Witchy Laughter
The place was the hospital.
Of course it was the hospital.
“Okay.” Twilight was flashing her horn, and there was a cat floating in mid-air. Normal-sized, now, looking cuddly and cute, squirming left and right, meowing softly. “That should be it.” And then she flashed her horn again, and the cat fell on the bed, meowed, and jumped into Goldie Delicious’ arms. “Starlight?”
Starlight had bandages here and there, especially on the leg, but she could walk, and had taken enough pills to not be in pain for the time being. “Right,” she said. “Let me see.” She flashed her horn, and the cat glowered a bit, then stopped. “I don’t feel any magic left in it either, so I’d say it’s clean.”
“Great. So that’s all, Goldie Delicious.” Twilight gave the old mare a smile. “Sorry for messing with your cats.”
“Aw, shucks, there’s no need to say that! They look mighty fine to me.” Goldie coddled up the cat in her arms and poked it in the stomach. “Ain’t that right, you?”
“Meow.”
“That’s a yes.”
“Mrrp.” The cat squirmed in Goldie’s arms, and then jumped down to the floor and rubbed its head and back against Starlight’s legs.
That made Starlight chuckle, and she leaned down to pet it, but Twilight, she just frowned. “Goldie Delicious?” she asked. “Has it ever occured to you that your cats might be a little bit, uh. Bipolar?”
“What! Naah. That’s just how them cats like to behave.” Goldie opened her saddlebag with a quick flip, and then grabbed the cat with her hooves and stuffed it in there. “In you go.” And then, to Twilight: “They’re lil’ sweethearts! It’s just all that magic, see?” She tapped her muzzle. “They can smell it, cats. Some don’t like it, is all. Gets ‘em grumpy.”
“Oh, is that it?”
“Explains how they react to the brooms,” Starlight said.
“Yes,” Trixie added, squinting. She was also there, wearing her signature hat—and covered in even more bandages than Starlight. “And why they tried to murder us.”
“Oh, no,” Goldie Delicious said. “That was just them playin’ around.”
“Chances are my magic affected their mood anyway,” Twilight said, ears flag against her head, looking at Trixie and Starlight. “I’m really sorry, you two. It was the only thing I could think of back then. I thought it’d be a nice distraction; I didn’t think they’d go feral on you.”
“There, there, go to sleep. Good boy.” Goldie Delicious coddled the cat inside the saddlebag a bit more, and then closed it, and looked at Twilight. “So you made ‘em cats big, then sent ‘em to your own Castle? What for?”
“The Cutie Mark Crusaders were there at Trixie’s show, and they saw you rile up Ponyville to go burn Trixie at the stake.” Twilight glanced at Trixie, and then back at Goldie Delicious. “Which is entirely understandable, by the way, and I told you girls this would happen.”
“Shut up,” Trixie said.
“Well, nopony burned in the end, right?” Starlight said, elbowing Trixie, who grumbled. Starlight smiled. “So that’s a happy ending on my book.”
Goldie Delicious nodded, but she was frowned. “I’m really sorry,” she said. “If there’s anythin’ I can do to help you from now on, y’all just need to tell me. Old Goldie Delicious will be here lickety split!”
“Yes, that will literally never happen,” Trixie said.
“One can always dream!” Goldie Delicious winked at Trixie, and then looked at Twilight. “I’m sorry, you were sayin’?”
“Oh?” Twilight blinked. “Ah, right. Well, Apple Bloom told me the crowd was too dense for them to run to you and tell you not to, you know, lynch an innocent pony. So they came here instead, because they knew I was at the hospital, and told me to stop you. Only, I can’t exactly teleport like this.”
Goldie Delicious arched an eyebrow. “So you cast a spell on my cats?”
“I tried to create a distraction to keep you busy till I made my way there. Spike can only run so fast. There are cats everywhere, and I just did some quick thinking.” Twilight bit her lip. “It… backfired a bit.”
