• Published 21st Dec 2019
  • 1,096 Views, 203 Comments

Amethyst Star Isn't Prepared For This - MagicS



Sick and tired of being overshadowed by all of the amazing ponies that live in Ponyville, Amethyst Star goes on an adventure into the unknown to show she can be just as special as anybody.

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PreviousChapters
Home Sweet Home

This was really a sight for sore eyes.

Walking over the familiar little hills, on a familiar dirt road, past familiar trees, and seeing those familiar buildings rising up before her. Yeah, this was nice. Ponyville was just as she remembered it and that was just fine. In fact that was far better than fine. That was perfect. That was what she needed. To be able to return home and see that life carried on just as it always did, that she’d be able to go back to her normal and good life tomorrow morning. That was a thought that really put her mind and heart at east.

Because now that life was going to be even more fulfilling than it ever had been.

She had deigned to not take any trains on the way back, instead walking the whole way. Which actually made her return through Equestria quite long as she stopped at a number of towns along the way, enjoying the friendly atmosphere of her home country day by day. It was certainly nice after the disjointedness of the Undiscovered West.

Amethyst Star was really tired though, it was well into evening by the time she had finally made her way back to Ponyville and most of the town was probably already asleep. She already passed Sweet Apple Acres, Fluttershy’s cottage, and most of the Everfree, and if she didn’t know any better or couldn’t see the lights on in other buildings she would’ve figured the whole place for a ghost town so far. Fine by her, she didn’t really want to be bothered that much just yet, just getting into her bed was the goal. She knew how alive everywhere would be once morning came around.

She looked up at the sky to see Luna’s moon overhead. Very little of her traveling was done during the night, she realized, and yet now here she was returning home in the darkness with the cool night breeze blowing through her mane. Refreshing. The exact opposite of her loud morning sendoff from Pinkie Pie.

Speaking of Pinkie Pie and that box she had given her, the nearly identical box from Birdseed was still tucked away in her Saddlebag. Amethyst Star never did open it up to see what it was. She wanted to know but knew she’d probably be far better off not knowing.

Her body was in much better condition now than it had been right after that fight. She ended up stopping for a few days in a forest that came after traveling over the rocks where she had fought Coin Flip, sleeping in a bush by a small stream. The injuries to her body healed surprisingly well and quickly, she had to chalk it up to plenty of rest and quiet and the very luscious berries on that bush. As well as that Sonic Rainboom that just made her body feel rejuvenated when it spread out in the sky.

Ever since then she’d been feeling so good. Even the trouble of getting back to Equestria through all the rough terrain did absolutely nothing to dampen her spirits.

“And it feels even better to be back,” Amethyst Star smiled as she she walked over one of the little bridges built over the creek running through Ponyville. Now walking out onto the main street and looking from side to side to take in all the buildings and homes that she knew well, how happy it made her to see them. There were even a couple ponies out at this hour, betraying the idea of Ponyville as a ghost town already.

Golden Harvest was walking outside, Amethyst Star waved hello to her.

The Flower Trio were closing up shop, so Amethyst Star didn’t bother them.

Caramel was just now opening the door to his house, Amethyst Star smiled at him.

Yep. Ponyville was Ponyville. And her life was good.

She walked further into town, down more streets, seeing more ponies and things she recognized even at the later hour. A yawn hit her as she walked around City Hall. Smirking at the doors of the establishment she remembered when she was asked at the last minute to plan Cranky and Matilda’s wedding, boy was that a day. Maybe she should see if anyone around has something like that for her to do again? She did an alright job of it.

Yet another yawn hit her. Not surprising. Show her anyone that wasn’t exhausted after all of this?

Any more sightseeing and reminiscing could be done tomorrow, she had something she wanted to do and then she could go home and go to bed. First thing she would do in the morning was go over to Berry Punch’s and pick Dinky up. And not get roped into talking about her adventure. That could come later, if ever. Maybe Amethyst Star just didn’t feel like going into detail on a lot of what had happened to her out in the Undiscovered West. It was embarrassing enough going through it, telling her close friends about it? She’d die.

But yeah, before any of that she wanted to get to Twilight’s Castle tonight.

