Repercussions
"This isn't good." Twilight said to herself as she paced back and forth. "The Changelings are up to something, and they've obviously done something to Cadence. But why let us go?"
They've been in there for a while." Applejack said to the rest of the group. "I still don't understand what's going on though. Cadence and the Changeling Queen are chummy all of a sudden? Smells like bad apples to me."
"Cadence said something about appealing to the Royal House." Rainbow began. "Maybe they're talking about something?" Twilight's eyes widened.
"Yes, yes! Cadence said that... Chrysalis, I think her name was, requested asylum some time ago. But why would they want to live in Canterlot?" Twilight asked.
"Maybe she's requesting asylum by force?" Pinkie suggested.
Fluttershy gasped. "Maybe she's planning a takeover!"
"With twenty-something Changelings? Let 'em try!" Applejack scoffed.
"It's entirely possible that there are more Changelings somewhere in Canterlot." Rarity said. "They could be disguised as anypony. Nevertheless, I think it would be best if we wait until we know more before throwing around accusations. If Cadence is indeed herself, there might be more to Chrysalis than we thought."
"But what did she mean when she said that Princess Celestia is xenophobic?" Fluttershy asked.
"That didn't happen." Twilight snapped.
The six friends had been waiting in the garden for over fifteen minutes. Finally, the doors opened. Cadence trudged out, leaning on Chrysalis. Shining Armor and Luna followed, the latter slinging a comforting wing around the captain. All four of them looked unhappy. Shining Armor called for his wife's attention, cantering up to her. The two shared a hug, and Cadence wept.
"I'm going to fix this, okay?" He reassured. Cadence kissed him, and he smiled before galloping off somewhere. The alicorn looked around, noticing the element bearers waiting nearby.
"Luna?" The Moon pony smiled, nodding.
"Of course. But only ten minutes." Cadence looked up at Chrysalis.
"Come meet them." She said, galloping over. The Changeling Queen followed reluctantly.
There was silence for the longest time, as nopony knew quite where to start, or what to say.
"Hello everypony." Cadence began, glancing around the group. Twilight took a step forward.
"Cadence, I think we deserve an explanation. What's going on?" The alicorn took a deep breath and sat down.
"Well... you already heard what happened. I found Chrysalis and her subjects while on a walk. I decided to wait before telling Shining Armor about it, because I wanted to know exactly what I was getting into beforehoof. I yelled at her at first, of course, but we eventually started talking. Over the next few nights we met again and again, and I slowly began to trust her. Her subjects were going to starve, so I allowed them to feed on me. I learned a lot about the Changelings, and much of it surprised me."
"I already knew that Celestia had turned Chrysalis away, but I didn't think anything of it. It was just one of those bits of information you hear in passing. When I agreed to get her an audience with Celestia, I knew that simply walking in wasn't an option. Ponies would riot in the streets, so I had Chrysalis disguise everyone and enter the castle, and I drugged the wine. I understand that the cocoons were an awful idea, but there was really no other way. We needed everypony to just sit still and listen."
Cadence looked at the skeptical faces of the element bearers. "Do you understand now?" She asked quietly.
"Cadence..." Twilight began. "I can understand that you'd want to preserve the species, but that doesn't change the fact that you've committed treason! You've betrayed the princess! What if she banishes you?!"
"It's only treason because Celestia makes it treason..." She replied bitterly. "She has no real reason to ostracize the Changelings. She just doesn't like them."
"They did invade Canterlot darlin'" Applejack pointed out.
"Yeah, what's up with that anyway?" Rainbow demanded, glaring at Chrysalis.
"I had to feed my subjects!" The Queen shot back.
"Rainbow." Rarity interjected, turning to address Chrysalis. "I suppose we'd like you to tell us what's going on. We're having a hard time believing that you'd invade Canterlot by force one week, and be diplomatic the next." Chrysalis didn't reply. Instead, she stood up and turned around, then spoke to Cadence.
"This is a waste of time. I shouldn't have to explain myself to them." She said, and began to walk away.
