Hi everyone! RainbowThunder is here. I am Russian pegasister (yes, even if I have stallion on avatar), who practices English in fanfic writing. And I like ponies. That's all.
My name is Written Script. I like writing and reading. And I'm also a fan of remembering something nice and pleasing. That's what I'll do today. I will remember a small friendship that I had once with an unusual cat.
This pony reflects my essence. We are very similar. And I will remember that friendship with Written, too. Plus privet! Sorry I dissappeared. I had some problems. By now I am here, yay!
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Very nice! Reminds me of my cat I had as a kid
10209533
I thought about your cat, writing this. I am sorry about your cat.
10209537
It's fine
Well, this was a rather interesting, short read. However, if I’m going to be honest, there were quite a few issues that prevented me from enjoying the story.
First and foremost, it’s clear that English is not your native language. The whole story’s overflowing with roughly worded and sometimes nonsensical sentences as well as some incorrectly used words. And that’s fine, you’ll eventually get better, though you still don’t want these errors littering your stories. I highly recommend getting an editor that’ll be able to go through the story with you and correct everything. You can learn from them and improve far faster than you could on your own, plus your story’s grammar going to be solid. A win-win situation
Second, the story just meanders and lacks a clear direction. There’s so many redundant details and odd, unrelated remarks that the audience’s attention is drawn away from the emotions and memories that should truly matter. Such a large amount of filler results in the readers not being able to immerse themselves in the story’s atmosphere. So, remember to always think about what you want to convey with the story, what’s the plot’s direction going to be, and how much information is relevant at the moment. We can talk more about story mechanics if you’d like, I admit I could discuss them all day.
And that’s pretty much all that I have to say about this story. I’m sorry that my comment has to be such a negative one, but I believe this’ll help you far more than pointless sugarcoating. Good luck in your writing endeavours!