Amethyst Star looked over her shoulder at the saddlebag draped over her back, frowning at the thought of Birdseed’s package still inside of it. Whatever it was, Twilight Sparkle would know what to do with it. That was the best bet for keeping it safe and out of the wrong hooves. Amethyst Star was completely washing her hooves of this entire situation, let the package be dealt with by someone capable and knowledgeable. She was just going to walk over to that castle, tell Twilight Sparkle that she had reason to believe there was something dangerous and valuable about this package, and then leave.

Amethyst Star had learned her lessons. No more adventure. No more silliness.

She wasn’t exactly made for it.

The unicorn who was finally back home rounded another house and walked down the dirt road that would eventually take her right to the castle. And paused as the looming structure fully came into view. Looking at the castle she noticed that things were a little different than normal.

Balloons were strung up all along its balconies and towers, streamers and party flags too, piles of confetti littered the grounds around it, all the telltale signs of a Pinkie Pie party. Along with the raucous laughter and excited conversation she could hear coming from it now that she walked a little closer. Were Twilight and her friends in there having a party for some reason? Whatever was going on it was loud despite it starting to get pretty late, there was a lot of energy booming out from that castle.

It made Amethyst Star smile. She decided to turn around and head back into town and to her home. Whatever those friends were doing and celebrating tonight she didn’t want to interrupt, she could come bother Twilight tomorrow morning.

“Whatever, now I can just sleep anyways.”

Amethyst Star walked home with that pleasant thought in her head. The moment she stepped inside and threw herself under the covers she could forget all about her woefully unprepared for adventure and just put it all behind her. Except for the few minor good parts. The bad stuff didn’t bother her as much anymore since she at least felt satisfied with how her journey ended and her newfound outlook on her life, but there was still a whole realm of embarrassment and shame she could do without. Although… it was probably something she should at least keep in mind. A little. So she remembered not to do anything stupid in the future. And so she could appreciate her life in Ponyville even more.

Oh, there her house was. That brought a whole new and even brighter smile to her face.

“I didn’t realize how much I missed it...” Amethyst Star said as she tiredly walked up to the front door.

Unlocked of course, who locked their doors in Ponyville? The lights were all off just like they should be with no one home. Amethyst Star sighed deeply in contentment as she grabbed the door handle with her hoof and pulled it open, walking into her small entry room currently shrouded in darkness. Before heading upstairs she’d drop her saddlebag and stuff on the couch, then finally she could go rest.

Amethyst Star turned to walk into the downstairs living room…

“SURPRISE!”

The lights were suddenly switched on and a bunch of party poppers were popped in Amethyst Star’s face as her friends jumped out at her from the formerly dark living room.

“Gah!” Amethyst Star stumbled back, little bits of confetti and streamers now stuck on her head. “W-What?!”

“Welcome home, Amethyst!” Berry Punch said and wrapped her friend in a big hug. Strawberry Sunrise, Cherry Berry, and Sea Swirl coming right up behind her, all four of them wearing silly party hats.

“Y-You guys!” Amethyst Star let out a breath, pulling away from Berry and holding a hoof to her chest. “You almost gave me a heart attack.”

“Sorry, sorry, we just wanted to give you a warm welcome,” Berry Punch said as she let the unicorn go and set her hooves back on the floor, stepping to the side and gesturing to the living room.

Amethyst Star walked between her friends into the living room, which had been rearranged to make room for a party. The couch pushed against the far wall while her table was dragged to the center of the room with some extra chairs put around it for everyone to sit at. Plates and utensils along with glasses of water were out for everyone while a large pink cake took up the middle of the table. Amethyst Star stepped over to it with her mouth open wide in surprise, seeing the message of “Welcome Home!” written on the cake while a drawing in frosting of her Cutie Mark sat below it.

She couldn’t help the tears from beginning to well up in her eyes.

“Pinkie Pie made it, she told us you were coming back today,” Sea Swirl said as she walked up beside Amethyst and patted her on the shoulder.

“Don’t ask any of us how she knew that,” Cherry Berry said, shaking her head with a slight frown.

“Strawberry frosting at least,” Strawberry Sunrise smirked at Amethyst. “So you know the cake’s gonna be good.”

