Wonderful! MOAR!

(Also FIRST!!!)

I find this story to be entertaining.  It would be most gracious of you to perhaps, update the story with another chapter?  Yes, that would be very nice... very nice indeed.

Anyway, while the writing could be a bit better (and I would point out some flaws if I wasn't dead tired) you've managed to create a decent setup for a story and I'm very much looking forward to the strange meeting that we will undoubtably witness next.  Also, your alicorn OC reminds me a bit of Firewall from "Through The Eyes of Another Pony," and that's always a good thing.

Keep up the good work!

Well written and I also like where this is going, do you have any cake?

Celestia better hide her cake stash! All throughout the story I couldn't help but read it with Ren's voice from The Ren & Stimpy show. Especially the Space Madness episode. Continue on good sir!

MOOOOAARRR

this may very well turn out to be my next favourite reading.

And this my friends is how legends are made.

CAAAAAAAKE!!!!!!!

>>11140181114018

It will be updated, soon in fact. I have it mostly done, and I think I'll be able to finish the next chapter even with the limitations of my iPad... Can't promise that it'll come tonight, but we'll see. It's a fun story to write.

Anyhow, if you want, feel free to give the story a good bashing. I know most the faults, maybe, but it would be nice to see what you think could be improved. And even to me the words Alicorn OC gives me the shivers, there are way too few stories that handle one well. Here it's basically just an excuse to throw in the immortality. I'm flattered that you think he reminds you of Firewall, but nopony is as awesome as Firewall, ever. But if there is a comparison,  he's like Firewall, where stoic has taken a vacation, and Lafter is on the loose...

>>11140851114085>>11141201114120

Sadly, I do not have any cake at the moment. I ate the last cupcake two days ago D:. Celestia's cake vault is currently safe, but if the secret were ever to come out... Well, cakesplotions would ensue.

>>11144611114461

Awesome. I'll be doing my best not to disappoint.

>>11144811114481

Legends of awesome cake parties!

>>11150311115031

I'll lay on some criticisms as soon as I'm on a computer then.  I'm not, however, typing anything substantial with an iPod.  Guess you'll just have to wait.

I want moar of this awesomeness!!!

Hmmm......Scifi. Welp, you've got my attention.

How could he not know he was a she?

6,000 years of sexual tension would drive me insane!

>>11172401117240

He did figure it out once. But I think he forgot. Yep, definitively forgot. There were more pressing matters, like how the hell one is to get into an anti-matter collider. And then there were other... things. A lot of stuff happened that we shall not mention in this fic because it is rated Teen, and there will be no description of how he solely molested every corner of the ships infrastructure. There's a deck where the Nanomachines don't quite work, and it's been sealed off for a reason. It smells.

>>11172541117254 Too... Much... Information...

Couldn't he have created the ultimate sex doll using some sort of matter fabricator?

>>11172651117265

Ana is pretty much the ship. He may, or may not have tried to make... objects with the matter re-fabricators (It's recycling, yay!). She may, or may not have denied him any kind of approach to them for a while, under penalty of being placed in stasis, without putting him to sleep.

And, you asked :P

>>11172851117285

Hmmm, after a hundred years, i'd start breaking shit off, like table legs or something...

>>11173171117317

There's a whole deck of a Colony-class space-ship closed off because of the... smell. It's a very large deck.

I might throw this in later, but eh. The ship is about ten miles long, not english mile, as in 100km long, and four miles wide. It's a pretty damned huge ship. And the decks go horizontally. Some areas span several decks, but that one deck is a sub-level, so it runs all the way through the ship. It was the agricultural equipment deck. Let's just say that Magnus and Ana won't be advancing farming on Equestria any time soon.

Ahaha!  Yep.  Insane OC doesn't realize he's a mare... Eats wall... I could definitely go for some more of this.  Keep up the great work and I'll point out a few things Ididn't like as soon as I have access to a proper keyboard.

>>11174241117424

I would encourage you to read the above comments if I weren't so sure that your soul might rot.

>>11173461117346

Oh. Eww...

>>11174371117437

Have you ever heard the phrase "too little, too late"?  I think it would apply very well in these circumstances.

Will he was definitely becoming male when he got angry.  Wouldn't want to know the damage he could do when that fully is let out.

I found the Doctor Who and pokemon references.