"Chrysalis wait! Please just talk to them, they'll listen to you." Cadence ran around and stood in front of the Queen, looking up at her pleadingly.
"You gave me a chance. Give them a chance too. They can help you." Chrysalis glared down at her, faltering.
"Please?" Cadence asked, nuzzling her friend. Chrysalis grumbled.
"... Fine! Fine, I'll speak to them." She returned to the group, glaring at them angrily.
"I remember all of you." The Changeling Queen began. "You're the ones that tried to stop me with the elements of harmony. And you!" She snarled, stabbing an accusing hoof at Twilight. "If not for your meddling my subjects would still be alive!"
Twilight's ears drooped a little. She had never thought about it like that. She knew that it wasn't her fault that the Changelings had died, but part of her did feel bad for the Queen. Cadence placed a comforting hoof on Chrysalis's shoulder.
"...but I suppose there's no point dwelling on the past." She added stiffly. "What do you want to know?"
"Please explain everything as thoroughly as you can. It will definitely help your case." Luna said. Nopony had noticed her walk over.
"Cadence has already told you everything. She agreed to help me get an audience with Canterlot royalty."
"I am Canterlot royalty." Luna said. "But I was not present during your previous appeal, and had no knowledge of it. Why do you seek asylum in Canterlot?"
"I never said that it had to be Canterlot. Anywhere in Equestria would be fine." She looked down at Cadence, who nodded, urging her to continue.
"Something had to be done. My swarm is the last of its kind left in Equestria. As our numbers grew, it became harder to find reliable food sources. Our usual methods didn't work on a larger scale. We were starving."
"So being desperate made you civil?" Applejack challenged.
"No! Desperation drove us to invade Canterlot. Tell me, had you ever heard of Changelings attempting to take cities prior to the invasion? Did you even know that we existed?!" Everypony looked at Twilight, who shook her head.
"How dare you." Chrysalis growled, rounding on Applejack. "You infer that we are uncivil? That we are evil?! You ponies are all the same. You can't-"
"Why did Celestia refuse your appeal?" Luna interjected.
"She told me that she wouldn't allow her kingdom to be marred by our kind's filth." Chrysalis sneered. Luna drew back as if she'd been struck.
"Surely you paraphrase?"
"No." The Queen replied. "Those were her exact words. I was thrown out of-"
"ENOUGH!" Twilight yelled. "I won't let you talk about Princess Celestia that way! She is not xenophobic! She's the kindest, wisest, most wonderful pony in Equestria!" Twilight's words struck Rainbow somewhere deep, but she wasn't sure why. Luna scoffed bitterly. Chrysalis looked over at her, surprised. The two gazed at each other, a flicker of mutual understanding appearing in their eyes briefly.
"You're wrong! You're evil! You've done something to Cadence!!" Twilight ranted. Luna walked over, placing herself between Chrysalis and the unicorn.
"Twilight." Luna began gently. "I believe that Chrysalis's words are based in truth."
"No! I can't accept that! It's not true! All of you, shut up!" Twilight turned and ran, teleporting away.
"Twilight!" Rainbow called after her, but she had already disappeared. No point going after her now. She could be anywhere. The pegasus thought. She returned to the group and sat down. Fluttershy winghugged her.
"Chrysalis." Luna continued, thinking. "What do your normal feeding practices entail?"
"We are nomads. We travel from town to town and set up camp somewhere secluded where we can go unnoticed. When the time comes to feed, we simply disguise ourselves and head into the town. Not all at once, of course. Simply walking around and interacting with others provides the love we need to sustain ourselves. As a rule, we try to avoid becoming too involved. Too many things can go wrong, and we run a far greater risk of being discovered." Chrysalis sighed, rubbing her foreleg.