“T-Thank you… this is… this is just really nice,” Amethyst Star brought her hooves up to wipe away her tears. She was trying to avoid embarrassment and now she was blindsided by a whole different kind from what she was expecting. She turned around to face all of her friends, looking into their smiling faces, how happy they were to see her again. It brought up more warmth from her heart than she was expecting. Being loved like this, and wanted like this, it was just too good.

“Hey! What are you crying for?” Berry Punch ruffled her mane. “We thought you’d be all proud and happy and want to brag about your trip and everything.”

That got an awkward smile from Amethyst Star as the rest nodded. She nervously rubbed the back of her neck and chuckled. “Ehehe… well, to put a long story short let’s just say the adventuring didn’t turn out quite as well as I hoped. And, uh, you were all kind of right. About everything.”

Sea Swirl hugged her. “Well… I don’t think any of us can say we’re surprised to hear that.”

“I did think you’d be back sooner than this though. Lost a few bits on that,” Cherry Berry told her.

“You bet on how long it would be until I came back?” Amethyst Star frowned at her friends.

“More specifically it was on how long until you gave up and came back,” Berry Punch told her, not bothered by how negative that was in regards to Amethyst Star.

“Had to do something to pass the time,” Strawberry Sunrise shrugged. “It was pretty boring without you around.

“Yeah. Thanks,” Amethyst Star rolled her eyes. A thought came to mind and she looked around the room for a second before turning her eyes to Berry Punch. “Is Dinky still with you?

Berry Punch nodded. “Mhm. She’s having a sleepover with my little sis. I figured it was fine to leave them on their own for one night. We were really excited to throw this party for you.”

“Sorry it sounds like your trip didn’t turn out so fun by the way,” Cherry Berry apologetically said with a sad look on her face.

“Yeah, we never wanted you to get down or anything,” Sea Swirl also chimed in.

Amethyst Star paused, her eyes searching up at the ceiling for a second. The way the trip turned out… there was a lot to think about. A lot that had happened to her. A lot that she still didn’t want anyone to hear about. And fun? Well, there were some fun parts. Mostly it was pretty miserable for her. There was never a dull moment but unless she was totally denying reality at the time there were hardly any moments where she could be really positive. But in the end what did she really think about her whole trip and why she went on it? And what it did for her?

“I guess… it was something,” she finally said to the others. “The thing is even though it didn’t turn out how I expected, and even though I didn’t accomplish what I set out to do at all either, I don’t think I regret going on it. I wouldn’t do it again, I did not have fun. Mostly. But let’s just say I got to see the world and my life from a different point of view. I got a lot of perspective. It was a trip that really made me think about things. In the end at least.”

“Well that’s… good?” Berry Punch tilted her head.

“So you’re not all depressed or whatever anymore? I mean, you’re not gonna drag us to dinner tomorrow and start complaining about being overshadowed again?” Sea Swirl asked her.

Amethyst Star actually had to laugh a bit at that. “No, you don’t need to worry about that. Part of that new perspective I gained was a really big appreciation for my life and who I am. So yeah, I guess I need to apologize for all those times I bothered you guys with my ranting and stuff.” A slightly more somber expression passed over her face a she stared off into space. “Because uh, being out there really proved that I’m not as special as I always thought I was.”

“Hey. You’re special to us,” Cherry Berry put a supportive hoof on her shoulder. “You’ve always been our special friend.”

“Mhm,” Strawberry Sunrise winked at her. “Is that good enough now or do you still want more?”

Amethyst Star shook her head. “No, no, that’s definitely more than good enough for me now.”

Sea Swirl smiled and walked around her to pull out a chair at the table. “Great, let’s eat then?”

The feast of a very delicious cake from Pinkie Pie commenced, Amethyst Star easily putting off sleep to spend time with her friends. As Berry Punch cut the cake and gave her a huge slice she didn’t even attempt to be dainty in how she devoured it, absolutely relishing the moment. The others found that pretty funny and couldn’t help giggling at her. But she didn’t mind at all, she really wanted to indulge in this cake, it was the first time she had had something like this since she left on her journey in the first place.

“Gonna save any for the rest of us?” Strawberry Sunrise sarcastically asked.

“Maybe,” Amethyst Star let out through a huge mouthful of cake.

