This story is a sequel to My Little Pony Friendship is Magic What If?: Volume 8
The ninth year of the show, eight whole seasons, seven main characters, six times in a row, five episodes from Season 8, four multi parters, three years of double releases, two volumes each, and one more release before the end of the show! It's that series which seeks to answer the fateful question "What if that episode had been written differently?"
There's only ten episodes to cover this time around, five from Season 8 and five from other seasons. This includes a redo, and a rewrite of two two parters, and some episodes that have been on the backburner for a while. Some other episodes will also be getting a touch up, and one will even be getting an interesting retooling to fit a possible idea. But which one that is will only be answered if you read the releases.
As always, the same disclaimer applies, the episodes rewritten are based on my personal opinion so please respect it. Don't get offended if an episode you liked is on the list here, or an episode you didn't like isn't. I'll gladly respect your opinions if you respect mine.
And of course, I mean no disrespect to Hasbro, the DHX writing and editing staff, or anyone who likes the episodes that appear here. The intent of this fic, like all of its predecessors, is for entertainment purposes only.
You can access the first volume from the main page of my account, and from there you can follow the links to see what episodes have already been rewritten in Volumes 1-8. To list them all here would take forever. Be sure to check them all out.
Hey, is this based on Marvel's What If comics?
Yeah. You made an EXCELLENT point concerning the issues with the actual episode in the author's notes and WHY you're making another try to do this differently. And, yeah, I have to say you did a REALLY good job on the exchanges, characterizations and general episode wrap-up in all the right places.
Excellent job on the rewrite to this episode. And thanks very much for liking some of my ideas enough to use something BASED on them i.e. passing mentions to Spoiled and an explanation for Silver's absence for most of the episode. Anyway, wonderful work on the exchanges, characterizations, general episode wrap-up, nod to your redo of the "Look Before You Sleep" rewrite and future episode foreshadowing in all the right places.
Again, you did a REALLY good job on the latest rewrite. The exchanges, characterizations, action and future chapter set-up are all wonderfully done. I especially liked the nod to the fanon belief that Twilight Velvet is A.K./Daring's publisher as well as Twilight's Hypocrisy Nod when Rainbow pointed out how her own admiration for Daring is A LOT like Twilight's concerning Princess Celestia.
Again, you made some excellent points in your author's notes on the re-writes and you did a REALLY good job on the exchanges, characterizations and general episode wrap-up in all the right places.
Again, you did a REALLY good job on this latest chapter/episode. The exchanges, characterizations and general episode wrap-up were all quite well done. And thanks very much for liking a couple of my ideas enough to use them.
Again, you made really good points in your author's notes and you did an excellent job on the exchanges, characterizations and future chapter/action set-up in all the right places. I especially liked how you took at least some cue from your "Stallion Six" rendition of the story by having Chrysalis be behind the students' disappearance (obviously before disguising herself as Cozy Glow in your rewrite of "Marks For Effort").
REALLY splendid work on this latest chapter. I love the job you did on the exchanges, characterizations, action, general episode wrap-up and future episode set-up in all the right places. I especially liked how well you included elements of "the Mean Six" in this in a manner that makes A LOT more sense than the actual episode did.
And, well, I've thought of a possible line you could work in early in your next rewrite:
at an appropriate point, Pinkie can comment "Come on, Maud. This is ME we're talking about. Pretty much Little-Miss-Bubbly, bearer of the Element of Laughter, Miss "A Stranger is just a friend you haven't met yet". Your coltfriend would LITERALLY have to be Evil Incarnate for ME to even MILDLY dislike him."
Although Twilight still missed the Northern Stars, it’s still a great chapter you wrote!
9766408 Not really.
I like rewrites, but I think your set of rewrites is one I can't get on board with.
For one thing, you constantly beat readers over the head with 'Twilight is Spike's mom' or 'Dizzy Twister is Scootaloo's mom'. The way you push these things in the readers' faces take me out of any attempt to immerse myself in the reading experience. This problem also ties in with unnecessary shoving of characters into the episodes, like unnecessarily adding Starlight to Applejack's Day Off or the one where Pinkie visits Yakyakistan.
Another thing is you trying to make certain characters like the zeppelin captain or Zesty Gourmand more neutral characters makes the episodes less interesting and eliminates much needed conflict. Having an unlikable character like Zesty allows the audience to cheer for our main characters when they accomplish their goal.
My third and final problem with your rewrites is I think you don't understand why certain episodes you rewrote played out the way they did in the first place. Like the tea party episode with Discord and Fluttershy, he went to the lengths he did for his Best Friend, and I can't see him going through all that effort for Twilight or one of the others. Another example is A Royal Problem, where you had issue with Starlight getting the solo mission, she was called because unlike the others, she didn't have a biased opinion on the princesses like Twilight and she specialized in cutie mark magic which was a sure-fire way to make Celestia and Luna learn in each other's horseshoes. Or even The Parent Map where you had issue when Sunburst got called by the map. The fact that the map had to summon Sunburst to return home should speak volumes about his relationship with his overbearing mother, and is a sign of the map's growing ability with every friendship problem solved.
