The Everycraftery

by Liquid Truth

Magical Scientific Solution

Starlight Glimmer was having a bad day.

Not because anything happened, but because nothing did. And, because nothing happened, she was left alone with her thoughts. Having herself alone with her thoughts had made her ponder, which had led to her remembering that Sunburst's birthday was coming, which had left her wondering what she'd give to him, which had left her frustrating to herself how she couldn't think of a gift for the unicorn.

And so, she left the castle to look around town for inspiration, which led her into finding an antique shop, which led her to notice that it was the very same antique shop they'd visited every time he came to town, which led her into the conclusion that the only idea she had for a birthday gift was scrapped into the bin of 'was good ideas'.

As she pondered at how full that bin had become since she became Twilight's student, she noticed that it could mean that she was either getting better at developing a good conscience or that she was getting worse at making useful ideas.

She also noticed an unfamiliar sight along the familiar route: a shop by the name of The Everycraftery. From the outside, it looked like an antique store.

She was quite certain that the store wasn't there yesterday, or the day before that.

She smiled. It was the perfect kind of store to find one-of-a-kind antiques in! They might be cursed, sure, but still.

---

In between the workshop and the storefront of The Everycraftery, there was a living room. In it sat Sunset Shimmer on the couch, happily watching the laptop on top of her lap. In the past few weeks of her employment to the craftery, she had been blessed with the marvel that is The Internet of the Multiverse, or TIM for short. As of then, she had used a couple of gigabytes for cats and music videos alone.

Next to her sat Sweetie Belle, bobbing her head along with the music, her face smiling brightly at the happy tune despite the depressing lyrics.

Sunset decided that she was, indeed, happier than before.

The silver bells chimed, announcing the arrival of one Starlight Glimmer into The Everycraftery.

Sweetie Belle jumped from the couch with eager determination and a grin plastered on her face. Taking along the broom leaning next to the door, she went through said door and into the storefront.

Sunset smiled and closed the laptop, letting it go into sleep mode. Strapping along her hipflask, she took a quick sip of from it and followed Sweetie into the storefront.

As she was about to greet the customer, Sweetie beat her to it, both in time and enthusiasm. "Welcome to The Everycraftery! How can we help you today?"

The unicorn standing by the door was about to say something when she noticed who she was talking to.

Sunset smiled and waved. "Welcome. Are you going to make commissions, or are you going to take a look around the shop?"

Starlight raised a hoof and pointed at them respectively. "Sweetie Belle? Sunset Shimmer? Human?"

Sunset smiled and jovially posed with a thumbs-up. "That's us! Although, not necessarily the ones you might know."

Starlight raised an eyebrow.

Sunset shrugged. "Alternate universes. Go figure."

Starlight nodded. "Ok, I guess. So, are you selling one-of-a-kind antiques?"

"We do!" Sweetie said. "Are you looking for decorative antiques or magical artifacts?"

"Decorative. But I'll be seeing your magical artifacts as well."

Sweetie nodded and led Starlight to the aisles with decorative and completely harmless antiques.

Sunset waited patiently as absolutely nothing happened but the purchase of a leather-bound tome titled 'The Tome of Shadows'. Sunset gave her word that the tome was about an ancient storytelling technique using flat cut-out figurines and their shadows, not dark magic.

After the purchase, Sweetie led Starlight to the aisles with magical, scientifical, and absurdly dangerous artifacts.

After a brief sweep through the aisles and Sweetie's not-so-brief lecture about the touchings of unknown artifacts and the applications therein, Starlight decided to read the catalog instead.

Starlight grunted in annoyance as she flipped the second page of the catalog. "Nothing here makes any sense."

"Well no, they don't," Sunset said. "That's the main interest of The Everycraftery: things that don't make sense but work."

"They're just a bunch of bad puns!"

Sunset shrugged. "The crafters like puns."

Starlight threw her hoof in exasperation. "And what is this about commissioning artifacts? You don't even tell what you can craft!"

"We did," Sunset said defensively. "We can make anything you can describe. It's as simple as that."

"Fine," Starlight grumbled. "Give me a solution to all my problems, then. I'm sure you can do it."