The conversation quickly returned after her brief bout of gluttony though, but instead of them asking about her they decided to tell Amethyst Star about what had recently been happening in Ponyville while she was away. In short—not much. Ponyville was Ponyville and that didn’t surprise Amethyst Star. While occasionally some weird things happened around here, for the most part all the ponies that lived here went about their day to day lives like normal. So while Amethyst Star was going through all sorts of crazy things her friends were actually enjoying some of the most peaceful and ordinary days that they could recall.

Amethyst Star silently listened to them go on, happy to not be the one sharing what she went through currently. Did they know she didn’t want to? They definitely knew how much she would’ve liked to talk and brag about things if they had gone well, so maybe this was them being considerate of her and carrying the conversation for now. Normally she was the biggest talker, and biggest complainer, and biggest arguer. But her four close friends were letting her relax and just eat and listen to them. Not putting her on the spot or begging her for details from her adventure. It was almost certain they were at the least a little curious about what she had gone through and what she had seen out there since hardly anyone from Equestria had been, but they weren’t letting that take precedence over making Amethyst Star feel good.

It was nice to have such good friends.

It was nice to live in a place where you could find good friends like this and see them every day.

A smile tugged on her lips that she didn’t even notice until Berry Punch pointed it out.

“What’s that smile for?” Her berry Cutie Mark friend asked with a smile of her own on her face.

Amethyst Star raised a hoof up to her face to see that she was indeed smiling. “Oh, um, nothing I guess. Just happy to be back and see all of you. It’s nice to hear that things have been normal around here, glad I didn’t miss anything important. It’s kind of reassuring knowing I can just go to bed right now and tomorrow morning I’ll wake up back in my old, simple life. And it’s something I won’t be taking for granted at all.” She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before opening them again. “Before leaving I felt like a background character in my own life, and that I’d been replaced. But I’m not and I haven’t been. It’s a small life but it’s my life, and I’m happy with it.”

“I hear that!” Cherry Berry said and raised up her glass of water. “Toast? To welcoming our friend home?”

“Toast!” Sea Swirl agreed and raised her glass.

“Sure, toast!” Strawberry Sunrise giggled and raised hers as well.

Berry Punch looked over at Amethyst Star and raised an eyebrow, tentatively holding up her own glass. “Toast?”

Amethyst Star rolled her eyes and grabbed her glass of water. “And how can I say no to that? Toast!”

The five glasses clinked together.

Author's Note:

A few years ago I saw the movie La La Land in theaters. It was alright. I'm a fan of musicals so I liked the songs. But anyways what I really ended up thinking about right after that movie was how the main characters went from nothing to having completely achieved their dreams. She becomes a famous actress and he opens up his own jazz club. And I was just left thinking "What about everyone else?". Because the female lead starts as a barista trying to make her way into the business and almost fails and gives up, and I was thinking about what would be so bad about that? And what about all the people who try to make it in Hollywood or try to become special and famous and fail and just end up with ordinary jobs and lives. I was kind of tired of seeing a movie like this. The kind of movie I want to see is one where some girl from Kansas moves to Hollywood and tries to become an actress, fails, moves back to Kansas and finds fulfillment and happiness in being an ordinary mom living the most ordinary of lives. Because there's absolutely nothing wrong with leading that life.

Those feelings are essentially what led to this story.

In the world of Friendship Is Magic everyone has their place and no one looks down on anyone else. You know what you are and who you are and no one is "unfulfilled" or thinks what they're doing is stupid. From all the ordinary ponies all the way up to the Princesses everyone is valued and happy to be a part of Equestria. And so Amethyst Star needed to remember that. And she just isn't made for adventure, which is why the only times she succeeded at things was when she threw away her selfish desires and delusions, and even then the things she accomplished were very minor and hard fought.

Writing this story was a lot of fun and I hope you enjoyed reading it. My next story will take some time to work on before I publish it since it's a huge undertaking but I hope you'll be looking forward to it. Until then I leave you with several questions about this story that were not directly answered but do indeed have ones that you can figure out by having read the story:

1. What was inside the package Birdseed gave Amethyst Star?

2. Who were the other ponies that carved their initials on the rock Amethyst Star saw?

3. Who did Prince Periwinkle marry?

Aside from those there are some mysteries that don't have answers you would know just yet. Such as what Harlequin Grey had to deal with down south, what's going on at Al-Karamaretel and the rest of the west, what was up with that Sonic Rainboom, who is the recently deceased brother that Harlequin White mentioned. And most importantly of all, just what was that thing in the mine that Amethyst Star read about and where is she now?

