A Captain’s Lament

Skyblazer9

Skyblazer9 #1 · Aug 5th, 2020 · 3 · · Lament of the Past ·

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I do hope there will be more as I would like to see more as it was very good.

Kixtia

Kixtia #2 · Aug 6th, 2020 · · · Lament of the Past ·

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More please, more

FireWing77

FireWing77 #3 · Feb 1st, 2021 · · · Lament of the Past ·

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I'm hooked into the story. Please continue

Moonlit_Stardust

Moonlit_Stardust #4 · Feb 2nd, 2021 · · · Lament of the Past ·

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I might just continue this, I need a break from writing Walking in Shadows anyway!

Sipioc

Sipioc #5 · Mar 30th, 2021 · · · Lament of the Past ·

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Human? Anthro? You’ve piqued my interest.

Moonlit_Stardust

Moonlit_Stardust #6 · Mar 30th, 2021 · · · Lament of the Past ·

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10746607

Anthro, they are bipedal but retain their fur, horns, wings and strength relevant to their Tribe.

Sorry, thought I went into enough detail to give that away.

Sipioc

Sipioc #7 · Mar 31st, 2021 · · · Lament of the Past ·

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10746640
No worries. Read through it has potential but a bit all over the place. Random capitalizations, spelling errors.

I’d recommend an editor for future chapters.

I’d be willing to help a bit if needed.

Do keep it going just the same.

Kain26831

Kain26831 #8 · Mar 31st, 2021 · 1 · · Lament of the Past ·

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Gotta agree with everyone here is an interesting start I hope you write more.

Moonlit_Stardust

Moonlit_Stardust #9 · Apr 1st, 2021 · · · Lament of the Past ·

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10747055

Yeah sorry, I do my best to self edit but Docs sometimes changes them. Once the next chapter is out I will go back and do editing again.

10748286

Next chapter is already being written, the rate it’s going it’s looking to be at least double the word count.

Crio-Kitsune

Crio-Kitsune #10 · May 22nd, 2021 · · · Lament of the Past ·

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So it IS continuing then?

Moonlit_Stardust

Moonlit_Stardust #11 · May 22nd, 2021 · 1 · · Lament of the Past ·

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10827245

YUP!

The next chapter is just shy of 3,000 words atm!

Crio-Kitsune

Crio-Kitsune #12 · May 22nd, 2021 · · · Lament of the Past ·

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10827630
👍

Moonlit_Stardust

Moonlit_Stardust #13 · May 22nd, 2021 · 1 · · Lament of the Past ·

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10827748

I am taking my time to write it, as it will be the introduction to many things that will be more important later on down the line.

If everything goes right (and I don’t re-break my toe for the third time) then I plan to have it out by the second week of June.

Crio-Kitsune

Crio-Kitsune #14 · May 23rd, 2021 · · · Lament of the Past ·

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10827970
Avoid those table legs brother.

Moonlit_Stardust

Moonlit_Stardust #15 · May 23rd, 2021 · 1 · · Lament of the Past ·

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10828016

I only wish! I kicked a solid wood door frame

THEN a Restaurant Booth yesterday

Crio-Kitsune

Crio-Kitsune #16 · May 23rd, 2021 · · · Lament of the Past ·

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10828029
I seem to keep kicking chair wheels myself so you're not alone at least.

John bostock

John bostock #17 · Jun 19th, 2021 · · · A Captains Return ·

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Need mooore

Lunar eclipse airsoft

Lunar eclipse airsoft #18 · Jun 19th, 2021 · · · A Captains Return ·

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More pls

foxpaw

foxpaw #19 · Jun 19th, 2021 · · · A Captains Return ·

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Yasss

Moonlit_Stardust

Moonlit_Stardust #20 · Jun 19th, 2021 · · · A Captains Return ·

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10867566
10867613
10867640

There will be more to come and I am glad you all are liking it

SlckNck69

SlckNck69 #21 · Jun 20th, 2021 · · · A Captains Return ·

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Very few grammar errors but not too bad. Just a very minor amount of editing needed but still a very good story. Hope to see more in the near future .

Moonlit_Stardust

Moonlit_Stardust #22 · Jun 20th, 2021 · · · A Captains Return ·

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10867777

Errors! Where!

if you can point them out, I will fix them when I can

SlckNck69

SlckNck69 #23 · Jun 20th, 2021 · 1 · · A Captains Return ·

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Here are the items I noticed.

From Chapter 1:

The Rebellion….. What I clusterfuck of a shitshow, started by a nightmare Cult that had a hatred of the sun princess. I still wonder to this day how they got into the Palace to kidnap her sister. I will forever wonder if I had been faster, could I have stopped what would become one of the worst wars since the Black Crystal War? Could I have saved her from what they made her?

This sounded weird but I think you meant “What a clusterfuck of a shitshow that started by…

With that he turns on the spot and leaves back though the door and shuts it.

… leaves back through the door…

I sigh and stand up from my chair, multiple joints popping as I do. I guess it’s a good excuse to put off the rest of the paperwork for the time being. I start my way towards the door and then though it and on my way to the Throne Room.