'Blue police box'-Doctor Who

'Planet 'MISSINGNO''= Pokemon

>>11174821117482

:3

>>11180461118046

Well not really. Just kinda got more imposing. Like when people smaller than you can seem to look down at you. There's not a male bone left in his body. Wait Anyhow, no, he won't be turning into a male again any time soon.

>>11193831119383

Congratulations :D

Have some cake! You'll have to go to the store and get it yourself, but you have my moral support for it :P

To be honest, I'm kinda surprised that no-one has commented on that before you did...

Is he a dude or a girl?!

For some weird reason I think I like this...

Please, do go on with the strangeness.

-Jorofrarie

>>11205881120588

Dude's a girl. He just didn't notice/forgot/suppressed it.

See above comments

>>11206911120691

It is pretty strange, isn't it

>>11203741120374  When he was getting angry it gave the impression of changing which in a few animes I saw did something similar.  One sex to another or a gender-neutral form (Which is kinda freaky).  I guess I need to keep reading to understand the story concept a little better and so on and so forth.  I am half-awake so what I am typing is only so so.  If you need any additional OCs come take a look into my blog I got plenty to choose from or if you need any specific ones let me know.  I am great at coming up with characters but horrible with making stories.

So Is he (she?) gonna return to being a guy eventually? I think if I were him I'd like to change back, ya know after the whole fainting thing.

edit: and I just read some previous comments so nevermind!

>>11223071122307

To answer your question; Probably not. Why? Piece of headcanon in the coming chapter will explain it, hopefully...

Aw shit, incoming existential crisis! With this whole immortal thing going on it makes me wonder if the Princess's have ever gone a little bonkers.

>>11240651124065

Nightmare Moon? :P

pinkie used gender check

it's super effective

magnus fainted

It seems everyone is writing short chapters at the moment. I'd prefer less frequent updates with longer chapters, but that might be just me.

This is gold. Tracked, thumbed.

Image: http://i.imgur.com/91Wwq.jpg

>>11251411125141

>>11271401127140

I write mostly after work when I get home. So I don't usually have much energy for writing really long chapters, that and I have to write when inspiration strikes me. If the chapter requires it, I might spend several days on it. But this one could pretty much stand on it's own, in my opinion at least :P

>>11271711127171

No. This is a fanfiction. If it were gold, I might not share so much of it D:

A man needs to eat.

(but thanks :P)

....dafuq did I just read?  I'm not entirely sure, but whatever it was, there should be more of it.  Seriously, this is really well written so far, has an interesting plot, and one of the most unique, and slightly disturbing, human to alicorn transformations I've seen yet.

I really, REALLY like the way you've portrayed the characters so far in this.  One of the biggest failings of fiction writers is lack of character depth, but you've managed to avoid that beautifully with Magnus and Ana, and even in your portrayals of the canon ponies so far.  Being able to envision the characters you're reading about as real, thinking beings whose story you just happen to be seeing, rather than just 2d cardboard cutouts, goes farther than almost any other element of a story in making it feel deep and immersive.  Speaking as someone who has read WAY too many pony fics, if you can keep this kind of character depth and emotion through the rest of the story you will easily earn your spot as one of the best character creators I've seen.  And considering I was a little over 12,000,000 words read on this site alone at last count, I can say with confidence that I've seen a lot.

>>11279581127958

Oh, it gets better :P At least I think so.

Thank you for the praise. I'm quite satisfied with the characters in this myself, most of my other stories tend to lack a bit in that department... I haven't published most of them for a reason... I hope I won't disappoint :3

And hot damn. You've read 12 mill already? You've only been here for 21 weeks! I've been her for nearly a year now, and I have 18,6 mill read, and I spend most of my free time reading fanfics... Damn. Gotta pick up my game.

I hope the next chapter falls in good grace. A few things might make people think the character is a mary-sue. Hopefully I can dispell that as fast as possible.

Huh who knew there were good HiE fics out there... Bravo *claps*.

I love his antics too.

The only problem i have with this story is that you hit a button with me........ DON'T deprive someone of cake for 6 thousand years. It's cruel, inhumane, and just plain mean. You are a mean person......................................Meanie....

>>11297521129752  He's a mentally unstable alicorn; a bit of mary sue action is to be expected.  Especially considering that the only other examples of the species we've really seen are capable of moving celestial bodies that weigh millions, or even billions, of tons.  As long as it's in character for him/her it probably won't be an issue.