“Two different ponies have tried to murder me today!” Trixie said, not without a hint of pride in her voice. “And I’m the bad one. Please.”
Starlight snorted, but still elbowed her again. “Trixie, come on, she was trying to help.”
“As much as it paints me to say it, Starlight, Trixie has a point. I didn’t really have much time to go over the details, but it was still a silly plan.” Twilight sighed, and looked at Trixie. “We could spend all day theorizing that maybe witchcraft is the reason why it happened, but that still doesn’t change that I was the one enchanting the cats.”
“…Which is why I couldn’t break the spell,” Starlight mused after a moment. “I should really train on my magic power a bit more, instead of focusing so much on technique.”
Twilight smiled. “Want to be better than me already?”
And Starlight rolled her eyes. “Twilight, we both know I’ll never be as good as you, it’s just—”
“I respectfully disagree with that,” Twilight said. “As a friend, yes, but mostly as a teacher. Your potential knows no bounds, Starlight. If you truly work on your weaknesses, I have no idea how far you’ll go, but you’ll go far.”
Trixie looked at them, and then sighed. “I should train a bit more, too,” she said, fiddling with her hat, swishing her tail left and right. “Witchcraft still makes no sense. I get that it listens to my subconscious? But, like, half the time it straight up doesn’t work at all.”
“Trixie,” Twilight said. “No offense, but you broke my library in half with that.”
“Yes, but I didn’t mean to do that.” Trixie clicked her tongue. “And I still haven’t found any money. Can’ you believe how—”
“Actually,” Starlight interrupted, rubbing her chin. “About that. I’ve been wondering—remember how last time we tried to find some treasure, all we found was a broom?”
Trixie blinked. “Uh. Yes?”
“Right. So. Twilight?” Starlight leaned closer to the bed. “You’re going to fix the library, right?”
“Obviously.”
“And you’re going to do that, how…?”
“Oh. I mean, I don’t know. I guess I’ll just get the room to grow back?” Twilight frowned. “I’m kinda busy healing all the bones in my body first, Starlight. The castle really isn’t my top priority, much as I love the library.”
Goldie Delicious cocked her head to the side. “You’re goin’ to do what now?”
“I live in a tree!” Twilight said, turning to Goldie Delicious. “An ancient magical crystal tree, sure, but still a tree. The Castle can just grow anything back if I want it to.”
“Which means there’s half a room out there that’s up for the taking,” Starlight continued, looking at Trixie. “And it’s a very spacious one, too. You said you wanted a house, right? The brooms got us one.”
Trixie frowned. “It’s literally two crystal walls and a floor.”
“It’s that for now.” Starlight turned around. “Goldie Delicious? You said you owed us one, right?”
“Eyup. That’s what I said, alright.”
“You Apples are great at building. I’m sure you could do wonders with that room, right? Build a toilet, a kitchen? Turn it into an actual house?” Starlight thought about it, and then smiled. “We only need one bedroom, though.”
“Ooooh, hoh, hoh!” That was Trixie, suddenly puffing her chest out, tail swishing side to side. “Well, that’s just bold on your part!”
Starlight winked back at Trixie. “Only the best for me.”
“A house with crystal, huh? Well, that can’t be that hard. We’ve built worse things.” Goldie Delicious rubbed her chin, and then nodded. “That plumbin’s gonna be interestin’! I’m sure Applejack will like the challenge. Well then!” And then she winked at Starlight. “I’ll let you two lovebirds to your thing. Always a pleasure to see you, Twilight. See y’all later.” And then she went for the door, but—
“Goldie Delicious!”
Twilight stopped her.
“The book! Before you go? You said you’d brought it, right?”
“Ah! Darn tootin’, this head of mine. Yes!” Goldie nodded, and opened her saddlebag and rummaged through it till she took out Tales of the Macabre, the authentic edition. “‘Ere you go. Treat it right, it’s a rare one!”