"We were discovered once, long ago. One of my subjects forged a strong friendship with a citizen after saving her from a housefire. A week later, he showed her his true form. She accepted him, and their friendship remained. This had never happened before. I didn't think it possible for a pony to befriend a Changeling. Witnesses told me that they saw his body cavities disappear entirely. I thought that it would be a good day for the Changelings, but unfortunately, she told her family. Word spread quickly, and we were hunted, driven out of the town. Slowly, our numbers grew, and it became more difficult to survive, so I appealed to Celestia for help. We needed a home. We couldn't hide anymore. When she turned us away with such... revulsion, I decided that drastic action was needed. I divided my swarm into two groups; one in Canterlot, and one in Ponyville. They were to wait while I devised a plan to take over Canterlot. I would introduce my Changelings into the city and make everypony see that we're the same. Oh it would have been glorious! A city where the ponies live alongside my Changelings without fear, without hate, and without Celestia."
"Without fear?" Rainbow questioned. "They attacked everypony when you set them loose on the city!"
"If you recall, I told them only to feed. We simply secured the city. Nopony was threatened or injured in any way."
"But you fooled everypony! You almost ruined the wedding! You enjoyed it all!"
"And why should I care about any of that?" Chrysalis growled.
"Because you messed up our friendship for a week! You messed with royalty!" Rainbow shouted.
"And what makes you ponies so important that we should all care so much?" Chrysalis yelled. Rarity cleared her throat loudly, interrupting the shouting match before it got out of hoof.
"It appears that we might have misjudged you. If this is indeed true, I see no reason why you should be denied your rights."
"But Rare, nopony is going to go for this." Applejack said. "They invaded the city a week ago, they strung us up in those green cocoons, and now they want us to accept them and pretend like everything's hunky-dory? It ain't gonna work!"
"Applejack, all they're asking for is a little compassion." Rarity exclaimed.
"Nuh uh, nothin' doin' Rarity. They gotta earn it first!"
"Well then give them a chance!" She shouted back. "How do you propose they do that when you won't let them?"
"IF I may get a word in edgewise." Luna said. "I believe that Rarity is correct in this case, fair Applejack. While it would be unwise to extend our complete trust at such an early stage, I staunchly believe that we must give Chrysalis the benefit of the doubt."
"Thank you princess." Chrysalis said, surprised. "Luna, is it?" The moon pony nodded.
"I will discuss these matters with my sister." Luna decided. "Rest assured that I will speak on your behalf, but for now I must escort the two of you to the dungeon."
Everypony gasped. "The dungeon!?" Luna nodded.
"Yes. Celestia's verdict will be issued tomorrow morning. Until then, Cadence and Chrysalis are to be imprisoned."
Chrysalis groaned. "Cadence?" The alicorn sighed and stood up. They began to walk away, following Luna.
The element bearers watched them leave, each deep in thought. Rainbow flew over to Chrysalis, falling into pace beside her.
"So what are you?" She asked. Chrysalis glanced at her.
"In essence, we are ponies just like you. We're simply... different."
"But you have insect wings!" Rainbow pointed out.
"And you have feathered wings." Chrysalis replied. "Are you a bird?" Rainbow grumbled in response.
--------------------------------
Celestia watched her elements of harmony interact with the traitor and the Changeling beast from her balcony. She smiled when she saw her faithful student yell and run away, but she was saddened to see her own sister side with the beast. She sighed, then returned to her bedroom to brood.
They're turning against you Celestia. They're all being drawn in by false sympathies and doubt. The beasts are going to turn your kingdom against you, spreading out like a black, unclean plague. Your beautiful kingdom will be tainted...
Something must be done.
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Yeah, yeah, Celestia is evil, bitch, tyrant, molester, troll, awful, badness-incarnate, intolerant, racist and what-have-you, and Changelings are just misunderstood little darlings who can do no harm and only did what they did because Celestia is da ebulz!1! Seen it before.
One of these days I'm going to figure out what Celestia did to make bronies despise her so, but not today it seems. *downvotes*
1181689 i have to agree celestia did nothing to earn such a image
At the start of this chapter, the characters seem to abruptly distrust the Changelings way more than they did in the previous chapter.
How did Cadance get enough time with Chrysalis, away from Shining Armor, to build up so much trust? I'd expect Shining Armor to find it rather conspicuous that Cadance was spending the nights of their honeymoon not in their bed, not having sex with him.