Sunset nodded. "We can. And for that specific request, it's already been made before, so you don't need to wait. Sweetie?"

Sweetie nodded and disappeared behind the shelves.

Starlight, finally processing what just happened, snapped her jaw shut. "You've got to be kidding me."

"No, we're not."

Starlight glared at Sunset. "If I find out that you sold me something evil and cursed—"

Sunset raised her hand and cut her off. "Our wares are guaranteed to not be evil nor good."

". . . And what does that imply, exactly?"

Sunset sighed. "It means that our wares don't have a moral dimension. If you give a knife to a surgeon or a murderer, each will use it differently.

"Now enough with moralities," she said jovially, "it's time to solve your problems!"

Turning around, Starlight found Sweetie appearing from behind the shelves, carrying some sort of metallic container in her hoof. Taking it in her magic grip, she noticed that it resembled a thermos, and found a label on its side.

100% Liquefied Problems

!!!WARNING!!!
Keep away from reach of immature and/or overconfident adults. Children are fine.

DO NOT LET EXPOSURE TO AIR ABOVE 3M

Starlight pinched the bridge of her muzzle. "Alright, let's just say for some Celestia-forsaken reason that liquefied problems are an actual thing that exists. Now, can you explain how I'll be solving my problems with even more problems!?"

"Ever heard of homeopathy?"

Starlight shook her head.

"You put it in a solvent," Sunset began, "preferably water. You'll then get a Solution of your Problems. Mind that you should dissolve it pretty well, though, or it'll turn into a catastrophe."

"And why would that be!?"

"It'll evaporate. If it evaporates, it'll expand to fill the space. You don't want your Problems to expand." She pointed at the container. "That's why we keep it contained."

"That's ridiculous."

"And it works. Want to try it?"

Starlight opened her mouth to object, but before she could say anything, Sweetie summoned a bucket of water from her hat and put it in the counter.

Sunset took the container from Starlight's telekinetic grip, tipped it slightly above the bucket, and gently pressed the lid, letting a single drop of Pure Liquefied Problems into the bucket.

Starlight, standing on two hooves to look inside the bucket, watched in awe as the water began swirling into a vortex. As the vortex got faster and faster, she noticed that the water level was also dropping. Then, suddenly, the entire content of the bucket collapsed on itself in a bright flash of light.

As the light receded, Starlight looked back into the bucket to find four five-bit coins on the bottom.

Sunset frowned. "Did you just make a commission without checking whether or not you have the money for it?"

"I—" Starlight reached to her mane and fished out her purse. Looking inside, she found out that her last purchase had left her with less than four bits.

Sunset shrugged. "Well, no problem. The solution has already presented itself. Just the right amount, too."

---

Starlight Glimmer warily floated the container on top of a bucket of water. She noticed how ridiculous it was to fix a problem by making a chemical Solution of Problems, but then again, she was the mare who quite literally bottled up her emotions.

And, then again, that didn't end well.

And so, she kept another bucket of water in case she doesn't dilute it enough. Or if fire somehow started. Safety procedures.

Steeling up her nerves, she sighed and tipped the container. "Here goes nothing."

As the drop of liquid reached the surface of the water, it quickly created another vortex just like before. After a while, the water collapsed, leaving behind a bottle of superglue.

Starlight grinned, took the superglue, and applied it to the broken porcelain cup she had just broken.

As she put it down to let it dry, the crystal doors behind her slammed open, revealing Trixie—

"That's the Great and Powerful for you!"

—Revealing The Great and Powerful Trixie, her figure clad in her majestic attire and her face clad in distraught. "Trixie requires help from her best friend!"

Starlight looked at Trixie with concern. "What is it, Trixie?"

Trixie turned to her side, giving Starlight a good look at a huge tear across her robe.

Starlight winced. "Oh, that's bad. Here, let me find a needle somewhere—"

"No!" Trixie wailed. "Trixie's Great and Powerful Robe shall not be stitched! It will appear for all to see, and her figure will be ruined!"

Starlight sighed. "Well, do you want me to buy you a new one? You could've done that yourself."

"You don't understand," Trixie wailed again. "It was a gift from Trixie's long-lost father, and it will never be replaced!"

"Well, what do you want me to do?"

