Earning your wings
Twilight Sparkle awoke to the Sun's first rays playing across her face. She yawned, taking a few moments to wake up fully.
I'm hugging Rainbow!
The events of the previous night came flooding back suddenly, and she let out a sleepy giggle. Wow, what a crazy night. Fluttershy is going to have the worst hangover...
Twilight had a goofy smile plastered all over her face. Rainbow's body felt so nice against hers. She was warm, and Twilight could feel her chest rise and fall rhythmically as she breathed. Twilight didn't mind the soft feathers grazing against her stomach. She gave Rainbow an affectionate squeeze. The pegasus stirred, mumbling to herself tiredly. Twilight watched as she slowly looked down at the foreleg wrapped around her chest.
"Huh?"
After a brief pause Rainbow rolled onto her stomach, arched her back, and stretched her wings, easing out the stiffness with a few flexes. She slumped back down with a sigh, and looked over at Twilight.
"Good morning Rainbow." The unicorn smiled at her.
"Uh... morning Twilight..." Rainbow replied, fidgeting. She rolled off the bed abruptly, grinning awkwardly once she found her footing.
"I should probably go have a shower while everypony else is asleep." She muttered, shooting into the bathroom. Twilight hadn't noticed Rainbow's blush. Her ears drooped, and she slumped back into the pillow. Morning cuddles would have been nice...
Applejack was snoring lightly. In fact, now that Twilight thought about it, she'd been snoring since they had gone to bed last night. Last night, now that Twilight thought about it, had gone far better than she could have imagined. She was a little scared that Rainbow would get mad when she revealed her... penchant for alcohol. She had imagined scenarios where the pegasus had all kinds of negative reactions, but she now realized how silly she was being. Rainbow was her-
The sound of soft hoofsteps caught Twilight's attention. Looking over, she saw that Rarity had arisen.
"Oh, Rarity! Good morning!"
"GtzAaaaahh!" Rarity cried, jumping a few good feet in the air. "Twilight! Good morning!" She stared at the lavender mare like a deer in headlights. Twilight giggled. Rarity sans makeup, false eyelashes, and manestyle was quite the odd sight.
"Whoa nellie!" Applejack shot upright, woken by Rarity's loudness. Twilight grinned as the two exchanged uncomfortable glances.
"Uh... g'mornin' y'all."
"Good morning dear."
"Hi Applejack."
"Is everything okay Rarity?" Twilight asked.
"Of course! Why wouldn't everything be alright my dear?" Rarity gushed, waving a hood and chortling uncomfortably. Twilight raised an eyebrow. Even Applejack looked skeptical.
"Just-" AJ yawned mid-sentence. "Just tell her, Rare."
Rarity looked over at Pinkie and Fluttershy, making sure that they were still asleep. "Twilight, about what happened yesterday..."
Twilight smiled inwardly. She could have some fun with this.
"What do you mean Rarity?" She asked innocently. Rarity smiled.
"Of course, nothing happened. Thank you darling." She said, breathing a sigh of relief. Applejack snickered.
"What?" Twilight said, flashing her best pout. She flopped her ears for good measure. "I'm confused Rarity. Did something happen?"
Rarity blinked a few times, stammering incoherently. She shot a glare at Applejack, then rubbed her hooves together.
"Twilight... When you walked in here on us last night... Do you know what we were doing?" The unicorn asked carefully. Applejack climbed out of bed and put on her stetson, watching intently. She sat down next to Rarity, grinning.
"Umm... Were you sleeping?" Twilight asked, tilting her head. Rarity's horrified reaction was making it very hard to keep a straight face.
"Oh my, it's far too early for this..." Rarity muttered to herself. "Twilight, we were... How do I put this?" She groaned, squirming.
"Okay okay, calm down Rarity." Twilight said, chuckling. "I know what you were doing." Both mares drew back at that.
"I'm still surprised though. Why were you doing it?" Twilight asked, genuinely confused this time. Rarity and AJ blinked at her.
