Once upon a time, in the magical land of Equestria there lived the three tribes of Ponies. The strong Earth Ponies, the brave Pegasis, and the magical Unicorns.
Each tribe lived happily upon their own lands, each land being a bubble of safety and peace sheltering each tribe from the violent and deadly magical storms that almost always raged right outside their territories.
Travel between lands was always dangerous and fraught with risk on those rare days when the storms were quiet, for no pony could ever be sure how long the corridors between lands would remain open. So each tribe lived by themselves, rarely if ever making contact with each other and would continue to do so for all timeā¦ or so it seemed.
Chapters (7)
REALLY good job on your spin concerning the upcoming Generation 5. The bits of world backstory make a lot of sense and I loved the peek into Earth pony culture. And, yeah, even the characterizations of this universe's versions of Applejack and Twilight make a lot of sense. The exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up are all well done in all the right places. I especially liked Applejack's family backstory as well as Spike, even in THIS universe, making an honest effort to keep Twilight grounded and help her make some friends other than himself. Plus, the little foreshadows to later in the story concerning Pegasus and Unicorn culture in the Author's notes were a welcome touch too.
Very certainly going to be looking forward to more of this, but will also be quite willing to be patient as I know real world matters have to come first.
Here we go, liking the look and feel of this so far. I don't know if it's my mindset or your writing, but I can actually visualize this in the flowy, painted art style of the G5 concept art with a bit of the My Little Pony The Movie mixed in.
As for the world building, it's an interesting and different history than we're used to, which I suppose is the intent. Keeping the two sisters, the prophecy, and the nature of the storm a secret seems like the right move. We the readers know what they are, but enough details are left out so we can learn what's different as the protagonists learn what they are.
Speaking of our heroes, I forgot about the change in species, so Twilight threw me for a loop at first. I'm glad she's as studious and reclusive as ever even without the horn. This version of Spike is certainly interesting, it feels like he has a strong knowledge of Dragons. I'm curious to find out why he's living with ponies, and especially with Twilight. The Apples all feel pretty much the same, just a change of location and cercumstance than actual character.
I see great things in this story's future, and I hope generation 5 is just as enjoyable.
9982969
Indeed, you said it all better than I EVER could. Thanks for sharing this review. As for Spike seeming more knowledgeable about dragon culture than his canon counterpart, I guess it would make sense if he were actually hatched by his own kind in this universe. As for why he's still hanging around Twilight, your guess is as good as mine, but off hand I would theorize that Spike probably got bullied a lot by the teen dragons of his own kind (being both smaller and smarter than the average dragon, a combination that would make him a natural bully target). He left his own kind to escape the bullying (he might be smaller than the average dragon, but he IS STILL a dragon, which makes him tougher than the average pony and possibly tough enough to survive the smaller scale magic storms), met Twilight by accident and the two found some sort of common ground that allowed them to bond a bit. But that IS just a theory and is more likely to be wrong than right.
9982991
ļraven618
Thank you very much to the both of you for leaving a comment and for your interest in this little experiment of mine.
As for Spike, oh boy.... I'm not planning on really getting into his and Twilight's circumstances until much later. We've still got a ways to go so I hope you don't mind. I can say that I'm trying to base him off of these leaked notes I found on a Reddit thread.
To those worrying if Spike is in MLP Gen 5 or written out, don't worry, he's in it(more on this Below)
-A Dragon World also exists(meaning no ponies existed in this, aside from Longmas)
-Dragons have culture and wear armor and clothes
-Dragons have a prince who was inspired by Jonah Hill.
-Dragon World, is populated with human sized dragons and longmas, and have a hierarchy.
