Seven years before Twilight Sparkle, a curious creature arrives in Ponyville. How will they react to each other and this strange new world?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I was just about to say this story alreadys exists, and your stealing it. But never mind.
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I wish my efforts were worth stealing! But my early quality is something that's irked me for a while now. It's not like I'm horribly disappointed with how the first run through went, but here's hoping this one goes... well, not smoothly, because that would be boring!
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Welcome to being a writer. I know the feeling. My old stuff just isn't worth posting at all on the site.
Why are you rewriting this story?
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Because I felt I've gotten better at writing and I want to try another shot at this storyline. I'm hoping to fix the major flaws in Year One, such as a lack of conflict and things working out too easily. Those would be much more than simple edits, so I feel a rewrite is necessary. Same with upping the maturity; sex has always been a big part of the series, but with it all happening elsewhere (or not depicted at all) I thought changing that for this would be a better choice.
Well he answered truthfully he didn't eat one, he ate three.
I'm loving this all so far.
who was that comment for?
Yeah, I don't really get why the presence of eyelashes practically always makes the character female in cartoons, when males should have them too (to keep dust and the like out of the eyes). Is it because of those fake eyelash things fancy-schmancy gals (like Rarity) like to wear? Then what about gals, like Applejack or Rainbow, who don't bother; should they be shown without obvious eyelashes?
Weird cartoon trend.
.........RUN!
BAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
So, first impressions. Overall everything I've seen so far is very well written. The grammar is well done, the description of surroundings, beings and actions are particularly detailed, the dialogue + monologue is believable and enjoyable. The first interaction here is pretty well done in particular, with not being full of violence or beings running away. The only complaint I have is that there isn't more to read! Well done, and I eagerly continue.
Any story that focuses on Applejack is an instant win for me.
I hesitate to mention it...but I am going to say it anyway: it’s early spring and apples are still in the trees? Doesn’t that happen in Fall?
Aside from that nitpicking, I like it!
Reading on.
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She uses her earth pony magic (which they have more direct control over in this setting) to get them to grow early, specifically to get a premium on fresh fruit quite early in the season.
Feel free to ask any other questions!
fascinating, I will continue on from here!
I'm already loving this. Though I you typed in dam instead of dad.
Doug's doing surprisingly well for waking up in a strange place and meeting a talking equine.
Also, easy there AJ, I think you could start with, "Are you planning on paying for those?"
I accidently took a three month hiatus from this series, and now find myself unable to remember 80 percent of your storyline...so I find myself back at square one.
Not that I'm complaining, your writing is amazing
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Thanks!
I'm assuming by dam you mean dad?
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Dam means mother with reference to horses; sire means father.