- Member Since 28th Apr, 2013
- offline last seen 1 hour ago
concordion
an amazing balance between feelings and emotions and incredibly hot M-scenes
concordion
Joined 28th Apr, 2013 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- WordyWrites · 4.2k words · 65 23 · 2.9k views
- Holocron · 1000 words · 70 11 · 2.2k views
- CloppyBubsy · 1.9k words · 46 15 · 2.3k views
- LuckyLooper · 9.1k words · 42 12 · 1.4k views
- Rocinante · 3.3k words · 195 22 · 5.9k views
- Birdybirdbird · 39k words · 57 20 · 2k views
- Dr Sharaz Jek · 4.2k words · 2.9k views
- doomcup · 11k words · 72 15 · 2.3k views
Featured In10
Clopfics11,579 stories ·15,832 members
Applejack2,131 stories ·1,769 members
Twilight is Best Pony6,400 stories ·3,073 members
Twilight Sparkle12,328 stories ·4,762 members
Hypnosis and Mind Control1,617 stories ·3,860 members
My Little Fetish16,642 stories ·8,585 members
Incest is Wincest4,026 stories ·5,206 members
Horny Pony Porn14,081 stories ·3,142 members
Stats
Page generated in 0.128 seconds
Total duration
706 users online
624,960 hits today, 2,123,720 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
You've got a substantial issue with something called 'Show don't Tell'. Combine that with the present tense and you have something that reads a lot more like a movie script than a story. It's a bit odd though... there are these little glimmers of good description littered between the flat 'telling' lines so it makes it hard to pick out your experience level.
In any case, if you can improve the SDT aspect, I think you have a neat little concept here. I'll admit that I disliked the writing enough that I skimmed then checked out the cumshot scene just out of curiosity. Hypno/incest/cumbath is great imo.
Every time you're pulling me in, the narrative manages to push me back out. It's hard to pin down why, but this story somehow misses the mark for eroticism.
Luster Dawn is fucked in your verse.
Anyways, I liked this story. I hope the downvotes don't discourage you from writing more.
9991977
9991939
Idk what you two are talking about, I really liked it and thought it was great!
Good stuff right here. I hope there's more Twilight symboling shenanigans coming.
9994974
Thanks! I think this is a one-off, but maybe.
9994895
Thanks! I'll take great any day.
9992002
Thanks! I've actually not watched the last season, but I gather Lustre is a character from the finale. So probably.
9991977
9991939
I agree; I have too many thoughts and too much backstory that I want to share. Thanks for reading anyways.
Ah, little twilight is such a repressed pervert...
I looooove your prose, please don't let anyone tell you to change! Twilight's character is so many places in this, and I feel like they all work - she's dry and professional and scientifically curious and transparently indulging herself, but it might not even be transparent to herself, and the narrative isn't going to tip the scales. Mind control is absolutely always wonderful, and it's so sheer and casual here, I adore it. There's a really intense but understated disregard for Applejack and even Big Mac's agency, and it's super sweet. This Equestria is almost surely doomed, and I hope I get to watch it all~
Your ideas are very good and I hope you keep sharing them, however connected or not they are to your previous works.
I probably missed the specific comment(s) that inspired this, but I just didn't get this one like I did the previous three. My best guess is that it's because I can imagine the other three happening at some point in the show; well, obviously not literally on-screen, but with a bit of imagination and filling in some gaps, they're certainly not impossible. This one though, something about the dynamic between Twi, AJ and Mac feels off, and while it would maybe be (kinda?) okay if at least consent was hinted at somewhere, I don't get that vibe from this one.
I guess I just had higher expectations of this one than perhaps was realistic, and it wasn't too bad or anything, so I have neither up- nor downvoted this one. It's somewhere in between for me.
Unf. I've been into mind control a little lately, and this story is a fine addition to my collection. The images it paints push all my right buttons.
Something that surprised me in this story and others by you is how ponies achieve climax. After spending so many words setting up the scene, characters and motivations the climactic orgasm arrives by imagining something in their head that's almost totally unrelated to prior events. In this story, that is Twilight having Mac imagine Applejack blowing Thunderlane. This dynamic only comes up at the end, it takes me by surprise and has very little to do with all of the story before. This choiche is especially jarring to me in a story as character-driven as this one, where I found myself caring for Twilight, Mac and AJ more than an average porn character. I can't quite put my finger on why it works as well as it does, I'm happy to have discovered a new and refreshing way to close a sex scene.
I'll also break a lance in favour of the pacing and character. I care about them enough to enhance my reading experience because of that. At the same time, erotica was always at the forefront, never slowing down for excessive development that could have broken immersion. I think this story strikes a fine balance between characters and porn, and I'd love to read more of everyone's story and escapades.
Almost 2 years later and I'll still want to see a second chapter.
something more risky, more daring either with applemac rutting during family dinner, or a new couple (say Mr cake and pinkie, or a major leap and do shining with Luna during daycourt and Celestia is the only one uninfluenced).
I realise it doesn't quite fit the current narrative weaved in the rest of your world building but I know I likely won't hit out a chapter for myself that would make me satisfied (something about writing for myself always felt off).
Maybe I'll give it a go, see what a thousand words look like.
10847729
Wow, thanks! I had completely forgotten about this one--I don't think I ever expected it to be more than a filler story.
Writing a sequel, eh? Maybe. I have been waffling about what to do next.
Thanks for the comment. Not only am I reminded that people still think of things I wrote after they read them, but comments are how I judge the success of a story on this site, and by extension my success on this site.