As Anonymous F. Aggot awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself in the flower garden of a rather irate talking horse. Unused to such things, he reacted rather poorly, and the two spent the next hour or so yelling, fighting, and generally creating an entertaining spectacle for the townsponies. When Anon realized that he had been transported to another world, and the mare realized that he never intended to crush her azaleas, they declared a sweaty, dirt-covered, concerningly bloody truce, and went to the mayor for advice on how to handle the situation.
The mayor, a kindly, if senile, old nag approaching her hundredth year, had, for understandable reasons, absolutely no experience in dealing with aliens. Because the town was small and isolated, and the alien in question met at least the barest standards of friendliness, she decided to saddle the mare with the responsibility of housing him, and sent the two on their not-so-merry way. It was a fairly lax response, all things considered, but he didn't really seem to pose any threat, and the town was looking for a new token nonpony anyways.
Neither were too keen to admit it, but the fight had created within the two a sort of begrudging respect, with there being no real resentment or hatred between them. The mare, a green and yellow pegasus by the name of Summer Showers, was a senior member of the town's weather patrol, and so managed to convince one of the larger local farms to hire him on as an accountant, organizer, and general paperwork monkey. It was hardly an exciting job, but it certainly earned Anon his keep, and his relative competence made him a valued member of the farm's staff.
It wasn't long before Anon and Summer were close friends, and, after a year or so of living together, they developed feelings for each other. The first few months of the relationship were rather awkward, what with the two competing over who wore the pants, but they soon settled into a sort of equal partnership, and were horse married by the second anniversary of his arrival. And though he got the occasional stare, and a couple of the rare out-of-towners reacted to him with a sort of stunned awe, Anon was quickly and enthusiastically accepted by the community. It was a quiet life, but an enjoyable one, the two more than content with rural domesticity.
-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
Anon was fiddling with something in the living room, bouncing about like an excited three-year-old and belting out laughter like a schizophrenic.
Summer approached him as one would a wounded animal, taking care to avoid any sudden movements. During their five years together, she had learned to remain cautious whenever he's in a mood like this.
"Nonny, are you alright?"
He turned around, catching sight of her with a gleeful glint in his eye.
"I'm great! You remember those computers I told you about?"
"Unfortunately."
"I just found out that ponies have them too! They're more of a city thing, but still!" He circled the table, stopping to point at a router that had been haphazardly plopped on the tower. "It's even got internet!"
"Oh sweet Celestia."
He softly caressed the monitor. "Surprised I never heard about these, would have gotten one much sooner if I did."
She winced. "Anon, I really dont think ... "
"Summer, relax." He held out a hand. "I'm not a retarded teenager, this will be used pretty sparingly." Turning down to look at it, Anon chuckled. "It's just nice to have something that reminds me of home."
His use of the 'home card' was devastating, and shut down any arguments that Summer had before she even thought of them.
"Besides, we can do stuff together. Make poking fun at weirdos a couple's hobby or something."
Though the idea certainly sounded appealing, Summer couldn't help but remain wary. Anon's descriptions of these machines made them out to be horrifying time sinks filled with nothing but pop culture garbage and pornography, and she wondered why anyone would willingly subject themselves to such, let alone pay to do so.
"It's just ... I really don't think that we need it, you know? There are much better things that you could be doing."
"You're probably right, but I stand by my purchase. Come on, let's see how it works."
She reluctantly sat down as he pressed the power button, fans whirring as the screen switched on. He opened the default browser, and was greeted by the homepage of some search engine. He would have installed a better browser, but he hadn't yet learned the ins and outs of the horsernet, and so figured that he could settle for a bit.
When, after a good deal of surfing, Anon found 4pone, he was struck with a great nostalgia. It had the same horrible color scheme, the same outdated layout, the same weird boards like /asp/ that only like 3 people visit, and in that moment, he knew he was home.
"What the ... "
"Hmm?"
"Look down there, it says human."
Her hoof pointed at the board list, and he followed with narrowed eyes.
"Wait, what?"
Sure enough, between LGBT and Current News, sat the word 'Human'. They stared at the word as if it were a dead body, and though neither said anything, their minds were screaming in both horror and confusion. He slowly pressed the link, if only to satisfy his morbid curiosity, and was met with a drawing of a middle aged man in frilly lingerie.
"Is ... I ... " He took a shuddering breath. " ... that's my dad."
" ... what?"
"That's my dad. The guy in the banana hammock."