I find it strange that Chrysalis offers no compassion, yet demands and receives it from others.
Chrysalis:
Response:
What the crap?
So... when does Celestia start laughing evilly? Because so far, this has just been Chrysalis badmouthing the ponies, Cadance defending Chrysalis and Celestia having a stick up her plot. And Chrysalis has no right to attack Twilight and her friends like that, considering how badly she mistreated both Cadance and Shining Armor. Yes it was to save her own kind but she does not have the moral highground here.
I still want to know where this'll lead but I fear that all I'll get is more anti-Celestia stuff.
1181689
I could see a comment like this working after the last chapter, but what about the last few lines of this chapter? I think the Nightmare is afoot (ahoof?)...
1181689
That's kinda harsh, but okay.
I don't hate Celestia. I really like her, but I think it's possible that there's more to her character than the sweet motherly angelic figure with a sense of humor. She runs an entire country, is in charge of a military guard, and has several enemies. There's so much of her personality and so many facets of her life that remain a mystery.
Once you notice your employer muttering phrases along the lines of "Something must be done.", "It is time!" or "The prophecy!" and talking about him/herself in third person it is time to leave his or her service.
Guide for the successful henchman, Vol III: Survival in the case of heros.
the problem is that you are trying to justify the imposible . candace is guilty of treason , drugging and tying ruler of nation is a very serious crime so is taking an enemy of a nation into the seat of goverment .
Chrysalis says she is the victim , but lets see her crimes . kidnapping Twilight and Cadence , Identity theft, brainwashing the bridesmaid and shinning armor and last but not least making an undeclared war against equestria . even if political asylum is given to the changelings she still has to answer for her crimes .
making celestia a xenophobic tyrant is a cheap and overused . so is making luna the good one . why she trust in then so much ? Cadence behaviour could be explained by stockholm syndrome .
1182375
Celestia's also in charge of a country that freely has minotaurs, goats, donkeys and gryphons living in it, gryphons being at least potentially carnivorous as far as we know (given that they consist of eagle and lion, both carnivores). I highly doubt a princess who has no qualms letting potential pony-eaters in her country would turn down a monarch of a different species that came seeking asylum, even if it was Chrysalis. greenwar1991 is right, the problem is you're trying to justify the impossible. It is nowhere near possible that Cadance would cooperate with the same villain who imprisoned her, starved her, impersonated her, tried to steal her husband from her, brainwashed said husband, hurt her aunt, hurt her sister-in-law-to-be, invaded Canterlot violently, and planned to take over all of Equestria to serve as feeding grounds. The entire ordeal of the wedding must have resulted in some heavy psychological damage for Cadance, maybe even a phobia or hate for Changelings. That really isn't going to go away when, instead of brutally taking her place and locking her away in darkness to starve they, they ask her nicely to help take over Canterlot this time. Basically, there is simply no way in Tartarus that this entire premise can even begin to work without tearing everypony horribly out-of-character. Which is indeed what we have here, Celestia and Cadance being the most offensive examples.
1182655 I agree and now I'm beginning to wonder just who is the REAL villian among the ponies and changelings.
The main problem is that Celestia's acting borderline Stupid Evil. You're gonna have to give her some good motivation as to why she's acting so xenophobic.
Hey, Celestia has over 2000 years of history that we know nothing (canon or otherwise) about. Hell, we don't even really know what it is she really does all day. We have only seen tiny fragments of her history. We only heard the tiniest bit about Discords rule, but from what we heard, that was a pretty bad time. Then you have the Nightmare Incident. I think that there are enough plot holes (in a good way, in this case) that Celestia's behavior could be justified. The only real direct conflict we've seen Celestia in was her confrontation with Chrysalis. And she went straight to brute force. No attempted negotiation, no talking, just action. If you were to extrapolate that action as being canon, (also, see reaction to Discord) it appears that there are certain things that Celestia deals with a certain way.
So, given that observation, I am fine with this portrayal of Celestia. I think that Celestia has a ton of character depth that they just can't portray on the show due to time and rating restrictions.
