- Member Since 17th Jun, 2013
- offline last seen February 14th
TwinklePie
Insanity by any other name is just as crazy.
TwinklePie
Joined 17th Jun, 2013 ·
Offline
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Writing is at times a bit stiff, and Twilight is pretty dumb even accounting for compromised thoughts, but I like where this is going.
what does non-consensual mean anyway?
8397441
It means that things are going to happen to ponies with or without them wanting it to happen.
8397390
Thanks! My main concern is writing stiffness, but this is basically my way to try to work that out of my writing.
8397806
Right?
8397809
So what will happen in the next chapter?
This is pretty damn solid writing compared to the average in this genre, very interested to see more.
I'm curious about where this will go, since this story is tagged TF/TG
8397809 Very very nice work (for a first story, in particular). There are some mistakes, and it seems a touch stiff here and there, but it has a lot of promise.
Descriptions could be a little more full, particularly when it comes to establishing location, but as I said "first story" cuts a lot of slack. Welcome to the hallowed, and somewhat messy, halls of the self-published writer.
A few tips for publishing a new story:
Groups!
—You will find yourself joining a LOT of groups as a writer. Groups thrive on stories; make sure to read their descriptions, and join, then add your story to them as needed.
—Try to avoid adding to groups before the type of stuff they want happens in the story.
Readers!
—You are going to get a lot of people asking questions, and making assumptions. Try not to get discouraged when your story isn't what they were looking for.
Advice!
—It is almost always useful. Don't take negative comments as the end of the world, but look for trends in them as to things you could look at working on with your writing.
—Take the praise when it comes, you deserve it.
Writing!
—Make sure you enjoy doing it, always try to become better, and do it your way.
Rock on!
Definitely watching this to see where it goes.
Thanks for everyone's comments. I'm definitely keeping this all in mind for the future. Speaking of the future, I'll be releasing part two next week. It's in final editing now.
8398993
Hooray! Don't suppose you need an editor/proofreader, do ya?
Please continue
What will that collar do now? I wonder. Great idea for a story. I can't wait to read what happens next.
Very interesting so far I wonder what will be in stored for Twilight with that ring on her neck.
Interesting, does make one wonder what else is up your sleeves.
Before I read this, what is the Dark tag for ?
And how bad does it get ?
OR is it jest because it Contains:Â Corruption and Non-consensual
Dang
....I was hoping Spike would be the one to get the collar
oh, well still good story
Congrats on getting featured!
8400244
Give it a bit of time. ;)
Featured Story! I never in a million years expected it to hit featured story. Thanks to everyone for putting me there! As thanks, I'll tell everyone that the next chapter involves Spike. You'll begin to see what really can be done with this new tool. Next chapter is revealed on Wednesday. Thanks again!
8400363
Twi's probably gonna grow herself or someone else a dick.
8400408
im wondering what it means as in stands for TF/TG
8400432
Oh, TransFormation/ TransGender
IE:someone's growing a dick.
8400437
Spike could grow breasts and become female. Then it'd still fit the TF/TG tagging.
8401167
Yeah, I suppose he could, but considering how most lf the characters are woman; someone is growing a dick.
8400363
so I'm really stupid.
um,....I'm stupid so I actually cant tell if you asking me something or pointing something out to me?
and I just found out I can actually see what's behind those black bars
8400382
alright
I wonder if fluttershy might get herself turned into a manticore? at least im hopeing so
interesting new chapter, having become a non threat was interesting, and show how much influence the collar has on her now, I am curious if she skip breakfast this morning too. I wonder what she will do with AJ then.
That escalated rather quickly. Interesting effect of making more collars to change others, then disappearing to lock the changes in. It reminds me of a few non-pony stories with a similar premise.
I have to say Twilight seems to have gone off the deep end rather quickly. She didn't want to harm Spike, but this is little better, in my mind. I'm curious if it's a permanent change of character for her, or if she really intends to undo it all. I'm curious if she'd eventually use the collar to change herself. It strikes me as being difficult for her to maintain her reputation as a Princess with these hard and fast changes. Others would notice Spike going missing, for instance. And the change to Spike here seems excessive compared to what was needed to have Spike not be a threat to the collar. It seems changing others is its own reward as far as the collar is concerned.
However, if Twilight can change and tweak herself, then she need not maintain the facade of being Twilight Sparkle, and can go around as the instrument of change should she want to. After all, it seems changing others sucks away their magic in a similar way to what Tirek did, so changing others may be the ultimate goal to get all that magic for itself, and Twilight Sparkle has a lot of magic to absorb were her form to change. With the collar, she doesn't really need her alicorn form anymore, for instance.
Oo! Moar, please
I'm hoping that's not permanent for Spike, seems like a waste to just leave him as a dog.
That dream sequence, oof. I will enjoy watching Twilight go full Slaanesh on Equestria.
Well that was an unexpected twist.
I like where this story is going, it's willing to jump controllers as needed, and keeps things fluid. Some more ponies with the instruction that the collar is good and should be obeyed, and even if one should fall, others would immediately take up the good work.
Well then....
Moar please.
Oh, this is shaping up to be a great story so fas, I Certainly didn't expect Twilight to be discarded by the magic of the coral much less be turned into a cow and have AJ take the lead from this point on. I love the idea of Twilight's horn becoming a dildo and that it was removed from her body; I wonder if we will see letter in the story. I can't wait to see what other shenanigans will come up next in Poniville, I hope we get to see more of the more obscure ponies in the series and all around Equestria. I hope you will do Flash Sentry and Sunburst, Thunderlane and Rumble would be great too.
Hadithi ilikuwa nzuri! Nilipenda maendeleo ya tabia na jinsi ulivyobadili kati ya matukio! Maelezo yako yalinifurahisha na natumaini kufanya vizuri! Hakikisha usiweke mchuzi katika kufulia!
I have just one thing to say about this story... ITS AWESOME
8445306
I appreciate it! And I am currently working on Chapter 4.
8447258 could i maybe suggest something that might add a little more spice if its good enough maybe you can use it
When is next chapter gonna be out?
8475800
I took a bit of a break due to sickness. I'm intending on working on it this week. I'll let everyone know, but it should be the next couple weeks.
8476602
Oh...
This story is really fantastic so far and I can see so much potential in this idea, really loving it and can't wait for more!
8517925
A lot of stuff came up, as I ended up taking over lead on a MUCK, but I'm still on it. Once I get things on track there, I will be back on this story. :) Thanks a lot!
Really hope we get chapter 4 soon. I really love this story