Anon and Summer had only been home for a day when they heard a knock at the door.
As the couple's collective allotment of horror had been spent over the course of recent events, they felt nothing more than an overwhelming fatigue, and turned to each other with a shared grimace. While Summer slowly folded her newspaper, Anon placed his cup onto a side table, their minds filled with images of fanfillies and chloroform, and a heavy silence hanging in the air.
" ... There's always something, isn't there?"
"Hmm."
Anon leaned back in his seat, a blank stare fixed at the ceiling.
"If, uh ... if we stay quiet, we can probably convince them that we aren't home."
Summer couldn't help but chuckle.
"Good plan. How old are you again?"
"At least six. It's like a bear, you know? Play dead and it'll go away." He ran his fingers through his hair. "Maybe we can get a 'do not disturb' sign."
Her laughter was half-hearted, and rather resembled a defeated sigh. "What a bucking pain in the ass. Make sure to warn me next time they make a cartoon about you."
"No promises."
Another knock.
"Fuck ... " Anon rose from the couch, sluggish pace matching his enthusiasm. "Well, no sense in putting it off."
Summer stayed where she was, craning her neck to watch the front door. "Good luck, don't get foalnapped."
"Lazy little turd ... "
At the threshold was a unicorn mare in a suit, a purple 'H' pinned to her lapel. She eyed him with an appraising gleam, and straightened her tie with a crimson aura.
"Are you Anonymous F. Aggot?"
"Yes."
"Wonderful." She offered him a forehoof. "My name is Binding Agreement, and I'm the general counsel at Haspone. I've come here to discuss your ... unique relationship with our intellectual property."
Anon's raised eyebrow fell flat, and he took on the haunted expression of a Russian peasant who just received a friendly visit from the KGB. Bumping her hoof for the sake of propriety, he forced himself to smile. "Ah. Well, um, come on in."
Shuffling past, she hung her silly little horse fedora on a coat rack, faux-leather briefcase floating alongside her. "Is there somewhere we can sit?"
"The living room's straight ahead."
"Thank you."
Plopping down on an armchair, she placed her briefcase on the coffee table. Summer attempted to bore a hole in the lawyer's head through sheer tyranny of will, and Binding turned to Anon when he lumbered back in from the hallway.
"Do you want anything to drink?"
"I would rather get straight to business, if that's alright with you."
With a shrug, he returned to the couch. "Fair enough." Rubbing his eyes, he rested an elbow on the armrest. "So, here to give me a cease and desist for violating copyright or something?"
She took some papers from the briefcase. "Charming. No, the Princess made it very clear that we are not to 'pull anything,' her words, not mine. I don’t know why, but she is very ... vocal in her support of you, and the folks at Haspone would rather stay on her good side. This entire situation is horrible enough, the last thing we need is an angry alicorn on our hooves."
Anon let out an amused snort. "That would be somewhat problematic, yes."
"Hmm." Tapping her forehooves together, Binding took a steadying breathe. "Now, I'm going to be upfront with you, this is a legal nightmare. Our copyright was approved before you even lived on this planet, and we have benefited tremendously from using your image and life story without permission. And while Haspone does not claim ownership of fanmade material, that so much of it exists, and that a worrying amount of it is blatantly pornographic, makes the situation that much more complex. Frankly, I don't think that we should go to court, if only because we both want to settle this within our lifetimes."
"Right. In other words, this is something straight out of Gilbert and Sullivan."
"I don't know what that means, but I can assume it's nothing good. If that's the case, then yes, it is." Binding shuffled the papers, placing one piece on the table and picking up another with her magic. "Given the circumstances, it is my belief that an out of court settlement would be in the best interest of both parties. Ideally, we would retain the right to produce My Little Human content and merchandise, while you would receive royalties and be given a certain measure of creative control."
"Sounds reasonable, I guess." Anon shifted in his seat. "I assume that the creative control thing's there to help with privacy and my ... well, public image."
"Correct. I think it's safe to say that there are things you'd prefer the show not cover, and I won't deny that having you around would probably make the writing process a bit easier."
"Right. Do I need to go anywhere for that, or ... ?"
"No, no, we can mail you the scripts. We do the same thing with the original showrunner, you just write comments and send them back to us."
He tapped his fingers on the armrest. "Yeah, sure, why not. And, uh, as for royalties, how much is that gonna be?"
"We're still trying to figure that out. The industry standard is about three percent of the product's gross profit, but this is hardly a standard case. I would guess that, for you, the number would only be about one percent. While that doesn't sound like much, you have to remember that this franchise makes Haspone about a billion annually, and you'd also be given an according amount of backpay. All in all, I estimate that you'll come out of this with about a hundred million bits."
Anon turned to Summer, who nearly keeled over in shock, and forced himself to breathe. "Jesus Christ."
"You're a bit calmer than expected."