Imagining what she's been through in the past, seeing what can happen if things are allowed to get out of hoof, I can totally see a harsh approach to serious threats to her kingdom.
As a speaker I once heard said. "If you don't deal with the bad, the bad will get ugly. Deal with the bad, before it gets ugly."
So, I think that there's plenty of wiggle room here for this portrayal of Celestia. I say good job! Keep up the good work!
Chrysalis isn't being very convincing, why in the world is anyone (ESPECIALLY Cadence) sympathizing with her?
Celestia is inexplicably xenophobic. I understand that we know little enough about her that this could be true, but it still is hard to swallow without more elaboration on her personality.
The response to being drugged and cocooned like that is to immediately imprison the offending party. It doesn't matter if the changelings let them go; all the Changelings (and those who helped) should have been behind bars before anyone even considered listening to their plea.There are so many ways to get an audience with Celestia/Luna/Elements that don't require hostile action; if Chrysalis wanted to talk Cadence could have snuck her in, prepped everyone to listen before attacking, and then let Chrysalis reveal herself.
I don't think it would be beyond Cadence to have a change of heart. She may not be Fluttershy but i wouldn't put it past her to pass out love and pity to every bird, mammal, fish, and insect in the general vicinity. Pity can be be a strong problem for those who are kind-hearted, even if they've been wronged.
Celestia, on the other hand, ehhhhh. She acts like a huge bitch with a hitler complex. I feel like even if she did turn evil or "xenophobic" she would still try to act dignified and such but set more devious plans into motion.
1181689 there's more to that. she's probably possessed.
I hate to join this criticism bandwagon, but the only explanation I can see for Celestia's behavior is the Nightmare/Discord's influence. It's just so far off from what you'd expect without more development and justification. As far as Chrysalis, I could see her coming and begging forgiveness, I could see her asking asylum (heck, even from Luna for protection against Celestia) but what she's doing is inconsiderate, arrogant, and frankly what I'd expect from either a third-rate villain or a decoy.
As far as characterization and justification goes, you're so far off of the cannon interpretation you'd need some really serious justification (not just one or two statements but chapters of character development, lesson learning, and gradual change) before what you're trying to do is believable. It's doable, but what you've written so far needs a major revision.
So that you might can see what we're talking about I've written a plot outline.
>Ask for asylum. Get rejected. [Makes sense]
>Prepare for invasion. [Well, you can't force somepony to let you live in their city without maintaining control so you'll have to completely take over the gov't. Also you must keep the Solar Ruler alive as without her your food source (other ponies) will die.]
>Kidnap Cadence to get to Shining Armor. [Subvert the defenses where brute force won't work. Changelings are clever. This was a brilliant move, but the beings that feed on love didn't pod the Princess of Love?]
>Eliminate Twilight. [She's a threat. This also made perfect sense, and since it's not grimdark killing wasn't an option. But why not pod her?]
>Invade after your cover's blown. [Strategic and tactical surprise - a minute or so of warning wasn't enough for the guards. Pod up the Princess.]
>Restrict access to the dangerous magical artifacts while flying around blasting stuff. [Cover the last imminent threat, and subdue the populace.]
>Banished due to an unexpected weakness. [You can't protect against what you don't know.]
>Subvert the royal and royally-pissed-off pony you kidnapped for a week, that then fueled the spell that exiled you all, without mind control, using a sob story, in just a few days. [What?]
>Convince her to help you to drug and imprison basically all of her friends and family. [WHAT?]
>Act just as arrogant as if you had an army at your back, but demand respect from the ponies you need to help you. [You're bucking insane.]
I'm sorry, but the last plot points don't work. At all.