“I will! Thank you very much. Just leave it on that shelf on that wall, please?”
“Sure!”
And so she did, and after that, Goldie Delicious left.
Starlight watcher her go, and then turned to Twilight. “Why did you ask for that book?” she asked. “Still researching witches?”
“It talks about ‘the Mare who Desires’, so the translation is correct in this one. It might have more information than the knock-off.” Twilight shrugged. “Breaking a castle in half is no small feat—it was always going to happen, obviously; I probably overloaded the room, and the cats were too heavy. But still, that was impressive, Trixie.”
Trixie smirked. “Obviously.”
“So, some more research can’t hurt us.”
Starlight’s ears went flat against her head, and she pressed a hoof against her heart. “You’re so on board with witchcraft now, aren’t you? Twilight, thank you so much. I know you still don’t really like it, but I really appreciate the gesture.”
“Don’t remind me, really.” Twilight snorted. “I’ve just been thinking—witchcraft takes time to work, because there’s no magic involved, everything was going to happen anyway, right? But there was still a sense of timing to it all. Why did it stop the cat at that moment, and not earlier? Before it got to hurt you? Stuff like that is why I want to investigate it.”
“Well, that’s… a fair question.” Starlight scratched her muzzle, blushing a little. “I don’t want to sound too full of myself, but if I were to take a guess…?”
Trixie rolled her eyes, elbowed Starlight, getting a giggle from her. “Because that’s when you asked me,” she said. “Obviously. Again.”
“Eheheh.” Starlight pushed her back, silly grin on her face—but then she kept on talking. “So far, witchcraft listens to what she feels rather than what she says. But in the stories, witches have total control over what they do, so there has to be a way to make witchcraft listen to what you wish. If the cats stopped when I asked, that means… maybe that’s it? The power of friendship?”
“No. That’s not friendship.” Twilight tried to sit up, but then she winced and just kept on laying down. “I’m speaking as a professional, here. Your presence helping Trixie control witchcraft is a possibility? But that’s not the power of friendship. We could consult Cadance about it, though. She might have some insight on it.”
That made Starlight grin even harder.
And it made Trixie frown. “Who.”
Twilight and Starlight looked at her, eyes wide. “You’re kidding,” Twilight said. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Trixie, we’ve met her,” Starlight said, frowning. “She’s attended some of your shows!”
“A lot of ponies come to those. I’m amazing!”
“Trixie,” Twilight said, speaking slowly. “There are literally five alicorns in existence, and we rule the world as you know it. Are you seriously telling me you don’t know the name of every single one of us.”
“I don’t know, I’m a busy mare. I have better things to do with my time!” Trixie waved a hoof in the air, and looked at Starlight. “So who is that? Another princess?”
“Princess of love, yes.”
“Oh. Well.” Trixie blinked, and frowned. “That’s bold. Again.”
“You complaining?” Starlight asked, tilting her head to the side.
“You know I could never.”
Twilight groaned. “Get a room.”
“We just did!”
“Meow.”
The three mares stared.
The cat was back in the room, sitting on its haunches, looking up at them. “Meow,” it meowed again. “Meow meow.” And then it rubbed itself against Starlight, asking for pets.
Starlight smiled, and gave it some. “And how are you here? Kitties can’t roam hospitals, we only let you in here because it was an emergency.”
“Mrrrp.”
“It probably jumped off the grandma’s saddlebag when she took the book out,” Trixie muttered. “Doesn’t seem to like her much.”
“Well, it’s hers, so I hope it better does,” Starlight said. She grabbed the cat and held it in her arms. “Every cat in town is hers, actually, I don’t know if you knew that.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
“Wow. That sounds unsanitary.” Trixie arched an eyebrow. “If she dies, they’ll eat her corpse.”
And Starlight elbowed her. “Trixie!”
Blink. Frown. “Right, sorry,” Trixie said. “When she dies, they’ll eat her corpse.”
