought about it, she'd been feeling a little awkward around Rainbow Dash lately. Her face would heat up, her legs got wobbly, and her speech tended to slur. Her gut twisted whenever Rainbow got too close to her.
'What is happenin' to me?' she thought as she got to work, thinking it would take her mind off Rainbow. But, low and behold, a long string of spectral loops appeared in the skies above, causing her heart to jump. She thought at first the trail was heading towards the farm, making her heart pump even faster. But then, it made a U-turn back to town.
Applejack sighed. "Ah need to sort this out."
About two hours later, after her chores were done, Applejack took a stroll through town, trying desperately to clear her head. If nothing else, maybe she could get advice from her friends. As if on cue, she spotted Rainbow Dash trotting in her direction, her eyes closed and her mouth molded into a smile.
'That wasn't the friend ah meant,' she thought angrily to herself.
Rainbow opened her eyes as she reached Applejack, and cheerfully greeted her, "Hiya, Applejack. What are you doing in town?"
She chuckled, "Ah finished my chores a bit early, so ah decided to just stroll through town." She looked up cautiously, and got trapped in Rainbow Dash's beautiful magenta eyes. 'She always did have pretty eyes,' Applejack thought whistfully.
"Hey, Equestria to Applejack!" Applejack snapped back to reality with Rainbow vigorously waving her hoof in her face. "You okay?"
Applejack released a sigh. "Truth is, there's somethin' on mah mind." Rainbow waved her hoof, signifying for Applejack to elaborate. "Ah've been havin' these weird dreams about-" she stopped for a fraction of a second, not yet wanting to reveal to her cyan friend that she was the pony in Applejack's dreams. "-somepony close to me. They come up to me all normal-like, then out of the blue, they turn me around and kiss me."
Rainbow's eyes shot open is surprise. "Somthin' wrong, RD?"
"Oh, no, I'm fine," she scoffed. "I'm no good at solving dream puzzles, but maybe Twilight can help you."
Applejack perked up at the thought; if anypony could help her, it was the Princess' protégé. "Thanks, RD." She then quickly trotted off to the library.
The conversation with Applejack reminded Rainbow Dash of the dream she had last night, where she had approached Applejack normally and then involuntarily kissed her.
And when she woke up, her heart was racing and her stomach was in knots. Rainbow could even feel a bizarre tingling sensation on her lips.
Rainbow had considered that she might have a crush on Applejack, but was afraid to really think about it until now. 'Maybe I should get some advice, too.' Her first thought was Twilight, but then she remembered that was where AJ was going. Flutttershy didn't seem to be much of a romantic, and Pinkie'd probably tell everypony, leaving Rarity as her only option.
As Applejack approached the library, questions swirled in her head. Was she truly in love with Rainbow? When did this all start? Would Twilight care that she was attracted to a mare? The torrent of questions and doubt was halted as soon as Applejack's hoof made contact with the wooden door.
There was silence for a second, then a loud explosion and a muffled curse. Twilight answered the door wearing a welding mask. "Uh…" Applejack began.
"Don't ask. Let's just say I'm running a new experiment. Come on in." Upon entering, Applejack saw a large scorch mark on the floor, indicating where the explosion likely happened. "So," Twilight began casually, "What's up?"
The farm pony sighed, "Well, ah've been havin' these weird dreams."
"What about?" Twilight inquired.
"R-Rainbow Dash," she stuttered weakly. She then answered Twilight's questioning look by explaining how she'd been having these dreams for a while now, and the weird uncomfortableness she got around Rainbow Dash.
When she finished, Twilight looked at her friend kindly. "Applejack, I think you're in love with her."
"I was afraid of that," Applejack sighed, "So how do I break this to her?"
"I don't know, but don't do it until you're ready. It's best not to push these things."
Applejack smiled. "Thanks Twilight."
Much as she didn't like it, she knew she had to approach Rainbow about this soon; otherwise it would tear her apart from the inside.
So, after her talk with Rarity, Rainbow Dash came to the conclusion that she was in fact crushing on Applejack. She was even able to pinpoint that it started somewhere around the Running of the Leaves festival.