I mean, given that Chrysalis basically said that her life's goal has been to usurp the crown and take over the world, without showing a major difference in attitude (which you aren't - she's still really arrogant) we have absolutely no reason to trust her. She lies - that's canon. Unless you can develop her character to the point where we think she isn't - that she's really trying to save what's left of her sons and daughters - then we're not gonna empathize no matter how much you want us to. Maybe show her, discovered by the guards, helplessly watching as her children starve around her because of her ambition. Maybe the loveblast took the Nightmare out of her (she certainly looked the part, and her voice was right) and it found its way into Celestia. I could, maybe, believe Cadence coming to Chrysalis's aid on her own, but not being recruited. Any kind of invasion, in the middle of Canterlot, again, is cliche and doesn't make sense.
Celestia's closer to the general fanon, but you're still a good bit off of "normal". Maybe if we watched her grappling with her choices, or saw a gradual progress over several chapters towards xenophobia. There are certainly fannon interpretations of her character that are similar to yours, but most of the believable ones spend chapters and chapters foreshadowing and building up. Also, as said above, there are too many other races peacefully living in Equestria for xenophobia to make sense (heck, there's three races just among the main characters). Perhaps she's had a prior experience with a changeling, that betrayed her trust? The Nightmare?
If you're interested I'd be more than happy to preread for you - I like this story and I think it has potential - but if you want to keep going it alone, that's fine too. I want to help but, without the sugar coating, what we're mostly saying here is either that your story needs to change, a lot, before we give it our +favs. I (and most of the other commentators here, I assume) genuinely want to help you write a better story - but if you'd rather not have our help and input I don't want to pressure you. I know I'd hate to write a story dictated entirely by someone else. Remember this is yours, and if you're happy with it than by all means ignore us and write on.
1197770
Wow, thanks for the huge comment. I might take you up on your offer.
I'm taking a break from this story for a while though. I want to finish up my other big story first, then decide where I want to go with this one. I had no idea that people would find the characterization so hard to believe. It's quite intimidating...
1197877 Sure. It's really hard matching the story you want to tell with the characters you're given to tell it, I guess that's one way fanfic is harder to write than original work. It doesn't help that most of us are really attached to the characters in question so anomalies are quite noticeable.
As far as the intimidation goes... the core of the story is good, better than I thought when I commented on ch.2. The writing is fine - just look at your first comments - and I think when you're ready to come back, if you weave a more convincing backstory and give it time to brew, most of the characterization problems will start fixing themselves. If you decide you want me to take a look at this (or any other) story when you pick it back up, just let me know. And most of all, keep writing!
1224055
Nah, I'm comfortable with that part. There was clearly something different going on with the Changelings, and it's possible that Cadence is being forced somehow. It made more sense to me for Shining Armor and Twilight help her through it than abandon her.
Stay tuned for the next chapter.
I thought it was a pretty decent story. I do find Celestia's bitchy-ness amd Cadance's change of heart a little hard to believe, but I don't think its impossible. There's a lot we don't know about Celestia. And if you remember, Celestia was extremely short and harsh with the queen in the episode, and went straight to blasting at her with magic.
Here's the only real problems I have with this story:
-Luna. She seems way too accepting. To me, it would seem like it would take a lot of talking to convince her to betray her sister's opinion.
-Cadance's sudden change of heart. Instead of a week after the wedding, how about a year? You could say Cadance and Chryalisis met several times over that year while Shining Armor was on duty. It would make it much more realistic. An extremely reluctant Cadance slowly but surely trusting the Queen over the course of the year, then finally ready to take the huge risk of doing the plan.
-The degree of Celestia's harshness. Maybe tone it down a little, or perhaps add a build up to it. Add a reason for her to jump to execution, instead of just pure xenophobia.
But despite these problems, I've enjoyed this story so far.
Prediction: New Lunar Republic? Rebellion against Celestia? It seems that's what this is building up to. Which isn't bad, just try to make the idea unique instead of what everybody writes of it.
I'll be watching this story
NLR! NLR! WHOOOO!!
But seriously this is awesome, I don't even care about the characterization problems, we don't know exactly how Celestia thinks or acts and thus she could be a old racist, definitely can't wait for more.