Starlight rolled her eyes, and then coddled up the cat and went for the door. “I should get it out of here before a nurse sees it and we get in trouble. I’ll be right back.”
And she left.
Twilight looked at them, and then at the clock on the wall. It was right next to the bookshelf that had Tales of the Macabre in it. “Visiting hours are about to end,” she said. “You might as well leave already.”
“That’s the first time I hear you come up with a good idea, Princess,” Trixie said, and then her killer grin turned a bit smaller. “Say,” she said. “You meant that?”
Twilight frowned. “What do you mean, ‘that’.”
“The love thing. You approve of us?”
Twilight chuckled. “Trixie, come on. We know each other. You know already.” She gave her a look. “Do you even care about my opinion?”
“No.”
“Then that’s all the answer you need.”
Trixie thought about it, and then nodded. “Yes. I guess. You know, the day we get married, Starlight and I?” And here, her killer grin came back. “You will be the one saying the toast.”
Twilight’s eyes went wide. “You don’t mean that.”
“We’ll have to invite you whether I like it or not, and you’ll hate every second of it, won’t you? So will I. But Starlight will love it.” Trixie’s eyes were fire and acid, here. She was diamonds and glitter and silver. She was a full-blown witch, in that moment, and her hat fit her better than ever. “And isn’t that what this is all about?”
“Gosh.” Twilight thought about the possibility, and shivered. “You are wicked.”
“I keep telling you. I’m a natural.”
“So you’re going to marry Starlight, now?” Twilight asked, frowning. “You’re not even officially dating now, as far as I’m aware, and you’re already talking about marriage? You know that’s not a given, right.”
“Oh, it is a given, trust me. Goodbye, Princess.”
Then Trixie opened the door so hard that it slammed on the wall. Which made the bookshelf shake, and that made Tales of the Macabre tilt forwards, and then backwards, and then forwards, right above Twilight’s face.
And then slowly, almost in slow-motion, the book fell—
“Not on her face,” Trixie said.
—the book felt backwards, against the wall.
Not on Twilight’s face.
That made Twilight blink. Her horn was shining already, even though she hadn’t had the time to cast a spell. She let the magic die out, and then looked at Trixie with wide eyes. “You didn’t actually want to throw a book at my face?”
“I did,” Trixie said. “That is genuinely my deepest desire right now. But it’d be a bad thing to do, so I chose not to do it.”
“…And it worked.” Twilight looked up, at the bookshelf. She couldn’t see the book now, though. “It was never going to fall on my face—so that was witchcraft. You can control it, after all. Maybe the power of love is the key.”
Trixie swished her tail side to side, snout to the heavens. “Well!” she said, voice bursting with pride. “Who knows. But seeing how I’m on a roll, I guarantee you, Princess.” And here she pointed at Twilight, right at her face. “That I am going to become the greatest witch who ever lived, and I’ll make Starlight the happiest mare in Equestria. And I’ll literally do it just to spite you.”
And then Trixie left, leaving Twilight alone, and closed the door behind her with a slam.
Once more, Twilight waited until Trixie’s hoofsteps were out of earshot to smile. But smile she did, and in a way, even though she wasn’t wearing a hat, even though there were no brooms or cat in sight, even though this wasn’t Trixie, this was Twilight Sparkle—
That smile almost looked a little witchy.
“Classic witchcraft, Trixie,” she mused, flashing her horn, fluffing her pillows, and getting ready for a well-deserved nap. “We both know all those things were gonna happen anyway.”
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These are my Patrons with a 10$ tier or higher, and the little stories/shoutouts I write for them in every story. Thanks for the support, y’all.
Over thirty-one thousand words in one go? Oof.
I've read 8,000 word stories that felt longer than this one. Like the difference between doing 80mph on the highway in a car, or on a motorcycle.
One of the best portrayls of crushes I've seen, ever. A great story about finding it hard to be a good person, but still wanting to try your hardest.