"That's why I came here! You could fix it with magic, right? Turn back time to before it was broken?"

Starlight opened her mouth to say that, no, she wouldn't even if she could, but decided against it when she saw the metallic container floating in her telekinetic grip. She smirked. "You know, I think I have a better idea."

Trixie's face shot up. "Really?"

Starlight nodded. Taking the other bucket of water, she tipped the container and gently pressed the lid, letting down a single drop of Problems into the water, dissolving into a Solution of Problems; which, for this case, was Trixie's torn robe.

As the vortex collapsed and the light receded, she found the bucket to be empty. "Wait, what?"

Beside her, however, Trixie jumped in excitement and squealed.

Looking at her robe, Starlight found that it was thoroughly fixed without any hint that there was a huge tear in it a few seconds ago.

"How did you do it?"

Starlight gave her a smug smile and showed Trixie the container. "This, Trixie, is the solution to all our problems!"

"Trixie is pleased! Can she have it?"

Starlight smiled. "Well, of course! Just be careful to—"

Trixie took the container and ran off.

"Wait, Trixie!"

And it was at that moment that she remembered who she was supposed to keep the stuff away from.

---

"You do know she's going to mess it up, right?"

Sunset glanced to her left from the laptop to see Sweetie's concerned face. "Not exactly, no. If she manages to learn the lesson before the inevitable accident happens, there won't be any catastrophe."

Sweetie frowned. "Are you going to help her if she did?"

"No, I don't think I will."

"But—"

"Look, Sweetie," she sighed, "we're just passing by this universe to sell some wares. Teach a lesson or two, if we can. If you try to help every universe you visit, you'll eventually overwhelm yourself. Yes, Sweetie, I know ponies might get hurt, but that's how it always works. By getting physically hurt, they'll grow to prevent it in the future. By getting traumatized—sometimes deliberately—they grow to be a functional part of society."

Sweetie glared. "You can guide them, at least! Keep them from hurting themselves or others too much!"

Sunset scowled and pointed angrily at Sweetie. "I don't see you complaining about how Twilight 'guided' me!"

Sweetie's face contorted into a rage, and she shouted on top of her lungs, "No, you didn't!"

Sunset lost her scowl.

Sweetie continued, "She never told me what she did to you! And when I found out about it, she just shrugged it off like it was nothing!" She scowled at the couch she was sitting on, tears brimming in her eyes. As she continued, her voice began to break. "I don't like her after she split herself. I want her to change. But that's why I kept around, I guess. She kept making messes everywhere she went, and I wanted to be there to clean it up because I know no one else will." She wiped her tears and looked at her flank with a smile. "It's my destiny."

Sunset scoffed. "There's no such thing as destiny, kid. You're making it up."

"So what if I did?" she asked, looking at Sunset with determination. "I like it. It makes me happy to see others happy. Isn't that what matters most?"

Sunset stared and said nothing.

"Does it make you happy to not do anything when you could've?"

Sunset glanced to her side, finding her hipflask on the table. The leather straps still reeked of alcohol, even after she washed it thoroughly, but now it had a sweet, tangy hint of lemonade alongside the horrible smell.

Finding that she won't be getting an answer soon, Sweetie sighed and dropped from the couch. As she walked toward the door of the storefront, she took her hat off and almost hung it on the hatrack when Sunset's voice came.

"No."

Sweetie turned around and put her hat back on, looking at Sunset expectantly.

Sunset walked and kneeled in front of Sweetie, looking at her with a smile of pride and gratitude. "I'm sorry, Sweetie. You're right, I shouldn't have been so apathetic." As she ruffled her mane and made her giggle, she let out a chuckle herself. "Thank you for reminding me."

---

Twilight Sparkle, the Princess of Friendship, teacher to one Starlight Glimmer, watched with a gaping mouth at the mass of . . . stuff in the distance.

She couldn't pinpoint any of the individual things inside the cloud of catastrophe, but she could tell from the castle's balcony that it spelled, in bold letters and redundant italic, Problems. From where it came from, she guessed that it was most likely Trixie and Starlight's fault.

As she kept her twitching eye at the sight, she noticed something fast coming toward her at the edge of her vision. Turning her head, she found that it was a broom sweeping through the air, carrying something white and yellow.