Before that, she always found something interesting about the orange Earth pony, but at the time, she couldn't put her hoof on what. After they tied for last place in the Running of the Leaves, and ended up racing side by side afterwards to finish off the remaining leaves, her admiration for Applejack started to grow. That was when she really got a chance to admire Applejack's beauty.
It was sometime after that that her dreams started. And the rest snowballed from there. Now the only question was how to approach Applejack.
Rarity suggested something simple, such as an anonymous gift, would be a good way to start off. And that's why Rainbow Dash was currently leaving the flower shop with a dozen crimson roses. Of course, Rainbow would confront Applejack eventually, but, following the advice of Rarity, she was "subtly letting her know that someone was interested."
She prayed that this would work, that Applejack would feel the same, but she wasn't getting her hopes up just yet.
The next day started normally at Sweet Apple Acres, but Applejack was surprised to see that the mail pony Derpy Hooves was flying away from the farm. She decided to check what was dropped off, opening the door and gasping in surprise.
A beautiful bouquet of roses sat on her doorstep, and she took a deep sniff as she picked them up and examined them. It was a simple display, but beautiful nonetheless.
'Could these be from…Nah, Rainbow doesn't like me that way. Even if she did, she wouldn't play the secret admirer game; she'd just come out and say it.' Applejack quickly went back upstairs and placed the flowers on her nightstand. Their simple beauty reminded her of Rainbow Dash.
But now she had to deal with her own turbulent feelings as well as somepony else's. But whose?
An afternoon picnic is a relaxing setting to be in. That is if your romantic interest that you just sent flowers to isn't attending. But, alas, since the six friends do nearly everything together, it was unavoidable for Rainbow Dash.
A large red and white checkered blanket was sprawled out over the grass, covered in a mix of treats from SugarCube Corner and Sweet Apple Acres. Everyone arrived at the same time, except for Twilight, who had to send a letter to the Princess regarding her new experiment.
Rainbow Dash was having an inner debate as to whether or not to confront Applejack. 'Come on, this is Applejack you're talking about, she'll be cool about this.' She chewed nervously on an apple fritter. 'But, then again, everyone's here, and I'd rather say this to Applejack when we're alone.'
Her eyes traveled to the right, where she sighted Applejack talking with Twilight. Rainbow couldn't hear them, but Applejack had a look of uncertainty, and her ears were low against her head. Rainbow Dash's gut twisted when she saw that she was even starting to tear up, and she looked away, suddenly realizing that she hadn't swallowed the apple fritter yet.
"Hey, Rainbow Dash!" Pinkie Pie said, ambushing the Pegasus and making her literally jump. "Oops, sorry. I was just wondering if you've made any cool new tricks that you could show us!" the fuchsia mare belted out like a Gatling gun.
Rainbow turned to Pinkie and smirked, "Actually, I am working on a new one."
She lifted off and began a long string of loops, similar to a roller coaster track. She corkscrewed while making them, causing them to shimmer in the sunlight. Then, she used her spectral trail to create an image. She never knew what the image was until she was finished making it. However, she knew it was always based on something running through her head at the time. When she finished, she looked back and immediately blushed bright pink, seeing the image she created was a large Stetson, just like Applejack's.
Rainbow shook her head to finish her trick. She flew high into the clouds, closing her eyes, relishing in the feeling of the wind in her mane. Finally, she reached her peak and started to stall. Her wings folded and she dive-bombed towards the ground. This part involved extreme precision; she had to pull up at just the right time to skim the grass with her hoof.
With grace and timing, she pulled up and rocketed along the ground, feeling the rug burn-like sensation that told her she did it correctly. Then she noticed too late that Applejack was right in her path. Unable to stop her extremely high momentum, she crashed into the farm pony, sending them both rolling down a hill.
When Rainbow opened her eyes, she found herself on top of Applejack. Not only that, but her lips were covering Applejack's.
Her face couldn't have been redder if it was doused in tomato juice.
On top of that, the action of accidentally kissing her crush caused Rainbow's wings to unfurl in excitement. She immediately broke it and tried to get off Applejack, but her beautiful emerald eyes paralyzed Rainbow. She remained firmly planted on top of Applejack for what felt like an eternity. Neither of them realized that there were four very confused ponies at the bottom of the hill who had been calling them repeatedly.
