Grogar has a plan. To use a spell to zap all possible threats into his lair in order to eliminate them. The mane 6, Princess Cadence, Princess Flurry Heart, Starlight, the CMCs, Daring Do, the Wonderbolt mares, Mage Meadowbrook, Somnambula, and Mistmane are sent down. However, Grogar has made a grave mistake. Only mares were brought due to Grogar believing that the mares of Equestria pose a worse threat than any stallion that could be out there.
But he has underestimated the lengths that stallions will go to in order to protect the ones they love-er-are friends with. Yeah, that's what happens, no one has crushes, just friends here, nothing else!
Oh who am I kidding, whatever, the others are gonna find out in the story about each other's crushes.
Anyway, when the stallions find out, they are sent on the mission by Princess Celestia and Princess Luna to rescue the mares. But will they be halted by Grogar's 'minions'? Or will the unexpected happen?
Disclaimer: This is viewed as an alternate universe because Grogar and Discord are separate beings in this story.
A tad jumbled.
Could also use a bit of editing.
Maybe a smidge better pacing as well.
But beyond that, I did find this very intriguing.
To The In/Out Box!
I'll be keeping a close eye on this indeed!
9771728
hey, this is my first time writing on FimFiction, gimme a break, i'm no Shakespeare. but thank you for commenting, no one ever usually comments on the stories i have on other Wattpad under the name Itsawsometime.
9771789
Oh dear!
I didn't mean it in a malicious way.
Criticism is not to drag down a person, rather to help them succeed.
Anyone willing to offer it simply See's potential in the project.
After all, I did leave a Like and a Follow.
9771805
sorry, i don't mean to be rude, i just get a little defensive about my work. and i did not see the like and follow at the time, sorry, still figuring this out. sorry for the late response.
9772295
Perfectly fine.
Never get flustered over criticism.
Even the best writers in the world are never perfect, just take everything with a grain of salt. Do this and you'll never feel as if you didn't do your best.
Besides the important thing is that you had fun writing it!
I wish you the best of luck!
I’m really hoping Spike has his chance to shine since he’s actually my favorite character in the show along side Discord.
This story needs some editing, no offense.
9775706
none taken, i misspell things a lot and tend to add unneeded detail sometimes, but hey, every writer needs a proofreader. and...i'm still looking for one among my friends.
I didn’t really think about this until now, but why do the stallions need to do anything? Couldn’t Discord just wipe the floor with the villains with his Reality Warping?
9786679
because Discord knows he can't stop Tirek alone, he learned his lesson when Tirek back-stabbed him. and also, Discord and the others don't know if Grogar has imprisoned the girls in a place where they might get hurt from a direct attack. Plus, the stallions were asked by Celestia, so even if Discord tried ditching them, they probably would just come back anyway out of loyalty to the Princess and their friend. but thanks for asking.
Yes, that was the highlight of that episode.
Well....they are all doomed..
Couldn't you have thought to find it BEFORE you went out in the wild.
Why Apple Jack? I feel Spike would more likely want to get Rarity, because of his crush on her, back, and if not her, Twilight, because of the close, family-like bond between them.
9818722
but Twi and Shining said in Twilight's Seven that they see him as a little brother. and Rarity doesn't seem to like Spike that way, she just-and i hate to say this about her, but it's true-manipulates him a little with her charm, like she does all stallions. Except Fashion Plate, because they share similar likes. I feel like they'd match better. Also, how cute does the ship name AppleSpike sound?
Are the three going to be like Hondo Ohnaka?
Hi! We hate Grogar so we're going to join you for now, then we can get back to hating each other. Okay?
9821406
okay, just from the start i can tell this is discoshy
so congration
you took a great premise and shat all over it
though i will at least thank you for making it overt
oh, and really? no sparity? then again, i don't know why i'm surprised about that
it's just another sign this is utter shit
9879536
I can't tell if you're being rude or not. But I don't take kindly to insults, so watch your tone. 😠
9879586
well, you started the rudeness
discoshy is an attack against me
9879586
Don’t feed the troll.
He can keep denying Fluttercord exists, these types of people are impossible to change.
9879710
thanks for the support, you're right
*in a high squeaky voice* Well Golly! That's the saddest back story I've ever heard.
9881357
Is that a compliment or....?
9881391
Just a Cozy Glow imitation.