>>11300941130094

Now you can see what you think. New chapter posted :3

>>11298761129876

I'm about to get a whole lot meaner... I feel sorry for the poor sod...

I really feel sorry for Magnus. S/he being insane just went from "funny" to "oh shit"

LOL.  Ana is so awesome.  And Magnus is bat shit insane.  Awesome.

Well Ana is going to be one extremely pissed off android when she gets back down to Equestria, poor Magnus. I wonder how much more Celestia can take before she starts losing it too.

CAKE NEED CAKE

CAKE NEED CAKE

It will probably get to a point where the ship will have to land just so things can settle quicker and not to mention Magnus being able to see the ship might calm his varying mind states.  Still relapses are easily understandable with how long he/it been on the ship (Wonder if you could play with Luna suffering a mild form of it while she was trapped on the moon).

Hmm... So a mentally unstable schizophrenic alicorn from space walks into a library...

Great chapter!

good chapter

>>11302721130272

The ship is physically incapable of landing. Even if it were fully functional it would collapse under it's own weight. Though I might bring it into a bit lower orbit. It is one helluva large ship, so it might be visible even where it is right now. It is currently in a geostationary orbit, or something... I haven't decided whether or not I want Equestria to rotate :/

>>11302901130290

Sounds utterly crazy doesn't it. Thanks :3

>>11140051114005 you are going top get your ass handed to you by the administrators of this site if you don't 1. delete the comment or 2. edit the comment so that it dose not say first becuse they will ban you if you doo that i have been baned twice for donig that so act now and save yourself while you can

This story is so wrong on so many levels... yet so perfect!

Finally an alicorn OC that sounds legit. What better than a crazy seven-split personality Mary Sue character from space that also doesn't know her gender?

er I was gonna read this but then I noticed the comedy tag... I had it pegged as a more serious fic by the description.

>>11305901130590

Doing an Alicorn well is hard. There's so many pitfalls... I have no idea of how I'm gonna deal with Magnus if s/he ever learns magic...

It probably won't end well... For anypony.

>>11306121130612

I try to mix it up a little. I don't know what kind of story you like, but I try to balance the silly with some seriousness. It's not easy, but it's a fun story to write.

>>11306521130652 so long as the story isn't a joke, I have had enough of those disguising themselves as serious.

>>11306941130694

I try to keep it light, but I like to think that there's an underlying tension that will have to be resolved soon. It might have started as just a silly idea, but I think it has outgrown those shoes by now. Then again, it's all up to personal preferences, so I can only hope that you like it.

Incognito Pokemon reference? I'm sold.

>>11303551130355

  Ship complications.  Reminds me of some scenarios on Star Trek (Shows and certain movies).  If it ever has to come down it will most likely be due to a crash landing and hopefully the trajectory will already be set or major damage to environment will occur.  Connecting with the moon could be an alternative but changing it from a ship to a moon base would be kinda interesting but then you would have to determine if the main has access to portal technology or not.

  Remember Cadence is a Pegacorn (Not many authors recognize that there is a slight difference other then size, life-span, and magical capabilities).  That said there can always be interesting uses for that particular group (It seems similar to how Celestia and Luna are Goddesses then Pegacorns are Demi-Entities of varying capabilities [Kinda like Hercules, Jason, and other characters in both Greek/Norse Mythology]).

  It would be kinda funny if one of his alternate personalities is extremely modest about being nude (Kinda how humans would react if found in the buff) and then have another that is the exact opposite though through Show mare like (Parallels).  The funny idea is that who knows how many gadgets are on his body to use (Not even he himself knows [Bases on which personality is active and such]).

this story is fucking amazing. keep it up

>>11307741130774

I am cautiously pulling some inspiration for tech from Star Trek, like the replicators and such, but mostly I'm trying to come up with my own stuff for it. As for what happens to the ship itself... You'll just have to wait and see. I have plans for it, not all of them beneficial... Oh well. And no, I'm not going to include portal/teleportation technology, well there might be references to a certain kind of erhm Portal technology at some point. How can I not when there's a snarky A.I involved, and cake, but no spoilers :P

As for Cadence (Cadance, whatever), and what she is, all of that is just headcanon. As far as I know nothing has been confirmed or denied there. I'm not quite sure what to do with her yet, but she has a role to play. So does Shiny, and there's a reason Trixie is in the character list.