"We are talking about the same thing, are we not? Just to be sure, my dear."
"A romp in the hay." Applejack offered. "Tippin' the velvet. Horizontal mambo. Double cherry-"
"That's quite enough Applejack. There's no need to be so... vulgar." Rarity was blushing something fierce. Applejack walked over and threw a foreleg around her shoulders, chuckling.
"That's not what you were sayin' last night, darlin'." She pulled Rarity into a kiss. Twilight's eyes bugged out. The dressmaker protested at first, waving her hooves, but AJ held her in place. As soon as Rarity calmed down and eased into the kiss, AJ pulled away.
"We're marefriends." The placid smile on Applejack's face said it all.
"You're what?!" Pinkie Pie shouted.
All three ponies jumped. They whirled around to look at Pinkie Pie... who was still asleep. Twilight and Applejack exchanged confused glances as they crept over to investigate. Maybe Pinkie had just been shouting in her sleep?
"Pinkie?" Twilight poked her with a hoof.
"Shh, I'm supposed to be sleeping." Pinkie whispered. She didn't open her eyes or move at all.
"Pinkie!" Rarity admonished. The pink pony opened her eyes and sat up, frowning.
"Sorry girls. I know you wanted some privacy, but I was already awake. I tried not to listen..."
"That's alright Pinkie. We were gonna tell y'all eventually anyway." Applejack reassured.
A loud knock on the door startled them.
"I wonder who that could be? It's mighty early." Applejack wondered. Twilight trotted over and opened the door.
"Oh! Good morning B.B.B.F.F!" She chirped, smiling up at her big brother.
Something was wrong though. Shining Armor's face remained stoic, and he was flanked by two guards. Twilight noticed that the sky behind him was tinted violet.
"Twilight, Princess Celestia has requested your immediate presence in the throne room."
"What's going on Shiny?"
"The Changeling Queen escaped from the dungeon last night. We're on full alert." She gasped. If the Queen was loose in the city...
Twilight knew what that meant. She could be disguised as anypony. She could be anywhere, ready to attack. A shudder passed through her as she nodded.
"Let's go."
"We'll stay here Twi. Come straight back, y'hear?"
"Of course. Don't let anypony in, okay?"
"Don't worry, we won't."
"Good luck darling."
Twilight smiled, then turned and followed Shining Armor out the door. The walk up was unusually quiet. She couldn't help but feel nervous. Shining Armor's bubble shield shimmered at regular intervals, and it almost seemed... foreboding. The very air around them felt tense.
"We're here." The captain stated. "We have to go, the rest of the guard needs us on patrol. Be careful on the way back, okay Twilight?"
"I promise." She assured, hugging him. He saluted, then galloped off.
Twilight turned to face the huge, ornate throne room doors before her. She hadn't expected it to be so quiet on the other side. Shivering lightly, she pushed the doors open and walked inside. There was only one pony in there; Princess Celestia.
"Princess! You wanted to see me?"
She was sitting on her throne, head down. Pulled from her thoughts by Twilight's voice, Celestia got up and approached the unicorn. Her wings flared, and she rose to her full height, staring down at her protégé intensely. Twilight stopped dead in her tracks, shrinking under the Princess's stern glare.
"Twilight Sparkle. I have summoned you for a reason of the utmost importance." Her eyes narrowed.
"Do you remember the request I made of you on the day you earned your cutie mark?"
Twilight was shaking now. The Princess seemed furious with her. Her stare bore through the unicorn's very soul. Even worse, Twilight was drawing a total blank. A request? She had always had an excellent memory, but...
My cutie mark! Yesyesyesyesyesyes...
Twilight had leaped around the Princess in several joyous circles before bouncing over to hug her parents... The next thing she did was rush off to find her big brother. The entire family went out for dinner to celebrate. Twilight hadn't seen the Princess until the next day.
"B-but Princess, you... you didn't request anything of me."
Instantly, Celestia's posture relaxed. She closed her wings, breathing a sigh of relief.