Only Twilight realized what was going on in their heads. 'They're in love, and they don't even know it.'
Rainbow then cast a sidelong glance and saw everyone staring. Her face burned painfully, and she jumped off of Applejack, allowing her to finally get up. At this point, all either of them could do was stare awkwardly at the ground. But it wasn't over yet for poor Rainbow Dash.
"Hey, Dashie, what's with your wings?" Pinkie asked, drawing everyone's attention to the fact that Rainbow's wings were still fully erect. Now Dash's face felt like it could combust at any second. Fluttershy scooted closer to Pinkie and whispered the explanation in her ear.
Pinkie blushed, though it wasn't very noticeable due to her pink color. "Oh, eh, sorry, Rainbow D-" Before she could finish, Rainbow Dash ran off, not able to face the embarrassment anymore.
Applejack followed her, but was unable to keep up.
Rainbow Dash was crying as she ran. That wasn't how she wanted to reveal her interest in Applejack. She thought it would just be the two of them, sitting underneath Luna's brilliant moon. Then Rainbow Dash would confess, hope in her eyes. And, ideally, Applejack would feel the same, and they'd share a gentle kiss. Though, anything would've been better than what just happened.
Running out of breath and legs burning, she stopped and pushed her head against a tree. She just needed time to reorganize her jumbled thoughts. But she wouldn't get long.
"Rainbow."
She flinched as she heard her friend's drawl voice say her name. Not wanting to make eye contact, she kept her head on the tree as though she didn't hear Applejack. Then the orange farm pony stood next to her, sympathy overflowing from her eyes. But Rainbow couldn't see; her eyes were squeezed shut, trying in vain to stem the flow of tears.
Rainbow expected a multitude of emotional outbursts to follow.
Anger. Disgust. Confusion. Anything other than what she got.
Applejack gently tilted Rainbow's head up, forcing the Pegasus to open her puffy, red eyes.
"No, I didn't do that on purpose," Dash sniffled.
Applejack shook her head. "Ah never thought you did, sugarcube. Jus' tell me somthin'."
She looked deep into Rainbow Dash's violet eyes. "Do you love me?"
All Rainbow could do was turn her head down and squeak, "Y-Yes." She looked up at Applejack and continued, "You remember those roses you got today?" Applejack nodded.
"You sent those?" AJ asked with a surprise-heavy voice. Rainbow Dash nodded.
"Lately, I've just been feeling really weird around you. My stomach gets all knotted up, my legs get shaky, my mouth dries up. Plus, I've been, well, dreaming about you."
Applejack quickly replied, "Well, you were the pony in my dreams." The two locked eyes before Applejack continued, "I feel the same."
Rainbow giggled playfully, "I guess there's only one thing to do now." She pressed her lips against Applejack's in a fiery kiss. Rainbow relished in the taste of apples and cinnamon; it wasn't far from apple pie, but Applejack was far sweeter, and far more enjoyable.
Applejack, meanwhile, was sampling an array of interesting tastes, none of which she could successfully identify, but all of which were incomparably sweet. It was as though she was literally tasting the rainbow.
They finally separated for air, eyes locked and hooves around each other's necks.
Dash broke the silence. "Ready for round two?" Applejack laughed as she pulled her new marefriend in for another kiss.
If I did something wrong, PLEASE tell me. If I ever do this again, I would like to know how to improve on it.
R&R
Your faithful author,
ClarinetOverlord
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Well the beginning seemed a bit rushed. "I need to tell you something." "What?" Kiss.
I liked it though! Will like and fav.
To "drag out" the well, use something like this: Weeeeeeeeeeeell...
