• Member Since 12th Aug, 2016
  • offline last seen April 1st

Grey Vicar


Just someone looking to entertain and learn. And write about pones. Mostly that last part.

E

The wind rushing in your mane. Your wings carrying you up into the clouds. The freedom of a blue sky. Those are the birthright of the Pegasi.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 16 )

Really good. Very well written, good pacing. It maybe felt a touch too long? But hardly.

The only substantial thing that I stumbled over was that this sentence towards the beginning

Her heart surged as her body did, until it beat in her neck contracted by the effort, matching the cadence of her wing double-time, triple-time.

kinda reads weirdly? I had to pass over it a few times. But other than that I think this is a solid, satisfying execution of a simple premise.

Wow. That was beautiful! My hat goes off to you.

9697620
Thank you very much! I really didn't expect people to like it that much haha but shows what I know. Gotta admit I really struggled with that sentence but I don't know how to fix it

9697640
That's so nice of you :twilightsmile: Thank you so much, I'm glad you enjoyed it.

9697650
Yeah I getcha, I'm not really sure what I'd do to fix the line either tbh. Usually when I run into stuff where I can't seem to fix a line I just delete it and write something else entirely. I tend to take it as a sign of "well maybe what I'm trying to do here just doesn't work." But nevertheless, it happens. Gets better with experience, I'd imagine.

That was awesome and adorable!

9697705
Thanks! I'm glad everyone seems to have had the warm fuzzies with this one :twilightsmile:

9698081
I'm glad you loved it and enjoyed the descriptions! I was a bit worried I got a bit long-winded sometimes, but all the better if it helped you enjoy the story :twilightblush:

It must've taken quite the duration to formulate all those poetic descriptions of flight. Clearly you spent a lot of time and effort on this. Being able to write like this at all takes skill. The surprise was completely unexpected too, no doubt just as you had intended. Thank you for sharing. :rainbowdetermined2:

9698621
Thank you! I'm very happy you enjoyed it :twilightsmile:

9701846
The secret is editing :raritywink:

Thank you very much though, and I'm glad you all seem to have enjoyed the little surprise!

This was simply a beautiful read. I truly appreciate the level of detail that went into this particular short, as it manages to paint a clear picture with it's clever use of descriptive language. It is nice to take time to read something that's narrative is simple, but language effective.

9841340
Thank you so much, I am overjoyed you enjoyed your read. Sometimes it is pretty fun to leave aside all the big stuff and focus on a character's little escapade through the skies :twilightsmile:

I don't know how, or why, but this came off as sad for me. All the way up untill the end, just felt sad, or had a tone of sad in it. Maybe it's just me, I don't know.

As I read it, there was multiple sentences that just... hit me with the feels, y'know?

Anyways, this is a great story, I loved reading it. Felt like each sentence swayed and all came together very smoothly. As if it were cursive writing, how each letter connects to eachother perfectly.

9959273
Thank you very much, there's nothing I love more than seeing someone genuinely enjoy a reading. And I have to agree that it is kinda sad in a way. Rainbow can't spend her whole life just drifting away like she'd want to, Scootaloo can't even fly at all. I guess it's about somepony enjoying her gift as she can before time runs out, and being a kind soul and showing a shadow of the joy it inspires in her to somepony who doesn't have that same luck.

It's a vast world we live in, with endless skies and possibilities, but in the end, the ground calls, and the shackles of life keep you caged in your routine, and we can do little more than peer through the bars at the majesty of the world, and grasp at the few moments we can slip away before returning home.

Do these moments make it all worth it? Does the aching and pain of the end of our flight allow us to grow stronger, or does it slowly erodes us? Is it better to enjoy our false escapes as best we can, or should we live them vicariously, to lessen the pain of their end, as we know they will always be unattainable?

...got a little carried away there :rainbowhuh:

Anyway I'm glad you enjoyed, and you definitely made me think on my own story. Funny how we sometimes don't even realize what we're writing ourselves. :twilightblush:

Login or register to comment