"Thank the stars..." She whispered, rushing over to her student and hugging her.
"Huh?" Twilight gasped, utterly confused.
"I'm so sorry Twilight. I had to be sure that it was indeed you." Celestia said, nuzzling her gently. Twilight's eyes widened as her words sunk in.
"Don't worry Princess, it's me." She assured, smiling. "You must have called me here for something really important."
"Yes. Your safety." Celestia paused to rub her temple before continuing.
"Twilight, are you aware that the Changeling Queen escaped from the dungeon last night?"
"Yes, Shining Armor told me. What's going on Princess?"
Celestia ruffled her wings. "She has threatened your safety." Twilight felt a chill run up her spine.
"Me? Why?"
Celestia looked away. "... Simply because of your connection to me." She muttered.
"Princess, you can't blame yourself for th-" Celestia cut her off with a raised hoof.
"I do not know how powerful the Changeling Queen truly is, but there is the chance that the strength of her magic now exceeds my own. If she were to attack you... You must be on your guard, Twilight. She could be disguised as anypony. I've placed guards around the ballroom where the rest of the Changelings are being kept, so with hope, she should be our only problem."
"Princess, you have my word. I'll be the most careful pony in Canterlot!" Twilight stated, stamping a hoof. The Princess paused to look at her thoughtfully.
"Twilight, what do you know of transformation magic?" Celestia asked.
"Well, I've studied it extensively, just like every other kind of magic. I have several transformation and transfiguration books in the Ponyville library, and I can perform several spells from memory. You saw the extent of what I can do..." Twilight thought back to her entrance exam, and the horrible transmogrification spell she had accidentally cast on her parents.
Celestia smiled. "No Twilight. I'm talking about metamorphic magic."
"You mean... shapeshifting??"
"Yes. Being able to alter one's appearance without limit is an ability that is both awed and feared. It can be used for terrible evil in the wrong hooves." Celestia's horn glowed, and a scroll floated down to Twilight. Her ears flattened as she stared at it, reeling in anticipation.
"It is for this reason that metamorphic magic has been kept within the highest circles of Canterlot royalty for millennia. Its secret has been closely guarded, the knowledge kept in the most restricted section of the Canterlot Archives. However, due to current circumstances I must now break this tradition. As my prized student, friend, and defender of Equestria...
"Princess..."
"I now confer this magic upon you."
The scroll unfurled.
"Princess, I..." Celestia smiled at her warmly. Go on, Twilight.
Licking her lips, she began to read. The scroll was old and weathered, and Twilight didn't dare touch it for fear that it might crumble to dust. The instructions were written in an ancient cursive, words that were barely legible to even a learned scholar such as Twilight. The application of the magic was but a simple spell. The catalyst was a possibility hidden in plain sight, something nopony would ever think to try. Its simplicity was almost elegant. Any unicorn could use it. Maybe even any pony...
Twilight gazed up at the Princess, lost for words.
"Twilight, you must not attempt to fight the Queen yourself. The danger is too great. You now have the ability to disguise yourself as any living creature you so wish."
Celestia approached Twilight and wrapped a wing around her. "You have to run, my student. Slip away, become somepony else. I cannot protect you by confining you somewhere. A military detail would do little to safeguard you from a foe that can influence minds. The Queen cannot harm you if she cannot find you." Celestia paused, looking Twilight straight in the eye. "This is also an affirmation of my absolute trust in you. You may use this magic for anything you wish."
"I... Thank you Princess Celestia." Twilight exclaimed, bowing her head. "And I promise that I'll be careful."
Celestia lowered herself to her underbelly, bringing herself down to Twilight's eye level. "Good luck my little pony. Please stay safe." Twilight gazed at her, smiling humbly.
A few seconds passed, and Celestia grinned. "So, are you going to try it?" The little unicorn blinked at her.
"Oh! Right! ... Where do I even begin?" Twilight wondered, looking at her body confusedly.
"Well, you could try making yourself taller." The Princess suggested.