PreviousChapters
Comments ( 17 )

I’ll have other people figure out the questions.

But this story was a nice story. It did get a little repetitive in the middle, but I did like the beginning and end.

Also, that was an absolute unit of an author’s note. However, it’s nice to see someone besides me go into story inspiration, people don’t do that enough, and I like it when people do.

This story is alright.

So we get nothing. Wow... this was more incomplete and bewildering than most Neil Breen movies. You know, when one writes a story, it's rather a good idea to wrap up plot threads that TAKE UP THE MAJORITY OF THE FRIGGING STORY!!

This whole thing is just a bunch of bits and pieces which don't even cobble together into any sort of coherent narrative. The tone is all over the place, Amethyst is unrealistically idiotic and delusional for most of the story, then just as she realizes how stupid she is... she's suddenly able to drive a racecar despite having never even SEEN ONE BEFORE!! And it becomes a slapstick, ridiculous Mariocart race!

But just prior to that, demonic monsters show up and suddenly there's dark brooding and morose imagery.

And then a pony tries to kill her over a Mystery Box that's never opened!

Is this an absurdist comedy, a drama, an adventure, a horror movie? PICK A DAMNED TONE!!

And to add insult to injury, she shows up home, all injuries miraculously healed to the point where clearly no one even notices anything, no one seems to care about anything, and they just have a party because, hey, the show always did that and Pinkie's being Pinkie, lol!

The story is a jumbled bunch of non-starters and ends with absolutely nothing fitting together. Amethyst's entire arc boils down to, "I'm a dumbass for thinking I can be competent at anything or grow beyond a background pony." Congrats, you've proven the point that your main character is stupid and it took a long, meandering trip through a bunch of pointless madness for her to figure it out.

10100899
Wow. I'm laughing now that I finished it, and came here to see if there are any clues to your final 3 questions. What do I read? A loud complainer. Isn't that just what Amethyst Star finally learned to get over?
Yeah.
Yeah indeed. :rainbowlaugh:
Your story was well written, and so true to real life. Lots of failures, lots of mis-steps, found something she was good at, and learned to be happy just being who she is, and home to relax again.

For me it was chapter 12, when I realized in horror, my hopes in Amethyst Star actually succeeding... let's say there was no point in cheering her on, until she learned her lesson and the book was nearly complete. Started to feel like the story of Murky Seven. Another awesome ending.

Ooh was it the amulet?

10111845
That is correct. As it turns out, the entire time Amethyst Star and Daring Do were going through that temple the Amulet of Cinnabaron was already in Amethyst Star's bag. Birdseed had plundered it from the temple well before the start of the story and gave it to Amethyst Star because Miss Valentine was on his trail and he couldn't take the risk of her getting to him before he had the chance to deliver the amulet, so he took a different big risk and gave it to Amethyst Star in the hopes he could contact Coin Flip at some point to notify him of who was now carrying the package. It almost worked.

10112291
Oh your right I should spoiler my posts whoops
so for question 2, did they all travel as a group?
If not, then could M.V be that valentine vigilante?

10112751
No, the three other names all came to that rock at a different time with W. S. being the first. But yes, M. V. was indeed Miss Valentine.

Alright, finished this juggernaut of a story. Very satisfying to see that long-form story revolving around the unicorn having a hard time opening a jar of peanut butter in your profile picture. (I must also apologize for not commenting on Trixie Searches For Magic after finishing it, although some of what I will say here can also apply to that story to some degree).