… door and then through it and on my way…

I gather my wits in preparation to go through the doors, but my right hand still falls to the Hilt of Moonbeam, the last gift from my Fiancé before she fell to the Nightmare all those years ago. I then step forward and give the left door a light push to open it and step though.

… push to open it and step through.

I have only gone through the doorway less than fifty feet before a ward trap activates and I freeze in place unable to move anything but my eyes. How, how did Moonbeam not sense the trap! She is spelled to detect these kind of magical arts!

I had only gone

… in place. Unable…

How?! How did..

She has spells to…

“I was accused of Trason and Murder, among other charges, but I can say with full confidence that I DID NOT DO THESE CRIMES, to those out there among the lines you know this!” A slight cheer goes through the crowd, I have personally worked with a good number of these people and those I haven’t know of my reputation.

…treason and murder, among other charges. But I can say with full confidence that I DID NOT COMMIT THESE CRIMES! To those out there among the lines, you know this!

From Chapter 2:

I see a clearing in front of me after a minute of running through a thin line of trees, I pick up my pase and leap through it. I land on the first Wolf, caving it’s skull in under my boot as the ground cracks and dust is kicked up. I slowly straighten up and walk out of the cloud of dust I created to see three more Wolves that have now fully turned to me.

…line of trees. I pick up my pace and…

I Turn to my left to look at the Stallion, only to get a Hoof to the Face, I stagger and slowly lose consensus. Before I am completely gone I can just make out the mare starting to berate the Stallion and then Darkness.

I turn to my left to look at the stallion, only to get a hoof to the face. I staggered and slowly start to lose consciousness. Before I am completely gone, I can just make out the mare starting to berate the stallion and then… Darkness.

I woke up in their Camp about two hours later, laying on a to small cot in a tent. After getting up and walking out the Stallion, who introduced himself as Bright Mac, proceeded to apologize repeatedly for the kick. I simply waved it off and told him that if he really wanted to Apologize then he can just buy me a cider, or five, down the line.

…later. Laying on a small cot…

…the stallion, who…

…wanted to apologize, then he can just buy me a cider (or five) down…

This one has small changes but you might want to look at it:

I stayed the Night and took the offered meal, it was a good night of laughing and stories that I haven’t had in a long time and I relished in it. I shared some stories from my time in the Zebra Lands and of those who I met and Befriended. While Pear bragged about her cooking and Bright regailed me with his strength. It wasn’t until very late into the night that we all called it quits and went to bed, I do not regret the lack of sleep that I got and I suspect that neither did they.

I stayed the night and took the offered meal. It was a good night of laughing and stories that I haven’t had in a long time and I relished in it. I shared some stories from my time in the Zebra Lands and of those who I met had befriended. While Pear bragged about her cooking and Bright regaled me with his strength. It wasn’t until very late into the night that we all called it quits and went to bed. I do not regret the lack of sleep that I got and I suspect that neither did they.

I soon refocued on the trail ahead of me and edge the small Village started to come into view, Whie past it was my Destination. If I was a pony my jaw would have likely dropped to the ground, the sheer amount of Apple Trees is mind boggling, stretching from the access road and too well out of sight over the hills in the distance, it's breathtaking to take in no matter who you are.

… soon refocused on the…

…me as the edge of the small village…

…view, while past…

… my destination.

… ground. The sheer amount of apple trees is…

… boggling. Stretching from…

I shake my head of the memories and procide past the entry Gate and start my walk to the Farm House in the distance, a red barn sitting near it and off to the right. I can hear a soft “Thwack” coming from off into the orchards to my left and I can hear a Banjo playing from the direction of the house.

…memories and proceed past…

…gate and start my walk to the farm house in the distance. A red…

… my left and a banjo playing from the…

Next was the orange filly called Applejack, she was a witty little thing and as blunt as an apple to the head. At eleven she was well on her way to being the most Honest being I have ever met in my long life and I wish her well. Though Call Her Jacky at your own Parral.

Though call her Jacky at your own peril.

I found myself on the roof of the house a few hours later, unable to sleep and looking up into the night sky watching the moon in all it’s wonderful splendor. While I was laying there a song came to mind, one I had heard before I was brought to this land and one I had only shared with one other being on this planet some six hundred years ago. It started as a bit of humming, but it spoon turned into a sung song as the magic started taking over.

… but it soon turned into a song as the…

Their might be more but these are the only ones I decided to get since they had the errors I caught more of. Just so you know, I’m no editor but this was what I could tell and I’m hoping it’s able to help .

Moonlit_Stardust

Moonlit_Stardust #24 · Jun 20th, 2021 · 1 · · A Captains Return ·

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10868075
Thank you! I will go over these tomorrow (err, today as it’s 2:30 in the morning for me) and fix them all!

It’s funny, I think Google Docs hates the word “Through” as even I have noticed it’s the word it most commonly corrects to “Though” and I can’t figure out WHY!

Crio-Kitsune