"No, I'm just holding it in. I stand to make a hundred million bits from this mess?"
"We're still trying to crank out the numbers, but that is the minimum, yes. I take it that you're satisfied with this arrangement?"
He sat there for a moment, absorbed in thought, and met her eyes with a resigned sigh. "If I had it my way, the show wouldn't even exist. I don’t like thinking about it, but My Little Human will affect me for the rest of my life, and not in a good way. I ... look, the point is, I'd like to take it all and burn it down, but I can't, and there's nothing I can do about it. That being said, I suppose that an obscene amount of money is pretty good compensation. You have a deal."
He shook her hoof, and Binding was quite relieved he didn't ask for double.
Ah, sanity, how refreshing.
Damn, pays to have Alicorn fangirl
10423805
I like this Anon because he's some normal person who's been thrust into a ridiculous situation. He isn't some surly dickhead, nor is he an ebic memelord, he's just some guy who wants to sit at home and be comfy with his horse wife, but suddenly his life is a cartoon.
I'm still expecting it to be revealed that the writers of "MLH" used magic to peer into another universe & spy on the lives of the characters & passed it off as their own work.
its always best to be humble in these situations, lest the fans find out and revolt against you
10423837
Sire, the fans are revolting, and they're ugly, too!
Well he won't have to petition the crown for guards when he van pay for his own security and some upgrades to the house. Horse wife won't have to work again, though she'd probable be bored not too long afterwards.
...someone needs to convince him to try going to a convention. Shenanigans ensue.
Or go down to Haspone and even talk to the show director.
At the very least try to figure out why he exists.
So, Haspone is going to keep producing episodes of MLH that still have Anon in them, even though the "real" Anon is in this world? That's going to be a mindfuck, and probably lead to a lot of regret.
Like, imagine if Anon has a friend in the show that Haspone decides to kill off because the fanbase doesn't like them. Does the real, actual friend that Real-Anon spent a good deal of his life with actually die, and are the Studio Executives at Haspone directly responsible?
Does Show-Anon go on to do great things, leaving the Real-Anon to get jealous of his now-fictional counterparts' success and character growth? Would he wish he had ended up in Equestria years later, because he would have still been Show-Anon and gotten to experience all of that?
Not sure why the special circumstances would warrant him getting less than the standard 3%. If anything, I'd think he'd be getting more. Sounds like Binding is gonna be a big hit back at the office for somehow getting them through this nightmare with only having to pay a paltry 1%.
10424126
Well, she does say he will have creative control and be sent scripts in the mail. So he could easily veto anything too extreme.
10424165
You just got away without paying someone 200 million dollars. I think that would be super significant.
If I was him i would have at least gotten a second lawyers opinion. You know one that's not on someone else's payroll.
I would have asked that if Haspone arranges any events, such as conventions, fan days, etc, that I am in attendance of, that I receive a percentage of the profits from the events.
Don't let Lyra find out
10424202
I hope so. This story is focusing on the social problems that arise from stardom and a complete lack of privacy, but the existential problems that arise are honestly far more horrifying.
Oddly, that was my first thought. He should have just asked for industry standard and then "negotiated" down to 2%. Never let a good opportunity go to waste, after all.
Not like he won't be set for life, but missed opportunities...
10424616
10424400
The number's still in the air, but you have to remember that Binding's a seasoned corporate lawyer - in other words, her strategy was probably deliberate, dazzling them with a big number to distract them from asking for more.
Considering that, legally, Haspone still owns the copyright, they are well within their rights to pay him nothing, and giving him this much is an attempt to keep him from pursuing legal action. Yes, they should probably pay him more, but they don’t technically have to, so they don't.
10424400
The smart thing to do, but anon is just trying to get on with is life with as little deviation as possible. I figured he took the amount to be done with it since his lifestyle before this was comfortable with the few bits they made. At least now Summer and him could travel and live knowing they're provided for.
Asking for more would have likely increased unwanted attention, by making his existence national news.
10424641
Oh, no. Not putting any blame on the corporation lol. I just saw it as a situation where the MC has leverage. The corporation wouldn't even be talking to him if he didn't have leverage and would have just sent him a letter. Because he has leverage, it can be used to get just a little bit more out of the deal without tipping the scales in the "high-ball" territory.
What I'm saying is: I got where you were coming from. I just wanted the MC to be a bit more ruthless. Though, to be fair, that wouldn't be consistent with the character you've shown so far in the story. So, probably good that he wasn't.
10424718
That's the point - he has leverage, but the corporation still wants to "lowball" (relative term) him. They don't want him to attack them, so they're appeasing him, but being stingy with said appeasement. It may be scummy, but it's fitting with how a corporation would go about these things.