It feels rushed. Try and explain more about the scenes i guess, and talk about how they're feeling. Not just thoughts, but also actions that they do.
applejack had a dream about kissing rainbow dash but it wasn't real but she suddenly had a crush on her for some reason and so did rainbow dash cuz this wouldn't be shipping if they both didn't like each other for some reason. so rainbow dash bought aj some flowers but aj didn't think the were from rainbow dash. so later that day they crashed into each other and kissed but everyone saw so rainbow dash ran crying and applejack went to comfort her so applejack asked "do ya'll like me?" and rainbow dash said "yes" and so they both kissed and there was a big squishy heart in the middle of the sunset and angel puked on fluttershy's shed the end.
th00.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/i/2012/201/f/a/applejack_and_rainbow_dash__sweet_kiss_by_kennyklent-d580pnd.png
Worst story I ever read ever.Lucky for you... I have a soft spot for Appledash... This was nice. I enjoyed it. Nicely written, great detail, I liked it. But it seemed a little rushed. But Appledash is one of the best ships, so I'll let it slide.
You have AJ and Dash's voices down, and you have some really nice phrasing through out the story. Over all I liked it.
One thought- I do agree with the people who said it was choppy. I think the big problem there might be switching back and forth between POV characters. If you stick with one, the scenes can flow more naturally. You also can build some suspense by not letting the readers know if one of them shares the others affection until they say so at the end. (Of course, we can all tell by the tags what's going to happen. But we pretend we don't! Because that's what shipping is all about.)
That being said, I do want to compliment you on keeping the POV switches separated by scenes. A lot of writers will just slip from one character to another, which is disconcerting. So even though I think that either the scenes should have been longer, or you should have done one POV character, you did do multiple POV's correctly! Thank you!
Thanks for the cute read, I'd love to see more.
Writing wise it's good. Not many grammar/spelling errors or whatnot. Story wise, however, it's... generic. Very much so. This is pretty much the perfect example of how most Appledash fics happen, though in your case, you definitely wrote it out better. (Some others i've seen... not even a spell check, oh god
)
All in all, I liked it. It's just been done before :x I'd like to see more Appledash from you, if you can spice it up a little! :)
Love the story, but may I ask "since when were Rainbows eyes violet??
"
I agree with bookplayer: You have the voices for Applejack and Rainbow down pat. I was reading the stories in their voices!
That said, there were a few word choices that I found strange for certain characters. One example is Rainbow Dash saying "psychologist".
And yet, you've certainly got a solid piece. Good job.
a bit fast paced
You could've done a lot more for each scene
rushhheeed liked it but rushed as hell
1179548
...Oops.
Before I get into any notes, the one thing to get out of your head is that you are doing anything wrong. You're writing something, creating something and there's nothing about doing so that can be construed as doing something wrong, only things that could be done better, and even then only in our opinions. All right, on to the notes.
First off, there's a lot of really nice voicing and dialogue going on here, from all the characters. There's very little stilted language, and for the most part it flows very smoothly and naturally. The voices sound very much in character with a few notable issues (I'll go into that in a second), and overall the characters were interesting and very much in the style of the show. So, I applaud you for that, that's a very tough thing to get down. The technical elements, like grammar/spelling/mechanics, are all sound. This is far more than a lot of ship fics can say so kudos.
All right, a few technical issues. First, in relating to the voicing, it appears that Applejack's accent comes and goes fairly frequently. There's some "I"s and some "ah"s, some "you"s and some "ya"s. Such as 'Applejack sighed. "I need to sort this out."' then two lines down ' 'That wasn't the friend ah meant,' she thought angrily to herself.' This switching occurs frequently enough that its distracting and throws the reading of Applejack's voice off. Also, as somebody else said there's a few glaring issues with word choice involving Rainbow that detract from the otherwise excellent voicing of her. Things like "I'm no psychologist" and 'Involuntarily kissed her' didn't feel quite in line with Rainbow Dash. There are also a few other word choice issues: AJ saying "How do I break it to her" as though its bad news, Rainbow Dash smirking at Pinkie Pie, Pinkie Pie being fuscia, etc. Just be careful when using synonyms that they actually mean what you're trying to say, because those meaning all feel a bit off here.
