Page generated in 0.054 seconds
Total duration
814 users online
514,508 hits today, 1,960,719 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
First!
No password on this planet will keep me from liking that story.
So yea, even if I'm not supposed to be here yet (I guess?): Awesome story, awesome characters, love it. Gives me so much feels.
Keep up the good work, Fuzzy!
Thanks for the upload, Doc!
Go Murky, go!
Until now thiss chapter was the best I simply love the "Find a gun song/dialog"! Somehow I could imagine Murks voice but Blunderbuck sounded like Fluttershy in my mind That was so funny
Yet it was also the most tragic chapter... Caduceus, the Mall, all the horrifying things Barb and his band of sickos did to the poor ponies... This is truly one of the best FalloutEquestria side stories there are
What.... even.... There are so many conflicting emotions right now... I don't even know what to feel...
1527871
let me help you then:
SO AWESOME, I JUST... I...
FUCK!
there, i said it^^
Best chapter yet, you are a very diverse and excellent writer good sir!
I got chills when Murky rose up and joined the other.
I burst out laughing and was grinning for the entire duration of Find a Gun
I watched my hopes get completely demolished as I watched Caduceus die.
And from there? It was nothing but terror and exilharation and prayers.
This, in my opinion, is possibly the darkest story I have ever read. The horror of Six Shooter Surprise and Barb's sick jokes are far more chilling than senseless gore. You've done an incredible job of portraying these raiders as cold, calculated killers. And insane, can't forget that.
...i hate you and love you for this chapter....great job
Couldn't help but think about the church scene from Cowboy Bebop as I read Barb's demise.
You know, I never thought any Murky moment would top him stealing cookies from the Tumblr, this chapter has proved me wrong.
Anywho! Wowy-zowy, this was something and a half. I'm not even sure where to begin. I guess first off SPOILER WARNING for anyone looking through the comments without reading.
This was really a "cleaning house" chapter, so many thing came to a head: Protege flat out says that Murky should be free one way or another even if it defies his mentor, Old Shakey did a big step in his power grab, Murky stood up and fought (with a cute babby battle saddle no less!), Ragini's pet-name for Murky became Alanis Morissette ironic, Caduceus achieved his fictional destiny (sorry bub, but you had Dead Meat written all over you for some time, but you went out like a champ and you were fun while you lasted), there was some strongly implied lady-on-dood sexual violence which calms some of my stupid brain (yeah, I'm screwed up, but it makes it easier for me to read given that this chapter brought up the other way about half a dozen times), Glimmer has said she's gonna remember (which honestly made me like her a little less, but maybe that'll change as we uncover her "crime"), and, of course, Barb blew up real good (I knew he would buy it, but I honestly didn't think it'd be Murky and certainly not like that, very poetic as was the Pinkie Pie save on the Murkster).
The only character who really didn't get much of anything was Brimstone "I'm Gonna Wreck It" Blitz. He had his "moment" last chapter and even then it was more of the same, just a bit more brutal.
Moving on, this chapter was full of lots and lots of action and, for the most part, it was easy to follow and figure out who was where and what was going on. This is an accomplishment given HOW much was going on.
The "finding a gun" song-y bit was dumb and I hated it. By that I mean I was grinning like a dope as they went through the whole routine and I giggled a bit. It was a very light and humorous bit in a rather dark and violent chapter. It was silly-fun.
Now let's pour one for those taken out or taken down:
Ragini, you never made a strong impression other than being "a griffon who has a name", but I gotta say, you were on top of your game as A Griffon in FoE and your fights were fun. I hope you actually get a chance to develop as a character now, otherwise I'm gonna be a bit of disappoint.
Caduceus, I'm sorry man, but you were gonna die. You ASKED to join the crew. You never ASK to join the crew. You either are part of the crew or you aren't. If you ASK, you're dead (see Doctor Who for countless examples). That said, I don't think he'd have really recovered if he had survived, from killing to being forced to play the game, I think if he had made it out he would've likely been mostly broken for some time after.