So far I've just got the two personalities, the "Pinkie" and the Captain, but different situations demand different solutions, so to speak. Just wait until the romance tag comes into play, now that'll be one clusterfuck of a thing to write...

>>11307791130779

Thanks. It's a blast to write

Oh my god, this made my eyes tear up it was so funny. That alicorn is crazy as hell. I NEED MOAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!

>>11308521130852

Just had a thought but how will the Lunar Phase affect his mental states.  Not being on a normal planet for so long and now is the Lunar Phase can cause major shift to his hormonal levels among other cellular statistics (Oh god what if he went into heat {No don't want to think about it *Goes and bangs head on the wall for several hours to forget*}).

:3

>>11309361130936

As it is a colony ship, it has to be able to simulate planet like conditions to a T, but it was never designed to support life for over 6k years. But we'll see what happens, won't we. Even I find writing this guy unpredictable.

And I really won't urge you to read some of the previous comments concerning that subject. Let's just say there is a deck on the ship that is closed off, it's going to be mentioned more in depth later.

>>11309731130973

I did read about the poor ship.  I was stating a verse from Science fiction that even if you could replicate a world somewhat on the ship (Though how much got damaged or is non-functioning is another story).  Lunar flexes and fluxes could not be entirely replicated and thus when a being returns to said planet after so long they still need to adjust to said Lunar pulses without problems (Kinda like a Scuba diver who has been in the ocean to long and can't fly afterwords because they need to readjust to certain pressures and such without complications).  Now stating that certain smells and objects could also cause a shift in personalities (based on how strong the personality in the host to other personalities [Not to mention if said personalities know or don't know about one another]).

This is good

>>11308521130852

A "Pinkie" and the Captain personality, the fun has been doubled?

So magic shield's don't stop Particle Disruptors good to know.

I can imagine M deciding to go back to the ship for something or other and Twilight just tagging along.

OMG that last line made my day

How do you Bucking forget getting TG'ed? I know She's lived for umpteen thousand years, but come on.

>>> We were set for Betelgeuse...>>

Well, considering that star is a supergiant which could go (or already has gone) supernova any day now, this mission was doomed from the start!  I think Trollestia gave them directions.  

Shoulda headed for Upsilon Andromeda.  Upsilon Andromeda d is a 1.28 Jupiter-mass planet within the habitable zone of the star and could conceivably harbor an Earth-sized habitable moon.

So many refrences! Hide yo cake Celestia.

6000 years of not noticing the lack of a dick. HOW?!

Welp, its official, Magnus is still insane.

Either that, or she's suffering from a multiple personality disorder of some kind.

And this is why you Beware the Silly Ones.

>>>Those weapons were capable of disrupting the dark matter that kept atoms and particles together..>>

  Dark matter is theorized to be composed of WIMPS (Weakly Interacting Massive Particles).  Dark matter rarely interacts with normal matter, which is why it has been so hard to detect.  It does not hold atoms and particles together.  Three forces are responsible for atomic matter and molecules:  The weak and strong nuclear forces, governing atomic nuclei, and electromagnetism, which affects electron orbitals, paramagnetic qualities and charge-based properties, including chemical bond formation.  

Ohh my. The fun has been tripled! And I happen to be at six mill, nearing seven. Your move broseph.

this is the best ever

da fuq just happened?

>>11306521130652 You could just have him/her forget I suppose. And then unconciously cast magic at random. And then s/he remembers again. . . Ohh lord. You more or less gave magic to an even more unstable Pinkie Pie. Nothing could possibly go wrong with that. You're welcome for envoking Murphy's Law.

This story reminds me of hitchhikers guide to the galaxy or discworld! Wacky, with sc-fi overtones!

touchy AI LOL

Now to meet the rest of the Mane 6. Pinkie plus Magnususus ought to be fun. Cupcaaaaakes!

I wanted to tell you that I am really, really enjoying this fic.  I had my doubts in the beginning.  The description intrigued me, but the first chapter put me off a little--don't take this the wrong way.  Magnus's (am I correct in assuming that s/he will eventually be called Fair Heart?) insanity seemed almost like a joke to me, but as time went on, my expectations were lived up to.

Science that makes sense, even to the sibling of a theoretical physics student. (The antimatter collider of the ship.)

A mental issue that actually has a source and debilitates the character in a way that makes the reader really feel bad for him/her. (Retrograde/short-term amnesia, bipolar disorder, serious suicide attempts, etc.)