10086376
He's done 90k before. Yes, really.
Not the Valentines Day story we need, but the one we deserve. Thank you Aragon!
10086376
That's nothing compared to that Applejack Cider story that was a singular 60k word chapter. I read the entire thing before the author eventually parsed it out.
Goddamn you, Aragon; would it kill you to write something every once and a while that didn't require me clearing an entire afternoon to read?
My wife and I have had this date day planned for months, and now it's blown to hell.
I have many things to say, all of which have been said or will be said.
Witchcraft!
But if I were to say something more, even if it's bound to happen anyway, I'd say I really, really liked the characterization between the leads. All of our overpowered unicorns (and I include Trixie in that as well) are delightful, snarky, and quirky. And adorable. Can't forget that one. And also painfully relatable. Why must it be so?!
Thank you for this! Just to spite you, that is.
10086763
Its called a slant rhyme and its art.
Gosh darn astounding, once again a fantastic piece of character based writing :D Loved every moment of it and have no idea how you wrote this in a single sitting. You sure you aren't secretly a witch? ;P
10086889
Oh my God I love the praise but this took like, six months of writing or so. At one point I could only write one day a week, so the actual time it would've taken me is probably shorter? But this was also like. MASSIVELY edited. Like this was edited so hard. I rewrote entire scenes multiple times till everything clicked.
In a single sitting, this wasn't. I'm sexy but I'm not that sexy yet.
That was great fun!
And don't worry, Aragon. Whatever happens, we'll always have Coney Island.
Your story is amazing.
10086895
Oh thank god, I was genuinely afraid of your eldritch skills there
Six months of juicy work then ;D Editing on point too, nary a spelling or grammatical error!
(and no matter what dude, you are incredibly sexy huehuehue)
Yeah, this is a Twilight who studied headology. (For the last time, a story about witches in this style demands as many Discworld references as I can shoehorn in)
An interesting story, thank you. And I say that as someone who dislikes Starlight/Trixie as a ship, but this was still an entertaining tale for me.
On a minor note:
“Oh. I mean, I don’t know. I guess I’ll just get the room to grow back?” Trixie frowned. “I’m kinda busy healing all the bones in my body first, Starlight. The castle really isn’t my top priority, much as I love the library.”
This should have Twilight as the speaker instead of Trixie.
I am amazed at how hilariously differently we interpret this pair, but you made it work. Kudos.
LoveSpite is a beautiful and powerful force, and you've done great work in portraying it so wellSome writers feel the need to fix Trixie, to give her a tragic backstory and a redemption arc and shit. I love that you don't, you just make her 200% fucking Trixie. And you really get into everything that makes Trixie Trixie, without making her any less Trixie.
Do you have a thing for garroteing wives?
That was good.
This was very comfy, but with a very strong thematic core and character dynamics. I really enjoyed it, and I really love the interactions between Starlight, Trixie, and Twilight.
Ironically, there's a typo there.
The funny thing is, Twilight's been using witchcraft this whole time and we didn't notice.
In all seriousness, whether you get published or decide to self-publish original fiction, I will pay for your work. International shipping as well if I have to.
Until then, horse words will suffice.
Magnificent, from start to finish. Granny Weatherwax would approve methinks.
This has to be the Trixie-est that Trixie has ever Trixied.
Goddamn Twiggles' one hell of a witch. Excellent story, characterization was just oh so right, love it to pieces
Edit: Made me want even more to re-read what I have of discworld and get the other books to read too, so that's a even bigger plus.
This is adorable. I love it.
Also, Twilight out-witching them is one hell of a twist.
I love how you handle trixie. She's just the perfect amount kind and affectionate toward starlight, yet still a ducking witch toward twillight.
You see her for who she is when you see her with twillight. That's her, pety, spiteful. But who see who she choose to be with starlight, she tries her best to be better, to control her emotion.
with twillight, you see her let go, let the spitefulness take control. And yet you still see that by the end she still have control she still didn't let the book fall on her.
