• Member Since 14th Aug, 2012
  • offline last seen Sep 29th, 2012

cupcakespinkiepie090

i grew up farm animals in a farm

cupcakespinkiepie090 Joined 14th Aug, 2012 · Offline

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Comments ( 36 )
Kkchan
Kkchan #2 · Aug 26th, 2012 · · ·
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:pinkiegasp: this creeped me out a little. :pinkiecrazy:
I dont know if I should put a thumbs up or thumbs down... It's not that bad I guess.

DOUGHBOY1908
DOUGHBOY1908 #3 · Aug 26th, 2012 · · ·
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What are you doing this is not the right place to start a fic like that everybody hates people that right story's like this so sorry if you get a lot of downvotes so I will not be giving you one good day stay cool and good luck for the most part! :pinkiegasp: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/46056/Pinkamena%2C-The-Pink-Shadow just take a look at this it pretty much summs it up.

brad70505
brad70505 #4 · Aug 26th, 2012 · · ·
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no...just no

Scootablue
Scootablue #6 · Aug 26th, 2012 · · ·
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This was not good at all. :facehoof: It wasn't well written, or suspenseful like the original "Cupcakes"; in fact it reads more like some sort of Cupcakes parody. In the future you should seek out the help of a pre-reader or two to avoid writing another... this.

mrturbodk
mrturbodk #7 · Aug 26th, 2012 · · ·
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oh dear, wall of text .. :pinkiegasp:

cupcakespinkiepie090
cupcakespinkiepie090 #8 · Aug 27th, 2012 · · 1 ·
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:rainbowkiss: oh well! fuck off if ya hate this. its my firsts fic. and im 12

Darth Sparkle
Darth Sparkle #9 · Aug 27th, 2012 · · ·
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:pinkiesick:Oh My Gawd.........this was depraved:pinkiecrazy: The story was bad (Hokey bad not "you suck" bad) which is good if yer going for the "Evil Dead" effect. Keep up the work though. Practice makes perfect don't let the negative posts get to you, pay attention to the posters with constructive criticism....after all you will never make everyone happy all the time. Gratz on this work.

CanterlotGuardian
CanterlotGuardian #12 · Sep 19th, 2012 · · ·
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Oh my god, you killed Derpy... you bastard!

But seriously, that part was about all I could remember after being struck with a malady I like to call "Wall-of-Text-itis". Overall, your story has... has...

Oh alright, I won't sugar-coat it. This sucks. Big time. Since you're only 12, and this is your first fic, I guess you can sorta kinda get a pass, but not really. Get someone to help you next time.

Rainbow_Dashtruction
Rainbow_Dashtruction #13 · Sep 19th, 2012 · · ·
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1165308 That is all I needed to scream insults at you and the complementary choo choo motherfucker.
I don't care who you are, if you insult people for crisising your story (I need to learn to spell that properly) then you deserved the choo choo.
There is tons of problems with this story and I ain't gonna list them, because you don't care.

And I knew basic story structure at 8. You clearly don't. First fics shouldn't be this bad, you should be putting more work in. Your age usually means you don't have the maturity to spend minimum 1 hour per 1000 words (more should be done, but I aint good either) which means you shouldn't be writing fan fiction in the first place.

Luz
Luz #14 · Sep 19th, 2012 · · ·
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Ok I'm going to read this... I hope it doesn't gives me brain cancer

Edit:

*clicks chapter 1*
....

*sees wall of text*
....

i3.kym-cdn.com/profiles/icons/big/000/127/549/nope.gif

Dubs Rewatcher
Dubs Rewatcher #15 · Sep 19th, 2012 · · ·
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1165308

>writes awful, awful gorefic about a little gore being tortured to death
>"and im 12"

:twilightoops:

Twilicorn
Twilicorn #16 · Sep 19th, 2012 · · ·
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I'm twelve. Look at my stories.

azednew
azednew #17 · Sep 19th, 2012 · · ·
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Entering RaspingLeech, Rustler of Jimmies and embarrassment to the TWE!
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/269/499/67d.gif
Let's see...