Twilight nodded. She squeezed her eyes shut, concentrating. Her body glowed with a soft light, and began to change.
"Yaaaaah!"
Twilight crashed into the ceiling. Celestia was left far below, staring at the longest set of legs she had ever seen.
"Urgh... Stupid ceiling! Who put that there?!"
"Twilight?" Celestia called up to her. "Are you alright?" Twilight lowered herself back down, grumbling. Celestia's mischievous smile threatened to make way for a laugh, but she stifled it with her hoof.
"That was kinda funny..." Twilight admitted, chuckling. The Princess allowed herself a small giggle. Her student smiled up at her.
"I must admit that you have a flair for comedic timing, Twilight. Now try again."
Focusing once more, Twilight gave a gentle push. Her body slowly began to grow, legs and neck extending until she was roughly the height of Princess Luna.
"Neat!" The unicorn chirped, looking herself over. "It feels a little strange, but there's no pain at all!"
"Good. Keep going." Celestia encouraged, waving her hoof. Twilight frowned uncertainly as her stature rose to match that of the Princess herself. The two ponies looked at each other. Celestia's face bore an expression of great interest and curiosity, but Twilight was becoming anxious. She was now on eye level with the Princess, and growing. Celestia's head tilted upwards as Twilight rose further and further. Twilight looked down at the Princess. Her pulse began to race, and she shrunk back to ground level sharply.
"I'm sorry Princess Celestia. I-I shouldn't have done that." She mumbled, looking away. Celestia sighed inwardly. It pained her to see Twilight in fear of her like this.
"Done what, Twilight?"
"I..." Twilight faltered, biting her lip.
"Please, calm yourself." Celestia urged, smiling reassuringly. "Perhaps you should try something else?"
"Okay Princess." Twilight took a deep breath, thinking. What else could she do? Make herself shorter? That was fairly safe. Fatter? Thinner? If she could become anything, maybe she could try turning into...
Oh.
Twilight smiled excitedly as her body glowed once more. A second later, a pair of wings sprouted from her sides.
"Wings!" She cheered. "Just like Cadence and Luna!" Twilight's grin disappeared, and she looked away bashfully. Blushing a little, she cast her gaze downwards.
"And like you, Princess." She pawed at the floor with a hoof.
"Indeed." Celestia mused, beaming at Twilight. "You'll need to make them slightly larger though. They won't support your weight without pegasus magic at that size."
Twilight made them a little bigger. "Right, if I want to fly..."
Rainbow...
Celestia chuckled, pulling Twilight from her thoughts. "Oh my, I don't think I've ever seen you smile like that before Twilight."
"Huh?"
"Why, if I didn't know better I'd say you look lovestruck. What were you thinking about?" She asked inquisitively. Twilight felt her cheeks flush hotly.
"Oh, I was just thinking about Rainbow Dash." She stammered. "I mean, thinking about how much she'd like this. I'm not lovestruck, that's not it."
Celestia raised a cheeky eyebrow.
"Rainbow told me last night that she wanted somepony to go flying with." Twilight explained. "I was just thinking how happy she'd be if I could show her."
Celestia nodded sagely, smiling. "Well I'd love to hear about it when you do."
Twilight's ears pricked up. "Wait, you don't want me to keep the spell a secret??"
Celestia shook her head. "No, definitely not. Now is not the time to be keeping secrets from one another. Hiding your shapeshifting from your friends would only cause unnecessary tension."
Twilight smiled. "I'll be sure to tell them!" She exclaimed brightly, waving a hoof.
There was a brief lull in the conversation. Twilight traced her hoof back and forth on the ground, thinking. "Speaking of Cadence, Princess, what's going to happen to her? When will you deliver your verdict?"
"I will not be delivering a verdict. I've given power of authority to Luna, and she will be handling everything. Cadence will almost certainly be charged with slander, her more serious actions notwithstanding. Luna believes that there is more to this case than we currently know, and is conducting an investigation. As such, any verdict will be delayed until further notice."
