Twilight recognized, on an academic level, the tremendous health benefits of running, and believed it second only to teleportation as a way of escaping from things, but couldn't, for the life of her, understand why anypony would go on a run without having some pressing reason to do so. Sure, she wasn't in the best shape, what with her spindly nerd legs and 3 A.M. microwaved pizza belly fat, but she was reasonably healthy, and saw no need to make herself a sweaty mess with sore shins and a headache for some unnecessary toning.
It was only to spend more time with Anon that Twilight was jogging along that dirt road, her hoofsteps heavy and lungs burning. There was no shade along the path, just fences and farmland, a great wheat plain that stood in great contrast to the nearby Everfree. She was trundling a few yards behind the rest, who were much more accustomed to this sort of thing, Anon and Summer matching each other's pace with a practiced ease, and Dash floating alongside them.
"This dragon's already scared away three of us, and I'm just itching to go at him." Dash punctuated this statement by taking up a fighting stance, her forehooves jabbing the air. "So I fly in, rainbow trailing behind me, and buck him right in the jaw. Heh, I swear, he shook like a bobblehead."
Anon chuckled. "Wait, so you just walked up and hit him?"
"Never said it was a good idea, the whole thing just got me angry, you know?" She waved a hoof. "Of course, it didn't really do anything, so he just throws me back out of the cave and right into the others." She laughed. "I was like a bucking bowling ball."
Summer's grin grew a bit. "What happened next?"
"Oh, oh, get this. So Fluttershy, who's absolutely terrified of her own shadow, scolds him like a toddler! Looks him right in the eyes and calls him a 'naughty boy' and shit!" Dash wrapped her hooves around her chest, a desperate attempt at retaining control. "And it worked! It bucking worked! He flew off, just like that!" She fell to the ground, her laughter uncontrollable, hooves kicking and wings spread wide.
Anon and Summer slowed to a stop, and Twilight practically melted into the dirt.
"Heh, let's, heh, rest here." He used his shirt to wipe the sweat off his forehead. "I think that's enough for today."
Twilight moaned in something resembling appreciation and reached for a water bottle, most of it missing her mouth entirely.
Rainbow had barely managed to recover. "So, Anon, how about you?"
"Hmm?"
"You got a story for us?"
Anon sat down and crossed his legs, scratching his chin. "I, uh ... " He stared in the distance for a few seconds, absorbed in thought, before looking back at her. "Yeah, why not. I went to ... well, a top tier college, not like the name means anything here."
Twilight perked up, if only to hear some precious MLH lore.
"I absolutely hated it. Not like I hated school itself, it's just the whole ethos of the place was a nightmare, a soul-sucking emptiness or something. I mean sure, yeah, I learned a lot and my resume got a massive boost, but I was miserable." He took a deep breath. "Everyone was ... I dunno, atomized, I guess, fully insulated in their own solitary pursuits, while there was no higher belonging or community, no ... purpose. It was a big school filled with a bunch of geeks from all manner of diverse backgrounds—of course there was no sense of community, of course everyone was lonely, of course all my friendships there felt so unfulfilling and artificial."
He chuckled and ran his fingers through his hair. "I don't mean to be so dramatic, but you have to understand that I didn't like college, like, at all. So, I don't remember the details, but there was some award ceremony for my major's department, and some of the teachers asked me to do a speech." He shrugged. "No idea why, I guess they just liked me, somehow."
"There's this Latin poem called Catullus 16, and it's essentially a smut-ridden rant against the author's detractors. It, heh, starts with something that translates to 'I will sodomize and face-fuck you,' which sounds remarkably profound in the original language. So I make this speech, and do some Latin quotes to sound all important, and slip this phrase in there. The like two teachers who knew Latin were mortified, and the rest didn't notice. Nothing came of it, but I got away with threatening to hate-fuck about a thousand people."
While Summer and Rainbow laughed up a storm, Twilight looked as if he had just shot her dog before spray-painting a swastika on her house.
"When I graduated, I moved to the city, which was somehow worse." Anon leaned back. "To be honest, I don't even get the appeal of the show, considering that it's all mundane social interaction in some materialistic clown world." He turned to Twilight. "Honestly, can you explain?"
"It's, well, the world-building and characters, not the show itself." She shook her head. "Can, can we just go back a second? I ... I watched the show, and I never got the impression that you would do a-anything like that, least of all in a professional enviroment. Why would ... "
He raised a hand. "You watched the show, you didn't watch me. Remember, I'm a real person, not a cartoon character, so you can't just make assumptions about my behavior through a TV screen. You've been here for like 4 days at this point, I'd think you'd have figured that out."
"But ... "
"It's no different to reading a biography, just as limited and just as disconnected from the actual subject." He signed. "And, while it's been ... an experience, I think it's time that you both start to wrap this whole trip up."
Twilight sat up in shock, and Rainbow looked almost relieved.
"What? Why?"
"Twilight, we have lives, and so do you, it's about time that we get back to them. Not right now, just in the next day or so." He noted her devastated expression, and looked back at Summer for advice, who only shrugged. "Look, we can probably stay in touch or something, alright? Penpals?"