"Celestia's also in charge of a country that freely has minotaurs, goats, donkeys and gryphons living in it, gryphons being at least potentially carnivorous as far as we know (given that they consist of eagle and lion, both carnivores)." - Keeper of Jericho
Sums up why this doesn't quite work. Although Celestia can be accused of xenophobia all she wants, it isn't going to change the fact that she isn't. Keeping a problem race (parasites) away isn't xenophobic, it's merely good administration. Even if the Changelings aren't parasites, as is explained in this fic, this leaves you with two big issues. One, you turn away their asylum, and avoid hubris, however are later attacked. After the attack, of course, it'd be impossible for any coexistence. Two, you grant them asylum, and they suffer persecution and xenophobia (We still haven't gotten rid of racism, and we used to own black people as slaves) for a long time until society adjusts accordingly. During this time, the changelings could become belligerent and attack, thus forcing Celestia to remove them from Equestria.
I don't see the changeling situation ending well without a very heavy revision of canon. Chrysalis has already turned out like a tyrant, so that doesn't bode well for them, not to mention the fact they attempted to overturn an entire government.
I don't think anybody will support someone who imprisoned them in a series of caves, impersonated them and fed of their fiance's love so soon after it happened. Also, the overall reaction and other things seem a tad OOC.
I gotta agree with Chrysalis. Ponies haven't tasted desperate. They haven't watched their brothers and sisters starve to death. The Changelings have their backs against a wall. Only thirty something left? I'm pretty sure if the ponies were in the Changelings shoes, they'd do whatever it took for survival as well. There was quite a bit of arrogance and self-importance in the ponies dialect, like when Rainbow was talking to Chrysalis. I particularly loved that line about the feathered wings. Brilliant move right there on Chrysalis's part. Shows how most people are around people that are different from them.
1242646
Thanks!
I've got the next chapter mostly written, just gotta finish up and do the editing. Should be up soon guys!
I actually like the story. I'm hoping Celestia comes to her senses, mind you, but other'n that, I really like the story. Faving, upvoting.
From all the comments (even the positive ones lol) i would expect a dark tag for this story, so im kinda apprehensive about reading it. hmm
1258188
Go ahead, give it a read. If it were a dark story I'd have added the appropriate tag.
Umm nope sorry, its treason because you let someone who ATTACKED your nation and you into the capital, drugged the ruler and the guards and everyone and then put them in some sort of cocoon , just for them to be in it for a minute or less so you can let them go?
Also this is perfect Dark story material , treason, drugging, betrayal of friends and family because you don't trust them (why else would she not try to talk to them first?).
But this isnt dark in itself, the mood is light even with all she did, BUT that is just because you're setting it that way. Dont get why it had to be proven by them drugging all and the changeling marching into Canterlot. Not a great way to prove you're not a threat...
Why not let them prove it by interacting with ponies elsewhere.
And the "i had to feed my subjects" sob story doesnt explain why they went to the middle of equestria or wherever they are , impersonate one of the royal family members and imprison her. If it was just about feeding spread them throughout equestria to feed.
Meaning that with the small numbers they are now they could feed and survive...
I personaly think Celestia would never act like she act in this fanfic, but if you make alternative universe where she is more evil and do not like to interact with other races, than go for it.
After all, when your country is under invasion, or when you see creature what you think is ugly, you may right away assume that they are evil and not even give tham a chance, and since changeling story is very weakly explained in the show, it is realy bad idea to right away mark tham evil villans, they are race and they had reasons behind they action, so I m on Cadence and Chrisalis side even if Celestia would not be sush a villain in this fanfic, after all without food many of tham died or starve.
Certainly a new take on Changelings.
Making Changelings more sympathetic is not impossible. Neither is making Celestia out to be flawed. You're just being way too heavy handed about it. You're trying to make the changelings too innocent and Celestia too flawed and changing them so quickly they aren't recognizable as their canon counterparts. Try reading something like "Changeling Heart and the New Moon" where Chrysalis is sympathetic... But she still retains all the character traits she displayed in the episode she appeared in.
"It's only treason because Celestia says it is" really falls apart when "it" is drugging a bunch of people so you can sneak in someone who is known to be guilty of crimes such as kidnapping.