Celestia's posture seemed to sag. "Between you and me Twilight, I was quite shocked by Cadence's speech in the ballroom. I honestly had no idea that she harbored such odious thoughts about me."
Twilight frowned. She wanted to offer the Princess some kind of comfort, but couldn't find the right words. Shaking off her despondency, Celestia looked up to address Twilight once more.
"I'd like you to take these as well." She said. A case floated over to Twilight, opening with a clacking sound.
"The Elements?"
"Yes. While you now have the means to protect yourself, your friends are still vulnerable. The Elements should be enough to ward the Queen off when you're together. I'd like all of you to wear them everywhere. It should go without saying that you'll have to make sure that your friends haven't been replaced before giving them their Element."
Twilight nodded. "I know an unmasking spell that can lift Changeling disguises."
"Excellent." Celestia paused. "Twilight, are you aware that the Elements are imbued with an adherence enchantment?"
"Yeah, I read about that in the guide." Twilight replied, tapping her chin with a hoof. "A rudimentary yet powerful spell secures the Element to its bearer. The Element can only be removed if the bearer actively decides it. I've seen the enchantment at work. Not even Discord could break it."
Celestia seemed impressed by that. "Good. With that knowledge in mind, you can use the Elements as identification." She explained, gesturing for Twilight to take them.
Twilight picked up the Element of Magic and placed it on her head. Next, she took Rainbow's Element of Loyalty and secured it around her neck. She put the other four on her foreleg.
I just picked the Element of Loyalty at random. It doesn't mean anything... does it?
"Good luck Twilight." Celestia bowed her head.
"Thank you Princess." Twilight bowed politely, and left.
--------------------------------
A lone pony sat on a park bench. Her coat was black-green, and she possessed both a pair of feathered wings and a horn; a detail that went unnoticed by passersby. Her long teal mane obscured her face as she stared at her hooves, deep in thought.
The guard ponies are definitely looking for me. I'll have to lay low while I figure out a way to get to my subjects. This is obviously a lost cause. If I can get to them, we should be able to slip away.
What about Cadence though? We're friends... Friends don't abandon each other do they? I can't just leave her in the dungeon. She's in much more trouble than I anticipated. Maybe I overdid it with that brainwashing spell?
--------------------------------
Cadence stood outside the ballroom, taking deep breaths in an attempt to calm herself. She peeked through the barely-open doorway one more time. They were indeed all there. Countless guards, both Princesses, her husband, and the Elements of Harmony all strung up in cocoons.
I can't believe I'm actually doing this...
She and Chrysalis had talked about it over the past few days. They had planned, argued, debated... Cadence thought that she had been alright with the plan, but seeing everypony like this really drove the reality of what she was doing home. Bringing a hoof to her head, Cadence took another deep, calming breath. She was beginning to feel lightheaded, and her churning stomach wasn't making things any better.
Fluttershy looked up at her. She was too frightened to offer any comfort, and too confused to be sure that she should. She still couldn't bring herself to look at the group of Changelings on the other side of the lobby. Cadence had managed to calm her down enough to explain the situation, and the alicorn's own nerves were the only reason that Fluttershy considered believing her.
They both jumped when Chrysalis entered. Cadence whirled around to face her, shaking noticeably.
"I've thrown out the civilians. We're ready Cadence. This one isn't going to be a problem is she?" The Queen nodded in Fluttershy's direction.
"Me? Nono! No problem at all!" The pegasus squeaked frantically.
"I-I don't think so..." Cadence mumbled. Chrysalis raised an eyebrow, looking her over.
"Why are you shaking Cadence? Are you all right?"
"... I'm nervous. This is... this is bad. They're not gonna like this. Are you sure that there wasn't another way??" The alicorn looked up at the Queen, her frantic mind desperately searching for an alternative.
Chrysalis groaned. "We've been over this. This was the only way."
"Yes!" Cadence gasped. "Please, tell me again, I need to hear it."
"Well, Celestia would never listen to me if we spoke on her terms. She'd execute me on the spot."