>Cupcakes parody
>Wall of text
>Bad grammar
>Not taking constructive criticism with a grain of salt.

Nope!

1165308

its my firsts fic.

Never, ever, ever, EVER use that as an excuse. Ever :trixieshiftleft:

and im 12

That, too. NEVER.

Star Plasma
Star Plasma #18 · Sep 19th, 2012 · · ·
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:facehoof: Never use your age as an excuse for writing complete shit. Ever. God knows when I was 12, I wouldn't have even attempted to write something like this. Instead of dissing the negative comments, look deeper into them and remember that these people are trying to help you! ...Or they are just being e.deviantart.net/emoticons/t/trollface.png 's.

Dead_Page
Dead_Page #19 · Sep 19th, 2012 · · ·
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1299536
Criticizing? Criticizing - to critique or to view with a critical eye

UnweptSchlipps
UnweptSchlipps #20 · Sep 19th, 2012 · · ·
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Oh no...a bad Cupcake's parody and an author who doesn't give a fuck. I've never even seen...OH WAIT!!! I HAVE!!!
Not even surprised anymore.

Dead_Page
Dead_Page #21 · Sep 19th, 2012 · · ·
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1087510
My thoughts exactly. Now I would do the right thing and give you meaningful constructive criticism, but you have already turned that down so all that's left is many, many negative images. This.... Deserves all of them.
Along the lines of spelling and grammar....
forgetfoo.com/images/blog/speak_english_motherfucker300.jpg
Basically everything else.
scranton.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/thumb/mlfw7696.png
4.bp.blogspot.com/_HHU05_zo3Pw/S0eLRGE-vbI/AAAAAAAAAnE/2HzMn6slGgM/s400/552.jpg
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m17fb3ctuj1qaoaut.jpg
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw7802-lol.jpg
weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/choo-choo-motherfucker.jpg

Now remember kids, play safe, bring your brain bleach.
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw7815-MLP_internet.jpg

Qub3d
Qub3d #22 · Sep 19th, 2012 · · ·
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OK... ANOTHER Cupcakes parody, plus poor Scootaloo? It might be sad/horrific... NOPE. The bad writing and pointless story line make it so bland. Until you take more lessons in writing, the TWE hereby asks you to

25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ma4c9l0NlC1r1sbvuo1_500.gif

Thorlol
Thorlol #23 · Sep 19th, 2012 · · ·
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1165308
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lv05pkoIe01qkks19.gif
You know how stupid you sound right now? Probably not.


Choo Fucking Choo
You know what. I'm going to rip into your fic.

Errors
Corrections
Notes
The power of canon contradicts you

Overall:
Walls of text? Check
Cupcakes ripoff? Check
Horrible formatting? Check
Bad grammar? Check
Not wanting criticism? Check
More than one person speaking per paragraph? Check.
Very fast pacing? Check.