Summer opened her mouth, then closed it, then opened it again before closing it again. It took a few seconds before she could muster the will to speak.
"How can you tell?"
"Hair, moustache, horrible military tatoo on his left nipple ... yeah, it's my dad."
"/dilf/ general - foal chasing thighs edition ... seriously, what the buck?"
"I mean, he's never worn a banana hammock before ... unless there was some weird Zardoz phase he never told us about ... why is he ... "
He leaned away from the screen, staring at the ceiling in deep contemplation.
"Summer?"
"Yeah?"
"Click 'catalog', it's at the top."
Summer looked at the mouse with a grimace—she didn't want to touch it for fear of catching some horrible internet-borne disease.
"Can you do it?"
Anon trained his thousand yard stare back to the monitor and gave an airy nod. "Ok, sure."
More pictures of his family, some of his friends, and quite a few of himself.
" ... "
She zeroed in on a thread near the top of the list. "My Little Human: Technology is Magic."
" ... "
He slowly typed it into the search bar.
My Little Human: Technology is Magic follows the life of young office worker Anonymous F. Aggot and his five best friends, who navigate a toxic, technologically advanced society through friendship and ingenuity. Originally created for young colts, it has proven very popular amongst adult mares, who refer to themselves as 'humares'. A feature length adaption, titled My Little Human: The Movie was released in 1003, and a spinoff series, My Little Human: Boogaloo Blues, is scheduled for release next year.
" ... to be entirely honest, I'm not sure how I should react to this. I mean, the fact that this shit exists is horrifying enough, but I'm honestly questioning whether or not I'm even real."
She looked up at him, tears welling in her eyes. "What are you going to do?"
He grabbed a pen and paper.
9/23/1004
/mlh/, what the fuck
- Anon, Best Human.
"Where's the camera app on this thing?"
Is his middle name famous ?
Looks good keep up the good work!
10311867
no, the period was a typo. His last name is german, Faggot is their word for bassoon.
az58332.vo.msecnd.net/e88dd2e9fff747f090c792316c22131c/Images/Products1231-1200x1200-223509.jpg
Most My Little Human stories seem to have the show be about nonfiction events from human history, with Anon having a lesser role. MLH: Starring Anonymous seems to be less common (excluding the role-playing on the MLH thread). I don't know if anyone else wrote a 'human main character stars in a TV show that exists in Equestria, goes to Equestria, discovers he isn't considered to actually exist but ponies know all about him' type story besides Blank, which was never finished, sadly. It's a nice reversal to the tired plot point of a human telling ponies they exist as characters from a fictional show. I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
Also: How would you react if the real Twilight Sparkle posted a selfie and "what the buck" to /mlp/?
Yes the boogaloo blues
Surrender your sanity and continue writing the next chapter.
10312212
Already doing it
This is going to be golden.. Please do continue
10312215
Good, good.
Well, this premise has definitely caught my attention. Seems like it's gonna be a bit of a trip.
Okay so far. Probably not the first time this idea has been done, but I'll be following to see where it goes. Meta stuff is pretty lame generally and horribly overdone after 10 years but if the chapters continue to be this short I have no excuse to not follow.
In the line, "Summer approached him as you would a wounded animal..." I would change "you" to "one" as the "you" implies a 2nd person perspective and I found it distracting.
I'm assuming the spinoff is either the ponies' version of Equestria Girls, Rainbow Roadtrip, or Pony Life...
10312319
That being said... if the spinoff was Equestria Girls themed, Boogaloo Blues sounds an awful lot like Rainbow Rocks
You just triggered most of the brony community.
derpicdn.net/img/2020/3/28/2307765/full.gif
Eyy, exactly what I would do. Immediately milk my fame for all it's worth and profit
Can't wait to see the mane 6 acting like cringey fanatics
I'm amused.
You may continue!
I like that you handled the introduction succinctly and without excessive description of his former life.
That`s very nice!
This is all pure greatness and tis amazing to see in enjoyable writing! My gosh, between the fantastic dank humor and everything, ahh this brings joy to my eyes and heart! Hope ya didn't mind, but I made a little reading of this great donklage fanfic!
Audio Linky!: https://youtu.be/WJMM8jff_yI
(I don't mean to offend anyone with this comment in any way!)
Wonderful start, having me laughing already
I'm already dying here. There is little keeping me from spilling my guts laughing.
