Over a thousand years ago Princess Celestia banished her sister Princess Luna to the moon. What most pony's don't know is that Celestia also had a twin brother Prince Accretion, the Prince of Stars. Jealous of the fact that his twin sister could control the sun, the one star he could not control, he manipulated Luna into becoming Nightmare Moon and together tried to destroy Princess Celestia. After failing to beat her because of the Elements of Harmony they were both banished from the kingdom. Luna to the moon and Accretion to the Frozen Nurth. Accretion meets a human man and together they travel to Canterlot to wreak havoc on Princess Celestia and all of Equestria.
Chapters (3)
This story...has so many things that couldn't possibly be better. Abscissor...hmm...
1156901Do you like it? I will write more if it gets good feedback. I have lots of ides for this story!javascript:smilie('
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1157392
Like it? No. I love it. WRITE MORE!
If you want, I can be your editor if you don't already have one.
1157818Yeah I do need an editor actually. I'm new here though so do I take your e-mail or what?
You get a unanimous congratulations from all twelve of us young one we feel we have stumbled across a fabulous jewel
One that rivals even the stars themselves. Very few of those here are good but only a select few can hold 
DE MAGICKS and you have a marvelous talent for the written word. Thank you for gracing our eyes with this work of art we look forward to more great things from you. 
Great story, and I can't wait to read moar, if you do it! Looking immensely forward to it!
Yea, good job :D
First
Tis' brilliance. A THOUSAND YEARS, that does sound quite poetic
we are pleased with your skill and hope to see more my friend 
we cannot wait for the next installment
Good, though remember this equation:
Long length = :D
Small length = D:
Hey, Judas. You have three guess as to which of your real life friends this is.
Anyway, remember what I said about a **** of an editor being the only editor worth having? Yeah, I'm going to be that guy for a few minutes. Now, this is just one person's (who thinks he knows more than he actually does) opinion, so take and leave what you want from this.
Now to end on a high note, I'm going to lead with the bad and finish with the good. So sorry, the next few lines are going to be harsh.
Overall, your grandest downfall is dialogue. It's wooden. Now that's not necessarily bad; it works suits Abscissor and Uman exchanges very well, especially when you consider that the Prince has been isolated for a thousand years. But it needs to be more fluid for everyone else (Sorry if I'm being incredibly vague, If you want I could do a line by line analysis of it to give you suggestions).
Next, there the occasional problem of lines going on for way to long. I can't think of anything particular now, but there were instances where I thought 'This could be two sentences.'
Now, at last, what I enjoyed. First, the concept as a whole. The brother banished to the Frozen Nurth (That choice of spelling doesn't annoy me, but it still puzzles me) travelling back back after a thousand years isn't new, but its the differences from the norm that I love. First, he is a 'Sealed Evil in a Can' villain. He's a hermit, slightly unhinged from loneliness (It least, that my interpretation), so that despite his agenda, you do become interested in him. Plus, when your skillset included building stars, how can you not be awesome. Uman... Uman is the wildcard, I'm interested to see what he'll do. One thing is for sure though; shit is going to go down.
The other thing you do incredibly well is prose. It sucks me into the world. Abscissor's stream of thought works especially well. The present tense perspective is rarely seen, but it works here. Keep that.
To conclude, I'm going to say that if you want any help I would be happy to give it. This fic has so much potential and with a bit of spit-shining, it could possibly be of Equestria Daily quality. I'd love to talk to you about it. Hope I didn't overstep myself, and I apologise if I did. Lastly I'll say the one thing I've been holding back since the start.
MOAR!!!!
2233578 i have to agree with everything you said about the dialogue and sentence structure. And your interpretation of the characters was spot on.
I really have to work on the dialogue which is why I haven't uploaded anything in a while. That kind of thing will be a real problem when writing for characters like Pinkie Pie. I always wonder to myself weather or not what I've written is right.
I'm going to re-write or edit these chapters later on when I get better. Thanks for the feed back dude.