This story is a side story to
Luna had been investigating the mysterious mass murders at the beach of cuethar. But she will soon find out the horrors of the unknown that learks within a desert dream
Cover art belongs to eqlipse
The co writer of this fic is RomanViking
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I’ve noticed you seeking comments on this story and so here are my two cents. I’ll be brutally honest, this story needs reworking, lots if it. It is riddled with long and complex run-on sentences that are quite hard to read, confuse the audience and surely don’t entertain them. Chances are, these will turn your readers away after a paragraph or two, that’s probably why no one commented yet.
I’m sorry the first comment on your story had to be such a negative one, but I find this more helpful than pointless sugarcoating.
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That was poetic wrighting and it is supposed to be like that. Have you read one of the novels of hp lovecraft? I mean look if you do not like the poetic writing, that's fine I respect your opinion.
9806981
I have read a few of Lovecraft's works, as well as many poetic pieces of literature. However, there is a significant difference between being poetic and not understandable.
Well, this sort of story is not my cup of tea. Major points for freaky weirdness though.
I have never read anything else that simultaneously has such a good use of imagery and phrasing and bad use of grammar and spelling. That made it difficult to get through, as meaning got cloudy sometimes. The style was interesting as feeling poetic, but it needs quite a lot of work to really be what you are going for. I think it is worth your time to keep at it.
There are a few things about which questions could be raised... exploring for 10 hours is one example. It took only a moment to write that, but that's a long time. Would they get hungry or thirsty? Did they find nothing of interest in that time? Develop more, fix grammar and spelling.
Here is one error, "I had been asked by celestia of what it had happened to me, and I am writing this down, to tell you all the truth."
Consider instead, "I was asked by Celestia what had happened to me, and I am writing this down to tell everypony the truth."