Welp, I've witnessed many thing that have put my sanity to the test, let's see if this story is the one to break it.
I'm a fan of this premise.
The intro was a bit telly and nearly put me off if I'm being honest, but what a solid hook at the end here. I guess I'm in.
I never thought I would use the following words in this combination or fashion.
I cannot even.
That being said I need to keep reading.
10311928
Not quite the same thing, but:
derpicdn.net/img/2012/6/27/22930/full.png
What was My Little Human: The Movie about?
10329871
WW3
10329871
Knowing the mlp movie plot, and adapting it to the current situation in America:
I wouldn't be surprised if it were about Anon and friends all breaking down during a long distance road trip in the middle of Harlem, NY at 9pm.
With no cell reception due to recent damage from idiots who thought cell towers caused COVID-19, our motley crew of young white men must navigate their way through the streets of the most racist population in America, dodging muggers, BLM rioters, and street gangs. The whole thing culminates in the group's attempt to reach a 7-Eleven, call a tow service, and make their way back to their vehicle past the same anti-white extremists they angered on their way in.
Meanwhile, two of said friends have their own harrowing experience, having stayed behind to keep an eye on the vehicle. Armed only with the tire-iron from the trunk and a half-loaded (stolen) street gun taken from a drunk bum who approached them stumbling and screaming "Gib meh yo 'allet, whydboi", they must fend off hoodlums intent on stealing everything of value inside of (and off of) the car.
Just to head off any "Geez, you're a total racist" comments, this is actually based on a true experience I had about 3 years back.
Not the whole thing, just the "broke down in the middle of Harlem, NY at night and getting some serious death threats".
Seriously, SCREW those people. They're freaking monsters.
If I had a gun that had only two bullets while in a room with Hitler, Jeffery Epstein, and your average "racist harlem street-corner thug", I'd shoot the harlem thug twice.
That scene with the drunk bum... yeah.
That's a literal word-for-word quote.
Thankfully, our vehicle issue was just a flat tire, the bum had a broken bottle instead of a gun, and even plastered as he was he didn't want to take on three guys at once, one of which was 6'2" and hefting the tire iron.
And right as we got the tire changed and were piling in, about 6 guys with sleeve tats carrying baseball bats and chains came from around a corner about 80 feet away from where we'd broken down. They chased after us (as we drove off) yelling, but through the adrenaline and the guy's mumble-rapper """accent""", I only caught a slew of vague obscenities (the N-word and "we'll fkin' kill you!" being the majority of the leader's vocabulary).
++Edit++
We had to leave the flat tire where it lay, we barely had enough time to peel out of there before the street gang showed up, and at the time losing a flat tire was the least of our concerns.
10390277
Oh fuck!
OK! Thanks for putting the entire north eastern quadrant of the U.S. on my "Nope, not going there" list. I dkn't want to be anywhere NEAR that.
(Why are humans so horrible?)
I'd love the movie though, you might want to sell that to Paramount Pictures or something.
10390277
BWAHAHAHAHAHA FUCKING GLORIOUS!
I HAVEN'T EVEN READ THE FIRST FIVE WORDS AND I'M ALREADY SNORTING UNCONTROLLABLY
Looking forward to reading about the horrors of Pony Internet.
Here we gooooooo
The replies should be fun
You magnificent bastard.
Literally 2 words in and Im laughing out loud.
"Brought to you by Liszt"
Ahh, a fellow man of culture.
*shakes head slowly*
This is gonna be one of those stories, I see.
Lol
Annnd I already laughed and gave your story a thumbs up
Huh... Laughing under 10 seconds on the start. New record.
Re-reading this unique masterpiece in the making...
Sooo goooood
Ha, this chapter is hilarious!
I ask myself that sometimes, too. Especially now that I own two of them. The one from 15 years ago, and the one I stumbled through building a year and a half ago. But then I recall all the fun I had spite having next-to-no-friends or hobbies, and I go back to laughing at dead-meme youtube videos and playing games made back before I even entered middle school.
Lost it
Anonymous F. Aggot
That name tho, take out the dot and u get Anonymous Faggot. PURE GOLDEN NAME 10/10
10921452
Congratulations on your promotion to Captain.
Gonna be good
My sides
i like the humour of the story.
though Anonymous F. Aggot is a little on the nose. I would have suggested giving his fill middle name. like Anonymous Fredrick Aggot, and let the reader make the connection.
4 words in and I'm already fuckin dying over here