"And there was no alternative, right? We had to do this!" Cadence exclaimed between breaths.
"...Yes." The Queen replied, somewhat confused. "Using cocoons was the best way to go about this. They cannot harm us, and we have not harmed them, just as promised."
Cadence stiffened. Screams could be heard on the other side of the door. The Queen watched, concerned, as she shrunk back.
"I-I can't do this..."
"Yes you can. They'll understand once you explain everything. You have to go now, they've woken up." Chrysalis urged, pushing Cadence towards the door gently.
"But what if they don't?"
"They will, don't worry." Chrysalis soothed, placing a hoof on the alicorn's shoulder. "We don't have time for this, you have to go now Cadence!"
She couldn't move. Her body was quaking now, and she tried a few more breaths as she stared at the floor.
The Queen groaned impatiently. "Look, I've got a spell that can help." Cadence's head snapped upright.
"Yes! What is it? Will it help?" She gasped, biting her lip.
"Just a helping hoof, now take a deep breath." Chrysalis warned, horn aglow. Cadence didn't need a second prompt. A beam of green magic shot into her head as she inhaled, and she let out a perplexed whimper as it took effect. Her eyes unfocused as the Queen concentrated, muttering to herself. The light between them faded as the spell ended, and Cadence reeled on her hooves. Chrysalis reached out to steady her.
"Aaaaaaah... What did you do to me??"
I'll be here if you need me." Chrysalis assured, ignoring her question. "I used the minimum dose. It'll wear off in a few minutes, so don't waste time."
"Okay... " Cadence mumbled, shaking her head. She took another deep breath, and walked into the ballroom.
--------------------------------
Chrysalis stood up. She was no taller that Twilight Sparkle in her current form. Ruffling her new wings, she started trotting back to the castle.
I care about her. I have to go help her.
Chrysalis had fed on Cadence while she slept. She had decided to top up before sneaking out, but she hadn't realized just how much innate power the alicorn possessed. Chrysalis's magic felt absolutely supercharged. She was fairly sure that she now had enough power to pull off a jailbreak.
Stats
Page generated in 0.026 seconds
Total duration
747 users online
1,047,409 hits today, 2,244,100 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Chapter eight is up! I think I did this one fairly quickly, and the writing and editing all went smoothly. I'm pleased with this one.
Shiping, shiping everywhere duuh
Well Chrysalis doesn't SEEM to be causing any trouble but I guess time will tell won't it?
So Cadance was brainwashed after all? How come Shining Armor didn't notice?
1374890
It just lasted a few minutes
Alicorn(-looking) Twilight?
awesome!
I'm not sure if it was a mild brainwashing spell or a boost of confidence that Chrysalis gave Cadence... But whatever it was, it worked just great. Although her compassion-driven jailbreak plan will surely
win her the hearts of the villagerscause a lot more confusion and mistrust in the long run. I must say, I'm a huge fan of how the friendshipping is panning out.1375059
You mean TwiDash? Thanks!
Also, I might as well specify this to avoid confusion. Chrysalis used a mild brainwashing spell on Cadence to help her overcome her nerves. It worked a little too well though, and shades of Chrysalis's personality bled into Cadence's mind, which is the cause of her anti-Celestia speech ("We're ending your reign of tyranny," and "You're xenophobic" ect.).
I could probably have made that a little clearer, but I'm really no sure how just yet...
1374854
Thanks! Glad you like it.
A side story? What do you have in mind??
Ok, one thing doesn't make sense.
Celestia wants Twilight to keep a low profile... and at the same time wear the big, conspicuous, purple tiara that is the Element of Magic everywhere she goes?
Wut?
Other than that, loved this update.
Also, if they only feed on emotions, what are the fangs there for?
1378241, they could be for non-magic paralisis.
1384029
Thanks!
I'd suggest reading the rest of it. It got off to a rocky start, but I'm trying to fix stuff in the later chapters. I've expanded on Celestia (and Chrysalis too kinda) in a few more scenes.