Protege, sadly your story was basically done. You've had you faith tested, your history revealed, and you sided with Murky over even your own beliefs. If you stuck around any more you'd probably end the story early one way or another. You were a cool dude and I never really considered you a villain. Get well soon for the most dramatic possible of returns!
Barb, all I ever wanted for you was to lose bad and have it rubbed in just how small and pathetic you really were. The only way that could have been done more is if he had been mortally wounded by Murky and went to Shackles for help who then let him bleed out, but getting beat at his own game by someone smaller and weaker and in front of everyone was satisfying too. Don't let the spiritual door hit you on the ass on your way out, we just cleaned it.
And now I wanna talk about what will probably be my favorite moment in a story for some time to come. Six Shooter Surprise.
Holy Mackerel.
I knew Caduceus wasn't gonna make it out of there for all the reasons I mentioned, you've already got enough mentally broken doods and him surviving at the cost of an unnamed background slaver just wasn't in the damn cards. Still it was really well done and I felt bad when he popped that cap.
Then came the MAIN event: Murky vs Protege. And man, it was tense. Due to FoEG I KNEW neither one would die but I was STILL on damn edge since I didn't know HOW they'd survive. Their speeches to each other and Barb's sadism and tricks made this a VERY powerful read.
But that's not the biggest thing that blew me away, no no. What REALLY got me, was how Murky dealt with it. I fist pumped, I whooped a little. Son I am impress. I didn't think of that at all!
And after all was said and done I spent the rest of my shift at work wondering if either of my own characters could have survived that scenario (the answer was probably not, but I did come up with some crazy things like Tap shooting through his own cheek and Rita goading Barb into being her opponent through belittlement and mob mentality and even then they'd prolly still die).
All that said, I do think it may have gone on a bit too long. It was all GOOD, but I get the impression that you're a fellow who has a million good ideas and won't rest until he's worked in as many of them as humanly possible.
This was a hell of a chapter and despite it being the longest, I devoured it faster than the others. Which makes this a good place for me to stop reading for a bit as I've been neglecting working on my own stuff to read it. I might starting doing partial chapter review as I read through my breaks and lunches at work. Dunno though as I'd probably then HAVE to read the rest after work!
Anyway, excited to see what happens next even if I have heard that things get into a bit of a holding pattern for a bit.
Gah, this chapter was hard to get through. It was torture porn for 75% of it.
But that ending, though. OOOOH, it was SO satisfying.~
Holy. Shit.
I... I... I.
I don't. I can't.
I'm literally sweating and shaking all over my body from reading a story.
A story. Can we even call it this, now? I'm no longer sure. This was, by far, the most emotional, intense, and shocking chapter of the story so far. Of any story I've read.
I need some time to think about everything that's happened.
Suddenly, Blackjack doesn't seem to be having such a hard time after all.
SPOILER:
And the... bastard... is dead.
2334350
1907545 Was it just me, or did you guys get flashes of this guy
img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130906163916/harrypotter/images/d/de/Ollivander.jpg
during Find a Gun? I just can't get the similarity (as I see it) out of my head.
Best chapter. 10/10. Would read again. (May need a few tissues for emotional distress)
It really should be Coarse
When protege mentioned the crater dieting the revolver game, I knew something epic would happen, but when murk dropped the gun I remembered something...
Never let a thief hold your gun.
Oh yeah, and the reverse pickpocket...BEST THING EVER!
Fuck...just...holy shit....
Six shooter surprise...Caduceus, poor Caduceus...I damn near had an anxiety attack because of that scene. That was the sickest, most fucked up thing I have ever read in a work of fiction. One of the greatest example of being at the total mercy of a sadist, or group of sadists, in fiction. The phycologial torture the main cast when through...nopony came out of that room same. It made Barb's death feel hollow, not satisfying.
