The Grand Prix de Monaco
"And there's one lap left at the Monaco Grand Prix!"
"Hamilton and Vettel are battling for first with Renault's Equestrian rookie Scootaloo in a close third."
"The other two Equestrian rookies are in fifth and seventh. A good showing for their first Monte Carlo."
"If young Miss Scootaloo podiums today, it will renew the debate about allowing ponies to compete in human sports."
"Don't forget the disaster when the American Football league allowed Griffons to sign."
"And the Minotaurs who are currently dominating Sumo in Japan. They're coming up on the Grand Hotel hairpin—"
"Crash! We have a crash in the middle of the pack! It looks like Wind Sprint lost her brakes and went into the back of Hülkenberg!"
Gasps rose from the crowd.
"The leaders are entering the tunnel—Look at that!"
Cheers now.
"Scootaloo in her number three Renault is making a move, she's passed Vettel, coming up on the Nouvelle Chicane, braking hard."
"Around the Tabac, and the pony is in the lead! Scootaloo has passed Hamilton."
"Hamilton's fighting her, around the last curves. The final hairpin, the pony takes the inside."
"They're accelerating into the checkered flag and it's—photo finish! We'll have to wait for the race stewards, that's the closest finish I've seen in years. Vettel completes the podium in a clean third, Bottas fourth, and Rumble the Pony fifth."
Scootaloo swerved into the pits and stomped the brakes. As soon as the pit crew chocked the wheels, she leaped from her car.
Sctooaloo's crew chief, Rainbow Dash, flew to her. "Scoots! That was awesome! I think you won!"
"How's Wind Sprint?!?" Scootaloo shouted, throwing off her helmet. "She crashed!"
Rainbow held a hoof to her headset, listened for a few seconds, and then grinned. "She's banged up, but okay."
Scootaloo closed her eyes and let out a deep breath. "Wow. Wow, I was scared when I heard—thank goodness."
Scootaloo's pit crew—nine humans, six earth ponies, five unicorns—lifted her up and paraded her to the winner's circle and podium. Dash flew loop-the-loops above them, and nearly collided with a camera drone from one of the TV broadcasters.
Lewis Hamilton was already at the base of the podium.
"Good race, rookie!" He held out a fist.
Scootaloo bumped it. "You were my favorite driver from the minute we got YouTube in Equestria. Coming in second to you is my honor!"
Hamilton laughed. "You might be first, mate."
Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom trotted up, wearing Team Renault tracksuits, and helped Scootaloo out of her fireproof racing kit. Scoots was soaked and matted with sweat, and Sweetie Belle levitated up a bucket of water and soaked her down.
"Thanks, Sweetie Belle." She flared her wings and spread the feathers. "Those cockpits really make the wings stiff."
Rumble landed next to her. "No kidding. I always need to stretch them first thing."
Reporters and TV presenters arrived in a massive clump. Half went to Hamilton, the other half to the ponies. "Why don't you ever take a flight after getting out of your suit, Miss Scootaloo? Rumble and Wind Sprint always do," said an Australian.
Scootaloo pulled her wings in and glared at him. "I can't fly."
"But—you're a pegasus."
"I was born with pinneal hypotrophy. I physically can't fly."
"But I thought," asked a Dutch reporter, "that pegasi made such good race car drivers because of their flying-honed kinesthetic sense."
"I have that same senses as all pegasi do. I hang glide and do other extreme sports. I just happen to have a disability. Would you ask a human with a spine injury why he uses a wheelchair? Ask me a question about the race."
"You made a really aggressive move in the tunnel," another reported said. "Can you comment on that?"
"I... wanted to win?" Scootaloo said.
"If you have won today, that'll put you at fourth in the point standings for the season, and you'll be only the second pony and the first female of any species to ever win a Formula One race. Any comments on that?"
"That's because she's so awesome," Rainbow Dash interrupted.
"She deserves it," Rumble said, nodding.
"I hope to win the whole thing, next season, Celestia and Luna willing," Scootaloo said. "I think I have the ability, I just need some more experience."
"What about," asked a British reporter, "the naysayers who claim pegasi shouldn't be allowed to race against humans, precisely because of your magically enhanced reflexes and vision?"
Scootaloo shrugged her wings. "No human complained when we brought five thousand pegasus volunteers through the portal to break up that hurricane before it could grind Florida off the map. Rumble and Wind Sprint were both up there. I worked radios aboard the hurricane chaser airplane, since I can't fly."