Let's first talk about two things that can be improved:

  • Grammar and stylistic errors, but while the grammar errors are straightforward and can be simply fixed, I'm now having a hard time on whether this or that sentence or paragraph is simply worded awkwardly (or too telly or too showy as the case may be) or if it is actually part of your style—the flavor of your narrator's voice, so to speak, which sounds to me as a very well-read Discovery Channel documentary's narrator. All else I can say is that it seems that your narrator's voice is maturing in that path as time goes on; all it needs is further polishing for it to be more of your own and less of some error here or there.
  • The grinding middle. The first few arcs and the last two arcs were great, but no matter how well-written the middle part was, there is a point where I got mixed feelings. On one hand, it is true that there are people out there who are so stubborn like Amethyst that it makes many people shake their heads. On the other, it feels like a slog to get through to see Amethyst go on without learning much despite everything she's been going through. True, this makes the ending more impactful but there's a balance to it: make the struggle and the stubbornness last too long and the climax comes off more as a relief than as something thrilling that everything's been building up to.

Enough of that, though: let's get to the good.

Your Equestrian worldbuilding is great! That your first fic here was not some warm-up short story in Ponyville but a staggering journey through the world for Applejack showed lots of enthusiasm for worldbuilding, and it keeps getting better here: saying just enough about this or that place or element of the world that we can get a clear picture of what it is, sometimes even clearer than how Amethyst would have seen it, while leaving the reader hungering for more or at least wondering what else is with this or that town or element.

Another thing would be characterization which you keep doing consistently well. (That overbearingly doting Diamond Dog, for example.) They're not cookie-cutter characters; you do as much as you can to keep each of them memorable, mostly through some defining element of theirs that makes them cool to, well, remember long after their final appearance (the Harlequins, for one, but then you also have the cultist and even the miners [via notebook] in the mine). Keep up the good work over there!

Of course, there's Amethyst Star. That you made me frustrated about her but also not too frustrated except during the ending chapters of the story's middle part is good. Most of that frustration comes with the territory of writing a character that does come very close to real life for some people. And then everything with her during and after Diminuendo showed a realistic fall and rise of her personality and attitude.

Which leads me to the ending. The long thought from Amethyst at the second-to-last chapter as well as the lessons learned in this chapter, all prefaced by the race... it was all worth it to see Amethyst finally learn. While the frustration over stubborn Amethyst is warranted, it's worth enduring to see a stubborn character learn and be better in the end. The author's note only made it better, and I agree with your sentiment; to gripe a bit, I have a feeling that there's too much of a push in Hollywood for that kind of thinking which can lead to disdain for ordinary life which an overwhelming of people are living anyway (at least in the West), with its ups and downs.

As for the questions... I'll leave them unanswered for now, partly because I spoiled myself on the answers to them. He-he!

On a final note: it's nice to see elements and characters from previous stories make an appearance here. Seeing the Earth pony martial artists from Applejack Gets Lost was an endearing thing even if they only did appear for just one chapter, and that mystery pony in the mine having last appeared in Trixie Searches For Magic—I want to see someone defeat her, honestly.

Overall: though bogged by occasional grammar and stylistic errors, it's a great story and it was more than worth reading. Thank you for this story and I'm looking forward to your next long adventure!

10176972
Perhaps you're forgetting but you did comment on Trixie Searches for Magic. :twilightsheepish:

I think the middle dragging was the result of me just needing to explore all the different ways for Amethyst Star to fail. And I'm assuming you also largely mean the City of Opportunity chapters? I know they were repetitive but they all had a specific purpose to show Amethyst Star failing at something that either the Mane 6 do or have as their special talent. But yeah, the story was largely meandering and without much purpose aside from the occasional reminders of that package Amethyst was carrying among some other things. I feel like my desire to create a parody may have gotten in the way of actually writing a good story sometimes.

And yeah this story more than any other is kind of the sister to Applejack Gets Lost and that's why so many more elements from it reappear than in my other stories. Thank you for your compliments as always! It will still be a couple of months before I begin publishing it but I am in the middle of writing my Rainbow Dash story right now, and that will more or less tie everything together.

10177333

Perhaps you're forgetting but you did comment on Trixie Searches for Magic. :twilightsheepish:

Oh, silly me! I had a feeling that I forgot to comment on something, but I guess I must've mixed that up with not commenting on (or reading) your Starlight story.

And I'm assuming you also largely mean the City of Opportunity chapters? I know they were repetitive, but they all had a specific purpose to show Amethyst Star failing at something that either the Mane 6 do or have as their special talent.

I also mean the City of Opportunity chapters, although....