Heartbreaking chapter. Fantastic chapter. I really want to see where the rest of this story goes.
My greatest hope for the world is that scenes like six shooter surprise, where folks, any folks, are subject to the whims of the sadistic, brutal, and uncaring persons of evil are just words on page; and not blood on the earth.
Yes
"Psychotic Prankster" my favorit achievement and such a perfect representation of this chapter.
Truly a master piece.
Favorite chapter among them all! Great job! Loved the Find a Gun song between Blunderbuck and Murky!
Tell me he's not...
He is... <Squee!>
Welp, I know what's going to be going through my head every damned time I go to the gun shop from now on. Wonder if I can teach it to the salespony...
Beautiful, terrifying, heart-wrenching chapter.
In stark contrast to the length of the essay I PMed you this morning:
Holy shit. Yes.
Hang on Protege!
this chapter was like metal torture
the mind flips are insane
Best fic.
holy fucking shit balls on a hot skillet over a barbie I started reading this chapter at 11:30 it is now 2:00 AM and now i cant sleep because i cant stop thinking about this chapters badassidude
Blunderbuck is basically me in horse form
There are sentences with missing words such as
Some typo corrections
"He forced a smile nodded that he was indeed fine, but I still sat back in my ditch nervously. This waiting for making me so nervous that I felt ready to leap and just run or dig into the earth any second."" - *a smile and nodded, *this waiting for a missing word making me so nervous
"Then then yellowed face turned back" - *then the
"We were soaked, in the brute presence of the wasteland storm above". That comma felt me tripped up and confused when I first read it.
This is an incomplete list; there's one or two more but a blackout shut off my computer while reading, losing some of the typoed sentences that tripped me up during the Six Shooter Suprise game, possibly approaching ole' Caddie's death. I WANT to go back and check but . . . even one "scene" in this chapter is so long and that scene is not one I'm eager to relive . . .
Sorry.
Anyway, it was an intense and awesome chapter and I've no fucking idea what time of night it is but I refused to go to bed 'til I finished it.
Oh . . . It's not any time of night it's almost 7 am . . .
Edit: . Re-read the Six Shooter Surprise bit and found some stuff
"Shaking, he began holding it again the bottom of his muzzle" - *against
"Weathervane taught me that much to go through fear to find the chance to heal!”" - Not actually sure 'bout this one. Feels like it needs a semicolon or something after "much".
"I'm sure there's a few ponies in here would just love a pegasus" here who would just love*. Removing "there's" would also work.
"Whining and curling up on the seat, trying to cover every part of myself I could as the sick joke made them roar in laughter." - This sentence feels like a fragment sentence; incomplete somehow, but again I'm not actually well versed in grammar to be declarative.
"the feeling making my whinny at a high pitch" - I think it should be "making [me whinny". Or drop the word "at".
"My own terror wasn't helping, of course. It was all I could do to not becoming a mewling heap on the ground" - *Become. Also, I never understood this use of the phrase. Shouldn't "It was all I could do to not X" proceed something the character was doing to not do X? This sounds like his own terror was doing something to not become a heap on the ground.
"at myself for knowing it'd been ok with it." - *I'd be okay with it.
"they have taken slaves are living shields" *as living shields
Since my last comment was all about pointing out word mistakes, i should probably leave a more proper feedback comment;
The majority of this chapter kept me up in a suspenseful, sleep deprived haze until the sun had risen from the night when I finished. It was great seeing the dynamic between Murky and Protege, Murky reflecting on who Protege was and their connection.
I'd already known Caduceus was not gonna survive the Russian Roulette scene, which only made that seem ore suspenseful for waiting for the moment to actually happen.
I found the layout of the battle scene confusing, mainly the balcony bit. When it refers to the balcony in the mall I assumed it referred to the entire second level that overlooks the first as I'd seen in the malls I've been in. That would mean they were on the "balcony" the moment they were at the top of the stairs, but that doesn't seem to be the case. And when on the balcony Murky rolls under the "balcony lip" for cover. I'm not sure what this means as I imagine that to mean "under" the balcony near the ground floor which doesn't make sense.