I just read all 8 chapters at for the first time.
This
Story
Is
SO AWESOME!!!!!
cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-pclap.png cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-tclapfixed.png cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-rclap.png cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-declapfixed.png cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-wclap.png cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-vclap.png cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-oclap.png cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-lclap.png cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-bbclap.png cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-dclap.png cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-aclap.png cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-pclap.png cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-tclapfixed.png cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-rclap.png cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-declapfixed.png cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-wclap.png cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-vclap.png cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-oclap.png cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-lclap.png cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-bbclap.png cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-dclap.png cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-aclap.png cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-pclap.png cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-tclapfixed.png cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-rclap.png cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-declapfixed.png cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-wclap.png cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-vclap.png cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-oclap.png cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-lclap.png cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-bbclap.png cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-dclap.png cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-aclap.png cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-pclap.png cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-tclapfixed.png cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-rclap.png cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-declapfixed.png cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-wclap.png cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-vclap.png cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-oclap.png cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-lclap.png cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-bbclap.png cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-dclap.png cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-aclap.png
1376602
Keep a low profile? Not exactly. Celestia just wants her to be able to slip away if she's confronted.
1384762
Thanks! I'm glad you like it that much.
Wow, I have four chapters to catch up on...
I've been neglecting my favorites for far too long
1395936
Four chapters to catch up on? Awesome. Leave another comment once you're done, yeah?
1396024 No problem
Plus, it gives me something to do while I wait for The Walking Dead to finish downloading. My Internet is so slow
Alright, just finished.
God damn I love this story. Seriously, keep up the awesome work!
You're justifying more and more here. I like it. Just don't break what you're writing now to make what you've already written make sense.
Cadensalis ship is... interesting. I can't tell if it's friendshipping or not, and remember that Cadence is still a newlywed. She seemed in canon to really, truly care about Shining. (Possible plotpull: Chrysalis has passive mind-control magic in addition to active?)
Another hole: Captain Armor is being tasked with securing his wife, and Canterlot, at best a few months after an extremely traumatic experience where his wife was replaced and he was mind controlled. Being so close to a traitor, wouldn't he have been replaced?.
We've been told the changelings are starving. When Cadence turned, we were shown how bad things were for them. We haven't even been told how they're doing right now, much less been shown their situation. In fact, it's not clear how powerful Chrysalis is, either. Is she hungry? Tired?
Celestia's being rather... odd about giving Twilight the shapeshifter power. I'm not sure I like this addition, either. Twilight's delectably on-model, mimicking the princess and being embarrassed about it, but Celestia giving that kind of power to anypony, no strings attached, doesn't make sense. Twilight's even shown herself to be capable of spotting imposters, and is arguably the third most powerful pony in existence. She can already give other ponies wings, even! Celestia giving her eldritch powers, that mimic the enemy, and that seem rather less-than-useful given the context (mass mind control -> will the real Twilight Sparkle please step forward, if dear old Chryssi is so powerful) doesn't seem to make sense.
The dialogue in that scene seems overly casual. Here, have this worldbending spell. Use it for whatever, I trust you. Yeah, that's cool. I look like you Princess. Oops I hit the ceiling. Yeah, I know a spell for that. DOES NOT SOUND LIKE TWILIGHT OR CELESTIA. Even if they know each other, Twilight's all "Yes, Princess" (I don't really hear her saying Yeah much regardless of situation) and "I'll be careful" and Celestia seems more like, "This is an incredible power. Go into hiding with your friends (NEXT POINT), and tell no one else of what you've seen here." and "You are the only ... pony I have ever entrusted this to." (oh, and notice the subtle foreshadowing that Celestia made the Changelings? Yeah, that's all fanpony speculation, for the ponies who read this (all three of you) who aren't the author.)