As a deconstruction, this line right here is what I really wish more Fanfictions followed. You are lucky if a story goes for Broad Stroke accuracy.
I still remember "Oh to Be Old Again", which, among other things, had Mutually Fictional TV show/Book series, both of which are watered down, for kids, of the actual events. The Human novels were apparently something of a distorted lens viewing of World War II, for kids. Much as Dragonshy was a watered down Dragon rampage with hundreds of casualties, and some other details I don't recall.
Why not exchange Email addresses?
Spike is going to be so confused
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Probably a quest to stop a corporate takeover of the job Anon was at for the [insert valid target here]. You know, the mundane equivalent of the Storm King taking over Equestria to get the princesses' power.
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Some horrible 80's movie about some 60-something businessman trying to turn the local community center into a parking lot for no reason other than spite, and how the main cast organizes a skateboard competition or something to raise money.
This is something I wish more fans (not just in this fandom, but in all fandoms) would realize. If you were to meet the characters in real life, you'd probably think they're acting "OOC" when in reality, there's a difference between the show, and the real thing. Which is the problem with the whole "[insert character(s) here] is so OOC" argument in the comment in both the show, and fanfics.
Good stuff. Keep it coming.
Adding my voice to the chorus of "the show is a sanitized, bowdlerized version of events made suitable for the censors of children's programming."
There no way a grouping of young adult friends exists without far more vulgar language and lewd innuendo than is portrayed on screen. When they were all running from a hydra, you can bet they were screaming "FUCK! SHIT! SHIT! FUCKING SHIT!"
Lol... had I found myself in that universe, I probably would have recounted how I was a drunk pirate fighting a Jack of Spades on a giant chessboard and, seeing how thirsty the Jack was, offered him a drink (only for the Jack to grow instantaneously nauseous and vomit in my tankard, and for my obliviously drunken self to chug the rest of the swill down and compliment the barkeep about adding bitters more often). So many pale faces were had that day... and the King of the Ren Fair enjoyed it verily, I have no regrets.
Pinkie:
Rainbow:
Spike:
Twilight:
I don't think that ponies should know what the word "sodomize" means. They can know what buttsex means, but "sodomize" actually comes from the name of the town "Sodom" (and Gomorrah). So unless Celestia rained hellfire down upon a city that wouldn't accept her mandates several centuries ago, this isn't a great word to be using.
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... does it even matter?
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It's just world-building. It's like using ctrl+f at the end of a chapter to make sure that Twilight said "everypony" instead of "everyone," or "Pass me the hammer" instead of "Hand me the hammer." Little touches like that.
Does "Ass" mean butt, or just Donkey? Can you use the misunderstanding to make a "fish-out-of-water" joke for a human?
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It was Anon telling this story, remember? That he uses sodomize is fitting with his Superior Human Knowledge™, and I suppose that the ponies can figure out that it means some unpleasent sexual act through context.
Question: Do ponies actually break out singing in this world or is it just in show continuity
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Yes, they do. Pony nonsense
Rainbow dash tastes like skittles
Really enjoyed this for some weird reason. THe quality of writing is good enough that it doesn't detract from the experience, and the plot isn't taking itself too seriously, without falling into crack either.
As for this latest chapter, the ending is basically where I feel the wheels on this ride may begin to fly off. I mean in a way, Anon just told an obsessed fan that they need to go in the next day or so, and Twilight is the type to make insane plans when given this type of time to spiral into her own insanity.
Not sure this is the direction the author WANTS to go, as it currently feels a bit like a subtle critique of other Anon in Equestria fics, and maybe it gets played straight (ANon and Summer shoo away the stalker-ish Twilight, and put in minimal effort at 'keeping in touch' a couple times, before Anon deletes his posts and account and they just try to keep the lid on stuff long enough that the fandom fizzles out before he becomes news outside his town?)
However, I can see Twilight, at best, seemingly following their wishes just to turn around and put on blast that there is an alien Human out there, and suddenly Celestia's court is 'inviting' him to Canterlot to give expo talks and stuff, and explain the tech etc from the show... this in turn puts strain on his marriage with Summer (part of the unconscious plan of one Twilight SParkle?) and drama...
anyway, it'll be cool to see which way the story hops.
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I've taken a break for a week or so (hunting trip), but this is more or less the direction that the fic is going. I haven't given enough buildup to warrant true wacky hijinks, and I don't really want to write that, so it will continue on being fairly subdued.
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A little postcript (postcomment?) - this will end up being 20k or so words, and the overall tone's gonna more or less stay the same.
All well and good until she sends him her 400 chapter pornfic about all the ways she would make love to him...
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Actually..... l could totally see her doing that
him ?
Anon is a reasonable man. Given the circustances hes basicly a Superstar offering to write one of millions from time to time. That a great deal.
Spike must be wondering were Twilight run off this time...
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You know, I think I watched a movie with almost that exact plot back in the mid-90's.
DEEPEST LORE
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Celestia really did banish Twilight to a rural town to force her to touch grass
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this wins best comment on fimfiction.net
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Yeah I imagine ponies swearing a lot lol
Yeah that sounds like something that the character Anon would do.