Strings of the Narrative

by Grey Vicar

Tipping Point

The next morning, I threw my alarm clock across the room, where it shattered against a wall. I let my fist fall next to me and breathed down my anger. Slowly, deeply. It didn’t matter how slow I was going anyway, it’s not like I was going to really go to school.

Oh, I was going to go to the school, all right. But I wasn’t going to school.

I emptied my fridge, making myself a bona fide all-you-can-eat buffet, and didn’t clean up after myself. On the way out, a metallic glint caught my eye, and I grabbed my baseball bat. I might need it. After all, how sad would it be if I were to get kidnapped in the middle of the street just minutes away from my goal?

And how unfortunate would it be, if something were to happen to Flash Sentry behind the school?

Oh I wasn’t going to kill him, not quite at least. Just break enough bones that it’d send a clear message.

My fingers tapped on the handle of the bat all through the bus ride. I caught the other passengers stealing glances at me. Who’s that girl with eyes of fury and a nasty baseball bat? They probably thought. I could have told them to mind their own business, but then again, getting into trouble wasn’t an option.

I jumped off the bus in front of the school and stomped my way into the schoolgrounds. Dozens of students were sitting on the steps, enjoying lunch and chatting with their friends.

The few students who were in the way hurried off before me. I didn’t even want to know how my face looked. I could feel it twisted into an angry snarl, but seeing their horrified looks as they got out of the way, I could only guess how nasty it must have been.

The mirror portal stood at its usual place in front of the school. A statue of a rearing horse loomed over it, teasing me.

Soon. Soon I would be home. I ignored the students waving at me and pressed on, determined. All I needed to do now was to find Flash, and—

“Sunset? Why weren’t you here this morning?”

Oh, you have got to be kidding me.

Flash Sentry was standing in front of the portal with my six other friends. Fluttershy stepped forward with that worried look that hooked you right in the heart and made you feel terrible no matter what you did or didn’t do. “We were really worried, we thought something had happened to you. Is everything alright?”

“I’m fine, everything’s fine!” I forced myself to smile, but I could tell they weren’t buying it. Applejack especially considered me carefully.

“I wouldn’t say you look ‘fine’, sugarcube,” she let out.

“There’s nothing to worry about, I just had a bad night’s sleep, but it’s nothing—”

A hand grabbed my shoulder gently, stopping my advance.

“Sunset.” Flash’s sappy, honeyed tone made my heart lurch with disgust. “What’s going on? You looked so happy yesterday.”

I took a deep breath, trying my best to stop the flood of rage from making me do something I’d regret.

“Seriously, Sunset, what’s wrong with you?” Rainbow Dash came to stand by Flash. “You’re acting really weird and angry recently, it’s… honestly pretty scary.”

“Yeah!” Pinkie Pie added as if she absolutely needed to pipe up every time someone was trying to speak. “And what’s with that bat?”

Everyone’s eyes fell on the bat, and on my white-knuckled fingers wrapped around its handle. And when they came back to me, their eyes were full of concern and fear.

“Sunset,” Applejack said, slowly, detaching every syllable like I was a stupid child, “let’s just calm down and go for a little walk together, okay? Sounds good, girls?”

A clamour of mob-like “yeah”s and “mhm”s sounded from the group. Did those girls share a hivemind or something?

“We’ll handle it, Flash.” Applejack nodded at him, and he slunk away with a sad glance at me. What a coward.

“You’re red.”

That was all Pinkie said, and it was all that was needed for me to start feeling like my skin was aflame with scorching hot flames. My hand was numb on the bat I was clutching it so hard, and I only realized I was shaking once Applejack pulled me into a hug.

“It’s okay.” She pulled my head against her shoulder, and I just stood there dumbly, not knowing what to do. “We’re here for you.”

The others joined in, pulling me into a group hug. I opened my mouth to speak, to tell them to fuck off, to let me go home, but as soon as I did, instead of letting out angry shouts and snarling yells, I choked on my tears and let out an ugly, shaky sob, and collapsed in my friends’ arms.

“I don’t want to go!” I cried, clutching Applejack’s jacket desperately.

“Go where?” She spoke gently, but I could hear the confusion in her voice.

In response, I turned to look at the portal. I could almost see Equestria in the glimmering sun that washed over it. A land from where I’d been exiled, shunned, and was willing to welcome me back with open hooves, to offer me a chance to make a new life for myself there. To take back control of my life, and be at peace with myself again.

But the arms around me reminded me of why I’d stayed in the first place. I could have gone home after I’d given up on villainy, but I had stayed. For my friends. In the year we’d been together, they had brought me nothing but happiness. It had hurt, it had been painful, and we may have gotten into disagreements and issues, but in the end, it had been worth it a thousand times over.

“The portal?” Fluttershy looked at me with worry. “Why do you want to take it back?”