10424471
Conventions are independent. Standard way is to have the Convention pay in advance to bring him there. They're not cheap and don't it out of kindness. Don't be surprised if some people ask money for an autograph or picture. The fame is nice and they can be good people personally. But it's time away that they could be doing anything else or it pays better than their work or lack thereof. It's why you see a lot of older actors that can't find jobs or doing small parts also run the convention circuit. It pays the bills. Conventions and celebrities are not easy to maintain. That's the cynical hard truth.
On the opposite end, a lot of them have a blast meeting and greeting with fans, but though there's plenty of times celebrities go in full costume as something else to enjoy the con. Or go as their own character.
Neat!
Huh the interaction between anon and most ponies has been surprisingly refreshing. Loving how anon is a giant dick and is in general pretty chill with everything happening.
I'm just waiting for the moment he gets super mad and says
"My name is Anonymous FUCKING Aggot and i will not stand for this!"
And everyone will just say... "so that's what the F. Stands for"
For that phrase alone, you're upgraded from tracking to favorites. Congrats.
10424737
If they had done their homework, they would have known that not showing up to his house would have also made him happy. Then they wouldn't need to pay him a single bit.
10424737
I mean, if a corporation that makes a billion dollars a year offers me a hundred million a year just for existing, I'd take it and won't ask anything else, even if i could. i could buy a hundred pizzas everyday and still have enough money to buy a small country
actually, is it a hundred million and that's it, or is it per year? how do royalties work?
10425659
Working with the numbers from this chapter, 1% of every year's gross profits. So if they make a billion this year, Anon will be given ten million. Assuming that the show made about a billion each year, and will run for ten years (as MLP essentially did), he'll come out of it with a hundred million, divided into yearly payments of ten million. This is assuming that further negotiations don't change the numbers, or that he asks for more than royalties.
10425675
ah, okay! thanks for clarifying!
still loads of money, probably just enough to have to deal with harassment and stuff from.. overly eager pones for a while.
He'll certainly have enough money to build a nice and big wall around a nice and big manor. On an island.
And pay a unicorn to put anti-flight shields and anti-teleport wards.
10401092
I did my best to make it as humorous as possible.
10395611
The whole experience taught me an important lesson.
The modern interpretation of "racism" is total bullshit.
There's a difference between real racism and simple, unpleasant fact:
Racism is blindly hating someone purely because of how they look.
But identifying a group or culture who thrive on short-sighted wrongdoing isn't racist, it's just being a realist...
...and if someone doesn't acknowledge this fact, they'd better stay out of Harlem, NY (or any other area where one is likely to be "culturally enriched" dozens of times in the back via sharp-force, blunt-force, and high velocity traumas).
Anonymous F. Aggot?
Heh, nice.
10424510
I wouldn't be surprised if Lyra was the Writer and Show Producer
Somehow I got the feeling that Haspone is going to come up with a "My Little Human: Humanity Boys" spinoff series
10429288
The evil human "Mystery," former employee at Anon's workplace, finds a portal to a fantasy world, and becomes a sort of Dark Evil Overlord. Like EQG but reversed - but they go from a horrible mundane world to an amazing fantasy one.
I wonder who the main cast of the show is
Aon should've insisted on the 3% with all the hassle he's probably going to be getting.
10421641
The root words for "polygamy" mean "multiple partners".
The root words for "polyamory" mean "multiple love".
The rest is all in what context they're used, and quite frankly I don't think anyone in the position to do so has really put any effort into updating the definitions for at least a century.
10441399
"2% solid, and if/when I have issues due to MLH, your company will cover all costs and efforts incurred to my satisfaction. I'll have a law practitioner look over the official agreement, of course... and speaking of:
I'd also like 5m bits up front before any agreements are made official in order to have the financial freedom to hire the legal representation of my choice."
Small criticism: I feel like this story has slowly been declining in actual content
10456588
Eh, it'll pick up. The thing about these AiE comedies is that I feel a lot of burnout when writing them, so they usually dip in the middle simply because I don't know what to fill it with. The herding (I wonder with who, wink wink ) will bring it back to the character stuff, and I hope to have some wacky Twilight hijinks and a confrontation near the end.
Tease
10460370
The consequences of mobile - some sadist decided to put edit and publish next to each other.
10460444
10442737
Polyamory literally interprets multiple love(s). Polyamory has been begrudgingly accepted in most countries worldwide in modern history. As someone's whose been in a polyamorous relationship before, I can tell you firsthand about the crap I've caught from people who either confused it with cheating or confused it with polygamy, equally I can't tell you the number of times that myself or my partners were propositioned by people who thought we were into partner swapping or swinging(yes both partner swapping and swinging are part of polyamourous culture, but not everyone who is in a poly relationship participate in those practices).
It would be pretty funny and cool if Anon met his voice actor in Equestria.
10480338
That would be an awkward conversation. Would be pretty funny though
Oh lord, referencing that degenerate in that cover art.
there will be another chapter?
10509898
Yes. Eventually, and not for a while, but yes.