The Find a Gun bit was awesome. I'm not sure how much this matters to you but some of the sentences had too many syllables, such as the "defy gravity" one. "who's recoil won't make defy gravity" would work better. But maybe you thought that didn't sound enough like Murky and wanted to keep his "voice", I dunno.
WHERE CAN I FIND THE TUNE FOR FIND A GUN?! ITS LIKE, DRIVING ME OVER THE EDGE
I was slightly shaking during the Russian roulette scene...so much suspense!
At least I can sleep knowing I'm back on track for a chapter a day
7694361 It's the 'Find a Pet' song from MLP.
I really, really hope Protege gets better. I actually really, really like his character and I want good things to happen to him... which means they probably won't >.<
Said it before, Chainlink Shackles needs to die.
Glad Barb got what was coming to him - Murk, you did what you needed to, and great on you for doing it!
yup. Also barb got what he fuggin deserved.
Was that a jab at bj...oh you cheeky thing I love it
The old shady sands shuffle couldn't have happend to a more deserving basterd
Find A Gun song. YES!
What can I even say about this chapter? Absolutely riveting from start to finish. Once the raid began, I couldn't tear myself away from it. It's intense as all hell, even on a re-read. The "Find a Gun" song was just to lure us into a false sense of calm, clearly.
Murky comes a long way in a short time, a testament to how intense this experience was. He was prepared to take the life of another, and worryingly prepared to take his own when it came down to it. Barb's fakeout was pure psychological torture, like even more than everything else he did. Murky even broke down and finally told Protege the truth about Shackles. And he tells Protege just in time for him to get stuck in hospital far from any position where he could do anything to help. Can't he ever catch a break?
I'm surprised Glimmer and Brim didn't speak up more during Six Shooter Surprise, especially Glimmer. I would have thought she'd have a lot to say. RIP Caduceus, though he was throwing out death flags like crazy in hindsight. Then again, so was Protege, though he doesn't exactly get off easy here. We haven't seen much of Ragini really but I can't help but feel bad for her, I hope this means some sympathy in the future between her and Murky. Now they're all at the mercy of Shackles for the foreseeable future. May Celestia have mercy on their souls.
And the reverse-pickpocket move on Barb, holy shit, obviously my memory is a little fuzzy, cause I thought Barb died at some later point instead. It's a fitting death for someone like him, getting out-maneuvered by someone as small and pathetic as Murky he was convinced he was superior to in every single way. One of Brim's old lieutenants down (or whatever their ranks were), 2 remain.
Huh, this is the second time now he's taken a swipe at Blackjack, and he's not really wrong. She's not exactly the subtle type, is she? Kinda makes me think about an alternate universe where Blackjack busts into Fillydelphia instead of Pip, maybe rescuing this poor thing in the process. I doubt she'd mind his more salacious illustrations.
Pinkie from Cupcakes wishes she could be as scary as Barb.
That is so incredibly sad. Murky is probably an adult by now and he's never even known friendship. Even the most unsociable people have had some kind experience with friendship. Slavery truly takes everything.
When those raiders did what? I think the sentence might be unfinished. Also, the first sentence should read "there's still a few folks who care for a free living, spontaneous mare ".
Just a small error.
10382933
Cool. I've been kind of confused how this place is actually laid out. Building layouts aren't my imagination's strongest point. I don't envy your editors, editing a story this long for a printed edition.
10383549
Wait, when was the first time Murky swiped at Blackjack, the best mare ever.
This chapter was one of the best things I read in my life. This story slowly but steadily hikes to be the top FoE story for me, ever.
Also, the name's already taken.
I'm getting strong RVB donut vibes.
Oh, you DID NOT!
You did.
That's disgusting.
Well, if you're scared for murky, just remember; there are more chapters to come.