I shows that she changed, yet she still the same
Getting through the first half of this story was a little tough for me.
I liked the interactions between Trixie/Starlight and Starlight/Twilight, but Trixie really felt a little too far along on the obnoxious scale for me when she was interacting with Twilight. This one's more of personal taste, I think. Felt a little too realistically unpleasant for me, even though Twilight was treating it as a game.
In the end, it was nice to see that Twilight still managed to get through to them with her Friendship skills.
Edit: After looking at the other comments, I apparently missed that Twilight was actually out-witching Trixie herself.
I'm honestly not sure how to feel about that, as it kind of looks like her success would then be attributed to superior witchery rather than Friendship.
I'm glad I published my recent Twilight-Trixie one-shot before reading this. Had I approached it in the opposite order, that story would never have seen the light of day. Seriously, this makes it pale in comparison so much that if I look at my story, I'm just going to see a white screen. Brilliant work, with your signature blend of exaggeration, callbacks, and biting insight into the human condition. Thank you for it.
That was an amazing story. Love how fluid the dialogue and interactions between all the characters was. Not sure if you'd do the wedding chapter as a one shot or anything but it'd probably be hilarious.
Can call it Witch Fight.
10092790
Nah, Twilight isn't a witch, she ain't got no wickedness in her. It was just her being very good at knowing how people work.
(Also, sad to hear Trixie was too awful for you! I tried to balance her two extremes, but since this is a story about struggling to be good, I felt like she needed to have a bite to her to make the message make sense).
Yep, this shines.
Bonny, bonny character work - everyone's so utterly true to themselves, and their banter is on-point, and the narrative flows neatly from all their cack-handed decisions and desires. There were innumerable wee turns of phrase and descriptions I loved throughout as well, but first place has to go to the first opening passage - the one starting:
Talk about opening lines I could only wish to come up with, my god. Stellar stuff all-round.
Sequel?
The gift of the magi, but with witchcraft... Lol. Headology at its finest. I do wonder at the choice of saying Starlight has "arms"?
Fun story.
I’m really curious about what the original tale has to say. I would be incredibly unsurprised if it was basically a 1:1 allegory for this story. I both love how creative and incredibly vague witchcraft is and hate that it’s something I’ll pretty much definitionally never understand.
Absolutely amazing story! Funny, cute, romantic, silly... It has it all! 10/10
They'll make a wonderful couple, but then that was what was always meant to be.
Wonderful story, loved it, and it gave me a lot to think about. I'm not yet sure if I should be all D'aaw or if I should stand in front of the fridge, milk in the hand, and be a bit horrified.
Thank you for it
I love how a story whose entire premise is concentrated contrived bullshit made manifest just feels so natural and wonderful, and how characters who so openly revel in their own dysfunction are so lovable. Pratchett would be proud.
Well, that was a great read. Thank you for writing it.
Well that was a fucking fun romp and a half. Thank you for writing it!
10087074
Did you read the same story I did? Don't get me wrong I loved it and am going to give it a glowing review in my next review video, but I probably spotted at least 20 typos.
10143053
Oh no, it totally applies.
This was really great! Good stuff!
10120415
Thank you for reminding me that existed.
A story about the time a bunch of coincidences happened.
I am entertained
Reading every Depth in Innocence Contest entry: Story 10: Resting Witch Face by Aragon
Well, it's an Aragon story, so I can skip the part of the comment where I say it's good because I've never read an Aragon story that wasn't.
Like pretty much every Aragon story ever, it has a perfect mix of bizarre nonsense, perfectly timed gags and actual plot that I was sucked in almost immediately. Every character is perfectly defined and hilarious, every running joke is well executed, and the story unfolds in a delightful way. I can't really explain it, other than "It's Aragon".
(Also the Patreon shout-out story at the end was amazing I was not expecting it to tie together so well holy shit)