-A Grootslang World, is also in this show, one is inspired by Danny Davito and is a con artist
-Another Grootslang looks to be a combo of Tyrion Lannister and Kylo Ren, and is possibly Spike's very own archenemy. As in the notes of it, he seems to relate to Spike(noted in the concept art, he uses his size to relate to Spike)
-Its possible that the showrunner and developer that Meghan McCarthy and Hasbro have chosen is non other than, Rob Renzetti(My Life As a Teenage Robot, Escape From Cluster Prime, Gravity Falls, Fosters Home For Imaginary Friends)
-Longmas are in the show(look like what would happen if a Dragon and Pony actually could reproduce)
https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fmemestatic1.fjcdn.com%2Fcomments%2FHahahaha%2Bthey%2Bused%2Bstar%2Bpics%2Bto%2Brepresent%2Bpossible%2Bcharacters%2B_38586b79339c5763ac4c367c98aa6783.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Ffunnyjunk.com%2Fchannel%2Fponytime%2FMlp%2Bleaks%2FRDmuLEQ%2F&docid=cwOKzA9qCzH8lM&tbnid=RTOznE0qCnmw_M%3A&vet=1&w=1000&h=379&safe=active&bih=525&biw=1264&ved=2ahUKEwjn35K1wqzmAhU_IDQIHX2OBPcQxiAoA3oECAEQGg&iact=c&ictx=1#spf=1576030380303
https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2F66.media.tumblr.com%2F3f3d3c6b94776c2740faf92c07e3ac51%2Ftumblr_p173cnhiQv1rvlxxwo2_500.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.tumblr.com%2Ftagged%2Fmlp%253Afim-spoilers&docid=A65l-vYEt98mjM&tbnid=A-rHtv1IrGWUcM%3A&vet=1&w=500&h=321&safe=active&bih=525&biw=1264&ved=2ahUKEwjn35K1wqzmAhU_IDQIHX2OBPcQxiAoAXoECAEQFg&iact=c&ictx=1#spf=1576030381752
https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fi.redd.it%2Ffejoh55c6vh21.png&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.reddit.com%2Fr%2FMLPG5%2Fcomments%2Faszqq4%2Fmy_little_pony_gen_5_villain_designs_pt_1%2F&docid=XYiCY5Cp_z-xfM&tbnid=sqpMFYu_jpb6lM%3A&vet=1&w=1443&h=461&safe=active&bih=525&biw=1264&ved=2ahUKEwjcx_zWwqzmAhVfKDQIHVbQCbEQxiAoAHoECAEQFA&iact=c&ictx=1#spf=1576030765912
https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fderpicdn.net%2Fimg%2F2017%2F8%2F28%2F1521655%2Fmedium.jpeg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fderpibooru.org%2F1521655&docid=OWDiyrr-LqVO8M&tbnid=paLvqzseEodikM%3A&vet=1&w=800&h=600&safe=active&bih=525&biw=1264&ved=2ahUKEwjcx_zWwqzmAhVfKDQIHVbQCbEQxiAoCHoECAEQJA&iact=c&ictx=1#spf=1576030773022
I am trying to basically put together a bunch of disjointed images together into a story.
I think Spike's people were ruled/controled by the Longma, hence Spike originally held ponies in disdain as he saw them as arrogant and vain like the Longma villan. Having to flee due to some trouble with the Grootslang archenemy of his (still working on why) he ended up in Pleasant Valley, the home of the Unicorns and their capital, Unitopia. Changing it from Canterlot to Unitopia since I've decided Canterlot will be the long lost capital of the Alicorns. It is in the middle of the lost territories consumed by the storms right now so it's nothing more than legend to everypony else.
The unicorns in Pleasant Valley pretty much lived up to every stereotype Spike had about Ponies, being vain, stuck up, and spoiled but not too smart. He had run out of money and was at the end of his rope, about ready to start stealing to survive when we was found by Cadance who is still a Pegasus at this point. Being different from the other Unicorns in both personality and appreance (she's a pegasus), a desperate Spike decides to accept her help and she takes them to the ponies she is working for. The rest will be covered when I get to the Twilight/Spike chapter later on.
Anyway, thank you so much and hope that I don't disapoint either of you.
9983073
Thanks immensely for the info. I really appreciate that little "sneak peek". :-D
I love world-building stories! Especially ones that emphasize the bond between Spike and Twilight!
So far, so good; you have an interesting concept. Twilight is obviously from another place (perhaps the unicorn kingdom?) that has different values than most earth pony communities and has trouble fitting in. One does wonder how it is that she met Spike, much less befriended him to the point of allowing him to become her roommate, or how she even got the job of librarian.
You've done a decent job at establishing your characters and their motivations and personalities so far.
Your grammar is okay, but you could use a proof-reader/. The thing that really made me cringe was how you kept using Alicorn's at the start. It's alicorns, not Alicorn's. Plural form, not possessive. And arguably lower-case, not upper-case, though that's less clear. Gotta be honest, I almost skipped the whole story/chapter after just that bit, but I'm glad I didn't right now, because it has potential.
Sooo...those leaked images you linked to; which one features Spike? I don't see him specifically in those. Because, to be honest, I've been quite worried that they'll leave him out of Gen 5.
9984484
Thank you for the alicorn thing, I've made the correction though for now I'll keep it capitalized. I really would like a proof reader but don't know of any.
As for the images, none of them feature Spike. Just random villians and a short creature called a Grootslang that is supposed to be like Spike's archnemesis. It was mentioned that they are a similar height and that is how they bonded at first, but other than that I don't have any further information or details. I'm going on bare minimum information here.
There's also another pony called Cosmos that has a broken horn with a wand prostetic who I have no idea how to use. Nice design with the wand as well as a missing leg that was replaced and apparently some other parts that were replaced. Don't know yet if or how I can use that.
But again, if you do know of someone who would be willing to be a proof reader I would very much appreciate it.
