Twilight and Luna: two mares made for each other
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After Twilight said Cadence was evil, everypony rejected her warnings. Twilight feels sad and betrayed. Sad that especially Spike, Shining Armor and her mentor had avoided her, and betrayed that her friends had told her that they would take what Twilight would tell them seriously after the Lesson Zero events. Twilight just didn't expect Nightmare to come keep her company.
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There is a fanfic just like this on quotev by DannyPhantomfan, Twilight Sparkle becomes the next Nightmare Moon. Did that inspire yours?
Huh. This concept is really interesting.
Seeing Twilight
get akumatizedturn evil isn't the most original idea, but pairing it with what happened to her in Canterlot Wedding is really interesting. Keep up the good work!You could use an editor--there are quite a few mistakes in spelling and grammar. I'd be willing to help you if you're interested, but I'm afraid I can't do any editing work for the month of December. After December, I'm totally free. Shoot me a PM if you're interested!
I'm interested to see where this is headed!
I want to see where this stroy goes.
9978072
Yes
Very nice, I want to see what Nightmare Sparkle capable of.
Is this a:
WARNING! BADASS TWILIGHT ALERT!
Ooh boy this is gonna be good
9978072
What is the name of that story?
9978191
Twilight Sparkle becomes the next Nightmare Moon.
9978219
Oh. Thanks
9978219
Good fanfic idea!
Great idea! Did you get this idea from my story on quotev, where Twilight becomes the new Nightmare Moon (my username is DannyPhantomFan1 there)?
9978285
Yes
9978219
Actually Sam, the title of my story on quotev is "Twilight Sparkle becomes the new Nightmare Moon" with a question mark in the title after 'Moon'.
Great chapter again! However, there is an error I must point out that should be fixed.
“She cried, you fools!” ahouted Nightmare Sparkle. She walked back, only now angrily and went to Celestia, who was saddened by what Nightmare Sparkle said.
The 'ahouted' should be 'shouted'.
9978299
Thank you for pointing me. I hadn't seen this error and i already fixed
9978301
You're welcome. Oh. Found another.
Nightmare Sparkle looked at Applejack. “Twilight won’t hear you. She’s currently watching everything while I control her body.”
The 'won't' after Twilight should be 'can't' and "She's currently watching everything while I control her body.” should be "She's currently watching everything from her mind while I control her body.”
9978308
Thanks. I already fixed it too
9978312
You're welcome. For chapter 3, I think Shining Armor is freed from Chrysalis's spell and sees Celestia, Twilight's friends and Spike sad. He asks them what's wrong and they tell him that Twilight was right about Cadence. They tell him that the one he was about to marry was a Changeling in disguise and that their betrayal towards Twilight caused her to be possessed by Nightmare. This saddens him and he vows to help them not only find the real Cadence, but also bring Twilight back to them so they can apologize to her.
9978292
Eh same thing.
Oh. Found another error.
Nightmare Sparkle took her hoove off the Celestia’s chin, looked at Fluttershy, and lowered herself to Fluttershy’s level. “Do you think I did just that? I gave her an offer”
'hoove' should be 'hoof' and there should be a period after 'offer'.
9978336
Fixed
You know Nightmare is actually being quite smart, she hasn't attacked anyone other than fake Cadence. She is not seeking Twilight's Ire so she isn't hurting anyone.
Interesting. When can we expect more?
Do you like my idea for chapter 3?
Oh. As the ponies are doing that, Nightmare Sparkle gets to the castle and uses magic to fix it up and decorate it.
9978444
Yes. I liked your ideia
9978458
Thanks.
9978458
So is chapter 3 in progress?
9978499
I haven't started writing yet
9978502
Oh. Ok.
9978505
Don't worry. I started writing a little bit now
still a few issues here and there with nothing to do with spelling. but i like it so far.
9978522
Okay.
9978264
That's the name of a story that inspired this one actually. Well, the name is she becomes NEW Nightmare Moon. The story's on Quotev.
People are still making Canterlot wedding stories where Twilight lashes out at everyone for not believing her about Cadance?
Great Job on this fic Twilight Star! Looks like this could be your biggest hit!
nice work
9978607
It works right
Found an error in the first chapter.
“Muahahahahahahahaha! Free! I managed to get the body of this pony. And now, the night… will last… forever!”
The "Free!" should be "At last!" and the "I managed to get the body of this pony." should be "I successfully possessed the bearer of the Element of Magic."
9978664
As long as the ending is happy and Shining armor doesn't get heavily abused like he was in "broken trust" I'd be willing to throw a fav.
I think it would be cool if there was an adventure to find Twilight.
9978679
Like the Nightmare Rarity comic?
9978686
Oh no I mean the fic "Broken Trust"
More or less I'm thinking of how it can go positively, maybe it'll end like the Nightmare Rarity comic. with resolution
This is from my story on quotev, in the final chapter. After Twilight returns to normal.
"Twily, I'm so sorry for not listening to you back when you warned us about the fake Cadence." Shining Armor said between sobs. "I didn't mean to hurt you like how I did. The Changeling Queen brainwashed me into believing she was Cadence, she fed off of so much of my love for Cadence that she made me turn against you. Her going down that hall crying was a way of turning me and everypony else against you. I realize that now. I'm sorry I stripped you of your Best Mare title and kicked you out of the wedding. That was very foolish of me. I'm so sorry Twily."
As Shining Armor continued to cry, the mane 5 trotted up to their friend.
"Twilight, we are sorry too." Fluttershy said.
"As the Elements of Harmony and your friends, we were supposed to stick by your side and support you as friends are supposed to do. But instead, we turned our backs on you." Rarity added.
And then the mane five saying their elements, but had acted like their exact opposite element again.
eh, i was with you up till the end where nightmare wanted night to last forever.
why couldn't you have the nightmare be a enhancing entity? just turn twi's fears and anxiety up to 11?
If I was Luna right now, I'd be sweating profusely
Wow! This is really good so far! I can't wait to see what happens next!
I can see potential in the story, and it does have a flow to it.
However you really need a editor, one well versed in paragraph structure. There is no shame in needing an editor, I have a number of them who help me with my stories. Some even write in new content after I write out the basic structure of the chapter.
You work fast! Are you planning on updating on a daily basis?
9979047
It will depend on if I have ideas. The reason I'm posting daily is because I have a lot of ideas