As it got closer, she noticed that the white blob was a filly Sweetie Belle wearing a green patrol cap and a human Sunset Shimmer, wearing glasses and carrying a sword in her belt.

Twilight stepped aside as the pair landed next to her, and was about to say something when Sunset cut her off.

"Alternate universe, don't ask. Also, that—" she pointed at the distant cloud of Problems "—might have been our fault. We have a plan to fix it, but we need your help."

Twilight snapped her jaw shut and nodded. "Alright. What's the plan?"

"We need to evacuate everypony in town," said Sweetie. "And we'll need help to round up all the Problems into Berry's Brewery."

Twilight nodded and lit her horn. In response, the entire castle hummed and tendrils of lavender light shot out from the main doors into every house in Ponyville. As it did, multiple bells rang in alarm across the town, eliciting panic from all its residents.

Sweetie watched in awe as ponies ran around in a panic—but efficiently—into the castle, following the tendrils of light. "How is this the only Ponyville to have evacuation protocols?"

Sunset slowly nodded. "I see business opportunities."

Twilight poked Sweetie's shoulder. "So, what now?"

Sweetie shook her head. "Oh, right. Sunset?"

Sunset nodded. "Round up the Problems into Berry's Brewery. You can do that by taunting and flipping them off—or not, you don't have fingers. Anyway, do anything you can that calls for trouble and they'll follow you around. I'll meet you there."

And so, Twilight called upon the girls and took them to the site. As they began rounding them up with unlearnt friendship lessons and blaring character flaws, Sweetie joined in and swept them around with her broom, which seemed to do the trick despite Sunset's skepticism.

Starlight, upon noticing that the horrible amalgamation lost its interest in them, took off into the castle, carrying an unconscious Trixie and an empty metal container in her magic.

The group soon found themselves running around the Brewery's acre-large complex of towering 22-foot tall vats, filled to the brim with Berry Punch's trademarked alcohol spirits. They noticed how stupid it was to bring Problems into a forest of fragile, easy-to-topple structures, but, as Sunset said it, "That's exactly what we're going to do!"

And so, with a swift swing of her sword, Sunset obliterated the main support beam of the structure, prompting the entire complex to collapse in a domino into one another, spilling roughly one and a half million liters of the solution to—and source of—all of life's problems.

The Elements, upon noticing an incoming five-meter tall wave of alcoholic juice, lit up some sort of pendant and was instantly teleported away from the site.

Sweetie marveled at how prepared this Ponyville was to any other she had visited before, while Sunset saw even more business opportunities for future Ponyvilleans.

As Sweetie and Sunset swept through the sky, they watched in morbid fascination as the entire mass of Problems got washed away in the tsunami, helplessly drowning in the stuff and whisked away from existence, replaced by actual problems that will eventually happen from excessive drinking and indulgence, for one can never wash away all of one's problems. Especially by drinking it away.

Author's Note:

[Sweetie Belle] +1 Character Depth
[Sunset Shimmer] -1 Apathy

Inspired partly by the London Beer Flood

Comments

[FanOfMostEverything]

"You don't understand," Trixie wailed again. "It was a gift from Trixie's long-lost father, and it will never be replaced!"

"I thought you said your father did shows in Las Pegasus."
"His two halves do. There was a tragic accident involving magical personality fission."

Sunset scoffed. "There's no such thing as destiny, kid. You're making it up."

"Cutie marks."
"That's talent, not fate."
"If you're always going to exercise that talent, what's the difference?"
"... I wish this thing was still full of vodka."

Sweetie watched in awe as ponies ran around in a panic—but efficiently—into the castle, following the tendrils of light. "How is this the only Ponyville to have evacuation protocols?"

Correction: It's the only Ponyville you've encountered with evacuation protocols. There could be more.

Wonderful chapter. There's actually sort of a plot now!

[Dashie04]

Next to her sat Sweetie Belle, bobbing her head along with the music, her face smiling brightly at the happy tune despite the depressing lyrics.

Funny how I find this right after listening to Welcome to Paradise by Green Day.

[Ri2]

Goddammit, Trixie.

[Efadd]

whisked

Whiskied*