A gender swap handled with dignity and a decent explanation. (No intense, frightening descriptions, and the part about all alicorns being female.)

An alicorn OC that is not a Mary-Sue. (Canon characters actually get mad at him/her!)

To put it in a tl;dr version, I love this fic, I love Magnus, and I love the direction that this is going.  My only suggestion would be referring to him/her as either 'him' or 'her', or maybe just a gender-neutral 'xir', because the constant flipping back and forth between pronouns is distracting and awkward.

Please update as soon as you can...and know that I actually made this account today instead of the undefined future so that I could comment on Heaven Sent.

Cake.

So Ana can survive an uncontrolled reentry from orbit? but cant take the weight of Celly's hoof pressing down?

>>11320341132034 that's the thing about energy shields. You need to turn them on.

WHY HAS THIS NOT BEEN UPLOADED BEFORE NOW?!!!! MUST HAVE MORE OF HIM/HER/IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

>>11310351131035

Right. I'll have to do a bit of research there just to see how much of it to incorporate into the story, it could be interesting.

>>11310561131056

It wasn't as much a magic shield as just telekinesis. What she did when Magnus tried to hit Twilight might have stopped it, but I'll have to think about it. As for going back to the ship, we'll see :P

>>11310911131091>>11311161131116

She were busy loosing her marbles.

>>11310951131095

Science did it! Uh, well.... I never said they came from earth, did I? Maybe they're from a civillisation of Humans that lived when Betelgeuse was still.. Nah, I just have no idea what I'm doing.

>>11311811131181

Agh. Real science, my only weakness! Curse you! To be honest I have no idea, I might change it to be more realistic. I'm pretty much just putting in what sounds cool at this point...

>>11313251131325

Well. I'm pretty much having magic be a something that requires concious effort. If you have no idea, or even concept that magic as it is on Equestria and how it works, you pretty much can't use it. It's safer that way. Otherwise Magnus would probably have blown up the ship a long time ago.

>>11318411131841

In the first chapter I was still unsure where I wanted to go with the story, and the characters were still 'fluid', so it's not the best one.

As for science that makes sense? I'm pretty much just winging it here. What I know of antimatter comes from what I've read in one of Dan Browns books, and the Discovery Channel :P And the rest is pretty much just what sounds cool...

The mental disorders were actually not planned, at all. Originally I had planned for Magnus to be, well, pretty much the silly, well meaning, but slightly unstable character you saw in the first chapter. I pretty much ended up changing her completely, and you're seeing the results.

Gender swapping is a plot device not nearly used enough as a serious plot device, most just use it for comic relief or just for fun with no real reason.  I felt that it'd be interesting to try and handle it seriously for once.

I really hate mary-sues... They most often ruin the story, and the character ends up shallow as a puddle. To handle a character that is as close to immortal as it gets is already threading on thin ice, and there are only a very few stories where an Alicorn OC is handled seriously.

As for the pronouns, it's supposed to be confusing. I try to keep it so that only Ana and Magnus that even thinks of Magnus as male. Magnus, because she's a bit unstable, if you've noticed. Ana... well, because old habits are hard to break, and they never really got around to addressing the issue properly, and she pretty much just ended up calling her him.

And I'm flattered, really. Creating an account just to comment here is awesome. I really appreciate it, and I hope you get to enjoy having the account in the future. I know I do.

>>11320341132034>>11322661132266

What he said. And, ana is a crafty little bugger, who says it's uncontrolled :3

>>11326911132691

BECAUSE I SAID SO.

yup it's just the right amount of tragic humor I like. I'll fav it and read more later.

>>11203741120374 Any time soon hmmmmmmmm PLOT TWIST INCOMING

this story is fucking awesome

this,is good. We will be watching you. Pray you don't disappoint us.

>>11340731134073  Well, science happens to be my special talent!  *trots into a blue police box*  

During the first chapter I was a bit wary of how Magnus's personality was, but then the additional chapters came along and a great reason for the personality was given,. I am eagerly awaiting the next installment of this interesting tale you have started.

>>11360111136011

I'm actually rewriting the first chapter entirely. It will still have the same story, just going to try and make it as good as the other ones.

Next installment will probably come online in a few hours, no promises though.

This is a VERY nice story. You have my favorite, and my thumbs.

LOL shitstorm incoming

Oh damn.

shits gon be f(yay)cked.