An American reporter: "I watched footage of the Spanish Grand Prix from last week. You started dodging the wreck before it happened, Miss Aloo."
"Scootaloo. Not 'Miss.' And especially not Aloo. I'm not a curry."
"It seems apparent that pegasi have about a half-second of precognition."
"You can't prove that."
"It still seems unfair to let your kind race against humans," the American continued.
"Our kind?!?" gasped Rainbow Dash.
Another reporter hit that one over the head with a microphone. "Don't be a jerk, Steve. Scootaloo here raced her heart out. So did Rumble and Wind Sprint."
A motorized cart pulled up, with Wind Sprint and Quibble Pants on the back. Wind Sprint flapped off the cart and landed on three legs, her right rear leg held up off the ground, wrapped in Ace bandages. "Oof, ow."
"It won't be long before the race stewards have the photo finish determined," Quibble said. "I think you won, Scootaloo."
She blushed and waved a hoof. "No way, Lewis Hamilton is the best that ever was. It's inconceivable that a rookie could win Monaco!"
"Rumble won Azerbaijan," pointed out a French reporter. "He's a rookie."
"That's only because Bottas and Hamilton's engines blew," Rumble explained, "and Scootaloo took out herself and Vettel."
"That was an accident!" Scootaloo said. "The track was fouled. There should have been a yellow flag."
A trio—one tall, one medium, one short—approached. "I have a serious question," said the tall one. Scootaloo vaguely recognized the three from the internet.
"Jeremy Clarkson, with Amazon's 'The Grand Tour.'" He looked down at the tiny ponies. "Actually, Hammond, you ask the question. They're your size."
The smallest TV presenter stepped forward and waved his microphone at Scootaloo, Rumble, and Wind Sprint. "How do you, you three, how does one operate a car with hooves? For instance, the flappy paddle gear shifts? How on Earth do you race a car... with hooves?"
At that moment, the master jumbotron updated, marking SCOOTALOO RENAULT #3 into first place and HAMILTON MERCEDES #44 at +0.04 seconds, into second place.
Rainbow Dash pointed a wing at the scoreboard, smirked at the TV presenters, and said, "How does she drive a car with hooves? Superbly."
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Something I find interesting about F1 is just how safe it seems to be. The combination of car, track, and barrier design means that drivers can simply walk away out of 100 mph crashes.
Remember when Giovinazzi span round at Belgium and rear ended a barrier at about 100 mph. Or last year during free practice at Italy when Leclerc’s DRS failed to close at the end of the main straight, and he went flying end over end, yet was ready to race the same weekend. That was huge, and he was fine.
Of course it’s not perfectly safe, as Hubert’s death this year showed, rest in peace. Crashing at 100-200mph is always dangerous, but it’s incredible how few people die considering what they do.
It really is highly engineered.
I forget who it was, but one of them lost their brakes at Monaco last race and took out the car in front of them. I put Wind Sprint into that car.
9939808
Forgot to ping
I liked this. It jumps strait into a ridiculous premise and has fun with it instead of bogging it down with explanations. Also, does this take place after the timeskip?
9939827
Thanks!
I picture about 6-10 years after the main series, and some years before the final episode. I'm picturing Scoots and Rumble around age 20 and Wind Sprint maybe 18, but who knows?
Well this was a neat lil story.
Have my upvote.
9939855
Thanks!
Ponies and race cars, what's not to like?
Scootaloo would make an excellent race car driver.
Now this, I wish there was more of this, this peaks my interest.
A Spellcheck at the end there on "Smallest" - Smeallest.
This was a really entertaining pieces. I love the integration of ponies and humans rather than going EQG on it. And the pace is really nice. You cover a lot of information in a short time and let my imagination do the rest. Really lovely victory for Scootaloo, as humble as Hamilton presents as one of the role models of the sport..
9939942
Many thanks!!
That is such a Jeremy Clarkson thing to say.
9939967
VikingZX suggested that line while I was brainstorming at the fimfic Discord, so credit to him!
I'm probably overthinking this but, sounds like Scootaloo is in Ricciardo's seat (fitting that the wild child would have the honey badger's spot), Wind Sprint in Leclerc's (said brake failure incident), and Rumble...Either Perez or Stroll (both punching way above their weight at Azerbaijan).
Either way, here's hoping you make this some kind of series. This one was a most enjoyable read.