All this said, I did find a FEW rewrites that I enjoyed, like Filli Vanilli with focus on Sweetie Belle's musical pursuits. I respect your opinions on things, but I needed to voice some writing problems that concerned me.
I rather like this and not just because "The Games We Play" is one of my favorite stories on this site.
I also found it interesting that in the episode as I recall that Pinkie seems to have little problem with Dash being the hero except when the plot requires everyone to look angry as a group but when alone she always seems to be supportive and not bothered (sort of like how she is not really bothered by Dash's pranks but is pulled in to act to stop it because the other friends are upset).
I also think that Pinkie is a great choice for this and I think that her continuing this would be a fun set of stories. If only the actual comics would do something fun like that.
Question, which one of these chapters was it that made it into Luna & Spike's Friendship group?
I know why Dash and Twilight are often put Daring episodes but it always seemed that in the past few Daring Episodes it seems Pinkie is oddly excited and possibly knowledgeable of it too. Could be due to Dash being interested in it or I could be misremembering some things but I seem to recall that some random scenes like that.
Man I wish there were more episodes using this with the further adventures of the party with adding Pinkie and Dash. I think there are possibilities of fun and even morals.
9767275 "Once Upon a Zeppelin" and to an extent "Dungeons & Discords".
9767340
Thanks very much.
9767276 She was included in "Daring Done?", even if it was just to tie her to Somnambula. Though if I'm being honest, I think she was more supportive and understanding of what A.K. was going through than Rainbow Dash was initially.
Hi I like what you’re doing, imo these episodes totally needed rewritten.
But anyway I wanted to say that describing almost every colour as “moderate” isn’t necessary and it’s a bit distracting as well since it happens a lot.
It’s not a great description since I can’t really imagine what “moderate” blue would look like. Try descriptions like “dull” or “pale” or “dilute”. Maybe even look up on the internet a more exact name for the colour, because trust me, they exist.
Anyway that’s the only critique I had. Again I like what you’re writing:
Thanks very much for getting the next chapter/episode up. I really appreciate you going to the effort. Again, you made excellent points in the author's notes and the exchanges, characterizations and future chapter/episode set-ups are all well done in all the right places. And, yeah, having Chrysalis show up as Cozy DOES actually make sense.
Anyway, here is a possible dialogue scene you could use for your "School Raze" rewrite:
1. At an appropriate point, after Chrysalis reveals her identity, she can comment "I've spent months soaking up love from the teachers and dozens of students by "'playing nice'" and "'showing a good work ethic'". Just soaking up the love of ONE individual for a few weeks was enough to make me stronger than Celestia herself. So imagine what soaking up love from a lot more individuals over a longer period of time would do."
and 2. For the finale, after Chrysalis is defeated, your choice of individuals can comment "No more escapes, Chrysalis. Nothing to distract us THIS time. For this stunt, you will finally gain the punishment you have deserved for years: A one-way ticket to Tartarus."
But I can understand if these don't work and/or you already thought of something better.
9768858 I already have something in mind for the second option, you'll have to wait and see.
9768859
Yeah. Gotcha. Kind of HALF-figured, but thanks for verifying.
*sigh* Well, it may be wrong for me to say this but I am actually upset with Twilight Sparkle missing the Northern Stars during that Princess Cruise. To be honest, I have a confession to make: I actually wanted Twilight Sparkle to see those Northern Stars.
Still one of my most despised episodes. Would've liked for the whole hypocrisy thing to actually be addressed, as well as Diamond getting a much more severe punishment, which is what I assumed the: "Mysterious Gossip Columnist Reveals Shameful Secrets Behind Paper's Success'?!" would have elaborated on.
This might be a personly thing, but I think A Trivial Pursuit would work better with the Young Six, more specifically Ocellus and Yona. Just a suggestion. It would be nice if they got more focus.
9768859
will there be a volume 10 after s9 ends?
Again, you did an excellent job on the re-write. The exchanges, characterizations, action and future chapter set-up were all well done in all the right places. And you bring up A LOT of valid points in the author's notes. Yeah, I DO really like how you gave an actually good reason why Starswirl was unable to round up the other Pillars in time, and it DID make more sense for Twilight to go alone into Tartarus. In addition, Cozy/Chrysalis capturing Starlight was well done, you actually provided a good in-universe reason for Spike to have NOT stuck around to be the Dragon Lord in "Gauntlet of Fire" and, in general, there IS quite a bit less Idiot Ball in this rewrite that in the actual episode.
Anyway, on to the next/final chapter in this Volume.
9772893
Yes. There DEFINITELY WILL BE. Along with possibly a Volume Eleven (and a Volume Twelve if the author chooses to do a "Comics Edition").
Once more, excellent job on this rewrite. Your author's notes make a lot of great points and the exchanges, characterizations, action and general wrap-up were all well done in all the right places. I especially liked the elements of "What Lies Beneath" worked in to give the Student Six more development (including the Element assignment), Diamond actually helping out the best way she could under the circumstances, the final battle with Chrysalis and Neighsay acknowledging his own foul-up enough to resign.