The happiness I felt being surrounded by friends was dulled by the reminder of why I had refused to go back to Equestria in the first place. Why I still…

I still…

My nails dug into the bat’s handle.

“It won’t be long,” I said. ”I just need to go check on some things with Princess Twilight, and I’ll be right back.”

“You sure?” Applejack stepped forward, but I held my hand up.

“I’m sure. You six stay put here, and I’ll be back.”

“Promise?”

I smiled weakly at her. “You know I never take back my words.”

But even as I stepped toward the mirror, I clutched the baseball bat hard. That was my only way out. My only escape. The only thing that would separate me from my friends.

But even as my eyes fell on them, and my heart swelled with joy, I could feel the invisible strings that had pulled at me and robbed me from myself. The hand that had dragged me by the ear like a misbehaving child. It wasn’t there, but I could feel its presence like a shadow upon us.

One moment, I was looking at my friends, and the next, their faces were blurred behind the foggy glass of the mirror.

And I was home. Four hooves fell on the ground, a silky yellow-and-red mane fell around my head and neck, my tail unfurled behind me.

The baseball bat fell beside me.

My horn shone and buzzed with magic. And the last thing I saw of my friends were their hopeful faces before their smiles exploded in mirror shards under the bat.

It didn’t take long for Twilight to come galloping at me.

“Sunset!” She threw herself at me, pulled me into a hug, and I just stared blankly at the shattered portal. “What happened here?!”

My mouth opened and closed wordlessly, nothing wanting to come out of my throat.

“Sunset?”

I blinked and slowly turned to Twilight. I couldn’t see my face, but I could guess it looked terrifying, with the shocked look Twilight offered. “I think… I just broke up with my boyfriend.”

And even as speaking the words lifted a great weight from my heart, I collapsed and cried in the hooves of the only friend I had left.

Comments

[axxuy]

The first EqG movies tried pretty clumsily to ship Twilight with Flash. This is a good (read horrifying) look at what that would actually be like to go through. Just not from Flash Sentry's perspective, because he doesn't deserve sympathy 😛Sunset is able to escape it, but what a cost she pays. There could be another chapter of her wondering if getting away from her curse was worth losing her friends. There's no good options to that choice.

All you had to do was end Shimmy's romantic relationship(s). You just had to destroy her friendships too, you monster Why did you have to go and make me feel like this?

[Grey Vicar]

9833629
Because she didn't have to destroy the mirror. She could have just stayed in Equestria until they (maybe) find a solution, and then go back. But she acted out of fear, and impulse has consequences.

Besides, I wanted to elicit a strong emotional response in my readers, as I feel getting shaken by a story is a wonderful experience. If I had simply had her follow Twilight's advice and left it at that, it would have fallen flat. However you could see it yourself, building up a character before ripping them apart emotionally works wonder to shake the reader a bit.

I'm glad you enjoyed it, and thank you so much for the comment

[Grey Vicar]

9833632
I didn't intend for it to be hilarious, but if you enjoyed it nonetheless, that's what matters. Thanks for reading and for the comment!

[Snowmanmelting]

Ok, this was a ride.
You know, at the very beginning I wasn't entirely convinced by the first person pov, and thought that it didn't sound much like Sunset.
But that idea turned around really fast, I think you captured her character well, and you can feel on the narrative her increasing stress and anger. She's like, all over the place.
But I felt the ending was... Idk if to call it sudden, cuz I don't feel that's the case, more like, its missing something? Personally dissatisfying?
I feel like this could be solved in a few more chapters, even with the 15k word limit. Since I read this in the wee hours of the morning I reread it to check if maybe something escaped me, but the feeling it's still the same. One of the things that stuck with me in the first reading was how disgusted Sunset felt about Flash?? And I was like, "ok, what happened here?"
The second read, it felt more it was all part of the anger. Idk, maybe I read it the wrong way? But that's one the things that felt needed a tad bit of background?

Overall, I really liked it. Like I said, I liked the premise, liked the characterization, and has a good pace and narrative. One of those you know goes straight to your faves.

[Grey Vicar]

9834355
Super happy you liked it! I have to admit, I don't know how to write endings, so it's normal it fell flat. And as for Sunset being disgusted with Flash, I was trying to go in the direction of her completely freaking out about her loss of control and lashing out against Flash, but I got told, quite accurately I feel, that I went way too overboard and she just seems to overreact for no reason. I fully agree I would have needed more time and space to develop this all... but deadlines be deadlines eh

Really glad you liked it so much however, my only goal in writing is to improve and give people interesting experiences. Comments like yours are the best kind of payment I could ever ask for

[Snowmanmelting]

9834707
I feel that rather than reacting for no reason, it seems that she reacts for a reason that's not told in the story. And there the confusion.

[PresentPerfect]

Damn, that ending is perfect.