NEXT POINT! If Twilight's going into hiding, she needs to bring her five very distinctive, equally important to the Elements friends with her, and has to be able to disguise them as well. If there are five of the Elements, carrying their Elements literally everywhere (Aloe and Lotus will notice Rarity's new refusal to remove her diamond in the mudbath, and think it's quite uncharacteristic) along with one familiarly-mannered but visually new pony, wearing the Element of Magic, who will still turn if someone says "Twilight"? That sounds like a plan Pinkie would come up with after she ran out of Changeling-shaped party hats. (How can something be shaped like a changeling?)
Final point. The Elements only react against truly worldbending threats. They aren't the catch-all answer to every problem. Dragon? Diplomacy. Evil Enchantress? Not purified by vibrant rainbows. Ursa? No, I'm not teleporting to Canterlot real quick, thank you. Parasprites? We'll try to sort it out on our own. Well, there they couldn't really get them without telling Celestia, but it wasn't even discussed. Admittedly Celestia believed the Elements would work on Chrysalis before, but they hardly seem likely to work now that she's desperate and actually committed to somepony besides herself.
And keep writing. I want to see what happens next.
1397536
That's a lot of words....
1399395
I think I've written more critique for this story than I've written all year for college. I know I've written more for this story than I've written on my own story.
1399409
I fell ya' bro.
1399409 1399417
I copied all my comments, public and private, on this story into a LibreOffice doc and got a wordcount. 4200 words.
Can I get Pokey to write my story, and then I'll revise it in the comments? Apparently that's a much better way to get me writing than having me look at a blank screen all day.
1399446
Yea, I would write a story.....
Or I can play WoW!
but really, I was going to right a story. But all the bad ones are taken.
1397536
Ahh, thanks so much for the huge comment!
Hmm...
I knew I should have taken out that 'yeah' - It really doesn't sound like something Twilight would say, especially to Celestia. Celestia doesn't want Twilight to go into hiding, just to be able to handle an ambush by the Queen if she pops up.
I'm still not sure what I'm going to do with the Elements. I have a few different interpretations of how exactly they work.
4200 words? Heh. There's a lot to talk about with this story. You're going to write one too? Ooh. Let me know when it's up!
1396590
Thanks! And hey, don't apologize for comments. I love getting comments!
1384762
Not sure if the similar ponies are an army of changelings
Or just animations errors
cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-chrygrin.png
You see nothing
1429671
Probably a few people. Why are YOU on Celestia's side?
1436101
You'll keep reading? Thanks!
Basically, Celestia is in charge of the military/guard forces. We saw a bit of her "tough" side during the confrontation with Chrysalis. In the third chapter, did you notice that Celestia removed the mane 6 from the situation before going crazy? The implication I was (doing a bad job at) inferring is that Celestia is overprotective of Twilight, and tries to shield her from the harsher stuff in life. Twilight isn't a military pony like Shining Armor, she's a young, idealistic mare.
As for Chrysalis, she's only caring toward Cadence.
if you read my previous comment: much better now, i even forgot to mention cadence's slight personality shift in my last comment, but all that is much more believable now.
i have to wonder; is there more behind twilight's alicorn transformation? (don't answer that)
about the wings, if you're going at this with biology and physics in mind (and there's no magic involved); it's pretty much impossible for a mammal/bird to fly without a special body adapted to it (hollow bones etc.), a dinosaur which weight around 75-100kg had a wingspan of around 15 meter, and was still unable to fly, soar at best. as i said though; that's only if you want to consider real-world biology and physics and not include magic in the equation.
1438283
Ah, thanks!
I'm going to handwave the flight thing and say magic. I'd hazard a guess that Twilight has competent knowledge of pegasus anatomy, and just makes the necessary physical adjustments with her transforming powers when she needs to fly.
Psssst! Hey pokey. I love your story! dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Colgate_beam.png
I just read all 8 chapters and nothing seems OOC for me, even Celestia being xenophobic,..,
I wonder why or how Queen Chrysalis escaped the dungeon in the first place though.
-Ambassador of the Changelings,
Dopple Ganger
1451043
*whispers* Thanks!
Can't wait for the next chapter!