Now, I have a few possible ones for Volumes Ten and Eleven
The Beginning of the End: Only Celestia is actually planning to retire; Luna fully intends to stay on for another couple of centuries. And, even then, Celestia still gives enough consideration to give two YEARS notice so that her planned successor has ample opportunity to prepare. Also, Grogar uses the Dazzlings/the Sirens (the only major villains who have ANY real experience with teamwork) as well as a fair number of lower tier Dumb Muscle villains (strong enough to be useful, but JUST stupid enough to stay loyal) to comprise his Legion of Doom (correctly reasoning that beings like Sombra, Tirek and Chrysalis would all be too egotistical to easily follow orders AND too paranoid to trust the others enough to work with them).
Sweet and Smoky: Twilight actually accompanies Fluttershy on the trip to the Dragon Realm (as she is the only pony who has any actual experience in hatching dragon eggs), Garble only gets a VERY brief cameo (as he ends up taking a double dose of Mama Bear from Twilight and Singe the INSTANT he starts bullying Spike). Also, Ember already knows the REASON the eggs won't hatch, but is worried the problem won't be fixed in time without help.
"Between Night and Day" made a two-part episode by completely removing one of the "lesser filler" episodes. One part is focused on Celestia and Luna trying to take a vacation (the opening part with them constantly horning in on situations that the Mane Six already have well in hoof is completely removed) while part two is focused on Twilight and a few qualified individuals already in the palace trying to fill in for Celestia and Luna during their vacation (the rest of the Mane Six are only passingly mentioned as being unavoidably busy with their day-to-day lives).
"Summer Sun Setback": Made a two-part episode by completely removing one of the lesser "filler episodes". The first part is focused on the Villains' end while part two covers the heroes' end.
But I can completely understand if you already have other/better ideas.
I’m sorry... but there’s no way in hell twilight taught starlight how to perform the cloud walking spell. starlight literally created a time traveling spell by herself. I’m pretty sure she’d be able to pull off a simple cloud walking spell without Twilights assistance.
I like your take on it, however I’m not a fan of the idea that Cozy Glow was just chrysalis in disguise the whole time. Cozy Glow is probably the most unique character to date. But, that’s just my opinion.
9777297 I just wish I knew what exactly they're doing with Cozy. I still can't wrap my head around what she has to offer as a child villain, let alone the villain who came the closest to succeeding.
9777374
She came so close to succeeding because of how unsuspected it was that she was behind all of this. It may not make a lot of sense now, but the way i See Cozy is that she’s got a dark past that no one’s aware of. She is also a child genius. She uses her cuteness and charm to manipulate ponies into doing what she wants them to do. That’s why she has a rook for cutie mark. She’s very strategic even though she’s basically 10 years old. But again, you can believe what you wanna believe, but I really enjoy her character.
9778028 The thing is though, her entire character only works if no one is aware of what she is or what she's doing. The moment anyone sees through her that's it, she can't do anything.
WOW MAN..... using my old theory again :T
9857635 Which one?
9858062
My old Cozy Glow is Chrysalis in Disguise theory :T
I gave up on believing in that theory when the Season 8 Finale aired for me last year :P
9858968 Eh, quite frankly since it seems the show never bothered to give us an explanation on Cozy Glow or why she is the way she is, I feel like that headcanon would fit better than what we got in the show.
9864209
True.
And yet no one has bothered to do a Comic Adaption if it had gone that way :P
After that obvious reference, i expected Neighsay to have a short minded accomplice in the vain of that other short minded character who is with a smart and evil character... and have Mr. Rob (P) in the role...
So if Cozy Glow isnt going to be the main baddie of this season, who's going to take the third slot when Grogar assembles the Legion of Doom? A resurrected Storm King?
9864209
Yeah they could've gave us some depth on where she came from or why she's so evil probably should've covered that in Frenemies or during the second half of School Daze instead of just throwing her in calling her a villain because they wanted a child villain
Squidward the Squizard.
"I'll get you Spikebob, and your little pony too!"
"I...need...more...ponies..."
I see what you did there.
"I'm melting! I'm melting!"
For some reason there was a giant penny and a full sized dinosaur model in the corner.
images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110629183411/muppet/images/e/e9/Grover2.jpg
This is actually a good Mare-Do-Well story. Even though Mare-Do-Well is revealed to be Pinkie Pie, the ending works because the lesson ends up being incidental, and not Pinkie’s main intention, thus assuring no hypocrisy. Not only that, but you have it so that Rainbow isn’t trying to find out about Mare-Do-Well’s identity because she’s been humiliated numerous times, but instead because Rainbow enjoys solving emergencies but has very few to help in because of Mare-Do-Well. I also like that but before the reveal, we see Rainbow not caring as much about attention as her goals, and by the end, mostly wants to find the truth just because she wants to know. I also like how they both learned a lesson. This is probably the first Mare-Do-Well rewrite I’ve read through, which is something I never thought I’d say, so you know you wrote something good.
I feel like this is what we should’ve gotten compared to what we ultimately got for Mysterious Mare-Do-Well. Not only does everything work much better here, but it doesn’t try to make any of the characters look bad, whether intentionally or accidentally, for the sake of a lesson.