I'm happy to proof-read for you, though with my work schedule, that may mean waiting a day or two before I can go through it. It you're willing to wait, however, I can proof-read.
9984659
That sounds great!
I'll send you the next chapter once I have it written up. I'll try to work on it this weekend.
Excellent job on the exchanges, characterizations, action and future chapter set-up in all the right places. And, yeah, I can understand the chapter taking a while and the next one taking a while too. I especially enjoyed Twilight's inner science geek coming out so strong as well as Lyra, Bon Bon and Applejack vouching for Spike. Plus, AJ admitting she made a mistake in trying to get Twilight to socialize (well, maybe not in the intent, but certainly in the execution) was pretty entertaining too. And, yeah, looks like Starlight Glimmer is going to be the first villain in this (though FAR from the ONLY) and, unless I miss my guess, Twi and AJ are going to do a bit of bonding over the attempt to rescue Granny Smith and stop Starlight.
I don't have any ideas per say to add to the Everfree (beyond Starlight 1. surrounding a Manticore with a ring of fire and trapping a Cockatrice in solid ice with her own magic just to demonstrate to Granny Smith that she IS powerful enough to handle herself in the Everfree, 2. mind-controlling a few of the nastier and more powerful animals to distract Twilight and Applejack after she realizes they are after her and 3. using her telekinesis to shape a few boulders into a make-shift golem that she can control the movement of when she gets frustrated about having so much trouble with two Earth ponies), but I AM certainly looking forward to the adventure itself.
But, at any rate, I will most certainly be looking forward to more of this.
Thank you so much for the comment. I'll see what I can do with your ideas. It'll really help me flesh out the chase part as that was looking a bit thin on my part. Though I do want to save some for the final showdown in the castle as well.
I hope that you don't have to wait so long for the next chapter!
10010919
You are extremely welcome.
And, no rush. I understand that real world concerns need to take top priority and inspiration can be hard to come be on occasion.
Segregation, either by choice or by accident, it always leads to trouble. In this case, Dragons being classified as monsters and Unicorns being seen as wonderful magicians and seeing Earth Ponies as weaker than I. Let the cross cultural exchanges begin!
Special thank you to Tasermonspartner for Proof reading.
So Starlight wants to bring equality to all ponies so those with lame Cutie Marks and Earth ponies in general can stop being inferior? And she is doing it by lording her magic over others, kidnapping, threatening and bullying her way?
Yup, your version of Starlight Glimmer is spot on.
REALLY good job on the exchanges, characterizations, action and future chapter set-up in all the right places. I especially love how in-character Starlight's motivation for kidnapping Granny Smith and venturing into the Everfree is. As well as the detail of how rare it is for unicorns who have magic itself as their special talent are. And, yeah, Twilight's motives for going into the Everfree to help rescue Granny Smith are pretty believable (i.e. still quite deep in her shell at this point, but NOT a TOTAL jerk, among other motives) as well as the fact that Twilight and Applejack have back-up beyond each other. Applejack's range of skills is ALSO good to see here.
As for other possible devices, perhaps a grappling hook gun (which could be useful for getting across a busted bridge and/or getting herself out of a pit quickly), a couple of sleeping gas bombs (which she could be saving for Starlight herself BECAUSE she ONLY HAS TWO OF THEM), a smoke bomb for distracting/disorienting one of the bigger monsters in the Everfree and a fire bomb for warding off timberwolves.
But anyway, definitely looking forward to the next chapter particularly the showdown with Starlight before moving on to the next installment of the bigger adventure.
10056193
You're welcome! Hope to see more soon, when you're comfortable with it.
Excellent job on the action, exchanges, characterizations, first arc wrap-up and future arc set-up in this latest chapter. I especially liked the teamwork that went into the fight with Starlight (especially the combustible carrots, Twilight rigging up that anti-magic gadget that at least slowed Starlight down, Spike's magic resistance (even if Starlight found a way around it) , Twilight and Spike's "duo teleport" as well as Applejack and Twilight finally starting toward becoming friends. Two of the Elements of Harmony seem to have been at least temporarily activated.
Also, am I guessing wrong, or is that mysterious figure that just popped up at the end of the chapter Discord? If so, this just got a whole lot worse (the situation, NOT the story; the story is actually pretty good). Well, at least everybody made it out safely THIS time.
Definitely looking forward to the next arc.
So, the next arc will have AJ, Twi and Spike somehow meeting and teaming up with Rainbow Dash and Pinkie, unless I miss my guess.
Lots of action, random sillyness, tension & heartfelt moments in this chapter alone & I loved every minute of it!
Glad that you had Spike take part of the action as well, wished the show used him more on those earlier seasons for something other than comic relief, at least he got to shine more from S6 onwards.