Huh. I did not catch up on that. The closest I got was relating Amethyst in the cherry farm and remembering that Applejack also did the same thing, though I just thought it was a sweet call back to that particular episode. I am not exactly an expert on themes, so, to me, it is either not being clear enough on the theme or me just not being well-read enough to catch up on what you're implying in those chapters.

I think the middle dragging was the result of me just needing to explore all the different ways for Amethyst Star to fail.... But yeah, the story was largely meandering and without much purpose aside from the occasional reminders of that package Amethyst was carrying among some other things. I feel like my desire to create a parody may have gotten in the way of actually writing a good story sometimes.

I would like to point out that I have not had much of a problem, if at all, with the middle of the rest of your long-form stories that I've read, at least in terms of length—and it's important to note that, with Applejack's story, you also mentioned it was a parody but it did not strike me as grinding midway through. I believe it is because there is some thematic variety, for lack of a better word, in the middle of your other stories: Rarity going through the ups and downs of the society she's enslaved in, the early-Equestria trail blazers going in-between tolerating each other and going on a journey, and Trixie alternating between being as egotistic as Amethyst here and being aware of her faults. Applejack's story comes off as the exception, but I believe you wrote a much more well-rounded character there which makes the middle of her story a ton smoother: she does whine or complain some of the time (especially about the lack of apples), but that's not all she does, whereas with Amethyst here, she sometimes feels like a whiny broken record.

However, it's also true that reality can sometimes be unrealistic in fiction. Again, there are people out there who are as stubborn as Amethyst, but the average reader may have a harder-than-average time relating to such a person in fiction (probably because such people are hard to be with for starters). This means that you might've been writing uphill difficulty-wise since it's easier to make nice and honest Applejack relatable compared to insufferable Amethyst.

Still, remember it's not all doom and gloom. With writing a lot, you gain experience, and, ultimately, you can't learn or be better without actually getting it out there. And, at least, you enjoyed writing this, right?

Thank you for your compliments as always!

You're welcome! And, thank you for the stories as always.

It will still be a couple of months before I begin publishing it but I am in the middle of writing my Rainbow Dash story right now, and that will more or less tie everything together.

Ah, a real follow-up to Austraeoh, eh? Joking aside, I look forward to it with pleasure.

I liked this story but I think it would be better if it was a bit shorter and Amethyst didn't fail constantly at everything it would have been a nice change of pace if she didn't fail but simply performed average which wouldn't have satisfied her anyway for most of the story. One thing that is somewhat important and yet never alluded to in the story is: what is Amethyst Star's special talent? It's really strange that you write a 170000 word story about Amethyst Star without making it clear what her special talent is. Even if it's not relevant to the story I still like to know.

10276575
I think her talent is essentially organizational skill. But Twilight is just better than her and that's part of what prompted this journey. Because even though she had something that was her special talent some other pony showed up one day and was clearly better than her, because just because you have something as your special talent doesn't mean you're the best at it. The scene from the show that was the biggest inspiration for this story was in Slice of Life where she tells Matilda that no one's asked her to organize anything since Twilight came. Amethyst Star is pretty much the definition of an average pony whose special talent is in and of itself average and not very important or better than another similar pony. I think the reason it didn't come up in story was because she was fighting against herself the whole time and then by the end of it she wasn't thinking about that kind of stuff at all anymore.

I didn't really like this story that much, but I still think it deserves an upvote. Amethyst is quite unlikeable throughout most of the story, such that the only times I did like her were when she was taught a lesson or was otherwise not focused on her pride. The story starts off alright, but at the middle chapters I skimmed through a lot of it because of how predictable and overall inconsequential it felt by that point considering no lessons had been learned. The story definitely gets better towards the end, though, when the consequences finally start to catch up to her.

My favorite chapters were "The Wrong Way," "Amethyst Star and the Cultist," the racing chapters, and "Home Sweet Home." I didn't really heed the Opportunity chapters that much so I missed this detail, but I think it's interesting that you alluded to the Mane 6's talents there. You probably could have instead just given a short summary of those incidents after the fact to pace it better.