Plus, the whole thing is awkward in terms of flow. People's opinions seem to swing about rather quickly rather than flowing from one state to the next or moving on a continuum.
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Yeah, the flow is a problem, unfortunately. I can't really help that. The fic was originally going to be a quick three-parter, but the idea really took off, and I'm writing without a plan to follow. I'm doing the best I can with it, and hopefully the next chapter will fix some of the problems here.
You desperately need to give Celestia a good, concrete reason why she's got such a mad hate-on for changelings. She's too rational and controlled a character for this to work otherwise.
This story would also be helped by explicitly covering, at some point, just how Chrysalis talked Cadence around to her side. Just talking about it afterwards isn't good enough, considering how critical it is to your whole plot.
Ok Celestia, deep breaths......think about this for a moment
"How dare you." Chrysalis growled, rounding on Applejack. "You infer that we are uncivil? That we are evil?! You ponies are all the same. You can't-"
I gotta say it reads kind of weird when Chrysalis has this reaction after saying one entire calm sentence inbetween in reply to the same person. It seems schizophrenic.
....This is not a fic I can like. Well-written, but...
The basic premise is WAY out there. It's well written...but you're just reversing the morality. Chrysalis is OMFG SUPER NICE, and Celestia is OMFG EVIL.
VERY well written fic. Just the basic outline seems off. (Also suffers from a bait-and-switch plot).
while i think it's well written so far, i have to say; what's up with extreme personality shifts?! i don't normally post on a chapter when there are newer ones already up, but seriously:
i mean, suddenly chrysalis is caring and only did what she did because she was forced to. she was the definition of a villain in the show. of course, she must have had her reasons, and there might have been a huge misunderstanding, but misinterpreting THAT much...
the same thing with celestia; you've pulled a complete one eighty on her personality. some things i can understand, normally i even love seeing writers make up and emphasize negative traits to celestia's personality, i mean; no one can be that much of a saint, but at the same time; no one can seem to be that "perfect" and have such a HUGE personality flaw to them without others knowing pretty quickly.
you're going at this way too extreme at this point. im having a hard time continuing to read this because of your huge "celestia is actually really really racist! but she's been fooling EVERYONE so far", but i will give it the benefit of the doubt and continue reading until i can't take it anymore.
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The story already explained why your plan wouldn't work: because Celestia is ridiculously evil.
1436101 Kind of a weird statement, mate. If it was truly well written would the problems you and everyone else and their dog have mentioned be in the story?
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Probably having next-to-no character. Now, I don't mean that as an insult, but Celestia is more like a bad OC than an actual character. She's wise, kind, geneous, and the only ponies she doesn't love, or that don't absolutely love her, are the villains. The villains except for Discord are just as bad. So what do fanfic writers do? Throw some fridge horror into the mix. Why is Celestia so perfect? She's actually a villain, against anything not fitting her image of perfection, and the villains are actually woobies who just need a healthy dose of friendship.
1182375 Oh please, Chrysalis' story has more holes than the entire changeling race! Not to mention she is flat out lying about their actions during the invasion. I greatly disliked this after chapter 2, decided to give it a couple more chapters to be sure and every paragraph made me hate it more.
2212950 wow your such a dick like come on cel isnt the only one that is shown as the bad guy in the storys that are put up in fimfiction in fact i think almost everyone of the main ponys has a story where they turn evil.
this story is well done and as for the queen of the changlings i think the author did a great job with her.
he didnt give her a drastic personality change.
also it makes sence in this scenario for cel to be the main villian since she has the most influnce to cause alot of problems that will have too be resulved which means longer story.
i will say he did make the pairings stick out like a sore thumb.
but no storys perfect.
also luna rulez long live the night.
kikikikikikikiki
"But you have insect wings!" Rainbow pointed out.
"And you have feathered wings." Chrysalis replied. "Are you a bird?" Rainbow grumbled in response.
nice
Hm... Still. Celestia is acting far too... Off in this. And Luna's going along with it?
Still, I'll give it that it's a solid story so far. If a bit off.
~Skeeter The Lurker