9881437
Ah, okay
but if you found that backstory depressing, you should check out my story called Fleetfire, where I will make chapters about the backstories of Spitfire and Fleetfoot
I guess that means that Discord just shot the villains into Tartarus?
9881672
what do you mean? The ending is supposed to be a reference to what happened in the final episodes
9881695
If Discord is Grogar, and the villains don't have the bell. Then Discord has no more use for them.
9881704
Well, remember, they don't know Discord is Grogar yet, so he has to keep pretending that "Grogar" doesn't know they even had the bell. But even then, they are starting to regret their decisions, so they may even redeem themselves.
You don’t need to make each chapter 1000 words, by the way.
9881951
I know but I have tendency to make that happen whether or not it's the limit
Ok, time for constructive criticism abridged.
This story has a great concept, and it has the potential to be really good if you cleaned it up a little. I’d suggest getting a prereader, you might want to make this story flow a bit better as well. A lot of talking makes a story less enjoyable.
Anyways, this fanfic is good in concept, but I think if you got a prereader and such, it’d be even better.
9881968
thanks, and I'm looking for one, but not a lot of my friends like MLP, and my Bestie isn't great at proofreading things (no offense to her, of course)
9881971
I always work voluntarily, but I’m not a professional proofreader. Just letting you know.
9882009
I'll keep that in mind, thanks
9881834
I was hoping for a reform story. Bummer.
9882139
You can always imagine that they do, whenever I think there's more to the story than the show portrays, or feel like it needs a different ending, that's what I do.
If i get enough comments like yours I might add a bonus chapter about them reforming....
9882145
Yeah. When the three were turned to stone, I wasn't like, "That was harsh," or " But Cozy Glow is only a kid! " No I was like, "Great job Princesses. The other elements will die and new elements will have to take over. So they'll be back in a thousand years when you are hiding in your retirement." Also is it possible that Gen 5 will be Twilight's student from the last episode?
9882181
Do you think i'm on the writing staff?
Kidding, but I think only they could give you the answer to that question, though you are right about the villans turned to stone. Actually, I'm kind of hoping G5 will be about the student 6, since we haven't seen much of them
9882199
That was my first idea. Maybe it's what happens between Twilight's coronation and the ending. There are many questions I have about things. Also Twilight's line about Darkness and Light made me think of Snoke.
Darkness rises and light to counter it.
9882211
Yeah, but you know, I wouldn't mind if G5 changed some of the things in the last episode, like the pairings. We don't know who Twi and Rarity ended up with, and I personally am more a fan of Soarindash and Applespike than AppleDash, I know it's a matter of personal opinion and though I was hoping to see Soarindash in the show, I kind of liked how they were giving the fandom room to make their own ideas on ships
9882224
Well it may not even be a pairing. Also since the Grand Galloping Gala, I thought Soarin was with Spitfire.
9882247
I ship Spitfire with Fleetfoot, and also...
HAVE YOU NOT SEEN ALL THE SOARINDASH REFERENCES?!!!
Not that I'm trashing your ship, sorry if it sounded rude
9882252
Not at all. In fact maybe you can help me. See I'm doing a EqG Main 7 shipping series. I've got Sunset Shimmer and Morro. Twilight Sparkle and Rat. Fluttershy and Clancee. Maybe Rainbow Dash and Hondo Ohnaka. But I still need Applejack, Rarity and Pinkie Pie. Any thoughts. I want characters that are male, aren't in a relationship, and are not from anything MLP related. Also I want someone I have seen. You put a suggestion and I'll tell you if I've seen it or not. Also if you want to know who these guys I'm shipping the Main Seven with are just ask.
9882300
You're right, I don't know who they are, but I actually prefer to stick to my OTPs for each ship. I don't mind helping you with your ships, and I'm not trying to be biased, but if I do have ideas, they probably won't become favorite ships of mine. Still happy to help!
Seriously, who are those characters?
Also, I might not reply for a while. I think it's time I go to sleep
9882338
Morro
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=QZOzTX1VaiY
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=7W-GrSIQOKw
Rat
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=2ePBNGmxVK8
Clancee is a nervous serpentine pirate who gets sea sick. His last episode he redeemed himself by standing up to the major villain.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=FovkHEg2jm0
Hondo Ohnaka
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=rJV790bnOrk
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=WQ9WT6yKcGs
9882420
Alright, I'll get back to you when I can, I'm pretty busy most days
9882804
Okie Dokie.
9882300
Will Spike get someone too?
11613343
Sorry. I scrapped the idea.