Guess Rainbow will show up next time around, can't wait to see how that goes. About that mysterious figure I believe a certain spirit of chaos may be at work here.
Thanks for such an awesome chapter!
Trust me, fight scenes will ALWAYS take longer to write.
And the stage is set. We have a mystery (the stone), a known enemy (Starlight), an unknown enemy (the claw), and a 'prophecy' (we'll see you in Cloudsdale.) Let the journey begin.
Great job on this interlude chapter taking a look at some of the villains following the failed attempt at the Element of Honesty. The work that went into the exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up are all well done in all the right places. Yeah, that argument between Nightmare Moon and Discord was quite well done as was Starlight's demonstration of frustration concerning the failed attempt at the first element and that argument between Nightmare Moon and Luna.
Plus, yeah, I can see where you would subconsciously think of a pale yellow unicorn with a pink mane. Of course, nothing saying that this unicorn mare couldn't still be a changeling in disguise spying for Chrysalis (as you, yourself, pointed out in the author's notes; the changeling might have been inspired by Fluttershy, going for the quietest, most mild-mannered, least conspicuous form possible).
For the Cloudsdale adventure, maybe Twilight could create a couple of fully-functional artificial wing packs for herself and Applejack so they can fly just well enough to make it in Cloudsdale (as well as devise a formula to make her next set of saddle bags more magic resistant so that Starlight can't take them from her so easily again); at least until the two of them make friends with Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie.
Anyway, really looking forward to more of this particularly on if the next recovered and activated element turns out to be either Loyalty or Laughter.
That moment when you accidentally make a protagonist.
Excellent job on this latest chapter. The exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up are all wonderfully done in all the right places. I absolutely loved Twilight and Spike's reflection on their adventure the previous day as well as the preparations for the trip to Cloudsdale (such as the cloud-walking potions and the going over their combined funds for the airship). And, yeah, Spike's PTSD concerning the storms is a good backstory detail, particularly the fact that a previous experience with the storms, through Pegasus Maid Cadance, led to his first meeting with Twilight and her family (and the gang's attempts to keep Spike calm as they are boarding the airship was another beautiful detail). And, yeah, the fact the gang was only able to afford LAST class DEFINITELY means the next chapter is going to be downright nerve-wracking. Plus, the author's notes make some REALLY good points.
At any rate, I will most assuredly be looking forward to more of this, but will also understand if it takes a while. After all, read world concerns plus fickle inspiration and all.
Well, that was some Lovecraftian levels of horror right there.
Chapter Summary: Cute Ponies go from Point A to Point B.
Thanks again to TasermonsPartner for proof reading.
And with the announcement of a whole new cast for G5, this moves from speculation to full AU. Guess it was bound to happen eventually.
But thank you everyone and I'm so sorry for taking so long with this. This year has been crazy. I work way in the back end of health care, supporting the insurance side of things, but still its been hectic as we come up with new procedures and deal with people both helpful and stubborn as heck. I'm very sorry for not getting this out sooner. It was just traveling from one side of a tempest to the other, how hard could it be?
But we're finally in Cloudsdale and off to the next leg of the journey. We'll meet Pinkie and Rainbow here as well as travel around the pegasus 'lands'. Is there anything in particular people would like to see Starlight get up to while here?
Hope that you all enjoy and I hope I can get the next chapter out a lot sooner than this one took.
All I can say is excellent job on this latest chapter. It took a while, but was quite well worth the wait. I absolutely loved Applejack's trying to explain that Twilight couldn't handle a suit that heavy (i.e. because she is far more brains than brawn) as well as the description of the duties of those that help out in travelling through a tempest. Though, yeah, the crew had a pretty good point on how no suit lighter than a level six would suffice in working in a tempest. At least the crew was as fair as they could be under the circumstances. And, yeah, of course because she isn't superstitious, Twilight tempted fate. And the teamwork that went into making it through the tempest to Cloudsdale was absolutely great. Now on to the next leg of the journey and meeting Rainbow and Pinkie.
All in all, splendid work on the exchanges, characterizations, action and future chapter set-up in all the right places.
Definitely looking forward to more of this.
I love the chapter title. The chapter itself is very detailed, and showcases each pony's (and dragon's) strengths.
So they'll meet Pinkie in Cloudsdale...which begs the question of whether or not Pinkie is a pegasus in this universe. Can't wait to see!
10474484
Yes. Yes she is. This is might be full AU NOW, but it WAS based on previous rumors concerning G5 before those rumors got debunked. One of those rumors was that Pinkie would be a Pegasus and Fluttershy would be a unicorn.
What an interesting world you're building. Love the AU and story plot.
You are really good at writing these scenes had me captured and with such a tense feeling as the lollipop barely makes it of the tempest
Loving this so much!