When a lone orphan makes his way to Ponyville, he is more welcomed then he would have ever thought.
*Based off a RP chat, credits are given to the other author as well for his fantastic job at story writing. I will be posting the original chat on Google Docs with a link*
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WOOOT Im stormy
I didn't expect I would ever say it, but dialog is hard to read.
Looks like wall of text and although I understand what happens, it is very vague at best.
Until you fix it and add few more details, I will give you dislike. Sorry.
P.S. First time I press dislike here. Wow.
Also, few notes about second chapter. First is simplest.
Things that happen are happening too fast like on fast forward. While it is good when you are making a plan for a story, it is better to expand idea of "WTF is going on?" when story is posted. But so far looks nice, but as plan for story. Maybe even post a whole idea in this way and then re-write and, probably, it would be correct to say "unzip" story.
Next point. Dialog. Excessive and does not give much idea of what is going on. It is possible to replace it with explanation on how events go on without actually noting what words were said. I.e don't be Pinkie Pie in your explanations.
Third. Technical.
While I am no DJ at all, I know that DJ usually prepares specific songs for specific place and knows what audience will be. Depending on mood DJ switches between tracks using noises that make it look like song never ended and just flows differently.
http://www.trancearoundtheworld.com/?search_term=200&page_no=2&show_no=138
This is example of DJs work. Technically, while it is possible for DJ to leave his place for a min, he must monitor crowd and if use military term, he is the Crowd Control Device.
Making mood flow is the thing that DJ does with music.
However, I just as I was typing this understood that writer should stitch his story same way as music flows under DJs gaze. While beginning and end of chapter may be different, they are connected by flow. In this case, emotional flow.
I hope I helped somehow improve this story.
If not, then http://biblioteka.teatr-obraz.ru/files/file/English_cinema/Stephen_King_On_Writing.pdf for deeper instructions.
Edit. Story tags.
Sad is not Tragedy.
Tragedy is not always sad.
Wanderer D (moderator and writer) has blog post on this thing.
Edit 2: Special for Tragedy/Sad.