9939976
Exactly! Yes!
I put her in #3 because three Crusaders, that would be her lucky number.
Short but good! Reminds me of the old Days when Schumacher was still Racing. And when the Legend (can't Remember his Name at the Moment) was still alive.
Hooves, Carton Logic and Magic. I mean, they're often shown grabbing things with hooves like we do.
And poor Wind Sprint, hope she gets well soon. Good Thing it wasn't worse. Pretty Sure clear Sky will be relieved her Daughter isn't seriously wounded. And that She might scold quibble.
9940017
Thanks!
9940022
You're Welcome!
Pony and F1 together. I love it. Here an upvote.
9940045
Thank you!
2 Mercedes engines blowing in a race and a Renault challenging for 1st? Now I know this is fantasy!
I thought I was the only brony here with a passion for F1 as well! Excellent story! I could practically see the race going on in my head
9940097
Many thanks! I appreciate it.
I live in NASCAR land.
it's nice to talk proper racing.
9940102
I'd like to see more than the same three teams challenging for a podium
F1 is the best in my opinion! I myself am a Haas fan, being American and all that, so this has 100% been a season to forget with their VF-19. I'm also interested in seeing how the new 2021 regulations affect the racing. Hopefully it won't be like this season where half the races ended in Mercedes 1-2
Get in there Scootaloo!
Magnificent. Not exactly my area of expertise, but I can always appreciate good things happening to Scootaloo. Thank you for it.
9940544
Thank you! I appreciate it.
9940565
With great skill!
9940705
I agree. Figuring that out isn't exactly Speedway Math.
You can drive without using your fingers, and some folks drive without arms. Not in races, but the general idea isn't that hard, so long as you can get sufficient traction against the steering wheel without gripping it with fingers.
The difficult part would be that ponies are generally not bipedal. Hitting the pedals would be hard when you've got your legs bunched up under you.
And minotaurs would be terrible at Sumo. With that huge, inverted pyramid torso and iddy-biddy waist/butt, their center of gravity is way, way too high.
You know, I always figured Rainbow would be a F1 driver in the human world. But this works, too. And she beat Hamilton! In a Renault! ...But does that mean she took Ricciardo's seat...? :(
I, for one, would love more of this.
9940705
Big balls
-James Hunt
9941306
You would have problem in race cars, though, with so many crucial functions run from buttons on the steering wheel. If you ever seen the cockpit of a serious racecar the wheel's got more things to press than a fighter joystick.
9940342
pee wan Scootaloo, pee wan
9940102
AFAIK, Formula 1 never really took off here in the USA, the closest is stock car races.
9943162
There are F1 fans here in the US, but not many of us. NASCAR annoys the crap out of me....
9943165
Fair is fair, AFAIK Indy car racing never took off in Europe
Am I the only one who thought the winner was:
i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/333/144/322.png
A wonderful light-hearted Scootaloo fic. I will now call her "Miss Aloo," much to her annoyance.
9943216
Hahahahahaha!
They probably should have their own league.
9961936
Formula P!
9961940
Though it would probably be quite niche - I can't see many pegasi finding being trapped in a small box that can only move on land fun.
Jeremy Clarkson, James May and Richard Hammond are sent by Top Gear to Equestria. Having no interest in gasoline, and thus no gas stations, the trio are forced to buy electric cars on a budget. Each is also given a partner, such as a pegasus or unicorn, who can use their abilities to help recharge their batteries. The teams then have to drive their cars from Canterlot to Klugetown, facing certain challenges along the way. That is when they're not trying to sabotage each other.
We also get to meet... The Stig's Equestrian Counterpart!
9943216
I RACE!
I VIN!
Heheheh. Let the comment wars begin...
Grand Tour/ MLP crossover would be epically hilarious. If you don't write it, author, I just might!
"This is Equestria; the most beautiful, the most colorful, and the most cute place... (...pause for dramatic effect...)... in the universe!"
I got some funny looks from the rest of the restaurant when I burst out laughing here.
I wonder who was commentating that race
Also Scootaloo with Riccardo's number. Nice!
This is really sweet. In fanfics where Equestria comes into contact with other worlds, it seems that all too often, the authors only focus on the negatives.
10314913
Thanks!
I am working on a MLP/Thomas/Pokémon/Disney cars crossover.But,I can’t quite figure out the perfect title.Can you help me?