Next, there's a few major issues that I'd like to put in here, but for the most part they stem from not fleshing out the dialogue. You write your dialogue so beautifully, yet you purposefully cut it out of the Twilight/Applejack scene and you completely skip the Rarity/Rainbow. With Twilight, there's absolutely no reason to say "and then she explained everything"; you're the author, you need to explain it to her. There's a great opportunity for more dialogue here and we're in the realm of show vs tell. I, as a reader, want to know what it was that Applejack said, how Twilight reacts to each revelation, and how Twilight, the studious professor, comes to the conclusion that Applejack loves Rainbow. None of that is clear, and writing the whole thing out will not only help with the pacing (which I'll get into later), but will also draw the readers into your characters more. Right now, it practically forces them out by requiring them to fill in the blanks with whatever they might have said.
And likewise, all of the above applies to the Rainbow/Rarity missing scene. It may be that you're not as comfortable writing in Rarity's voice or some such thing, but I was really looking forward to how that conversation developed. Skipping over the entire scene left me wondering how Rainbow pinned that down, how Rarity would have reacted. I was pretty interested in how Rainbow would even broach the subject. These two scenes left everything feeling incomplete.
Finally, pacing. Fixing those two scenes will help a lot, but there's a lot of items just missing from the dialogue of everyone. There's 4 friends who just watched one pony divebomb crash into another and literally the only thing said is "Hey, Dashie, what's with your wings?". We're missing the reactions to the crash, the "Are you OK"s, The reaction to them kissing as two of the four know that AJ and RD are crushing on each other. There's a lot of fleshing out needed, because that feels very skeletal. Also, in the realm of pacing, the reactions of Applejack and Rainbow Dash to each other in the last scene don't quite add up. Things like Rainbow going from full out crying to giggling playfully is such a drastic face heel turn that I had to stop a reread it because I couldn't place Rainbow's mindset. There's other instances of this, in the first conversation with Rainbow, the inner dialogue after AJ leaves for Twilight, the conversation with Twilight, the picnic. All in all, the whole story could use a lot more embellishment, a lot more build up, a lot more writing.
I look forward to seeing what you write next, and I hope you'll take some of this to heart. Good Luck to you.
-Duskrider
So Rainbow Dash is spicy,since you did say Applejack was tasting the rainbow.
1190301
Yeah, I suppose. The people on FanFiction said Skittles.
But in all seriousness, good story.
So I've been told.
1179403
That kind of well always reminds me of the 10th doctor
1272665
I don't actually watch Doctor Who, so I have no idea what you're talking about.
1275854
There ya go
1179424
I know this is a severely late reaction, but your comment is hilarious.
Sooooooooo... I read this because you commented on Japaneseteeth's blog post about looking like your avatar, but I couldn't read what your avatar said. I went to your page to see it and involuntarily read your latest post about how this story was maybe the second worst story you had ever written. You must have ever only written 2 stories because this isn't bad at all, I actually really enjoyed it. The beginning was hilarious to me, I was so upset that you rushed the kiss but it turned out to be a dream. I was like "Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat" hahaha, well, good job man. Listen to Duskrider, he gave you some very valuable information, and thanks for the good read!
1520177
The beginning was very, very loosely based on the beginning of The Magic of Love.
As for everything else, I know exactly what went wrong when I was writing this besides not reading it over before posting it: I was trying too hard.
When I started writing Return of the Elite on FanFiction, I wasn't trying to create a piece of art; I was just having fun. People have told me it's, "the best thing ever". When I wrote Do You Feel That? That's Love, my effort was minimal because I wrote it at one in the morning, and it turned out really well. I tried to make C'est Noel a Christmas classic, and while it was good, it wasn't as good as I had hoped. Here, I tried to make a deep, wonderful romance, and cracked under the pressure.
So, de hoy en adelante (from now on), I'll just write to have fun and stop trying so hard to make classics. At this point, I'm still waiting for any requests before pumping out MLP stories.
And that is my final word on this story.
-ClarinetOverlord
This was okay, but their feelings are too sudden, and the story was too short. However, the writing was good and I'm definitely going to check out your other stuff.
1584898
At this point, anything else I've written is better than this.
1585039 It was a good story but I would have liked to have seen it drawn out more, This could have been a multi chapter thing! And that would have been 20% cooler! OVERUSED MEME AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! But seriously good work