Scootaloo was walking down the road. She was traveling to random huge space Pinkie's house for a playdate. When she got there, she hollered, "Pinkie, are ya home?" No answer, so Sootaloo trudged up the steps, and walked in. It was dark. "Hey, Pin-" Scoot was cut off, by something hitting her in the head. She blacked out. When she woke up, she was chained to the wall. She could feel blood trickling down her head. "Pinkie, are you there? Please help me out!" Scooty Scooty? I need to write that down, sounds like a good pet name for her if I ever write some more Rumbaloo fluttered her tiny wings, hoping she could get free, but it was no use, she was stuck. " What's with the random quotation mark?Suddenly, Pinkie appeared, but she didn't look the same. Her mane was flat, and her pupils dilated very small. She was smiling like a maniac. Scootaloo screamed. "Help, somepony help me! Please! Pinkie smiled even bigger. She said, "Scootaloo, settle down! I'm Pinkamena Diane Pie. You're Scootaloo. I pulled your number, which is 12. Today, we're going to make cupcakes!" Don't you read? Have you ever seen a book with more than one person speaking in the same paragraph. She said that last word sinisterly. Pinkamena walked over to a tray with surgical tools, and power tools. She picked up a drill. Pinkie held down Scootaloo's hoof while she drilled 3 holes in it. Scootaloo screamed from the pain, which felt like jolts of electricity were shooting up and down her arm. Pinkamena grabbed some nails, held them over the fire, and put them in the holes she'd drilled. She did the same to the other 3 hooves. Scootaloo screamed and hollered 'till her voice was sore. She could feel blood trickling down her head again, and also her throat, and her hooves. Scootalloo Scootaloo passed out. When she woke up, she noticed Pinkamena sitting in the corner holding something. She said, "Pinkie? Are you okay? What's wrong?" Pinkamena said, I- Needs quotation markI-I hurt you! How can you ask me if I'm okay?!" Scootaloo said, "b Cap the first word.ecause I care." Pinkamena turned around. She was holding Rainbow Dash! Scootaloo shrieked and started to cry. Pinkamena grabbed a scalpel and started to cut open Scootaloo's stomach. Scootaloo started to cry harder. Pinkamena pulled out Scoot's insides, and made jokes on them. Show, don't tell. Scootaloo fainted. She was slipping away. Pinkamena grabbed Scooty's Again with the Scooty, narrators wouldn't use pet names. heart and pulled. Scootaloo's eyes rolled upward and she began to foam at the mouth. She died. Snorts. 'She died?'. No shite, you don't have to tell us, we aren't all twelve year olds here. Pinkamena took a shower, then made cupcakes out of Scootaloo's remains. Again with the show vs tell. Pinkamena drew the next number, it was 46, Carrot Top. Pinkamena chuckled to herself. "Easy as pie...."
The next day, she asked Carrot Top if she would like to come over and bake "Carrot Cake". Carrot Top eagerly agreed. When Carrot got there, it was dark. She walked into Sugercube Corner and said, "Pinkie, where are you, I'm here!" Pinkie Pie smacked her on the shoulder You don't knock someone out by hitting them on the shoulder unless you're a Vulcan. It's the neck you need to hit. and Carrot collapsed. When she opened her eyes, she saw a crazy pink pony standing over her. She tried to move her limbs in an attempt to get away, but found they where tied down. Carrot yelled "HELP ME SOMEPONY, PLEASE, NOOOO!" But Pinkamena had already began to cut away her cutie mark. She did it slowly, as if enjoying it, and