Well. That was really fucking weird. And not in a good way.

This whole chapter is really wonky. The pacing and sentence structure is all over the place. It feels like in the first half you deleted half of the key details for every sentence, and there are still a load of spelling and grammar errors. It feels like a first draft. Even the characters don't feel real or anything like themselves.

It's nice to see "Harmony" getting told, but it still feels so disconnected from what Harmony looks like in the show that I just have no idea what I'm supposed to think. Again, if Celestia is involved, I'd peg everything going on as so OOC as to be ridiculous. I like this story, so I hope things improve, but this chapter isn't selling me on that.

“We have no beginning.”

“We have no end.”

"This exchange is over."

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This isn't going to be anything like the show, as we've clearly seen. Harmony, Order, and Chaos/Discord have been given singular yet unified voices and conceptual consciousnesses. However, because they are embodiments of those concepts, they are at their very cores the extremes of each one. By arguing and analyzing, they attempt to dictate changes to the world. It's a very fascinating concept.

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Rainbow Dash is far smarter than she shows, she would have given away the plot having figured it out.
Fluttershy is Fluttershy. Are they expected to send her through hell while being a bearer?
I'd say no, but that's my opinion; that's why it went over so quickly and talky, so far.

I hope I'm not being too blase. Lol
Seriously, though... I appreciate the feedback and I hope to...alleviate some of your concerns/issues.

And the show, in this instance, isn't really related to Harmony as it's shown far into their future. Ghost Twilight disconnected from emotions form.

I understand what's going on here. It's based a little on "I Have No Mouth and I Must Screams" game version. The three personifications are the Id, Ego and Superego. Because he's imported from another world, they are trying to figure out his place in this universe. Fluttershy bypassed all that by beating all 3.

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I had no idea about that, but it totally fits!
Wow, accidental genius here but if you find anything else, let me know, please.

:)

“It’s been about two hours, Snickers,” Rainbow said rolling to her hooves and walking to me, ——)“two hours and everypony’s worried.”(——

and dodges a ball of cloud Fluttershy tossed at her with her very prehensile pink tail.

we both laughed at the buzzing my wings were making before darkness took me again.

Makes me think of Zipper from Chip and Dale Rescue Ranchers.

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It's awesome you remember that show.

Wow, Fluttershy. Badass!

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I loved writing that part. Originally she was going to take on his language and cus them out like crazy, but it was too ooc.