10659614
Well I wish you enjoyed it more but thanks for the upvote. :twilightsheepish:

I'm not going to say that I was intentionally trying to make her unlikable, because that would be an outright lie, but I guess I shouldn't be surprised that people found her as such. The repetitiveness was a problem I was aware of while writing, as I realized I was retreading a lot of similar stuff in story as well as writing the same thing over and over when it came to Amethyst Star's internal monologue. But I had scenes and ideas in this story I really wanted to do and write and so it ended up being repetitive because of that. This really was meant to be a big parody of adventure fics and the theme of the story is failure, and me wanting to really focus on that probably came to the story's detriment in places.

It's funny cause I thought for sure that by the pet-sitting chapter in the city of opportunity people would see what I was doing with those chapters but I guess not...

I'm glad you liked "The Wrong Way" since that was one of my favorite parts to write and it's actually really super important. Admittedly a lot of the stuff in this story is foreshadowing for later ones. And the final racing chapters, I really enjoyed writing those too and tried to make the end as sweet as possible. Thank you as always for your feedback!

This was definitely a different story. Having an average, standard, non-powerful character go out on an adventure and not gain any major new abilities or complete any major outlandish feats is kinda..."atypical", maybe? The journey and the surrounding world in the adventure is the end reward itself, I guess. You definitely have done a great job creating a grand outer world full of stuff going on outside of Equestria. I think the story did drag on a bit in the middle once the obvious bit of "Amethyst is in way over her head and will find a way to screw things up in a frustrating scenario or comedy of errors" got played out enough. I don't think I would have enjoyed it as much if it weren't for pieces/references/characters from other stories in the Lostverse to look for and put together. I think others would also find it more enriched not having encountered this story first. Still it did have a satisfying end with the race, Amethyst successfully fending off an adversary, and just being able to relax at home once again with friends.:twilightsmile:

*checks list* Well, AJ's next story isn't out for a long while, so it looks like the next one I'm reading is Fluttershy Digs Deep. I wonder what kind of fantastical, Wonderland-esque adventure she's going to get into?

1. What was inside the package Birdseed gave Amethyst Star?

2. Who were the other ponies that carved their initials on the rock Amethyst Star saw?

3. Who did Prince Periwinkle marry?

1) Well, at first thought I'd like to say the map to Cinnabaron's temple since chronologically they were last seen running away with it in the Great Desert from Daring, Valentine, and Rainbow Dash. But what sticks out for me is the fact that Daring was apparently able to find the temple anyways. I guess I wouldn't put it past her to be smart enough to figure that out without the map...I don't know, maybe those two got there first and managed to nab the amulet first and try and run off with it? Pretty impressive if they did, considering what Daring and Amethyst went through...(Post comment reading edit: Okay looks like I got this one right.)
2) I'm wracking my brain here...not sure about the others but I'd peg "D. G." for being Daylight Gleam, for sure. (Post comment reading edit: Oh, so M. V. was Valentine. I kept forgetting about the "Miss" part and really didn't count it as part of her name so that threw me off.:facehoof: Still don't have an answer right now for "W. S.")
3) Oh man...I went back and reread all of that and there is not a lot to go on. No objects, artifacts, pictures to give a hit. No real explicit hints in dialogue. Not a whole lot of body language. No given names for sure. I gotta read hard into stuff and reach on this one. I guess...he did seem to think a lot about her first before others but at the same time she was also instrumental in getting everything to work so it would make sense anyways that he's concerned about her first?...It seems a little cliché, but I'm going to guess Daylight? I also did find it a little odd the way she referred to him as "our leader". On one hand, that could mean a longer-built sense of familiarity and connection to Diminuendo. Or he's just "leader" of the insurrection. I have no idea. Maybe it's friggn' secret lover Sugarplum who was only mentioned once.:applejackconfused:

Well, I'll be honest, this was boring.

Everything was done to make Amestyst unlikable as much as possible, and honestly, I find it kind of insulting to treat your character as a sh*thead for an entire adventure only to conveniently make her win something right at the end and treat this as a "character development" when really it's just giving her back some common sense.
Not to mention that all "Arcs" have effectively zero continuity with each other, save for a few mentions here and there, so you can literally skip more than half of the story without any problems. (Save for the few chapters which were dedicated to the world-building of your series)

All in all, if it wasn't for said world-building bits, I would honestly not recommend reading any of that. After all the great stories I read from your Lost series, This feels like you purposely did everything in your power to make this as painful to read as possible.

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