smiled, savoring the scent of blood, and enjoying All over the fic you're changing tense. I'm just pointing it out here. Carrot Top's screams of pain and fear. When she was through with Carrot's screams, she grabbed a knife and said menacingly, "If you scream one more time, I'm going to cut out that pathetic tongue of yours. Understand?" Carrot began to cry as she nodded her head. Pinkamena grabbed a blade and began to slice open Top's stomach. She grabbed her kidneys and said, "I kidney you not!" and burst into a fit of laughter. Then she licked the blood that was dribbling out of Carrot Top. She grabbed Carrot's stomach, and said, "I cannot stomach the sight of you!" and laughed some more. Carrot died as Pinkamena pulled out all her organs, dyed them orange and put them in a bag of carrots. Pinkamena went yet again to the hatbox. The number was 1. "Derpy?!" She exclaimed. "Why, such an honor!" When Derpy came to give her the mail, Pinkie held out a muffin, and lured her inside Sugercube Corner. Derpy woke up in a room filled with intestines blown up as balloons, and veins as streamers. There was a sign that read; Life is a Party. Derpy spied a muffin on the table next to her, and strained to get it. Suddenly, Pinkie appeared. She was holding something. Pinkie handed the muffin to Derpy and Derpy bit it. "
AAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaarrrggh!" she screamed, blood shooting out of her mouth. There was a needle in the muffin *SIghs* A needle won't cause a tonne of bloodloss. You'd need a knife to get the thing you described., and it had come through her cheek. She started to cry.And Missed period. Pinkie shoved her down onto the table and tied her down. "Why, Pinkie, why!" she cried. Pinkamena didn't answer as she pulled out an axe and beheaded Derpy. That's it? That's it? The Cupcakes Pinkie enjoys torturing. Not just one little thing then killing. She enjoys irony, something I haven't seen her do in this fic. Pinkie pie Cap sighed as she undid the tie on the apron. Mrs.Cake was bossy Sudden random plot that is just randomly shoved in there.. She hated the way she bitched about everything. Pinkamena crawled into bed and fell asleep at once. Tomorrow would bring more "fun". The next morning, Pinkie woke up and sighed. She went downstairs and ate breakfast. "Mr. Cake come on! Seriously, we need to go! Damnit, where the hell is my saddlebag?!" Mrs. Cake bitched Mrs Cake is not like that. Sorry but OOC. (Out of character). "Pinkie, watch the twins please!" And they left. "Now what will I do with my "sweeties"?.... Pinkie said, evilly. She grabbed a knife and stabbed Poundcake Pound Cake through the heart, laughing as blood spurted out of his mouth. Then she hopped up and down on his carcass and spat on it. She grabbed PumkinCake Pumpkin Cake and slammed her head into the wall a couple times, 'till she got bored. Then she threw her on the ground and went to get some juice. As she was drinking her juice, she heard a wheeze. It was PumkinCake! Pumpkin Cake "What the hell!" Pinkie said, and picked Pumking and Pound up, and And this and and that and this and that. Too many and thens. threw them into the garbage can, grabbed a stick and beat the side of it against the can until her face turned blue. Pumkin Pumpkin Cake was still alive. Pinkie layed laid Pumkin Pumpkin out on the table and disected dissected her. When Mr. and Mrs. Cake came home, they saw the remains of their children. They both screamed. Then everything went black. When they awoke, Pinkie had them tied up on the wall. She had ball gagged them

*Shuts down review*
Alright, stop right there boy.
You're a twelve year old that knows about BDSM equipment? Get off the Internet kid and tell your parents that you were looking at the type of pictures you were.

"Now, Mrs. Cake, I'm tired of your bitchin' 'bout everything." she said. "And Mr. Cake, I'll never forget that you molested me in my "sleep". "I'm going to starve your fat asses 'tille ya bothe scream." Both, not bothe Same character speaking, yet you start a new quotation? Level of My Inner Life right there. And then she left.

fc08.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/248/1/8/images__1__by_thorlol-d5dngnr.jpg
WHOOSH!

Dr. Fumbles
Dr. Fumbles #24 · Sep 19th, 2012 · · ·
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1299925 Every time I come in, ready to give a kick-ass review, you always beat me to it. Curse you and your gift of speedy and bad ass reviews. Someday, I'll be the one to bring the pain with the train, but you win this time...


(Great review, I've always agreed with and enjoyed them. And I like your style.)

~Quite Possibly the Lowest Ranked TWE Member

aaaa_aaaa
aaaa_aaaa #27 · Sep 19th, 2012 · · 1 ·
Reply

You remind me of myself as a teenager.

Sorta like when there's a fight after school and everyone gathers around to see the fight - the two potential valedictorians have been fighting about who's going to be accepted into MIT first even though MIT really doesn't care about early vs late admission except for deadline differences - there is a huge crowd but apparently someone was dumb enough to post it on facebook and now the cops are incoming as well as rentacops school security, but they're old and don't want to risk injury (I heard that Mr. Logue was a MMA fighter who got injured in his youth) - the cops can take down the seniors better and surprisingly the fight goes from talking to actual fighting when they hear the sirens (they just want to get the fight over with before the cops arive) and a punch flies from one of them and lands squarely in the other guys eye, he's pretty upset at being punched in the eye, but he really can't see so he punches blindly, aiming for the stomach but accidentally hits the other guy's groin which he would have never hit as it's cowardly/gay; it hurts and soon the first hitter is really angry at this and so he retaliates - an eye for an eye renders the world - and now his foot is in the other guy's junk who's fist is still near his crotch and so he lashes out and grabs on and the spectators are simultaneously aroused and terrified at the sight - the police get their batons out and are ready to party like it's May 4, 1970- the police chief knows the meaning of this incident and calls them in to stop as one of the fighters(does it really matter anymore) rips off the other guy's pants and underwear in one (probably planned) move and apparently they're both erect at this point and the spectators that would be offended have left so now everyone is either gawking or waiting for the police chief to explain himself - the chief has been suffering from (managed) schizophrenia but everyone in the department knows and is worried that he's finally snapped and apparently he has - chief starts speaking in tongues, officers try to call in for an explanation but his voice is loud and transcends the frequency spectrum as the continuous bandwidth of his voice asymptotically approaches aleph omega - the original fighters are now in a 69 position along with the spectators in a massive shitty(literally so) orgy and where the fuck did they get those whips and ~~butt~~ anal plugs, but really nobody is paying attention to the exact details - their cocks are now glowing with a light outside of space and time and more importantly mind as the police chief's song modulates his radio's FM band to a NORAD command frequency and now President Obama's red telephone(to be exact, BlackBerry) rings and he's now forced to make a major decision and as he thinks about it his cock glows and tells him to BOMB BOMB BOMB IRAN and so he calls a nuclear UAV(wait, who's dumb absolutely brilliant idea was this) - the chief's modulated FM signal now shifts to QAM and takes control, blindly firing off commands - but chief doesn't need data as the Board of Directors is controlling excessive dopamine that's flooding his brain - I don't think he even is conscious at this point, just a biological Owen Meany and now the fighters(was it one or three point five originally retrograde) are back on their feet and they shake hands because the police chief shouted loud enough into the radio for everyone on Earth to hear that MIT doesn't provide a strategic advantage in early vs late admission - their hands are sticky, but does it really matter - the UAV drops two low-yield atomic bombs(think Davey Crocket except 20% cooler in T-10 seconds flat so the reality will be doubled) and then God reaches in and cranks some knob up to 11 and soon they're packing 3^3^3^3^3^3^3^3^^^3 + 1 megaton in a packet of unreality and everything in the blast radius is probably going transform into some sort of hyperstableenergy - this really annoys the space time continuum(he's been having a bad day, I think he's going to snap) so the blast reaches backwards through limit t=xi^2 as x -> +1 and chops a hole in the space time continuum, sending the circlejerkers somewhere between Flatland and The Structure, their structure approaches limit of x as approaches infinity = 42D and then they bounce of Silam The Star Shred and collapse back onto 1D+2T which is unstable and promptly collapses to 2D which is also unstable in terms of material construction and so it flattens out into the spectrum as The Imprisoning God downsamples it a fucking wmvfile of all formats(is he like retarded or something) by shifting matter states into RGB and sampling the derivative of the word-line as 44.1 khz and performing a gender transform on the dataset and today you learned that's where porn comes from.

A much better written story than yours tbh(actually my own dopamine induced insanity, but that's a different story).

aaaa_aaaa
aaaa_aaaa #30 · Sep 19th, 2012 · · ·
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1301956>>1303229

Well... Long story - I was starting off with an analysis of contemporary attitudes based on localization during teenage development periods, but something broke. I lost my focus. And then I started slamming keys and keys and ands and letters and words and spaces while dodging that infernal period key - dashes, semicolons, commas - anything to avoid ending my sentences - after all, in a sense, a sentence is a living being and I consider it cruel to prematurely end one; but is extending one an equal sin? It's not the kind of thing normal ponies know. When I'm done writing a wall of insanity and text, I apply formatting - underlines, bold, semicolons - my mind pulls it from it's twisted dopamine filled normal mode patterns. And when I'm done with that, it's disgusting. I've typed out a horrific atrocity against God and his holy craft. He sends his son in to tell me to stop writing, but fuck that, I like writing! I beat him sensless and now the holy one is dead. I need to get rid of the evidence... Somehow.

Step by step, checking every detail
Hook and knife, Bring the body down into the cellar
Struggle as I place her on the table
Frantic as I wonder if I'm able
To go through with all that I have planned
So far all my actions were unmanned
I'm under so much stress...

SamWinchester
SamWinchester #31 · Sep 20th, 2012 · · ·
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1165308 12? Watch yo language missy!

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